


Even If You Slip Away

by EvilFriendOfMine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Depression, Fluff, Football | Soccer, High School AU, Homophobic Language, Lilo friendship, M/M, Mr. Horan, Mrs. Horan - Freeform, Narry - Freeform, Photographer Harry, Secret Relationship, Soccer AU, Suicide Attempt, past bullying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:26:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 88,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6910906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilFriendOfMine/pseuds/EvilFriendOfMine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's the new kid at an American high school where everything is about soccer...or football. Whatever. He plans on going unnoticed for the entire year until the adorable Irish soccer team captain pulls Harry into his group of friends.  Harry and Niall grow closer together and Harry has to stop himself from doing or saying something he'll regret. That is, until he begins to notice something's wrong with Niall, like when he goes MIA for days on end and strange marks on his body are being covered up by even stranger stories</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warning Sign

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first Narry fic. I honestly haven't decided on the dirty details part of the story if you know what I mean, because I've never written anything like this before. And I'm just going to announce that there are major TRIGGER WARNINGS for this fic, because it gets really dark, and I want you guys to be happy and safe. 
> 
> This fic was actually inspired my a narry video on YouTube (Harry + Niall HURTS LIKE HELL) but the title comes from the song "Find My Way Back" by Eric Arjes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANNOUNCEMENT!!
> 
> I'm running the 1d Back For You Collab which is for writers with works in progress or someone with an existing fic who would like to write a sequel! And of course, amazing artists!! Info and sign ups can be found here, [1d Back For You Collab Tumblr](https://1dbackforyoucollab.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Writer and Artist sign ups start April 1st 2018

 

Harry makes his way through the crowded hallway, running a nervous hand through his long brunette curls.  His feet tripping over each other as students bump into him on their way to their classes.  He hates the idea of starting a new school when he only has a year left, but this place doesn’t seem all that bad.  The hallways and bulletin boards are chock full of school spirit, which is a bit of a change compared to his last school that resembled more of a prison than a place of learning. 

East Stillwater High School is a bit different in the way that it’s in America, and more specifically New Jersey.   The navy blue, white, and black school colors cover the hallways, with banners baring the schools fierce-looking wolf mascot. Harry likes the idea of wolves and it gives him a slight comfort in not being anything too lame like a chicken or something.

Harry wasn’t too keen on moving from the UK to the US. He liked the idea of getting away from everything that was back home, if he could even call it that anymore. School had become unbearable and he’d gotten into more trouble than he wished.

He remembered the day that his mom brought up the idea of moving almost a year ago in December.  It was abrupt and seemingly came out of nowhere, but he didn’t want to be where he was anymore and Anne could get a job just about anywhere being a nurse and all.  There wasn’t anything holding him there and he felt very little when they left.  His only condition was that they go somewhere with woods and trees. Somewhere quiet. So, they started the citizenship process. Nothing like being a dual citizen at the age of seventeen.

The one thing that Harry notices that seems to have followed him here, was the school’s love for football or soccer whatever they called it here…he knew right away that he’d probably get made fun of if he called it football, because Americans seem to have a deep love for American football…like really deep. He makes a mental note to start using the word soccer instead.

Harry continues down the hallway looking for room 34, where he had his English class first thing in the morning.  He slips a thumb under the strap of his bag, which is hitting against the side of his hip.  This place is confusing.  It’s a pretty posh school. It’s almost unbearably clean and well lit. Not very good for blending in and going unnoticed. 

His bag weighs on his shoulder and Harry thinks about finding his locker, but doesn’t want to be late to class on the first day. 

He finally finds room 34 and takes a seat near the back of the classroom hoping that the teacher won’t do any of that “new student” crap that he was used to, especially since he not only transferred schools, but transferred countries.

The rest of the students file in and no one takes any notice of Harry sitting there.  They all come in already in there little friend groups and all sit together around the classroom finishing their conversations before the bell rings.

Harry looks around the room and notices the American flag. He wonders if they are going to have to say the Pledge of Allegiance. Something he learned for the citizenship test, but had kind of forgotten at this point. He still felt awkward about calling himself American, because he didn’t feel that way.

The teacher comes in and sets down her bag just as the bell rings.  She’s a petite woman probably in her mid-thirties with short dark hair and blue-rimmed glasses.  She goes through the roster and Harry gives a quick “here” and puts his hand up slightly when she calls his name and he’s thankful when she doesn’t say anything more or bring any attention to him.  The whole “I’m British” thing would probably come up the first time he says something in class aside from “here”. 

His teacher’s name is Mrs. Kramer and she seems pleasant and intelligent, and based on the syllabus that she handed out, they have a pretty decent reading list for the year.

He sits by himself at lunchtime, and continues reading _The Chosen_ , which he had found in the little bookshop in town, when he had gone exploring in town with his mom.

He goes through the rest of his classes easily enough, aside from gym or “physical education” as the coach says when they line up for attendance.  Coach Teller seems like the type of guy who was tired of people making fun of him for teaching gym and wanted to make sure things were serious, which was why it isn’t “gym” but it’s “physical education”. Harry and his fellow classmates aren’t in a position to argue since Coach Teller is possibly the muscliest guy Harry’s ever seen, a real weightlifter type.

Harry’s thankful for having his photography class at the end of the day. He really likes his teacher, Mr. Austin, who is also the advisor for the school paper.  Anyone who is interested can sign up to become a part of the photography club, which as Mr. Austin notes is “not for the faint of heart”.  He puts up a sign up sheet and at the end of class; the other kids flock to it to put down their names next to whatever they want to be in charge of photographing.  It is their job to go to whatever event(s) they signed up for and take pictures for the school paper and website.  Basically, they become part of the team or organization for the entire year, documenting events and games.  Harry waits until the very end to put his name down and there is only one left, soccer. Harry doesn’t really get why that is the last one when football—soccer—seemed to be the biggest sport the school had. He tries not to think too hard about it as he jots his name down on the sign up sheet.  He likes photography more than he ever lets on, so if this gives him the opportunity to use his camera and get in some practice, he is all for it.

The hallway is almost empty by the time Harry goes to his locker, which he figured out is near the stairs.  He grabs his English and History notebooks, along with the photography book already in his hand and then closes the locker. He heads toward the stairs noticing the bright light coming in through the large floor to ceiling window on the wall that the stairs wind up against.  He doesn’t like the idea of stairs when he knew how clumsy he was when it came to just regular walking. He rounds the corner just as someone else is coming up the stairs and Harry runs right into them sending his own notebooks up into the air and him back on his butt like a weird cartoon, his hair falling over his face.

Harry lays there for a moment in the empty hallway on his back with his knees in the air and his feet on the floor. He lets out a low groan. His cranes his neck, but the light coming in through the stair windows blinds him as he sees a figure come toward him.

“I’m so sorry,” he hears.  “I didn’t even see ya.”

It’s weird, but for a moment, he’s reminded of home and his trip to Ireland when he was twelve.  He must have hit his head when he fell backward.

“You alright?” the figure asks kneeling down next to him, collecting Harry’s notebooks.

Harry’s eyes adjust and he sees blue eyes looking back at him. Harry blinks a few more times and he can see the boy’s face a bit more clearly now.  He’s a slender kid, though Harry could see the roundness of his muscles beneath his tight white t-shirt and he could tell the boy’s hair is dyed blond with a little bit of dark brown roots growing in. 

“Are you alright?” the boy repeats, the sunlight framing his face from behind and Harry hears it again.

“Irish?” Harry blurts out accidently looking curiously at the boy.

The boy laughs and sits back on his heels, “Well, you’re well enough to notice that, yeah?” The boy offers his hand and pulls Harry to his feet.  “I’m Niall,” he says without letting go of Harry’s hand.

“Harry,” he answers back quickly.

“English?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, first period,” Harry says without thinking and Niall laughs.

“No, I meant like UK, British, English,” Niall says.

“Oh, uh yeah, just moved here,” Harry says dumbly.

“Yeah, I kinda figured. Guess there’s just something about this place that calls us British Isles fellows here,” Niall says with a chuckle. “You sure you’re alright? I can take you to the nurse.”

Harry shakes his head, rubbing at his face. “No, I’m fine, really,” he says with a weak smile.

Niall steps back and looks Harry over.  “I really am sorry,” he says with sincere eyes.  “I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

Harry waves his hand at Niall, “No, it was my fault I was too busy looking out the window.”

“Well, here,” Niall says handing over Harry’s books. “You dropped these.”

Harry reaches out a takes the books from Niall’s hands, his finger accidently touching Niall’s. “Thanks.”

“You big into photography?” Niall says gesturing at the photography book in Harry’s hands.

“Uh, yeah. Even got sucked into the photography club,” Harry chuckles.

Niall laughs, “Yeah, a mate of mine did that last year, said by the end of it he never wanted to take another picture as long as he lived, but he aslo hates being told what to do, so there’s that too.” Niall pauses, “So, what uh…what event did you get signed up for?”

“Football—oh I mean soccer,” Harry corrects himself.

“Oh, no bother. Around here, half the school calls it football, since three out of eleven starters are from across the pond.”

Harry looks at Niall curiously. 

Niall chuckles, “Like I said we must be drawn to this place or something. Though, I think most of it has to do with this school having the best football team in the country. Even gave the schools back home a run for their money when they went over a few years back for a tournament.”

“So, I take it you like the game?” Harry says jokingly.

“I’m team captain,” Niall says with a dorky smile.  “Well, uh…I better get goin’. Don’t want to be late to practice and all, but I guess I’ll be seeing you at the games and stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Harry says awkwardly.

Niall smiles, “Good.  And I really am sorry about running into you like that, but I’m sure you’ll get me back for it by taking a few bad shots of me on the field or something.”

“I would never,” Harry smiles widely.

“I’m sure,” Niall says, his eyes narrow.  “Well, gotta go, but promise me that I’ll get the full details about how you ended up in our little corner of the world, yeah?”

Harry laughs, “Sure, if you say so, though it’s not very interesting.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Niall says as he starts walking away, giving Harry one last toothy grin.

He watches as Niall disappears down the white, linoleum-tiled hallway. Harry realizes that aside from his teachers, Niall is the first person that talked to him, and ignoring the pain in to bum, it was the best part of his day.

Harry slings his bag over his shoulder and makes his way down the stairs to the front entrance of the school. It doesn’t seem like a normal thing to do around here, but he decides to walk home instead of getting on a bus with the rest of the kids. Wondering if Niall will ever talk to him again, he takes out his phone, goes into his music, and lets the Eagles start playing softly through his headphones.

The weather here is a lot hotter than it is in England, but the school’s air conditioning makes him forget and he’s sweating by the time he makes it back to their little house. 

It’s a ranch-style house that looks small from the front, but the backyard made up for it since it disappeared into thick woods extending back about mile.  The driveway is gravel and there’s a line of evergreen trees that block the view from the road so they have a bit of privacy. 

He doesn’t see his mum’s car in the driveway, which is pretty typical.  She works weird hours at the hospital since she’s new on the staff. Harry hopes that it will level out soon enough, so he can know when he’s going to see his mum. 

He unlocks the front door and steps inside throwing his bag on the floor.  He goes over to the counter where his mum left him a note saying she will be home around dinnertime.  He still has a couple hours before he has to start preparing anything for dinner, but he’s at a bit of a loss of what to do since he doesn’t have any homework yet.  He pulls out his books and sets them on the kitchen table.  His mind wanders back to Niall for a moment as he looks at his photography book, but he shakes it out of his mind. He doesn’t have time to dwell on things like that, it is what got him in trouble at his last school, and he doubted that the blonde Irishman would ever talk to him again.

Harry cooks up some lemon chicken with spinach for dinner and is just turning off the heat on the stove when his mum walks in the front door.

She looks tired and he can’t blame her.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she says with a smile. “How was your first day of school?”

Harry smiles and shrugs. “Nothing special,” he answers.

“Make any friends?” Anne asks toeing off her white nurse’s shoes.

“Not really,” Harry says putting their dinner on plates.  “Signed up for photography club. I have to photograph the football, uh I mean, soccer games.”

Anne smiles and takes one of the plates from Harry, “That sounds fun.” She looks down at the plate and breathes it in, “This smells really good, sweetheart. And thank you for making dinner.”

“No problem. Let’s just hope it tastes as good as it smells,” Harry says with a laugh as he slides into a chair at the table.

They spend dinner talking about everything that happened during the day, but Harry doesn’t mention his run in with Niall. Nothing is going to come of it, so Harry thinks keeping it to himself will save his mum the heartache of her son not having any friends. Besides, it will be easier for him to get through the year without all the drama, he hates that he’s such a trusting person and people tend to take advantage of it.

 

+++

 

The next morning Harry walks to school. It is always a bit chilly in the morning so Harry wore a comfortable, light blue, button down shirt that he could roll up the sleeves on when it got warmer later in the day. He gets to the school and merges in with the rest of the students filtering in through the main entrance.

He goes through the same motions as the day before, taking notes in class, staying quiet, remembering it’s physical education and not gym. 

Harry gets to lunch and he sits at an empty table near the wall.  He takes out his small wrap that he made that morning and sets his water bottle on the table. He starts to reach for his phone so he can quietly listen to music while he eats, but a loud voice interrupts him.

“Hiya Harry,” Niall says, smiling brightly, and Harry’s not entirely sure what’s going on when he looks up and Niall is coming toward him.

Harry straightens up and stares curiously at Niall as he stops in front of Harry’s table.

“Can I have a seat?” Niall asks, but he’s already putting his lunch down on the table and sitting down next to Harry.

“I uh…” Harry chokes out.

“Good,” Niall says and starts unwrapping his lunch.  “I’m starving.” Niall picks up his head and beams staring across the cafeteria and gives a wave to two guys holding lunch trays. 

Much to Harry’s dismay, the two guys come over and sit across from Niall and Harry.  One of them is a little shorter with a sketchpad of tattoos going up his right arm. Harry notices his unkempt brown hair as the boy pushes it out of his face with the flick of his hand. “Thank god. That table you had us sitting at yesterday was unbearable,” the boy says and Harry can hear his Yorkshire accent and he figures he must be one of the other football players Niall mentioned yesterday.

The other guy is a bit broader and musclier than the other one, but also has tattoos going up his arm. Harry wonders if Niall has tattoos too, though Harry is not in a place to judge since he has all sorts of tattoos up his arm and across his shoulders and chest.  The other boy’s hair is better managed in a short cut that he styles in a small quiff and is a slightly different shade of brown.  There’s something warmer about him as well and Harry wonders if it’s the boy’s brown eyes that makes him look like a soft puppy.

“Oh, uh,” Niall starts awkwardly, noticing the look of confusion on Harry’s face.  “Lads, this is Harry,” Niall says gesturing toward Harry.

“Liam,” the brown-eyed one says with a little wave.

“Louis,” the one with the Yorkshire accent says. “So, you’re the one that Niall ran over in the hallway?” Louis says side-eyeing Harry.

Harry nods nervously and takes a small bite of his wrap. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to in this situation, because he didn’t think and hoped that it never would happen.

“You know, Nialler. People are going to think that we are starting some sort of weird cult here if we keep taking in stray Brits,” Louis says pointing a thumb toward Harry as he takes a bit of his burger.

Harry notes that Louis must be the loud, talkative one of the group.

“Well, we can’t help it if we’re just cooler than everyone else,” Liam says with a laugh and Louis throws a French fry at him.

Niall leans into Harry. “Sorry about them,” he whispers.  “They get a little chaotic sometimes.”

Harry can feel Niall’s breath on his skin and it gives him goosebumps down his neck.

“So, Nialler here tells us that you’re the team photographer for the season. You ever shoot a footie game before? It can get pretty intense,” Louis says shoving a fry into his mouth.

Before Harry can answer, Niall jumps in. “You know what you should do? You should come by practice sometime this week and get some test shots.  That way you know what you’re getting yourself into when we start games.”

“Really?” Harry says.  “I don’t think your coach would like me hanging around your practice.”

Liam shrugs, “I think it’s a good idea and Coach Mackie is surprisingly laidback for a man that coaches the best soccer team in the country.”

“Besides,” Louis starts in, waving around a French fry. “If you take shit photographs, I don’t think coach would be too happy about it.”

Harry chuckles because he doesn’t know what else to do. 

“So, what brings you here?” Liam asks.  “I doubt you came for the football, so what’s the story?”

Harry sees them all staring at him waiting for him to answer.

“I uh…Well, my mum and I wanted a change in scenery I guess, so we just sort of moved,” Harry says. It’s not a total lie, but it doesn’t encapsulate the entire truth either.

“And you just happen to end up here?” Louis asks looking at him suspiciously.

Harry shrugs and nods his head.

“Well,” Niall pipes in. “We’re glad to have you!” he says brightly clapping a hand on Harry’s shoulder and giving him a little shake. “The more the merrier.” Niall’s hand lingers on Harry’s shoulder then gives a quick squeeze before he returns to his lunch.

Harry likes Niall and his friends, but it’s clear by the amount of people that come by their table to talk to them, that Niall and his friends are also pretty popular around school.

They talk about football a lot, but they ask Harry about his photography and include him in the conversation. It makes Harry smile for only that little bit of time, but there is still a little voice in the back of his head telling him that this won’t last and that they don’t actually want to be friends with him. 

He finds out that Louis is in his history class and that Liam has the same gym period as him. He felt bad at first for not noticing them, but he didn’t even meet them until about a half hour ago.  Niall tells him about his music class and how he really likes it, but it screwed up his schedule so he only has one class with either of his friends. Niall plays the guitar, but also a little bit of bass and piano.

Harry likes listening to Niall talk and he also really likes it when Niall laughs.  It echoes throughout the cafeteria and it doesn’t seem to faze people, as if they are used to Niall’s loud laughing after hearing it so much.  It’s an infectious laugh and Harry almost hates himself for getting caught up in the moment and laughing along with Niall and his friends.

At the end of lunch, they go their separate ways, until he hears someone run up beside him.  It’s Louis and suddenly, Harry remembers that he has history next.

“Since we’re going to the same place,” Louis says. “Might as well walk together, yeah?”

Harry nods and hooks his thumb under the strap of his bag.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” Louis says out of nowhere.

“I do…I just don’t, I guess,” Harry says awkwardly. He walks into the classroom and instead of sitting somewhere else, Louis sits down right next to him. It’s weird and Harry’s not sure how to feel about it, so he’s happy when their teacher walks in and starts talking right away.

Harry peers over at Louis in the middle of class; Louis catches his eye, gives him a smile, and a quick nod.  Harry darts his eyes back to his notebook.

Class seems to take forever and Harry is up and out of his seat as soon as the bell rings.  He knows he’s never been the most normal person in the world. He has a strange taste in fashion and makes really bad puns when he’s around people he’s comfortable with, but his current behavior might just take the cake.

Harry rushes down the hallway and realizes that he has to go through the whole thing all over again in gym with Liam, but maybe Liam would ignore him. Harry is hopeful for the second option. He feels like they are playing him in some way and he doesn’t like it.

He changes with the rest of the boys in the locker room and he can hear Liam’s accent from the other side of the row of lockers talking to some of the other boys and laughing.  He slips his plain black t-shirt over his body and walks out in to the gymnasium after shoving his clothes and worn brown boots into his locker. 

Harry pulls the hair tie off his wrist and puts his hair up in a messy bun.  He stands over near the wall where his class is supposed to line up for attendance and stretching.  He’s staring up at the giant wolf logo on the wall across the room when someone bumps his shoulder. 

Harry turns to see Liam smiling brightly at him. “Hey, mate,” he said looking for some sort of recognition from Harry.

Harry looks at Liam hesitantly.  “Um, hi.”

“So, what do you think?” Liam says looking out at the rest of the students.  “Notice any tough competition among our classmates?”

Harry doesn’t say anything.

Liam’s smile drops when he looks back at Harry.  “Harry? You alright, mate?”

“I’m fine,” Harry says and then pauses.  “Actually, you know what?” he says a bit louder turning to face Liam properly.  “I’m not fine.  I just want to know what sick game you lot are playing, but I—” 

“Harry,” Liam interrupts him. “I have no clue what you are talking about.”

“Then why do you keep talking to me and why did you sit next to me at lunch? What do you want from me?”

Liam takes a step back with a wide-eyed expression on his face.  “Look Harry, this may come as a surprise to you, but we are talking to you and sitting with you because we like you.  After Niall ran into you yesterday, he told us about you and how you seemed like a nice person, so we sat with you to get to know you.  That’s how you make friends, mate.  I don’t know what kind of people you think we are, but you seem to have things a bit muddled up, I mean I can’t really speak for myself and I know Louis can be a bit much, but Niall is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.  The reason that it’s only the three of us is because even though Niall gets along with everybody, he doesn’t trust everybody.  It’s not just some weird foreigner cult thing we’ve got going on, it’s just us.  And from the little that you did say at lunch today, it seems pretty clear to me, and I think the other’s as well, that you don’t trust people and that you have the type of personality that comes out after you get to know someone a little better.  And that’s all we want to do. Get to know you. So, I’m sorry if we came across as aggressively friendly or whatever, but I can assure you that we have no ill intention in trying to befriend you.”

Harry stands there in front of Liam feeling guilty for every thought he’s had for the last few hours about him and his friends.  There’s still a strange bit of doubt in Harry’s stomach, but he feels like Liam’s words are sincere. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry starts to say. “I just—I didn’t mean anything against you…I guess I’m just not used to people being nice to me and all.” Harry head sinks down and he stares at his shoes. “As lame as that sounds.”

Liam puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder and Harry picks his head up to look Liam directly in the eye. He really does have puppy-dog eyes, Harry thinks to himself.

“People can be shit, mate.  I get it.  You were just watching out for yourself, but you don’t have to watch out for us, if you know what I mean.” Liam smiles and it gives Harry a warm feeling in his stomach. 

Coach Teller blows his whistle and the students line up for attendance. They’re playing soccer for the first few weeks and Harry sighs in relief, glad it wasn’t American football or baseball. 

Coach Teller leads the class outside to the practice soccer fields in the rear of the school and tells them to pair up.  Without a second thought, Liam comes over and stands next to Harry, his eyes squinting from the bright sun.  Maybe having friends isn’t such a bad thing.

After they change back into their street clothes, Harry sits against the matted wall of the gymnasium waiting for the bell to ring and watches as Liam emerges from the locker room.  Liam smiles and comes over to sit next to Harry.

“So, have you thought about coming out to one of our practices to get some test shots?” Liam asks, pulling his backpack into his lap.

Harry shrugs. “Could be fun.”

“You should come by after school today.  We practice on the same field we were just on.  We could give coach a heads up. I mean he’ll probably want to meet you anyway, so he knows who the weird guy is that’s taking pictures of his players,” Liam chuckles.

Harry thinks about it for a moment then nods. “Yeah, sounds like a plan, I guess.”

“Good,” Liam says brightly.

 

+++

 

Harry walks to the back of the school towards the practice soccer field with his camera bag draped over his shoulder.  He can see the players crowded around their coach, half in white and the other half in black shirts. He recognizes Liam and Louis first, but when the players break away, he sees Niall emerge from the group.  Harry watches as Niall bends down to adjust his shin guards and notices the brace on Niall’s left knee.  Niall looks up and notices Harry walking towards the field and comes jogging over to meet him with a huge smile plastered on his face.

“You came!” Niall says, squinting into the sun.  “Come on, I’ll introduce you to Coach,” Niall says holding his arm out beaconing Harry over.

Harry allows Niall to usher him over to where Coach Mackie is standing by the sidelines of the soccer field.  Liam and Louis give Harry quick little waves as they start their warm ups.

Coach Mackie is a man in his late thirties, with scruffy, dark brown, facial hair and short unkempt hair to match.  He doesn’t look like the coach of the greatest soccer team in the country, but Harry doesn’t really know what one would look like anyway.

Coach Mackie sticks a hand out and Harry shakes it firmly. 

“You must be the poor soul who has to photograph the team for the season.  It’s Harry, right? The boys told me you might come by and get a feel for it.”

Harry smiles and nods.

“Well, I’m alright with you hanging around as long as you don’t get in the way,” Coach Mackie says standing back to get a good look at Harry.

“I’ll try my best,” he says and he looks over at Niall who is smiling brightly at him.

“Well, let’s get to it,” Coach Mackie says.

Harry gives a quick nod and slings his camera bag off his shoulder as Niall runs out onto the field to join the rest of his teammates and Coach Mackie’s attention is back on his players.

Harry sets his bag down next to the bench and slides the lens cap into the small front pocket so he won’t lose it.

He gets to work straight away, adjusting the focus on the camera.  He crouches low to the ground and wishes he wore stretcher pants as the waistline pushes into his stomach.

He watches through the camera as Niall passes the ball to his teammate, he bounces up a down and keeps his feet moving; Harry can’t help but notice the focused look on Niall’s face, which differed greatly front his usual contagious smile.  The ball comes back to Niall and Harry takes a picture just as Niall makes contact with the ball.  Niall moves lightly on his feet and rotates the formation so he’s in a group with Louis, and Harry snaps a few pictures of the two of them.

 

+++

 

Harry’s walking home after their practice lets out and he hears quick feet coming up behind him.  He turns and sees Niall, back in his street clothes, hair wet from a quick shower, running up to join him.

“Hey,” Niall says catching his breath and Harry wonders how long Niall was running after him.

“Hey.”

“You know, you’re a hard man to find,” Niall smiles even though his breathing still has not become regular.  “I looked for you when we were walking back to the locker room, but you’d already left.  Then all the sudden, I caught a glimpse of you walking down the sidewalk.”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to get in the way and I had to grab some books from my locker,” Harry says adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder.  “Did you uh—did you need something?”

Niall rubs the back of his neck and looks at the ground as he walks beside Harry.  “Uh, no. Not really. I just wondered how uh—how your shots came out.”

Harry could sense a nervous tone in Niall’s voice.

“Well, I won’t know for sure until I get them uploaded to my computer, but I think I got the hang of it. I at least got a few good shots.”

“Well, that’s—that’s good,” Niall says still staring at the ground.

The two of them walk in an awkward silence and it makes Harry uncomfortable.

He shoots a glance at Niall who seems to be in deep thought.  His eyebrows knitted together and his lips moving as if he was trying to figure something out in his head.

“So, do you live near around here?” Harry asks and it breaks Niall’s concentration.

“What? Oh, uh—no, I live in the middle of nowhere, basically. I just uh, I wanted to talk to you, I guess,” Niall says shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Do you want to come over to mine for a bit?” Harry says before he has time to think about it and suddenly his heart is racing and he doesn’t know why.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Niall says.

“You wouldn’t be, honestly.  My mum won’t be home until almost midnight tonight. She works really weird hours at the hospital, so I was just going to make dinner and watch some telly. And if I’m being honest, I could use the company.”

Harry doesn’t know why his lips keep moving and words keep coming out. He barely knows Niall and Niall barely knows him.

“I guess it depends on what you’re making,” Niall says.

Harry looks over, Niall’s walking a little straighter, and his mouth pulls up slightly at the corner.

“Haven’t decided yet,” Harry says with a smile.  “Hadn’t gotten that far in my plans.”

Niall laughs and Harry can feel his face heat up and it’s not from the sun.

Harry’s skin feels like it’s on fire by the time they get to his house and Harry wonders if Niall thinks his house is small, because it is, and Harry is overly aware of everything around him.

He unlocks the front door and tosses his bag on the floor.  Niall slips off his backpack and gently lays it down next to Harry’s.

“Would you like something to drink? I think we’ve got water and orange juice in the fridge,” Harry says going straight toward the kitchen.

“I could go for some water, I s’pose,” Niall says looking around the room.  The kitchen and the living room are basically the same room, the only dividing factor being the tile and carpeted floors.  Harry likes it though because he can watch TV while he’s cooking.

Harry gets a glass from the cupboard and pours Niall’s water. Harry puts the glass down on the table in front of where Niall is standing.

Harry turns and opens the freezer and finds a pack of ground beef.

“How do you feel about tacos?” Harry asks looking around the freezer door at Niall who is sipping quietly at his water.

“Haven’t had them for ages,” Niall says setting his glass down.

“Well, that’s going to change,” Harry says grabbing the ground beef and closing the freezer door.

Harry opens the bag, puts it in a bowl, and sticks the meat in the microwave to thaw it out.

“Mind if I play some music?” Harry asks. He goes over to his bag and takes out his phone.

“Not at all, well unless you’ve got shite taste in music,” Niall says with a laugh.

Harry maneuvers back into the kitchen, flicks through his phone, and “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac begins to play.

“You’re a Fleetwood Mac fan?” Niall asks leaning his back against the counter as Harry moves around the kitchen.

“Who isn’t?” Harry says over his shoulder as he pulls the meat from the microwave and empties the contents into a pan on the stove.

Harry finishes cooking the meat and slides the hard taco shells into the oven to warm up. 

Niall decides to set the table for the two of them and Harry shows him where the plates and forks are in the kitchen. 

“You eat dinner by yourself a lot, then?” Niall says setting the plates down on the table. 

Harry is stirring the seasoning into the meat.  He shrugs.  “I suppose, but I guess I’ve been doing it for so long that I don’t really think about it much anymore.  What about you? You have one of those, must be at every meal families or more the, fend for yourself type?”

Niall rubs the back of his neck. “I dunno, a bit of both I s’pose. They expect me to be at every meal, but if I’m late then it’s up to me to find something to eat.  And they aren’t particularly happy with me.”

“So, what about tonight?” Harry says.  He puts a hot pad down on the table and sets the pan with the taco meat in it on top.

“I texted them and said I was going to do some extra workouts with someone from the team and that’d I’d probably eat at theirs,” Niall says and takes a seat at the table.

“So, you had to lie to them?” Harry asks hesitantly as he slides into his seat.  He doesn’t want to pry into Niall’s life, but he figures that Niall doesn’t want his parents to know that he’s over at some loser’s house.

Niall doesn’t say anything for a little while as they fill their plates.  Harry notices how much food Niall is able to eat, but he likes that Niall asks if he can have more rather than just taking it.

“To answer your question,” Niall says, breaking the silence between them.  “Me da isn’t too happy with me just hanging out with people.  He thinks that everything has to have this higher purpose or end-goal so, I tell him that I’m studying or working on a project with someone, which in the past was always Liam and Louis.  Sometimes I tell him that I’m at the gym or that I went on a run or that I’m working overtime on the pitch.”  Niall pauses and thinks for a moment.

Harry can see the look in his face that Niall doesn’t really enjoy lying to his parents, but he also sees something else and he’s not sure what it means.

“But…” Niall starts again. “It’s not always a lie. I really do like playing football.  It’s not like me da forces me to play.  I just like the occasional break.”

“It makes sense to me,” Harry says with a small smile. 

They eat quietly for a few minutes.  Niall stops and keeps looking over at Harry like he wants to say something, but isn’t sure how.

Harry waits for Niall to get his thoughts straight.

The blonde sighs loudly.  “Liam told me what happened…about what you thought we were doing.”

“Yeah?” Harry says quietly, picking at the edge of his crumpled napkin.

“There’s no ulterior motive here, Harry. I hope you know that and whatever happened at your other school doesn’t matter to us.”

“Why do you even want to be my friend, Niall? You hardly even know me,” Harry finally looks at Niall, who seems taken aback by Harry’s abruptness.  “I mean we talked for barely even five minutes after we ran into each other and then whatever that was at lunch, and you following after me…I just—I don’t get it.”

Niall thinks for a moment.

Harry notices the way that Niall’s forehead creases when he’s in deep thought, and how he bites at his lip and he starts playing with the hem of his shirt.

“I dunno,” Niall says after a while. He looks back at Harry.  “I honestly don’t have a clue, but I know that when I ran into you in the hallway there was something about you that told me that we needed to be friends. So, that’s what I tried to do. That’s what I’m trying to do.”

Harry can see the sincerity in Niall’s blue eyes and he feels like their blue might suck him into them and drown. He can feel something in Niall’s eyes pull something apart inside him.  It isn’t a bad feeling, but rather, it feels more therapeutic. It isn’t a world that’s tumbling down, but more like the fall of the Berlin Wall.

The time that the two spend staring back at each other isn’t an awkward silence.  Harry feels like Niall is reading his mind and that he can see everything that ever happened to Harry.

Niall breaks first and clears his throat as he starts back in on the plate of food in front of him.

They finish dinner and Niall helps Harry wash the dishes even though Harry told him that he didn’t have to help. 

The music from Harry’s phone plays softly behind them as Niall dries the dishes and Harry directs him to their proper place in the kitchen.  Niall talks about how he, Louis and Liam went camping over the summer for a week and how Liam set up a tent in five minutes when it took him and Louis about an hour to get the other tent set up.  How they thought they were going to starve when they misplaced the backpack with all the dehydrated food in it.

Harry likes listening to Niall talk. He likes the way that Niall’s laughing makes any story he tells funny.

They finish the dishes and Harry shows Niall where the bathroom is down the hall.  For the two minutes that Niall is gone, the house feels unsettlingly quiet and Harry can’t wait until Niall comes back to fill that space again.

He wants to stop this, before anything happens.  Niall seems like a really nice guy and Harry can feel himself drawn to Niall, just like how Niall described how he felt when they ran into each other in the school hallway.

Just friends, Harry thinks.  He’s just making friends.

Niall comes back in and pulls Harry from his thoughts.

“S’pose I should get goin’,” Niall says looking at Harry. 

“Do you have a way to get home?” Harry says following Niall to the door.

“Yeah, Louis’ still at the school, so ‘m just gonna walk back and get a ride with him.” Niall picks up his backpack and slings it over his shoulder.  “Well, thanks for dinner and I guess I’ll see ya at school tomorrow.”

“Unfortunately,” Harry says and Niall chuckles.

“I dunno if that was a dig at you, me, or the school.” Niall says turning in the doorway to look at Harry.

“Bit of each?” Harry says with a shrug.

“I knew it,” Niall laughs and shakes his head.

“Knew what?” Harry crosses his arms over his chest.

“That we are going to be good friends.”

Harry laughs.  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Nialler.”

“Nialler? Only Tommo and Payno call me that. ”

Harry shrugs again.  “Just sort of slipped out.”

“Well, I guess that means that I have to come up with a nickname for you, too. That way you blend in with the rest of the group.”

“Good luck with that,” Harry says with a smirk.

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Niall says as he starts walking down the small concrete path.  When he gets to the end of the gravel driveway, Niall turns and gives a little wave at Harry before he disappears behind the line of trees.

 

 


	2. Castle of Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I'm currently getting ready for a two and a half week trip to Hawaii for a service project for school and I won't be taking my laptop with me. I'll have my phone and a notebook so I'll work on it when I can. I really like this story and I'm going to continue writing it, but just not for the next two weeks. And thank you to everyone who read, commented, and gave kudos, that was the main reason I pushed so hard to get this chapter done before I leave on Monday. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Chapter title from the Linkin Park song, "Castle of Glass".

Niall, along with Louis and Liam, sat with Harry every day at lunch for the next week. 

Harry can feel himself relaxing more around the other boys.  Louis already barred Harry from telling jokes since Harry’s jokes are horrible, but they always make Niall laugh, so it’s worth it even with Louis’ eye rolling.

Harry went off and on to the boys’ soccer practice after school.  Sometimes he would bring his camera and other times he’d just sit in the stands and watch from the sidelines. 

Harry watches as the team splits into their two sides and begin a small scrimmage.  It’s weird seeing Niall on the opposite side of Liam and Louis.  He can see a strange art in their movements after spending so much time behind the camera.  He notices the clean lines of Niall’s body as he kicks the ball to the other side of the field. He sees the small steps Niall takes afterwards to stabilize himself.

Harry shakes his head. He knows when he goes back through his pictures that most of them are of Niall. Harry knows he’s heading down a wormhole with this whole situation.  

He doesn’t know why he’s doing this to himself.  Sitting out in the boiling hot sun in tight, black, skinny jeans is not how he normally would spend his day, let alone a full week.  He feels oddly drawn to Niall, like Niall is the sun and Harry has no choice but to revolve around him. Harry wonders if Louis and Liam feel the same way.

The sound of the whistle snaps Harry back to reality and he watches as the boys make their way to the locker room, all except for one.  Niall jogs across the field toward Harry and stops just in front of the chain-link fence separating the field from the small set of bleachers.

“Come here often?” Niall says with a wiggle of his eyebrows as he folds his arms over the top of the fence.

“Sadly enough, almost every day,” Harry says with a smile, squinting into the sun to look at Niall. The sun hits Niall’s bright blonde hair making it look almost white.

“Well, me and the lads were gonna go get some dinner if you want to come?”

“What does ‘lads’ entail?” Harry says cocking his head to the side.

“Louis and Liam.”

Harry gets to his feet and climbs down the bleachers, so he’s standing right across from Niall on the other side of the fence. He sees the glint of white teeth behind Niall’s lips as his face scrunches up from squinting. “Louis and Liam, also known as, Sunshine Horan’s _only_ friends,” Harry says sarcastically and Niall laughs.

“Well, not me only friends. Got you now too, don’t I?”

Harry can see the green in Niall’s blue eyes with how close they are standing to each other. “I suppose that’s true.” Harry shrugs. He says it, but he doesn’t quite believe it just yet.

“So, what’ll it be? Taco Tuesday all by yourself or Taco Tuesday with friends?” Niall looks at Harry.

Harry smiles, “Are tacos my only option?”

Niall shrugs. “I dunno, you could mix it up and go with the nachos instead.”

“Well, that’s an offer I can’t refuse then.”

“Good, well I’m gonna grab a quick shower and we’ll meet up out front, yeah?” Niall asks.

“Sounds good.”

Niall starts backing away, with a huge grin on his face and Harry can’t help but smile back.

 

+++

 

Harry slides into the booth across from Niall, and Liam sits down next to him. 

“So, what are we thinkin’ here, lads? Chicken? Steak? Burger? Sandwich?” Louis says looking over the menu.

Sarah’s Kitchen is one of two restaurants in town, but the food is always good and they always seem to run into people they know. Harry has only been there twice and that was with his mom, when they first moved there, so he isn’t as comfortable as the other three boys seem to be.

Deep reds and dark browns cloak the room, with long green, plants hanging down from the ceiling. The place looks more expensive than the menu prices let on.

“Just remember, Tommo,” Niall starts as he looks over his menu. “We do have a game on Friday.”

Louis sighs and closes his menu.  “Fine. Lemon chicken it is, thanks to the Irish party pooper over here.”

Liam laughs, “Yeah, I suppose we should keep it light.  I don’t think coach would be too happy if three of his players went on an In-N-Out Burger cleanse.”

“I thought that was more of a west coast thing?” Louis comments.

“Either way, heavy, greasy foods are probably on the no go list.” Liam takes a sip of his water and flags down their waitress.

“So, Harold,” Louis starts, bringing Harry back into reality.  “What heavy, greasy food are you going to order so we can live vicariously through you?”

They all look at Harry.  “Uh…I was going to get the chef’s salad.”

Louis scoffs and throws his hands up.  “Well, that’s the last time I live vicariously through you.”

Harry feels Niall’s foot bump his under the table.  He looks up and meets Niall’s blue eyes.  The Irishman smiles and gives Harry a little nod and Harry can’t help but smile in return.

Harry thinks that Niall is utterly aware that his friends can be a bit much sometimes, but Harry finds Louis’ antics to be amusing, plus his constant swearing and general disregard for rules added some spice to their otherwise vanilla group.  That and Louis began calling Harry, Harold, at certain times, but Niall assures Harry that Harold will not be his actual nickname, and that he was still on the hunt for the perfect nickname for Harry, which gave Harry a little bit of comfort.

Their meals come and the boys dig in. 

“So, Harry.  How’s the picture thing going?” Liam asks.

“Uh, it’s going pretty well, I suppose.  The shots that I got during your practices look good on the computer, so I think I should be good for the game on Friday.”

“Just stay on your toes, ‘cause games can get pretty hectic. Balls flying everywhere. Men tackling you out of nowhere. It’s like watching _Magic Mike_ , minus the stupid outfits,” Louis says taking a bite of his chicken and staring down at his plate.

Unbeknownst to him, Liam, Harry, and Niall were all staring at him.

“You’ve seen _Magic Mike_?” Liam asks curiously.

Louis looks up and sees all of them staring at him. “What. I live in a house full of women, I don’t always get first pick of movies after the young’uns have gone to bed.”

“Suuurrree,” Harry says with a quiet laugh.

“Oh, fuck off!” Louis says folding his arms across his chest, looking way from the other boys.

Liam, Niall, and Harry look at each other.

“Aww, I think we’ve upset him,” Liam says.

“But he looks so cute when he’s upset,” Niall says trying to pinch Louis’ cheek.

“You’re all assholes,” Louis says batting away Niall’s hand.

“But you love us,” Liam says in a squishy tone and Louis rolls his eyes.

Harry sits back and smiles at the whole scene unfolding in front of him.  It is clear to him that what Liam said was very true. The three of them did love each other. They were practically inseparable and they picked on each other a lot, but also seem like they would do anything for each other.

“Tommo,” Liam says quickly looking across the room toward the entrance to the restaurant.

Louis looks up and Harry and Niall follow their gaze, and see two girls that Harry recognizes from school walk in.

“Shit.” Louis drops his fork.  “C’mon.”

Louis and Liam slid out of the booth.

“We’ll be right back,” Liam says as they head over toward the girls.

“What was all that about?” Harry asks after they leave.

Niall sighs and looks over as Louis and Liam slip into a booth with the two girls. “Those four have the weirdest on and off; I don’t even know what, going on.” Niall looks back at Harry, who is even more confused by what Niall said.

“Oh, shit, Harry. Not like that. They’re not all together. They just…jesus, uh it’s more of a I like you, you like me, but I don’t go anywhere without my friend sort of thing.” Niall stops. “That really didn’t make it any clearer, did it?”

Harry shakes his head. “No, not really, but I think I get the picture.”

A silence falls between them.

“So, you ready for the game against Wolmont on Friday?” Harry asks quietly, looking up at Niall.

Niall thinks it over for a moment. Rubbing the back of his neck, he says, “I dunno. Trying not to think about it, I s’pose. Bit daunting. Last year I was just another member of the team. This year is my last year and I’m team captain.” Niall pauses. “I just don’t want to let anyone down.”

“You won’t,” Harry says simply.

Niall chuckles. “You seem pretty sure of that. It’s not like there’s any pressure from the coach, the team, the school, me Da.”

“Your team trusts you, Niall.  I’ve spent the last week basically stalking you all, so trust me when I say that they trust you. As for your father, the coach, and the school, it really has nothing to do with them, if you think about it. Just the ten other guys on the field and the ones sitting on the bench.”

A small smile creeps onto Niall’s face. “I s’pose you’re right.”

“Of course I am. I’m always right,” Harry says leaning back in his seat and Niall laughs.

“So, what about you Mr. Know-It-All. You nervous?”

“About getting hit in the face by a rogue soccer ball? Yes, absolutely.”

Niall laughs and it echoes through the room. “No, ya dummy. I mean the lads weren’t wrong, games can get pretty intense on and off the field.”

“Off the field?” Harry questions.

“Oh, yeah. The crowd can get a bit rowdy.  Last year, right before State, a huge fight broke out in the crowd.”

“That’s ridiculous. It’s just a game.”

“To you, maybe, but to some people, soccer here is like full on _Friday Night Lights_ level of obsession. People kill for it…well maybe not kill, but occasionally bruise.” Niall chuckles.

Loud laughter comes from the other side of the room and it catches their attention as they see Louis and Liam, eyes glinting, as they talk to the two girls that came in earlier.

“So, where are you with all that?” Harry says looking back to Niall. “Or does the team captain not have time for such _trivial_ things?” Harry says in a hoity-toity way.

Niall smiles. “Nah, I just haven’t found the right person to waste my time on, I guess.”

“Aw, such a romantic,” Harry mocks.

“Shut up.” Niall says playfully. “And what about you? Good-looking lad like yourself, with the long flowing, Fabio locks. Plus, the allure of an artistic man. You must have a waiting list of girls.”

“Niall, I can barely even make regular friends, or if you have forgotten already, we met when you ran into me in the hallway and almost killed me.”

Niall cocks his head to the side. “I don’t recall the almost killing part.”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Harry says pretending to be offended.

“Well, I ain’t callin’ you a truther, Styles,” Niall retorts taking a sip of water.

“You got that from _Drake and Josh_ didn’t you?” Harry responds quickly.

“Guilty pleasure,” Niall says with a shrug as he takes another sip of water.  Niall sets the glass down on the table and stares at the condensation dripping down the side of it. “What kind of work does your mum do at the hospital? You said that she worked really weird hours.”

Harry smiles. He forgot he even told Niall about his mum working at the hospital. “She works in the ER,” Harry says. “She uh, kinda gets moved around quite a bit since still a bit new working there, so if people call out for the day, she usually has to take their place.”

“That sucks. I mean the job alone must be hell, but then not knowing whether you get to go home or not once your shifts over, jeez. Plus, the ER. She must see a lot of messed up stuff.”

Harry nods. “I can always tell when she’s had a tough shift, ‘cause she’ll come home and just stand in the kitchen staring at the counter, without taking her coat, her shoes, or even setting down her purse.”

“What do you do?” Niall asks quietly.

“I go over and help her out of her jacket and tell her to go take a shower, and I put the kettle on and make her some tea and then we just sit on the couch and watch bad telly for the rest of the night.”

Niall’s mouth turns up at the corner in understanding. “You’re a good son, Harry.”

“You’d do the same,” Harry says looking at Niall.

Niall lets out a dry laugh. “When Robert Horan comes home from a long day at work, it’s best to duck and run.”

“What does your dad do?”

“Lawyer. And not the cheap kind, either.”

“That must be intense,” Harry says looking down at what’s left of his salad.

Niall shrugs. “Ya learn to deal with it. He’s not a bad guy, he just has to deal with a lot of stuff and he’s not too good at talking about his feelings.” Niall laughs.

“Is he coming to the game on Friday?” Harry asks

“He’s s’posed to, but sometimes he gets jammed at the office,” Niall’s voice dips at the end.

“I think the bigger question is whether you want him to be there.” Harry looks at Niall.

The Irishman’s face drops and his eyes look sad for a moment before he forces a smile. “Doesn’t really matter either way. He watches the tapes that coach sends us after the game to see how I played.”

Harry gives Niall a comforting smile.  “Well, my prediction,” Harry says a little brighter. “Is that you are going to play a great game and as we’ve discovered, I’m never wrong.”

Niall laughs and looks at Harry. “You’re mad, you know that?”

“Hey, mad is as mad does, young Niall. Little bit of optimism goes a long way.”

The conversation pauses and Niall taps his fingers on the table as if there was something more that he wanted to say.

“What’s on your mind, Niall?” Harry asks sincerely.

Niall peers back at Harry and stares at him for a moment. “What are you doing after the game on Friday?” he inquires.  There’s no tell on his face and Harry isn’t sure where Niall’s going with this.

“Probably going home, put on pajamas, maybe some popcorn and then watching a movie or something. Why?”

Niall looks down and shrugs. “I was thinking that we could hang out.”

“Oh, well, I think that as much fun as being around Louis is before the game…if you guys win, I fear what he might get up to in his celebrations.”

Niall chuckles. “And you’re right to do so, but I was thinking more just you and me.”

“Oh…” Harry pauses, trying to think of something to say. “I uh… How do you feel about _Thelma and Louise_?”

Taken aback by Harry’s movie choice, a grin stretches across Niall’s face.  He nods then shakes his head. He looks up at Harry. “That actually sounds like fun. I haven’t seen that movie, let alone any movie, in forever.”

“Good. Then it’s movie night at my house. We can even pick up a pizza or something on the way home, or make one ourselves.”

“You make your own pizza?”

“Occasionally.”

“You are a man of many talents, Mr. Styles,” Niall jokes.

Louis and Liam come back over and slide back into the booth.

“It’s good that someone in this group is a man of many talents, because it sure as hell isn’t Liam,” Louis says starkly.

“No dice with the ladies then?” Niall asks as Louis sinks down in his seat.

“Well, let’s just say the only scoring we’re going to be doing this week is in the game against Wolmont,” Louis says harshly.

The boys finish their dinners and Louis tell Niall and Harry all about Liam’s failed attempt at a compliment when they were talking to the girls, who Harry finds out are named, Jade and Perrie.

Louis drops Harry off at home first, but Niall insists on walking to the door with him, which Harry thinks is a little weird, but Liam and Louis didn’t seem to question it.

“Thanks for coming tonight,” Niall says when they reach the door. 

“Thanks for inviting me.” Harry turns to face Niall.

“You’re going to have to tell me at some point,” Niall says looking at the ground.

Harry shifts nervously. “Tell you what?”

“Whatever it is that happened at your last school that made you not trust people anymore,” Niall says looking up at Harry.

“I trust people,” Harry says defensively.

“I mean aside from your mum, Harry.”

Harry smiles. “How ‘bout this—I promise to tell you one day, but for now just believe that I’m working on it, yeah?”

A big toothy grin comes across Niall’s face. “I think I can do that.”

“Goodnight, Niall,” Harry says turning the doorknob.

“G’night, Harry. I’ll uh, see you at school tomorrow.” Niall turns and walks back down the sidewalk to Louis’ car in the driveway.

Harry looks back and gives a little wave to them before he enters the house.  Harry hears the car drive off and closes the door behind him.

“Did you have a good time?” Anne says looking at him from the couch. “What did you boys get up to?”

Harry plops his backpack and camera back down on the floor.  “Just went out to get something to eat after their practice was over.”

“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time at these practices, Harry. When do I get to meet these boys?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Mum, that’s a bit weird don’t you think?” Harry walks into the kitchen and grabs a glass from the cabinet.

Anne turns off the television and comes over to the kitchen. “I don’t think it’s weird for me to want to meet the boys who, not only, see my son at school, but also see him at their football practice, and take him to dinner, and drive the car he is sitting in. I just want to know that their good, decent boys, sweetheart.”

“They are mum, I just…I don’t want to scare them away. There’s a lot that they don’t know yet. I don’t need something accidentally slipping out.”

Anne cups Harrys face in her hands. “Honey, if you can’t trust them, or if you keep parts of yourself from them, how strong can that friendship be?”

Harry looks his mother in the eye. “You saw what happened at the last school. I just want to be sure this time, that’s all.”

“I understand, sweetheart, but just trust that you’ve made the right decision with these friends.” Anne goes up on her tippy-toes and places a gentle kiss on Harry’s forehead.  “I love you,” she says quietly.

“I love you too, mum,” Harry whispers back.

Anne pulls back. “Well, I’m off to bed. Make sure you get your homework done and get a good night’s sleep.”  Anne starts down the hall toward her room.

“Night, mum.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” she says and he hears her door close.

 

+++

 

Lunch on Friday is quiet, other than Liam and Louis bickering about whether they beat Wolmont 4-3 or 3-2 last year.

Harry hears Niall whisper 3-2, but he doesn’t partake in his friends’ argument and just sits their quietly.  He doesn’t eat much, Harry notices.  

Harry wonders whether Niall’s just nervous about the game, about hanging out with Harry, or both.  Harry figures it’s just the game. Things have been really good between Niall and Harry and the other two, but something about what Niall said at Harry’s doorstep, makes him nervous to be around Niall, like Niall might just be looking to gain Harry’s trust and spills all his secrets.

Harry hates doubting Niall and his friends, but it’s always in the back of his mind no matter how nice they seem for now.

“You alright there, Nialler?” Louis asks noticing Niall’s silence.

Niall nods. “Yeah, I’m just gonna go to the toilet real quick before the period’s over.” Niall shoves his lunch into his back and gets up, leaving the other three by themselves.

Louis and Liam share a knowing look. Harry can’t help but feel out of the loop.

Louis picks up his stuff.  “I’m gonna see if he’s alright. See you lads later.”

Harry watches as Louis walks through the cafeteria after Niall.

Liam turns, plasters a meek smile on his face, and waves it off. “He’ll be fine. Probably just nerves.”

The two boys sit there quietly and finish their lunches. Louis and Niall don’t come back before the period ends and Liam gives Harry a little wave and tells him he’ll see him in gym class.

Harry walks to history and takes his usual seat, sitting quietly and watches as the room fills with the rest of his classmates, with no sign of Louis. The teacher walks in and closes the door behind them. 

Harry shifts in his seat and keeps his eyes on the door.  Just as the bell rings, Harry sees the doorknob turn and Louis enters the classroom and rushes, out of breath, over to his seat next to Harry.

The teacher starts taking attendance and Harry leans over toward Louis. “Is Niall okay?” he whispers.

Louis looks at him and gives a small nod. “He’s fine. Just freaking out over the game a bit.”

“Is Wolmont a tough team?” Harry asks, as he raises his hand slightly when the teacher calls his name.

“All their best players were juniors last year, so their running the show as seniors now,” Louis says and he gives a small wave to the teacher when she calls his name.  “Once we get on the pitch and start the game, he’ll be able to tune all of that out. Team captain or not, whether we win or lose it’s not all on him.”

“I tried to tell him that at dinner the other night. He doesn’t want to let anyone down,” Harry says quietly. He knows how much football means to Niall and how much he enjoys playing the game. Harry sees it through his camera at their practices. Whether or not he’s freaking out over nothing, he’s still freaking out and that saddens Harry, because he sees what kind of leader Niall is on the field and plus, he has his friends there to help him out too.

“He’s not going to let anyone down,” Louis says as the teacher hands back their homework from the other day. “We voted him team captain for a reason.”

 

+++

 

The team has a smaller practice session after school from 2:30 to 3:45 with the game starting at 6pm.

Harry gets a few photos in here and there, but for the most part, he just watches the team move around on the field.  Niall seems only a little distracted out there and Harry watches as Louis whispers something in Niall’s ear.  His shoulders relax and Niall turns and looks at Harry from across the field and gives a little smile then returns to the drill they are doing.  Harry wonders what Louis said to Niall to make him look over at Harry. It gives Harry the tinge of a bad feeling, but he tries to ignore it and continues watching them on the field.

Harry leaves before practice is over. He doesn’t want Niall, Louis, or Liam to ask if he wants to go somewhere and get dinner with them and if they ask, he’ll just say he left his camera charger at home. He likes hanging out with them too much for this all to be a lie. Like maybe, Niall is nervous because they planned to do something to Harry tonight, when they were supposed to be “hanging out”. Maybe they already knew what happened at Harry’s old school. Maybe this was all a big ploy to embarrass Harry.

But then, Harry thought of everything that Niall told him at dinner. He thought about the day Niall was over at his house and they washed dishes together. If Niall was really a bad person, would he really have done all of that?

Harry quickens his pace down the sidewalk towards home, until the sidewalk ends and Harry walks on the side of the road under the shade of the trees. Why would they want to be friends with him?

Harry curls up on his bed as soon as he gets home.  He doesn’t know what to do, but he tells himself that he should be careful tonight with the game and with Niall coming over afterward.

Harry hears his phone go off and he pulls it out of his pocket. There is a text from Niall asking where he went off to...

_Home. Needed to charge my camera._

He presses send and tosses the phone next to him on the bed. He stares at the ceiling watching the fan go round and round. His phone buzzes with another text from Niall.

_Want us to come pick you up and get some dinner?_

_No I’m good. See you at the game._ Harry texts back. He guesses that Niall forgot about the pizza that Harry promised him and that he’ll end up eating later after Niall leaves.

Harry thinks he’s being ridiculous about this whole situation, but he can’t help but be a bit leery of Niall and his friends, they could be from the same cut of boys from back in England.  He’d rather be friendless than have to go through that again.

Harry gets up and wanders out to the kitchen to find something to eat.  He tries to tidy up the place a bit since Niall’s coming over after the game.  He really wants to trust Niall, but the friendship felt too targeted, if that makes any sense.

When it’s quarter after 5, Harry grabs his camera and heads back to the school.  It’s still light out and the sun is still hot, but it’s getting cooler.

He walks to the stadium field where they play their games.  He’s excited about the turf field, because it looks so much greener; it’ll make the players pop a bit more in the photos. He sees people already filling the stands and both teams are on the field warming up.

He picks out Niall straight away with his blond hair sticking out amongst all the brunettes on the field. White jerseys for home games. Niall looks good in white. 

Harry walks over to the team bench and puts his bag down underneath the seat.  He checks his settings and takes a few test shots. He sneaks a peek into the stands and wonders if Niall’s dad is there in the sea of people.  He spots a woman with dark brown hair, with four other girls standing by her side, Harry thinks that must be Louis’ family, he recognizes the twins, Fizzy, and Lottie from pictures that Louis’ shown him. That was the first thing that Harry really learned about Louis; how much he loves his family.

Harry’s eyes move back to the camera in his hands and he stands up all the way. He watches the players out on the field.  East Stillwater moving in this effortless motion around the field.  He never noticed how small their team looked until he began watching the Wolmont team.  They all look so much musclier than our team and Harry’s heart drops slightly at the thought of one of their own players getting hurt.  Maybe size has nothing to do with it? Maybe it gave our team an edge? Like a battle between a man in armor and a man with nothing but the clothes on his back.

Center-midfielder is Niall’s position. He’s the separating point between the defense and offense, and in that sense, he had to play both.  After watching so many practices, Harry can see why that is Niall’s position, since he has an all-around view of the entire game. It’s a good position for the team captain.

Louis plays right-wing. He has to be quick and he has to be able to get the ball to the center forward. And that’s where Harry thinks their team might have an advantage. He’s seen the team run, and they are damn fast.

Liam, as the beefiest kid on the team, is their center-forward, though, Harry noticed that they sometimes put Liam in as goalkeeper during practice, as more of a back up to the back up. He isn’t bad at goal keeping, he’s just more useful up front, it seemed.

East Stillwater wins the coin toss; Harry notes the size of the Wolmont team captain and wonders if he could break Niall like a toothpick. Niall chooses the side looking into the sun, just as Coach Mackie told him to do at practice.

Harry snaps a few shots of the handshake between the two captains; the tension already building.

Niall jogs back over to his team and they form a circle, arms over each other’s shoulders, huddling in as Coach Mackie gives them a pep talk.  The boys break their formation with quick chant of something Harry doesn’t understand, and they run out to their positions on the field.

 

+++

 

Halfway through the second half the score is 1-0 with East Stillwater in the lead. 

Wolmont is pushing them to their limits. They manage to shut down Liam; they intercept every pass and anytime he gets his foot on the ball, they have two players charge Liam and put him on his butt.  Harry can see the scrapes going up and down Liam’s legs and arms from hitting the turf so many times.

Niall’s tired, Harry can see it. He sees it in the entire team. They’ve managed to outmaneuver them for most of the game, since they have the clear speed advantage, but all that running is catching up to them.  Their defenders manage to get the ball up the field to Niall, who moves quickly around the Wolmont center-midfielder and is looking for an opening in their line.

Harry snaps a picture just as Niall boots the ball through a gap in the Wolmont defense and out of nowhere comes Louis from the right. Two touches and Louis sends a beautiful pass to the center, where Liam is ready.  He doesn’t settle the ball or try to control it, but gets a firm foot on it putting it right in the left corner of the goal.

The crowd cheers and the players congratulate Liam. Harry pops off photo after photo of the celebration and even gets a pic of Louis slapping Liam’s ass as they walk back up the field.

East Stillwater manages to win the game 2-0, much to the chagrin of the Wolmont team, who look ready to kill.

The two teams line up and shake hands at the end of the game. Harry takes a few more shots, and if it wasn’t for East Stillwater’s fame as the best team in the country, Harry would think that they were the underdogs in this situation. Scraps up and down their legs from the brutality of the other team, but maybe it had nothing to do with getting knocked down, but rather, they were the best team because they always got back up.

Harry doesn’t realize until he is putting his camera away that his cheeks hurt from smiling so much. He is happy for the boys and Niall, and it is only their first game. And it was a hell of a first game.

The team disappears into the locker room and about five minutes later, Harry gets a text from Niall saying he’ll meet Harry out front in fifteen minutes.

Harry sits on one of the cement benches in the front courtyard of the school.  The sun is getting low and he can feel the temperature drop with a cool breeze.  The air still smells hot and Harry can’t wait to get home and change into something more comfortable, but then he remembers he’s stuck in his clothes because Niall’s coming over. 

He hears his stomach grumble, he should have eaten more while he was home.

“You ready to go?”

Harry looks up and sees Niall walking out of the school. He’s wearing loose fitting, grey sweatpants, and school t-shirt with the wolf logo right in the middle.

“Oh, uh yeah.” Harry gets to his feet and joins Niall as they walk down the sidewalk.

“So what did you think of your first game?” Niall asks cheerily.

Harry stares at his feet as he walks, still clad in his worn, brown, leather boots. “It was much more intense than I imagined, especially for that first game.”

Niall chuckles and runs a hand through his damp hair. “Yeah, wasn’t expecting that.  Sets the bar a bit high for the rest of the season, but I think we’re up for the challenge.”

“So, did your dad come?” Harry asks.

“Couldn’t make it,” Niall says staring at the ground.

“’M sorry.”

“It’s fine, he’s got the rest of the season, plus I think I play better when he’s not there, if I’m being honest with ya.”

They walk along quietly. A grin comes across Niall’s, probably replaying the game in his head.

“So, what’s for dinner?” Niall says as soon as the get in the door and set down their bags.

“I thought you ate with Louis and Liam when you texted me earlier?” Harry says pulling off his boots and chucking them next to his camera bag.

“No, when you said you weren’t coming I figured I’d wait and eat with you once the game was over. Plus ya put the idea of homemade pizza in me head and I didn’t want to pass that up.” Niall looks at Harry and smiles.

“You played that entire game on an empty stomach?”

Niall rubs the back of his head. “Well, no. I might’ve stolen Liam’s side salad when they got back to the school with their food.”

Harry laughs.  “Well, I guess you’ve earned it!” Harry goes to the refrigerator and starts collecting ingredients and setting them on the counter.  “Now, the biggest question is…” Harry closes the fridge door. “Whether or not we want to do hand-made dough or the premade, Pillsbury tube-y thing? And keep in mind; it’s already 8:30, but then again—”

“You did promise me _homemade_ pizza…” Niall finishes.

“Yep,” Harry says putting extra emphasis on the ‘p’.

“Well, homemade promise or not, I’ve never made me own dough before.” He looks up at Harry and shrugs as a smile comes across his face. “Could be fun.”

“Alrighty then! Fresh batch of pizza dough it is,” Harry moves to the cabinet and starts pulling down the ingredients he needs to make the dough.  He can feel his hands shaking slightly.  He doesn’t want to scare Niall away, so he can’t be too enthusiastic, but he also doesn’t want to seem bored either.

“Uh, Harry?” Niall says watching as Harry goes on his tiptoes to get the salt from the top shelf. “Could you do me a favor and change into some sweatpants or something? There’s something about sweating your ass off for 90 minutes then seeing someone in skinny jeans that just doesn’t see right, plus I feel a bit underdressed.” Niall laughs and tugs his sweatpants lightly.

Harry looks down the length of his own body and looks at Niall.  He doesn’t want to make Niall feel uncomfortable and honestly, he is more than happy than to put on something more comfortable after such a long day. “I suppose you’re right.”

Harry leaves Niall in the kitchen and goes to his room. He closes the door behind him and rummages around in his dresser to find a pair of comfortable pants and a t-shirt to throw on.  It’s cool enough in the house that he goes for a pair of light, navy and green, plaid, pajama bottoms and his old Rolling Stones t-shirt.

He goes back out to the kitchen.  Niall’s back is toward Harry and he’s looking at the dough recipe that Harry left on the counter.

“So, can I help or are you more of the ‘get out of my kitchen’ type?” he asks turning to look back at Harry.

“You want to help?” Harry questions. For some reason this seems weird to Harry.  Niall surprises Harry most of the time. Where Harry thinks that the façade is going to come down, Niall gets nicer and more friendly.

“Of course I want to help, I like learnin’ new things and you know, that whole teach a man to fish thing,” Niall says with a bright smile on his face.

Harry stands there for a moment just staring at Niall. There’s a brightness in the Irish boy’s eyes that makes Harry smile. It’s a look of curiosity, amazement, and pureness. Harry feels his stomach flutter.

“Why’re you starin’ at me like that?” Niall asks as he peers nervously back at Harry.

“You really mean it, don’t you?” Harry asks abruptly, still staring at Niall.

“Mean what?”

“You’re not playing me.” Harry looks Niall right in the eye.

Niall looks confused.  “You thought I was playing you?” He shifts his weight and peers back at Harry with an almost heartbroken expression as he thinks through the implication of what Harry’s said. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something but can’t find the words. “I—did I—did I really make you feel that way?”

Harry shakes his head and looks down at the floor. He can feel the tears stinging the back of his eyes. “I thought it was too good to be true.” Harry looks up at Niall. “Things didn’t work out so well at my last school and I thought it was happening all over again.”

There’s a long pause between them and Harry hopes that Niall doesn’t ask about his old school.

“I would never do that to you, Harry. And if you believe anything from this point on, believe that.”  Harry’s gaze falls to the floor again and Niall takes a few steps forward and puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Now, let’s make some dough, yeah?”

Harry looks up to meet Niall’s eyes.  Harry wipes the tears from his face and they both laugh.

Niall puts and arm Harry’s shoulder and guides him over to the recipe book on the counter. “Teach me all that you know, Hazza.”

Harry stops and looks over at Niall. Their faces so close together.

“Hazza?”

“Told ya I was gonna give ya a nickname.” Niall smiles and stares back at him.

Harry is so close, he can see the sincerity in Niall’s blue eyes and he wants to drown in them all over again. He shakes his head and looks back at the recipe book. “Alright, let’s do this.”

 

+++

 

They only make a mild mess of the kitchen by the time they finish the pizza.  Harry taught Niall how to knead the dough, but Niall sneezed and ended up with flour all over his face and with some in his hair from trying to cover his mouth with his hand. 

Harry pops in the movie as the pizza is finishing up in the oven.

“I feel sort of proud of meself for not flubbing that up too bad,” Niall says walking into the living room and plopping himself down on the couch next to Harry.

“Well, I’d expect so,” Harry says looking for the remote.  “It’s been a big day. I mean you won your football match, you made dough for the first time, and in a few minutes you will have hopefully not burnt the pizza.” 

Niall’s rests his elbow on the back of the couch and rests his hand against his forehead looking over at Harry, who’s still searching for the remote.

“Ha-Za!” Harry says as he locates the DVD remote in between the couch cushions.

“It’s pronounced, _Hazza_ , Harry.” Niall laughs.

“Ha-Ha, so funny, aren’t you Nialler?” Harry says sarcastically. He gets up from the couch. “Ha-Ha. I’m Nialler everybody and I’m a comedian!” Harry says throwing his hands up dramatically as he goes back out to the kitchen.

Niall laughs and shakes his head.

“Does the comedian want some popcorn with our pizza and movie?” he calls from the kitchen.

Niall looks over the back of the couch. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Harry puts the popcorn in the microwave. “Maybe, but just remember, you are here of your own free will.” 

The oven dings and Harry jumps a little at the sound and he can hear Niall laugh from across the room.

Harry slices the pizza and grabs a couple plates from the cupboard.  He brings the pizza over, with a hot pad and sets it down on the coffee table in front of the couch, just as the popcorn finishes in the microwave.

“Need any help?” Niall calls back to him.

“I got it,” Harry says coming back with a bowl of popcorn and two plates in one hand and two, very strategically held bottles of water in the other.  He sets everything down and practically falls onto the couch on the other side of Niall, and sitting on the remote.

Harry watches as Niall takes one of the square slices of pizza from the cookie sheet and takes a small bite.  

“So, any good? Or am I fired?” Harry says.

“Any good? I don’t think I’ll ever order pizza from in town ever again,” Niall says and he takes another bite.

 

+++

 

“Betcha I can catch this in me mouth,” Niall says holding a piece of popcorn.

“You’re on,” Harry says turning to face Niall on the couch.

It is a little over halfway through _Thelma and Louise_ and Niall and Harry are getting a little giggly and rambunctious after a few, not so PG, comments from Harry during the movie.

Niall tosses the piece of popcorn into the air and opens his mouth and Harry watches intently as the popcorn comes down and hits Niall right between the eyes.

Niall bursts out laughing and turns to Harry with a big smile on his face.

“Now who’s the idiot?” Harry laughs and watches as Niall starts laughing even harder.

 

By the end of the movie, the pizza and the popcorn are gone, and both boys are quiet.

“I like that,” Niall says as they watch the final scene of the movie. “I mean I get it,” he corrects himself when Harry looks over at him with a confused expression. “The idea of going out strong and the way you want to go, with the person you care about most…the person you couldn’t live without.”

Niall looks at Harry. Their eyes lock on each other. Harry can see a pain in Niall’s eyes that he’d never seen before. Something that tells Harry, that maybe this isn’t the first time Niall’s thought about things like that.

Niall’s lips part slightly and neither of them can tear their eyes away.  Harry watches as Niall’s gaze drops to Harry’s lips for only a quick moment. He can feel himself leaning in toward Niall and he wonders if he’s actually just going to pass out with how quickly his heart is racing, his pulse quickening the longer he stares at the blue-eyed boy.

Now he’s too close to keep eye contact with Niall and his eyes become hooded. 

Their lips only an inch away from each other’s. Harry can feel Niall’s breath and he wants to move closer, but he’s not entirely sure what’s happening right now. They dance around each other, not quite touching, not yet.

The space between them becomes nothing, and Niall’s lips are on Harry’s. Salty with butter, their mouths move slowly with and against each other’s. Harry can taste all of Niall and he never wants to separate. 

Harry feels a hand creep up to the side of his face, sliding into his hair keeping him there as Niall’s mouth presses harder against his. He can feel a tingling sensation run up his back and Harry’s hand slide over to rest on Niall’s waist.

He loves the feeling of Niall’s lips against his as they take short breaths to continue the long kiss. Niall’s lips move fluidly against Harry’s. He feels Niall’s hot breath seep into his mouth. He doesn’t want to tear away from Niall, not ever. Moving so effortlessly together.

They hear the front door open and Niall pulls back suddenly, practically pushing Harry away from him.

Harry takes a moment before he realizes that his mum’s just walked in the house.

“Hello. Hello,” she says.  Anne turns and faces the boys. “How was the movie?” she asks with a smile. “You must be Niall,” she says putting her purse down on the counter.

Niall pops up off the couch. “I uh—uh,” he stutters. “I should really get going. It’s getting late.” He looks between Harry and Anne with a half terrified look on his face. He tugs on his shoes and grabs his bag. “It was really nice meeting you, Mrs. Styles,” he says with a slight shake to his voice.

“Please, call me Anne.”

“Oh, right,” Niall says, flustered.

“Did you need a ride home, sweetheart? I didn’t see a car in the driveway,” Anne says looking at Niall curiously.

“No, I’ll be fine,” Niall says without thinking. He turns to face Harry, who is still sitting slightly dumbstruck on the couch. “I’ll see you at school, yeah?” he says and Harry gives a small, confused nod. “Good. Right then. I’ll be off.”

“Niall?” Harry says, but it doesn’t seem like Niall hears him as the small blonde, Irishman is out the door without another word.

Anne looks at Harry with a confused expression. “Didn’t you say he lived in the middle of nowhere? How does he plan on getting home?”

Harry shrugs, still trying to piece together what just happened. “Might call Louis to get him at the school.”

“Well, I don’t really think it’s safe for him to be walking around this late at night all by himself.”

“Yeah…” Harry says without thinking as he turns back around toward the TV.

He can feel his mum’s eyes on him. “Did I interrupt something when I came in?” she asks. She comes over and sits next to Harry on the couch.

Harry’s quiet for a moment. “Uh…no. We were uh…we were just finishing up the movie.” Harry says still staring at the TV screen as it goes back to the main menu for the movie.

“That’s not what it seemed like to me.”

Harry peers over at his mum who has a knowing expression on her face.

“Are you sure there’s nothing you want tell your mother,” she says and her grin gets wider.

Harry cocks his head to the side.  “I think I’ll just clean up and go to bed.”  Harry gathers up the empty dishes from the coffee table and takes them into the kitchen to put in the sink. He’ll clean them in the morning.

He sees his mum smile at him from the couch, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

He rolls his eyes, “Goodnight mum,” he says sauntering down the hallway to his room.

Harry flops down on his bed. _What the hell just happened?_


	3. High Hopes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to keep you all waiting. For anyone that cares, Hawai'i was amazing!!! But I missed writing about my boys. This chapter is more or less just to get to know Harry and Niall a little more and certain reasons behind things.

Harry texts Niall before he goes to bed asking if he got home okay, with no reply. He doesn’t hear from Niall or the other boys the entire weekend, which makes Monday that much more daunting. Maybe Niall told them what Harry did, how he kissed Niall.  Monday is going to be hell at school. Everyone’s going to know he’s gay, which is something that up until Friday night, only his mum knew.

He finally trusted Niall, thought he finally made some friends, and he had to go and screw it all up. 

 _It was just a heat of the moment sort of thing_ ; Harry tells himself as he lays awake in bed at 3 o’clock in the morning on Monday.  He’ll just find Niall and for a lack of better words, straighten out the whole situation. _God, Niall seemed so terrified when he left._

Harry walks into school the next morning with only about three hours of sleep. He’s surprised when no one is looking at him, laughing at him for kissing the captain of the soccer team, but it was more or less like any other day. 

Paper banners were up in the hallway congratulating the soccer team on their Friday night win against Wolmont. 

Harry scans the hallway, he got to school early, but there are already masses of students in the hallway, but he’s only looking for one.  He doesn’t see Niall anywhere, or Liam and Louis for that matter.

Harry goes to his locker just for something to do, places his camera bag onto the top shelf when he feels a hand grab him by the arm and start dragging him away.  Harry slams his locker in a sloppy motion and turns, tripping over himself, to see Niall pulling him through the crowd of people by his bicep.

Niall pulls Harry into an empty classroom, closes the door behind them, and pushes Harry up against the wall.

His skin feels hot and Harry regrets not having breakfast that morning, because he feels like he might pass out. He doesn’t know what to do and he doesn’t want to get hit so he starts apologizing right away. “Niall, I’m so sorry about what happened on Friday night, I don’t know what came over me.  It was a mistake. A heat of the moment sort of thing. And—”

“Harry,” Niall says easily, but Harry doesn’t stop.

“I can promise you that it will never happen again and—”

“Harry,” Niall repeats.

“I don’t want this to ruin anything and I just, god, I fucked up, Niall. I’m so sorry, I—”

“Harry!” Niall says a bit more forcefully and Harry finally stops talking and looks at Niall.

The blue eyes staring back at him, only inches away from his face, are not angry or spiteful, but instead his eyes are like…Niall; sincere and honest with the tiniest glint to them.

“I didn’t bring you in here to beat you up, Harry,” Niall says looking back at Harry.

Harry’s body relaxes against the wall. “You didn’t? But I don’t…you didn’t…you’re not…Niall, I still…I still shouldn’t have done that, it wasn’t fair to you and you didn’t want to do that and it won’t—”

“Harry, I’m gay,” Niall says abruptly, interrupting Harry.

Harry stares back at him. “What?”

“I’m gay, Hazza.” Niall takes a step back. “Oh, that feels weird to say out loud.” Niall lets out a long breath.

“You’re—”

“Gay,” Niall repeats. “I didn’t do anything on Friday night that I didn’t want to do.”

“I still don’t—”

“Christ, Harry,” Niall says taking a couple steps forward. His hand goes to the side of Harry’s face and his lips collide with Harry’s, moving slowly against his confused lips.

Harry buckles. He can taste Niall again. Feel his lips move with and against his own.  The feeling surges through him again, but this time it goes up his back and tingles throughout his chest.  He can feel Niall’s hot breath against his lips and he sinks. The movement between them feels so natural and good that it almost frightens Harry. He doesn’t want it to stop. 

Niall’s kissing him.  There’s no mistaking that this time around.  Niall’s lips are needy against his and it’s getting hard for him to breathe, but he doesn’t want to stop.

Niall’s mouth slows and he pulls away, staring directly into Harry’s green eyes.  “Is it a little clearer now?” Niall says, his cheeks flushed and his breathing heavy, as his hand slides away from Harry’s face.

Harry’s chest heaves up and down, getting some much needed air.  “I don’t understand…if you’re—then why did you leave so quickly when my mum got home?”

Niall lets out a nervous laugh, backs up a few steps, and runs a hand through his hair, pulling up at it.  A nervous habit that Harry noticed Niall doing on occasion. “I uh…no one…no body kn—I haven’t told anybody, and I was worried about what your mum might think and if she would tell anyone…I just—” Niall looks down at the floor and rubs the back of his neck.  He looks up at Harry, a sadness in his eyes that makes Harry’s heart break.  “No one can know, Harry.”

The words hit Harry like an arrow to the heart.  “Are you ashamed of me or something?” he hears himself saying.  “Ashamed of being with another man?” he doesn’t understand Niall’s request.  He thought that this was it. That this was why Niall was always trying to spend time with him. Why he introduced him to his friends. But now, Niall is saying that they can’t be seen together and that they can’t tell anyone.  “Niall, this is the 21st century, I don’t think any of that really matters anymore, and if anyone has a problem with it that’s their problem.”

Niall shakes his head. “It’s not like that, I just—me Da, he can’t know.  Not yet, anyway.”

“I don’t understand,” Harry says simply.

Niall looks directly at him. “Can you just promise me that you won’t tell anyone, just for now? Please, Hazza?” The look in Niall’s eyes confirms everything.  He isn’t ashamed of who he is, but there is a definite fear there that makes Harry trust what he’s saying, and at the same time, makes Harry want to ask the most important question…why?

“I promise I won’t tell anyone,” he says instead.

Harry can see the weight lift off Niall’s shoulders. “Thank you,” he says with a look of gratitude.  Niall smiles like he’s trying to get Harry to stop thinking about it. Like he’s trying to change the subject.

“So, what do we do now?” Harry says staring back at Niall.

The bell rings and they both jump.  They can already hear movement out in the hallway.

Niall laughs. “Now, we go to class.” He steps over to the door, putting a hand on the doorknob, and looks back at Harry. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

Harry gives a quick nod and Niall disappears out into the hallway.

Harry stands there in the empty classroom, even more confused than he was before.  He wants more than anything to talk to someone about it, his mum mostly, but he knows that he can’t.  His mum wouldn’t tell, but Harry didn’t want to upset Niall either.  What is he supposed to do now anyway? How is he supposed to behave around Liam and Louis, who as far as he can tell, don’t know their best friend is gay?

Harry steps out into the hallway and walks to his first period class with absolutely no clue how to proceed with his day. 

+++

 

Harry spends the entire morning thinking about Niall. It goes back and forth between the scared look in Niall’s eyes and the feeling of Niall’s lips on his.  He looks forward to and dreads lunch period. Should he sit next to Niall like he always does or should he sit somewhere else completely? His mind is racing from one thing to the next and Harry can’t concentrate on any of it.

He wants to be with Niall, not even a relationship, he just wants to be near him.  There is something utterly calming about Niall, but at the same time, the Irish boy make Harry’s heart race.  Two weeks of knowing each other isn’t love, and Harry knows that and he thinks Niall does too, but Harry knows that they can’t just go back to being friends anymore.  This is all too complicated.  A couple hours ago, Harry had no clue that Niall was gay, and Harry’s sat there wondering how Niall knew he even was gay.  Harry thought he’d been keeping a low profile and suddenly his heart is racing in the middle of class, wondering if other kids had or will figure it out.

Harry’s anxiety is going through the roof, by the time lunch rolls around, but he goes to the cafeteria nonetheless.

He sees Louis sitting across from Niall at their usual table and catches a glimpse of Liam in the food line.  He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as he sits down beside Niall.

“Harold!” Louis coos.  “Nice of you to join us! Nialler here was just telling me about some ‘homemade’ pizza he had this weekend,” Louis says using air quotes and Harry breath hitches, like the air quotes mean something more.  “’M a bit disappointed that I was not invited to bask in that melty-cheesed-awesomeness, but I’ll just assume that me invitation just got lost in the mail, yeah?” Louis says with a laugh.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry sees Niall smile, but his own body stays tense. 

Liam comes over with his tray of food and sits in his usual spot next to Louis.  Harry takes out his lunch and sets it on the table, but doesn’t eat it. 

“Did I miss anything?” Liam asks while getting comfortable in his seat.

“Homemade pizza. That’s apparently what we missed, Payno,” Louis says taking a bite of his sandwich, while simultaneously stealing one of Liam’s fries from the tray.

Liam tries to slap Louis’ hand away.  “Well, I can see why you weren’t invited.”

Louis shrugs as he stuffs the French fry into his mouth.

“So, did you lads hear about the party this weekend?” Liam asks looking up at the other three.

Harry hardly moves aside from the faint “no” that escapes his lips and the other two shake their heads.

“Yeah, I guess it’s a TBD party because it’s only gonna happen if we beat West Lynnfield on Friday,” Liam continues.

“A party already?” Louis says sharply. “It’s hardly even been two bloody games.”

“Who’s hosting?” Niall asks casually.

Harry peers over at Niall. He can see the lines of his jaw under the food-filled bulge of Niall’s cheek.

“Lisa Carmichael.  Guess her parents aren’t going to be in town, but word is also that she’s trying to bang someone from the soccer team, though no one’s sure who that lucky player is at the moment.” Liam eyes Louis and Niall, like they’re potential targets.

Louis wipes his hands off on a napkin.  “Well, I guess we better win on Friday so we can find out. We should start making bets as to who it is, make some cash off this shite.”

Liam puts an arm around Louis’ shoulders and looks at Niall. “Such a gentleman, isn’t he?” Liam says with a laugh as Louis struggles to get out from his grasp.

Harry laughs nervously. His hands kneading at each other in his lap, but he tries to keep his face calm.

“So, Harold,” Louis says, and Harry’s head pops up. “You coming to this party or what?”

“I don’t—”

Louis cuts him off before he can say anything else.

“Oh, come on.  West Lynnfield’s got nothing on us, they lost all their decent players two years ago and don’t even go with that whole ‘I’m not really on the team’ thing,” Louis mocks. “Because that’s bullshit, and you’re coming even if we have to tie you up and throw you in the truck of me car,” Louis says pointing at Harry with one of Liam’s French fries.

Harry nods so Louis will back off. 

“And hey, who knows you might even get laid,” Louis says with the pop of his eyebrows as he shoves the French fry into his mouth.  “Christ, maybe all of us will,” he finishes with a quick wink to Niall.

Harry freezes, but he sees Niall laugh and roll his eyes at Louis, and Liam laughs too.

Harry used to like parties, but that was before, and now it’s like a surefire way to have something go wrong.

Liam and Louis carry on a conversation about a girl from one of the parties they went to last year, trying to remember her name.

Harry’s hands are sweaty, as his fingers pick at the tiniest bit of loose fabric on his jeans, but then, he feels a warm hand on top of his and he glances down to see Niall’s pale hand resting softly on top of his.

He peers over at Niall, but he’s looking ahead and nodding at whatever Liam just said.

Harry’s hand stills and Niall’s fingers curls just the slightest bit around his. The same tingly feeling that Harry got when Niall kissed him, runs through his body again.  They are all sitting close, so he knows that Liam and Louis can’t see what’s happening.  Harry brushes his arm lightly against Niall’s bare skin and Niall gives a faint little shove back, making Harry smile.

When the bell rings, Louis and Liam jump up from the table and start heading for the door, but Niall, with a simple touch, tells Harry to stay for a moment.  Niall leans in and the tips of his dyed blond hair brush lightly against Harry’s face.

“Meet me in the front after practice today?” Niall whispers and Harry can feel Niall’s hot breath against his cheek.

Harry nods and he doesn’t know how he knows it, but Niall definitely smiled as he pulled away and got up from his seat.

Harry follows, walking beside Niall, out of the cafeteria with their shoulders brushing against each other’s.

Niall gives Harry a quick smile when he sees Louis waiting there by the door to go to their history class.

 

+++

 

Harry doesn’t go to the boys’ soccer practice after school; instead, he goes to see Mr. Austin to turn in his photographs from the game on Friday, so they can be put on the school website and the school newsletter.  He has a couple shots of Liam scoring the final goal as well as a couple of Niall and Louis and a random bunch of the rest of the team on the field, so he doesn’t seem biased.

Harry works on his homework, leaning against the wall in the hallway by the main entrance to the school.  It is still pretty hot outside so there’s no point in him sweating while he waits for Niall to finish practice.  His mind races in between questions about the American civil war and what Niall has planned.  Harry hopes they just talk.  He likes talking with Niall even though he’s always nervous to, but Niall knows about him now. He doesn’t know everything, but he knows enough.  Harry has more questions for Niall than there are on his homework.  He’s not sure where things are going to go, but he does know that he doesn’t want to lose Niall. There’s something about him that Harry needs to figure out, he needs to know if it’s real.

Harry is tapping his pen on the edge of his notebook when he hears someone clear their throat. He looks up and sees Niall standing a few yards away, wearing athletic shorts and a blue t-shirt, his hair still damp.  “Was wondering when you’d look up,” Niall says with a laugh.  “Been standing there starin’ at you for about a minute.”  He walks over so he’s standing right in front of Harry and puts out his hands for Harry to take.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Harry says as Niall helps him off the floor.

Niall shrugs. “I dunno. You looked all concentrated and whatnot. Didn’t want to disturb ya, plus you had this cute little wrinkle in your forehead,” Niall says and he gives Harry a little poke. 

“Shut up,” Harry says playfully and he give Niall a light shove, making the blonde laugh.  “So where are we going anyway?” Harry asks as they walk out of the school.

“To yours first, from there I’m not really sure,” Niall says holding the door open for Harry.

“Why to mine first?”

“I dunno, I s’pose I just sort of like the walk there, plus then you can unload all your stuff.” Niall chuckles as he gestures toward Harry’s school bag and camera bag. “I can’t be seen walking around with crazy bag lady, can I?”

Harry chuckles and they continue walking toward Harry’s house.

“So, I figure we should talk about this whole thing,” Niall blurts out quickly.

Harry almost didn’t understand him, but caught the nervous tone in Niall’s voice, so he just nods and lets Niall continue.

“We’ve only known each other for about two weeks, yeah? So, I think we should do some other stuff first before we do anything…if that makes any sense,” Niall says quickly.

Harry smiles. “If you mean, that we should take things slow, because we’ve only known each other two weeks, and that we should learn a little more about each other before we call this anything, then yeah, I get what you’re saying.”

Niall laughs.  “Well, you’re already reading me mind, so I think we’re off to a good start.”

Harry likes seeing this nervous side of Niall, because for the two weeks that he’s know him, Niall only seems to get nervous about things he cares about, so it gives Harry a little bit of confidence.

“What if we do a sort of twenty questions thing, but kind of the opposite, so there’s no straight forward, ‘yes or no’ answers, but stuff that takes a little more time to explain?” Harry proposes.

“Sounds good to me,” Niall says, flashing a bright smile at Harry.

“I guess I’ll go first,” Harry says.  He knows exactly what he wants to ask, and it’s something that he’s surprised hasn’t come up already.  “So, how did you, Liam, and Louis meet?”

“Ah, the one I’ve been waiting for,” Niall says rubbing his hands together.  “Now, the first thing you need to know is that Louis moved here first, the beginning of the summer before freshman year, then Liam, then me…all within a month of each other.  The second thing you need to know is that Louis and Liam hated each other at first.”

Harry looks curiously at Niall.  “You’re kidding.”

“’Fraid not.  It was actually kind of amusing.  I was at the park the one day working on kicking into the goal with me right foot, and this skinny, short, messed-hair kid stops his run and is standing by the sidelines watching me.  And my first thought is, don’t miss ‘cuz then he’s gonna make fun of you, right? So, I go about kicking me goals and I missed. Hit the goal post, and this scrawny kid starts in on me. Telling me I’m doin’ this wrong, I’m doin’ that wrong, and that’s about the time I hear the accent, so I turn to him and start layin’ into him about England and he just stands there and takes it.  And when I stopped, he goes, ‘Have you quite finished?’. I nodded and he put out his hand said, ‘me name’s Louis’ and we played some footie.”

Harry let’s out a loud laugh as he imagines the whole thing going down. “So how does Liam fit into all this?” he asks, wiping the water from his eyes from laughing.

“I’m gettin’ there, geesh.” Niall takes a deep breath then continues.  “So, me and Lou, start kicking around and running together, since we were both pretty small and scrawny at the time, we needed all the help we could get.  But I was by myself the one morning on my run, since Tommo didn’t want to get out of bed, and I saw this kid in the park, had some real early Justin Bieber hair, and he was playing a bit of footie, so I asked if I could join, and said his name was Liam.  He seemed really nice and we ended up being there for hours.  I invited Lou down and little did I know that he and Payno had already met, and they start yelling at each other about technique and lots of ‘you wouldn’t know proper technique if it got shoved up your arse’ type things started flying around.”

“So what’d you do?”

“I sat down and let ‘em yell at each other. I didn’t know what else to do.” Niall shrugs. “So, when they ran out of things to say, I stood up, looked at them, asked if they were both finished, they nodded and I said, ‘good then shake hands and let play some footie’.” Niall pauses. “And we’ve been friends ever since.”

Harry smiles at the thought. “So, have you always been the peacemaker, then?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s my turn to ask a question,” Niall says giving Harry a light shove.

“Think of it more as a follow up or a continuation of the first question,” Harry says with a laugh.

Niall laughs, making Harry smile even wider. “I s’pose I can let that slide, but I guess…” Niall thinks about it for a moment and Harry takes the opportunity to glance over at Niall. 

His hair’s almost dry in the hot sun and beads of sweat are running down his face.  Harry basks in the softness of Niall’s face, maybe that’s why he trusts Niall so much.  There is an innocence about him, but it is an innocence that acts as a mask from something else.  Harry wants to know, but he doesn’t have the heart to ask what that something else is.

“With Louis and Liam, it was weird, ya know? I mean, Louis is a no rules kinda guy and Liam always follows the rules.  They wanted the same things, but they both went about getting there in such different ways that they were always butting heads. It was hard sometimes, but over time, Louis corrupted Liam a little and Liam straightened out Lou a bit, now they’re best friends.”

“They’re lucky to have you, Niall.”

“Yes. They. Are,” Niall says jokingly.  “So, I have a question that I want to ask,” he starts. “But I don’t want to impose just yet, so I’ll go for an easier one.  How come you don’t want to go to the party this weekend?”

“Who said I didn’t want to go?”

“Your body language, the hole you just about ripped in your jeans, when you got all stiff when Louis mentioned you going?” Niall sighs. “Didn’t exactly take much detective work, Hazza.”

Harry stays quiet for a moment as he thinks about what to say.  “It’s all connected,” he says quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the question that you want to ask and the reason I don’t want to go to the party.”

Niall reaches out and stops Harry; his pale fingers barely grazing Harry’s forearm. “If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to, Harry.  It’ll be enough, if you say you don’t want to go.”

Harry looks into Niall’s blue eyes and he can’t help trust him.  “Cat’s already out of the bag,” Harry says. “Might as well tell you the whole story.  You come here for football. You were running toward something. I, on the other hand, was running away from something.” Harry turns and starts walking again, with Niall at his side; a pleasant warmness. He was the feeling of home in human form.

“I came out when I was thirteen, but only my mum knew.  I got my first boyfriend when I was fifteen, and we kept things a secret, for the most part. His name was Will. My mum _hated_ him, thought I could do better, said that he seemed very controlling and she didn’t like that he was seventeen.  I thought we were in love and when _that_ time finally came, I woke up the next morning and Will was gone. No note, no texts, calls, nothing.”

“Christ, Harry. I’m sorry.”

“That’s not even the worst of it,” Harry laughs. “I see him at school Monday morning and I asked him why he left and he told me that he got what he wanted and that it wasn’t fun for him anymore since I gave it up so easily.” Harry hears Niall breath out shakily.  “Rumors were running rampant around school, I got in a few fights with some bigger kids, and by the time I left, Will was with his new girlfriend.  That’s when me and mum moved to Cheshire. Thought things would be different there. I made new friends pretty quickly, everyone seemed to like me, and my mate, Tom, invited me to this party around the middle of October.  I showed up and there were posters and signs everywhere for my coming out party.”

Niall’s silent beside him and he almost doesn’t want to continue, like it might spare Niall in some way.  “All eyes were on me, and everyone just started laughing…I don’t know how they found out and I didn’t stick around to ask. I just went home, told my mum the party was great, and went to bed…she didn’t find out anything was wrong until the middle of February, when the school called after I got in a fight with these two older kids. I stuck out the rest of the school year, and that’s when we decided to move here.” 

Silence falls between them as Niall takes everything in and Harry recovers from what he’s just told Niall. He knew those kids back at school longer than he’s known Niall, and he’s just told him everything.

“I don’t even know what to say, Hazza…”

They aren’t far from Harry’s house and the trees give them some much needed shade, even as the sun goes down.

“You don’t need to say anything.” Harry looks at Niall and smiles. “This place isn’t my last chance to get things right, or to properly stay in the closet.  I’m not ashamed of who I am, but I also know that people can be cruel. They say and do mean things when they don’t understand or like something.  I would just like to do it on my own terms for once. I’m tired of being outed by someone else’s punchline.”

“I think people at school would be okay with it,” Niall says.

Harry doesn’t know if Niall’s saying more for himself or for Harry.  “A target on my back creates a target on your back too, Niall.” Harry says as they make it to the driveway. “I don’t mind keeping your secret, I understand why you would want to…well I don’t fully understand it, but I get the concept. And ultimately, it’s not up to me…it’s up to you,” Harry says giving Niall an encouraging smile as he unlocks the front door. 

Niall follows him inside and both boys set their bags down on the floor. 

“So, where to now?” Harry says brightly.

“I dunno…hadn’t really planned that far ahead,” Niall says quietly.

Harry can tell that Niall’s head isn’t in the moment.  Niall has more important things on his mind after what Harry said to him.

He watches Niall for a moment, the Irishman’s eyes shifting back and forth, not really looking at anything, but more like he’s trying to find something in his own mind.  Harry hates the look of doubt in Niall’s eyes.  It really has nothing to do with their relationship, but rather with Niall himself. Wondering whether he’s being fair to himself, his friends, his family, for keeping a part of him locked away.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Harry says.

Niall looks up at him, like he forgot Harry was even there.

“Where?”

“Follow me.” Harry says gesturing for Niall to come with him further into the house.

Niall’s confused at first but follows Harry toward a narrow hallway.  Harry unlocks the door that leads onto the porch and the backyard.  After about 20 yards of bright green grass, the tree line starts.  Thick evergreen trees, tall poplars, and maple trees shut out the little bit of light from the sun.

Harry heads toward the trees across the lawn, and he can hear the light swooshing sound that the grass makes against the soles of his worn leather boots, along with the faint sounds of Niall shuffling close behind him.

They walk for a good ten minutes through the slender path through the woods, before either of them say anything.

“I like it here,” Niall says.  It’s dusk now and everything, including Niall’s pale skin, has a slight blue tint to it.

Harry smiles, but he knows Niall can’t see it. “I can actually think out here,” he says. “I found this little area back here over the summer, where there is a clearing in the tree canopy and you can see the stars better because there isn’t any artificial light.”

Harry stops and turns around when he hears Niall laugh behind him.

“What’s so funny?” He looks at Niall curiously.

“I was just thinking about what you said earlier about us coming here for different reasons, but I’m starting to think that’s not entirely true.”

“What are you on about?” Harry says with a laugh.

“When I first moved here, I used to go to the football pitch at the school all the time. Things were bad at home the one night.  I just left and started walking.  I found meself standing in the middle of the pitch, kicking around a ball I found in the bushes, when the field lights went off.  It was almost pitch black out there. I couldn’t see a thing. So, I just laid down in the middle of the field.  I must’ve been there three hours just staring up at the stars.  It was the first time I really felt like I was home since we moved here.” Niall rubs the back of his neck.  “Now every time things got to shite, that’s where I go.” Niall looks up at Harry, with the slightest glint in his eye. “I’ve never told anyone that…not even Liam and Louis.”

“You still go there a lot?” Harry asks as they continue their walk.

“Not as much as I used to, I guess, but three years ago I didn’t have a plan…”

“A plan?”

Niall chuckles. “I’ve been saving up some money for a while now.  Been working at the kid’s soccer camp over the last couple of summers. Once the season’s over, I’ll go back to work at the music store in town. I turn eighteen in about a week and a half, gonna get meself a car. Already got a deal going with someone, it’s not great but it’s good enough.  Apply for every scholarship I possibly can, hopefully get a full ride to play footie somewhere…come graduation, I’m gone.”

Harry could tell this was something that constantly runs through Niall’s mind.  The quickness of his words and the thought that he put into it doesn’t go unnoticed.  Harry wants to ask the most important question now, but he doesn’t. He wants to ask, why Niall wants to leave so badly, but maybe it’s none of Harry’s business or maybe Niall’s just not ready to tell anyone why, just yet. So he changes the subject.

“So, what’s with the whole music thing?” Harry asks next. He hopes Niall won’t notice him asking two questions in a row. “You said you play guitar and that you work at the music store in town.”

“Oh, that?” Niall says easily. “I uh picked up guitar just before we moved here, I guess.  I always knew I had issues with claustrophobia, but I uh, I got stuck in an elevator for like an hour with a bunch of me mates back in Ireland.  I was panicking up a storm, hyperventilating…it was awful, but uh, once we got out my anxiety was really bad and I could never get me hands to settle.  Playing football was great for clearing me head, but I needed something to keep my hands busy, so I took up guitar.  It cleared me head and gave my hands something to fiddle with.”

“And that made your anxiety go away?”

“Well, no.  Not exactly. It just subdued it for the time being, and then it’d flare up a couple days, weeks, or even months later. Unfortunately, me guitar is more of a crutch than anything else. I just hope it doesn’t get to the point where I go to pick it up one day and instead of helping, it just reminds me of all the bad stuff, you know?”

“Yeah, I suppose I do,” Harry says and Niall looks over at him with a curious expression. “I feel the same way about my camera sometimes. It’s like a shield in between me and whatever’s going on. As nice as it is to capture the moment, sometimes it’s nice to actually live in it and enjoy it. Or in some cases, I wish I had been more present in the situation than passive.”

“In that case, I may have to get meself a camera,” Niall says, but he doesn’t give Harry any time to respond, as they enter into the small clearing that Harry mentioned and Niall’s eyes immediately shoot up toward the sky to see the faint stars against the darkening blue sky.

They go over, sit in the middle of the clearing, and wait for it to get darker so they could see the stars properly. 

“I’ll go to the party,” Harry says staring up at the sky.

“You don’t have to, Harry,” Niall says quietly.

Harry looks over at Niall sitting next to him. He can see the Niall in the darkness as his eyes adjust.  The lightness of his hair and skin making it easy for Harry to take in the softness of Niall’s features. “I want to go.  It could be fun.”

Niall doesn’t say anything at first but Harry can see that has a huge smile on his face.

Harry leans back and lays in the grass and Niall does the same as they lay there, staring up into the starry night sky.

“It’s beautiful, Harry,” Niall says.  “’m glad I’m here with you.”

Laying there, Harry feels Niall’s hand slide down and take his, tangling their fingers together.

“I’m glad you’re here with me, Niall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the next chapter is the party and not to spoil anything but shit's gonna go down, so stay tuned. I hope you liked this chapter, I thought it was kind of cute (and slightly sad), but all this info is leading up to other stuff so the next few chapters are going to be a bit of a roller coaster. Much love!! xxoo -Amy


	4. Only Exception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys attend the after party at Lisa Carmichael's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a lot of fun to write because there was a lot of fun music involved in this one. These are a few links of videos that I watched while writing this, just to set the mood.
> 
> [Narry Shut Up and Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFMJbWYl6A8)  
> [Ot4 Shut Up and Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyrVUhSPJng) This is one of my favorite 1d videos.  
> [Narry I'd Go With You Anywhere](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux0b4Zic3jA)  
>  [Narry Only Exception](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXTDSsU_hU8)

Harry can hear the cheers from inside the locker room as the boys celebrate their victory over West Lynnfield.  He leans against the wall waiting, clicking through his pictures from tonight’s game. He stops on the ones of Niall he took at the end of the game.  Smiling wide as Liam picks him up from behind and twirls him around, Niall’s skinny legs flailing out in excitement. 

The win isn’t that big of a deal, but the entire team was just in a really good mood tonight, probably thinking about the after party already.

Harry hears the boys settle down as Coach Mackie speaks to them, but he can’t understand what he’s saying.

He sits there for a while as the players shuffle out of the locker room a couple at a time, already showered and dressed to go to the party at Lisa Carmichael’s house. 

“Ready to go?” he hears Niall’s voice from above him.  Niall’s wearing light grey skinny jeans and an off-white jumper with a big 39 on the front, black high-tops, and his hair styled up slightly. Niall offers Harry a hand getting up, pulling him to his feet.

Harry wipes off the back of his black jeans and adjusts his comfy blue button down shirt.

Louis and Liam emerge from the locker room behind Niall, Liam in plaid and Louis in an oversized grey jumper.

The attire would seem weird, but the weather had dropped quite a bit over the last couple days, but it was supposed to go back up again by the end of the weekend.

They all climb into Louis’ car and head over to the party.

Lisa Carmichael lives in the middle of nowhere, a common occurrence in this town, Harry’s noticed.  It’s about a ten-minute drive there and Harry can feel the excitement radiating off the other three boys in the car.  He likes this atmosphere between them. He likes hearing the slight crack in Louis’ voice, seeing Liam’s eyes pinch shut as he laughs, and the loud echo of Niall’s boisterous laugh beside him.

They pull up along the side of the road at the bottom of Lisa’s driveway.  There’s a large dirt area and Louis leaves enough space for other cars to get in since there are already cars lined up all over the place, covering the sides of the driveway, the grass, and the edges of the road.

They can hear the music get louder and louder as they truck up the steep driveway then the stairs leading up to the back deck area.  Right away, Harry recognizes most of the soccer team plus a few other kids he has classes with.  He doesn’t really know anyone and he knows Niall sees the anxious look on his face, when the Irishman gives a quick tug on Harry’s arm and whispers, “Just stick with me.” Harry nods and they continue into the backyard area as a group.

There’s probably already about fifty people there all crowded around the empty pool as the music blasts from the top patio near the back door into the house.  Lights swirl around and reflect off the many floor to ceiling windows that made up the back of the house.

Niall claps a hand on Harry’s back, “Let’s do this, lads!”

As soon as they breach the back deck, the other soccer players cheer, clearly they already had a few drinks in them.  Harry hears someone yell about the captain being on deck and he turns to see Niall smiling brightly next to him, with is cheeks flushed and his hand rubbing nervously at his neck.

“Beer?” Louis asks looking between them and without hesitation, he takes off toward the keg. He returns about a minute later balancing three red Solo cups in his hands while biting the rim of his own cup in his mouth.

Harry takes a cup from him and takes a sip, and by the smell of Louis’ breath, he can tell that Louis probably already downed one drink and the one he was holding is his second.

They disperse a bit and Liam and Louis go off to talk to some of their other teammates, while Niall and Harry hangout, sitting at the edge of the waterless pool.

“So, what do you think so far?” Niall asks leaning into Harry so he can hear him over the music.

“I think you’re all nuts!” Harry yells back and Niall laughs.

“That’s the beauty of it, Hazza! It’s not supposed to make any sense!”

“So which one of these people actually lives here?” Harry asks.

“Uh…” Niall scans the crowd and then points to a girl with strawberry blond hair standing by the table of snacks.  “That’s Lisa.  She’s a bit odd, but…” Niall just shrugs.

Harry looks over and sees Louis and Liam talking with the two girls from the restaurant a couple weeks ago.  He starts to wonder if it’s weird that Niall isn’t mingling with the rest of the people at the party.  He always seems like such a social butterfly and Harry doesn’t want to hold him back. He doesn’t want to do that to Niall. They sit there for a long time and Harry’s butt starts to hurt from the hard concrete and he wonders if Niall is having the same issue.

The music dies down into Adele’s “Hello” and a bunch of people shriek in excitement.  Niall looks over at Harry and gives a small smile.

“I wish it was different,” Niall starts to say in a quiet tone, but some of the boys on the other side of the pool start yelling.

Amidst the cheers from the other boys, Harry hears Louis shout, “Oi Oi!” standing up with his arms wide open as he slings an arm over Liam’s shoulder and pulls him in close. 

Liam smiles and hugs Louis around the torso and pulls him in tightly, eyes squinting shut with the wide smile on his face.  The two girls, Jade and Perrie, are either laughing with them or at them, Harry isn’t really sure.

Harry turns to meet Niall’s gaze, he’s been staring at him the entire time.  Niall’s eyes drop to Harry’s lips then back up to meet Harry’s green eyes.  He feels like he’s drowning in the blue of Niall’s eyes again.

Harry wants to kiss Niall again, but knows he can’t so he looks down at his empty cup.

“Oi, lad!” Louis yells as the music gets loud again.  He comes over with Liam following close behind.  They both side down at the edge of the pool next to Harry and Niall. “This is a party not a sit around and nurse one drink the entire night.  More beer!” he shouts. Louis jumps to his feet and tugs Niall up.  “Come on, Nialler! Get your Irish on!”

Niall looks down at Harry as Louis disappears toward the keg and Harry shrugs.  “You heard the man,” Harry says getting up. “More beer!” he mimics Louis, which makes Niall laugh.

The blond slings an arm around Harry’s shoulders and leads him over to the keg where Louis is already downing another beer.

“Isn’t he supposed to be driving?” Harry asks Niall.

“Not anymore,” Niall says looking at Louis.  Harry sees Niall get Liam’s attention from where he’s standing behind Louis and makes a driving motion with his hands. Liam gives a nod, then points to his own cup, and then to the cooler full of soda. Niall gives him a quick thumbs up and reaches out to put more beer in his own cup.  “Payno’s designated driver now. You want more?” Niall says holding his hand out for Harry’s cup and Harry hands it over to him.

Harry looks over and sees a large crowd of people dancing and the next thing he knows, he sees Louis running off to join them, beer splashing out of his cup as he scurries over.

Niall, Harry, and Liam share a quick glance and shrug. 

“When in Rome?” Liam shouts.  Niall gives a quick nod and with a smirk on his face, he and Liam start toward the dance floor after Louis.

Harry watches as they push their way in, but then Niall turns and gestures for him to come over. 

Harry, while simultaneously shaking his head, goes over and follows Niall into the center of the group.  The music seems to only get louder, the more they dance.

Azicii’s “The Nights” comes on, Niall yells, and turns toward Harry with excitement in his eyes as he starts singing along then it gets to the part where the music cuts out and everyone starts chanting and singing.  _“He said, ‘One day you'll leave this world behind. So live a life you will remember.’”_ They chant with their hands and cups in the air. _“My father told me when I was just a child. These are the nights that never die. My father told me.”_ All at once, everyone starts jumping up and down dancing along to the music.

Harry’s face begins to hurt from smiling so much.  He looks at Niall and thinks that his mouth would rip open his face if he smiles any more than he already is in that moment.  There’s beer sloshing out of cups and Harry feels bodies nudge against him, making him spill his own drink, but he keeps his eyes on Niall.

Everyone starts yelling and screaming again, when “The Nights” fades into “Shut Up and Dance”.  There are arms flailing everywhere and Harry loves it.  He looks at Niall and starts pointing over the blonde’s shoulders along with the music and Niall does it in return and laughs while trying to sing along with the music.  They all put their arms in the air and start clapping with the beat of the music. _“‘Oh, don't you dare look back. Just keep your eyes on me.’ I said, ‘You're holding back.’ She said, ‘Shut up and dance with me!’ This woman is my destiny She said, ‘Ooh-ooh-hoo, Shut up. And. Dance!’”_ they all shout.

As the music fades into the next song, Niall lets out a long sigh and leans his forehead against Harry’s chest for a brief moment.  “’M tired,” he says with a laugh. “Time for a break.” He turns and scoots his way through the crowd and Harry follows after him, leaving Liam to deal with Louis’ rolling hips and random shouts of “Oi Oi!!”

Niall goes and fills their cups one more time and they take their seats back at the edge of the empty pool. “I feel like I haven’t done this in forever!” Niall says loudly so Harry can hear him.  They sip on their beers as they watch Liam try to contain a drunk Louis. Niall laughs and swallows down the rest of his drink. “I think he might need some help!” Niall sets down his empty cup and puts a hand out for Harry to take.

At the sight of Niall, Louis starts shouting.  “Nialler!!” And Louis goes running toward Niall like a little kid seeing his mum. He then looks at Harry.  “Harold!!” he yells throwing his arms around Harry’s neck and leaning against him so much that Harry starts to fall over.  Niall braces him and Liam pulls Louis off, and  is suddenly looking a little less excited.  “Leeumm,” he draws out. “I don’t feel so good,” he says leaning into Liam.

“You ready to go home, Tommo?” Liam asks holding Louis up.

“Noooo,” Louis responds like a little kid. “Just give me a minute.” And with that Louis turns and wanders over to where there are a few deck chairs and a wicker couch with floral cushions.  He plops himself down and the other three sit down with him.

Harry feels his buzz migrate into drunk territory as he sits.  Niall sits down in between him and Louis on the couch as Liam returns with a bottle of water for Louis.  Niall’s head bobs over and he rests it against Harry’s shoulder. “’M getting’ too old for this,” he says, and Harry lets out a chuckle. “You feelin’ alright, Hazza?” Niall says quietly. 

Harry’s thankful that the music isn’t as loud over here so they don’t have to shout at each other. “”I’m good,” Harry responds.

“You want some water? Something to eat?” Niall asks, picking his head up off of Harry.

Harry nods and Niall puts his hand on Harry’s knee to push himself off the couch. “Be right back,” he says and disappears toward the food table.

Harry peers over at Louis, who’s practically hanging off the side of the couch as Liam sits by patiently holding the bottle of water.  Harry scoots over and puts a hand on Louis’ shoulder.  “How ya feeling, Lou?”

Louis groans and looks over his shoulder at Harry.  “I need crackers,” he says achingly.

“Niall went to go get some food, he’ll be right back.  Just hang in there,” Harry says and he rubs Louis’ back.

Harry looks over at Liam.

“He’s pathetic,” Liam says shaking his head.

Louis groans again and scooches over on the couch kicking Harry as he settles down, laying on his side, curled up on the cushion.

Harry moves over slightly as Niall returns, balancing a plate on top of another cup of beer with a bottle of water in his other hand.

“Got any crackers?” Liam asks.

Niall lowers the plate so he can take a few crackers off for Louis. “Not me first rodeo,” Niall says with a laugh.

Liam hands a cracker to Louis who takes it and munches on it like a small child, taking the tiniest of bites.

Harry goes to move over so Niall can sit down, but he sits too quickly and ends up with one leg hanging over Harry’s, and much to Harry’s surprise, Niall doesn’t move it.  Niall leans back into the corner of the couch and puts the small plate on his leg so Harry can reach it.

Niall sips on his beer and hands the water bottle over to Harry with a smirk.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Harry asks gesturing toward Niall’s beer.

Niall shrugs. “’M Irish,” he says simply.

Harry looks around and no one seems to be looking at them, so he gets comfortable on the couch and slouches down a bit. Niall adjusts himself accordingly and ends up with his leg further dangling over top of Harry’s.

Harry likes how comfortable this moment is, despite Louis’ occasional groaning as he eats his crackers.  He likes being this close to Niall and he likes feeling like he’s part of the group.

He looks over at Niall who’s leaning back and sipping his beer; his blue eyes shoot over and meet Harry’s.  The look he’s giving Harry is one that says a lot. That he seems happy that Harry’s here and that like he said before, he wishes things could be different.

They sit like that for a long while, just enjoying each other’s company and waiting for Louis to sober up a bit.

Harry takes a sip of his water, sets it on his thigh, and Niall’s hand comes over and sneakily grabs the bottle from him and takes a sip himself.  He doesn’t look at Harry, almost like it is the most natural thing to do.  Niall hands the bottle back to Harry and suddenly, Louis sits up on the couch.

“How ya feelin’, Tommo?” Niall asks leaning over to look at Louis.

Louis just sits there for a moment staring at the ground as the other three watch him intently.

He looks up. “I think…I think I’m good.”

“You ready to go home then?” Liam asks carefully.

Louis thinks for a moment then looks out at the crowd of people still dancing.  “Nope.” And with that Louis pops off the couch and makes a beeline toward the keg again.

“Shit,” Liam says running off after him.

“He’s mental!” Niall laughs as Louis tries to break away from the hold Liam now has on him to get back to the keg. “He’s gonna feel like shite in the mornin’.” Niall slides his leg off Harry’s lap and gets to his feet. “I gotta use the toilet. You good?” he asks looking back at Harry, who just nods.  “When I get back, one more dance, yeah? Then we’ll peel Tommo off the pavement and head out, alright?”

Harry nods again and smiles. 

“One more dance!” Niall shouts putting a finger into the air. “One more!”

Harry watches as Niall disappears into the house at the other end of the deck and laughs to himself. He watches Louis, across the deck, flailing his arms and dancing in front of an unamused Liam, who seems to have given up at trying to restrain the Yorkshire boy. 

He pulls his phone from his back pocket, it’s almost midnight, but it doesn’t feel like they’ve been there that long.  That seems to happen a lot when he’s around Niall.

Liam and Louis disappear into the crowd of dancing people again and Harry notes how this is the third song that’s played since Niall left for the toilet.  Now he’s worried.

He survey’s the deck area to see if maybe he just missed Niall coming back out, but he doesn’t see the blonde anywhere.  Harry looks back to see where the other two disappeared, but can’t see them either.  Harry can feel his heart racing as the next song begins to play. Birds of Tokyo…

_“I know you’re wondering, I’m sure you must be scared. I won't stop turning, but the clocks don't seem to care. Don't give up, don't back out on me. Enough's enough, if we stay, we'll never leave.”_

Harry’s eyes scan the area one more time before he gets to his feet and starts walking toward the house. __  
  
“You know I'd go with you anywhere. Just get me out of here,” the music rings out.

Harry’s mind is going through fifty different scenarios, wondering whether Niall was more drunk than he let on, whether he’s hurt, whether he’s sick… Harry stops by the side of the pool and looks one more time.

“You’re Harry, right?” he hears a female voice from behind him. 

Harry turns to see a petite girl with long brown hair and bright blue eyes standing behind him.

“Uh, yeah?” Harry says with a confused expression.

“I’m Erin!” the girl says cheerfully.

Harry goes to take a step back. “Now’s not really a good time.  I have to find N—”

“Are you having fun?” she asks cutting him off.  “Lisa’s one of my best friends, this is her party, you know?”  She looks at Harry with wide eyes.  “So, are you like an honorary member of the soccer team or something? We always see you with the other soccer boys, well, actually just Niall, Louis, and Liam.”

“Uh, I guess,” Harry says awkwardly.

“It’s kind of funny how all you Brits hang out together like that. I know there’s a bunch of people at school who think it’s like a cult or something. I—”

“Niall’s Irish,” Harry says looking back toward the house, ignoring Erin.

“What?”

Harry turns back to her. “You said us ‘Brits’…Niall’s Irish.”

“Oh, well potato-potata, right?” she said with a slight nervous tone.

“No, not really,” Harry replies.  “Look I should really find Niall.  Make sure he’s okay.”

Harry heads toward the house, but Erin follows almost frantically after him.

“I’m sure Niall’s fine. I mean, maybe we could join the others for a dance.”

Harry walks into the house with Erin at his heals. 

“Really, Harry, I think we should go back out with the others.  It’s such a nice night, wouldn’t want to spend it inside.”

Harry goes down the hall to find the bathroom door wide open, with no sign of Niall.

“Maybe he went back outside,” Erin says trying to usher Harry toward the deck.

“No, I would’ve seen him,” Harry rebuttals.

“Maybe Louis or Liam have seen him, maybe you should go ask one of them.”

Harry turns toward Erin.  “What is going on?” he says standing over her.

“I don’t know wh—”

“Don’t play dumb with me,” Harry says.  He almost hates how terrifying his voice sounds. “What are you playing at? Where the hell is Niall?” he says looking directly into her eyes.

Harry’s head snaps at a sound from one of the rooms down the hallway. He follows where the noise came from and forgets all about Erin.

He can see a dim light coming from ajar, glass-paned, double doors at the end of the hall.  He peers in, it takes his eyes a moment to make out the figures in the room, and that’s when he sees Niall’s blond head against the wall.  He vaguely recognizes the long strawberry blond hair of the girl in front of him...too close to him. Then he sees where their lips connect and where her hands run through the back of Niall’s hair.

“Niall?” he says hesitantly.

Suddenly, the kiss stops and they both look at him.

Niall’s eyes are wide.  Harry can even make out the blue in them in the dim light and he feels like he’s going to be sick.

“Harry…” Niall says taking a step toward him.

Harry starts to back up. “Um, I’m gonna—I’m gonna go,” he says stumbling over his words. He turns and goes back down the hallway almost running into Erin.

“Harry, wait!” he hears Niall call after him.

“Niall!” a female voice yells.

“Harry, please,” Niall pleads as he runs after him.

“No, it’s okay,” Harry says. He knows there are other people around so he has to be careful about what he says.

“Harry, I can explain,” Niall says coming up behind him.

Harry turns toward Niall, but doesn’t really look at him.  He can’t look at him. “I uh, I don’t feel well.  I think I’m just gonna walk home. Just uh, tell Liam he can get my camera back to me whenever, since the car’s locked.”

Harry keeps his head down as he exists the house and makes for the stairs that lead down to the driveway. He knows Niall is still following him, but he doesn’t want to make a scene.

“Harry, will you please just stop and let me explain!” Niall shouts and Harry sees some people turn to look at them, so he quickens his pace.  That’s when he catches a glimpse of Liam and Louis sitting on the couch, and for some reason that breaks Harry’s heart even more.  He doesn’t think they see either of them and he’s thankful for that, no need to explain why he’s so upset over their “straight” friend kissing a girl.

“Harry…” he hears Niall say a bit more desperately as he goes down the driveway. 

Harry cuts across the lawn and head toward Louis’ car and the road.  When gets to a flat area he hears Niall stop.

“Harry, please.”

The break in Niall’s voice makes Harry stop.  He can feel the tears already prickling the backs of his eyes.

“Just let me explain,” Niall says in a heartbreaking tone.

And that is what breaks Harry.  He turns to face Niall, who’s standing slightly uphill from him.  “What is there to explain, Niall?” he says angrily.  He hates how his voice cracks when he says Niall’s name.  “It’s really just my bad for thinking that this was anything more than just a joke.  I’m honestly not all that surprised, really. I mean, I was under the impression that taking things slow didn’t mean I could still stick my tongue down some girl’s throat.”

“That’s not how it happened, Harry,” Niall says holding back tears.  “It wasn’t what it looked like.  She came onto me and I—”

“You what, Niall? Forgot you were gay?” he says harshly.

“I told her I didn’t want to, but she wouldn’t listen to me. You gotta believe me, please,” Niall pleads.

“How am I supposed to believe anything you say, Niall?” Harry pauses.  “You keep telling me that you wish things could be different, that you want to be with me, but you’re too afraid of the consequences.  If you didn’t want it then you should have pushed her away.”

“She’d been drinking, Harry.  I didn’t want to push her off because I didn’t want to hurt her and I didn’t want her to think—”

“Oh jesus Christ, Niall. Is that what this is about? You didn’t push her away because you didn’t want her to think that you were gay?” Harry looks at Niall.  “I mean, how far does that go, Niall? Until your tongue’s down her throat? Until her hands are in your pants? Until you’re fucking her in her parents’ bedroom? How far?” Harry pauses.  The music is so loud at the party that he doesn’t think anyone will hear them. He hates the broken look on Niall’s face he hates saying these things to him, but he’s tired of being the punchline. “How far has it gone in the past? How many girls have you fucked just so that everyone thought you were straight?” The words spit out of Harry’s mouth like venom and he wishes he could take it all back and forget about everything. He wants to go home and curl up on the couch with his mum and forget all about Niall Horan, but something keeps him there. He knows what it is and it’s the blonde Irish boy standing in front of him with tears streaming down his pale skin.  His head pounds at the anger boiling inside him.  “I will not stand by and pretend to just be your friend while you use girls so that you can continue hiding who you are, Niall. I won’t do it.  I’ve had someone use me and I won’t stand here and let you do that to someone else. I can’t be a part of that. I won’t be your excuse.”

Niall doesn’t say anything.  He just stands there exposed, in front of Harry, while silent tears drip down his face.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” he says quietly.

It’s barely audible from where Harry’s standing, but the brokenness in Niall’s voice practically cripples him.

“I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean for this to happen…I never wanted to do that to you…I just…nobody can know…and I can’t tell you why, but you have to believe me that it’s for the best…I should’ve just said no to those girls and you can’t begin to imagine how shitty I feel about that…but now it’s not just me, it’s you too. It’s the same for me, if there’s a target on my back there’s one on yours too. And I can’t let anything happen to you, Hazza.  I won’t let anything happen to you.” 

“You aren’t an excuse, Harry. You’re the exception. The only one. I told her that I didn’t want to…I told her that there was someone else. I just wanted to go back out there and have one last dance with you.  I know we’ve only known each other for three weeks and that it’s too soon to say that I love you, but I want to get there with you, Harry…and only you.”  Niall pauses and stares brokenly into Harry’s eyes.  “Just please, forgive me. Please.”

Harry stands there for a moment just staring at Niall.  Everything from his past tells him to leave, to forget Niall and to just get through high school alone like he planned.  But in this moment, looking at the boy in front of him, he can’t do that, he can’t just let Niall go.

Harry walks forward, he can hear the gravel and dirt turn under his feet as he closes the space between him and Niall.  He stands directly in front of the Irish boy.  Niall’s blue eyes stand out in the redness of his face from crying.  Harry can still see the streaks of shiny tears running down Niall’s cheeks.  He feels like he’s holding Niall’s entire existence in his hands and in the next words from his mouth.  He takes a deep breath before he says anything.

“They always tell us that we get one chance in life,” Harry starts.  “That we have one chance to get things right.”

Niall begins to melt at Harry’s words.

“But—” he starts again. “I’ve never been one for listening to what other people have to say.”

Niall looks up at Harry with the slightest bit of hope in his eyes.

“I’m a big fan of starting over and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Who I am before I came here isn’t who I am now, it’s not who I’ll be a week from now, a month from now, ten years from now.  My past shapes me but it’s not who I am and I’d like to think the same goes for you. I don’t want to lose you either, Niall. I’m in this, now. We’re in this together. For good or bad.  I do want to know what it feels like to be in love with you and to know what it’s like to tell you that every day.” Harry looks down at the ground. “I know I’m not perfect and I never will be, but—”

“You’re perfect to me,” Niall says quietly and Harry looks up at him, the tears stinging the back of his eyes again.

Harry gives a light smile. “We start over. We’ve all done bad things, but it really only takes one person to tell us that it’s okay.  It’s not my place to judge you.  So, as far as I’m concerned, our pasts are in the past and we’ll see about the future, yeah?”

Niall nods and wipes the tears from his face. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”

“Good. Now, come here,” he says and with that, Harry pulls Niall into a tight hug.

Their bodies fit perfectly together and Niall starts crying again as he buries his face in Harry’s neck.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbles against Harry’s skin.

Harry doesn’t say anything, he only holds onto Niall even tighter.  He breaths in and he can smell cinnamon and beer.  He feels the heat from Niall’s body seep into his own.  He never wants to let go.

Harry gives Niall one last squeeze before they let go.

“So, we should probably go back up,” Niall says.

“Tell that to your face,” Harry laughs.

“Shut up, like yours is much better,” Niall says back as they both stand there wiping the tears off their faces.

Both their faces are red and puffy from crying, but as they try to adjust themselves neither of them can stop smiling.

“So, what’s the plan here?” Harry asks as they head back up the driveway toward the party.  “Because we both still look awful.”

They both stop when they see two familiar figures coming down the stairs.

“Oi, there you two are!” Liam says.  Louis’ trailing behind him, clearly having lost his little burst of energy from earlier.  “We’ve been looking all over for you. Where’ve you—wait what the hell happened to your faces?”  Liam says as he stops right in front of them.

“Uh…” Niall sputters.

“I wasn’t feeling well,” Harry pipes up.  “Niall, wanted to make sure I was alright, but I ended up puking, which—”

“Which then made me puke,” Niall cuts in and Liam looks at them both curiously. “It wasn’t pretty.”

They hear a groan come from behind Liam.  “Please stop saying puke. I beg of you,” Louis says holding his stomach.

“Ehh, well you both look horrible,” Liam says.  “So, I take it it’s time to go home?”

“Uh, actually,” Niall says looking at Harry then back to Liam. “You get Tommo to the car and we’ll meet you down there in five, yeah? One more thing we gotta do.”

Liam looks confused but doesn’t argue with Niall as he and Harry make their way back up to the party.

The song that’s playing is about to end when they get up there.

“Stay here,” Niall says to Harry.  “I’ll be right back.”

“You promise?” Harry calls after him.

Niall turns around with the biggest smile on his face.  “I promise!” he yells back.

Harry watches as Niall goes over to the DJ, which is really just a kid from one of Harry’s classes but he can’t remember which one.  Niall talks to the kid for a couple of seconds until Harry sees the kid nod and Niall comes back with a wide grin on his face.

“What did you do?” Harry says and Niall grabs Harry by the wrist and pulls him toward the crowd of dancing people.

“You’ll see.” He hears Niall say as they push their way to the center of the dance floor.  As the song playing dies out, Harry recognizes the next song right away.

“How did you know?” Harry says looking at Niall, a smile stretching from ear to ear.

 _“Loving you. Isn't the right thing to do.”_ The song starts to kick in.

Niall smiles. “I took a wild guess!”

The rest of the crowd looks at each other in slight confusion over the song change, but most of them are too drunk to care. 

Niall and Harry are in their own little world, watching each other.  Harry looks right into Niall’s eyes as the chorus kicks in.

_“You can go your own way. Go your own way. You can call it another lonely day. You can go your own way. Go your own way”_

Niall laughs and mimics Harry’s pointing dance moves from earlier making Harry laugh even more.

He feels a heat in his belly.  It surges up through him and he feels light.  He can’t stop looking at Niall.

 _“Baby I’d give you my world,”_ Niall mouths along with the lyrics.

He wants to kiss Niall right then and there.  Feel Niall’s lips on his again.  Hold Niall as close as possible.

The chorus kicks back in and Harry and Niall sing it out as loud as they possibly can.

“YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY! GO YOUR OWN WAY! YOU CAN CALL IT ANOTHER LONELY DAY! YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY! GO YOUR OWN WAY!” They sing together and the music dies out. As the next song comes on, Niall grabs Harry’s hand and leads him out of the crowd.

Niall gives Harry’s hand a small squeeze once they get out in the open before he drops it. 

Harry smiles and puts and arm over Niall’s shoulders as they head back to the car.  His heart is still racing and Louis’ car comes into view. 

Harry can see Louis’ mess of brown hair plastered to the window of the passenger’s seat, so he and Niall climb in the back.

“Thank god,” Liam says as he starts the car. 

Louis groans in the front seat as Liam pulls onto the road.

“I don’t want to hear it from you, Tommo.  I told you to stop drinking,” Liam says casually and Louis lets out a small grumble.

Harry and Niall sit quietly in the back seat, until they pull up to Harry’s house.

Harry gets out of the car, but looks back in at Niall.  “You coming?” he asks and Niall looks at him with a confused expression.  Harry gestures toward the house with his head and Niall complies.

“Wait, where are you going?” Liam asks looking out the window at them.

“Oh uh,” Harry stutters. “Loaning Niall an album.”

“Isn’t that what iTunes is for?” Liam questions.

“It’s not the same,” Niall counters.  “It’ll only take a minute.”

They head toward the house and Harry fumbles with his keys until he finds the right one to unlock the front door.  The door creaks open and Harry immediately sees the light on in the living room.  His mum looks up at them from the couch, where she’s reading a book.

“You boys have fun?” she asks.

“Oh uh, yeah, it was great,” Harry says awkwardly.  “We’re just gonna—”

“It’s pretty late already, sweetheart,” Anne says.

“Just borrowing an album,” Niall cuts in.  “Be gone in a minute, I promise.”

Anne looks at the both of them, “Which album?”

Niall and Harry share a quick look.

“Rumours,” they both say at the same time.

Anne nods. “Alright, don’t be too long.”  She turns back toward her book.

Harry grabs Niall’s hand and leads him to his room.  It’s not very big and it’s a bit cluttered with books and photographs from the soccer game last week and various practices.

Harry pushes Niall in and closes the door.

Niall goes over and looks at the photos spread across Harry’s bed.  “I like this one,” he says holding up a picture of him, Louis and Liam during one of their practices. He places the picture back on the bed and turns to face Harry. “So, what did y—”

Harry grabs Niall and pushes him against the wall. “Well, I didn’t bring you here to loan you a CD you probably already have.”  With that, Harry closes the space between them and his lips crash into Niall’s. 

It’s hot and sloppy as Niall presses back with his hand sliding up into the back of Harry’s hair.  Harry’s hand goes tentatively to Niall’s waist and works his way slowly up Niall’s side. They lose all notion of space between them as Harry’s other hand cups Niall’s face and he presses their bodies closer together.

Niall’s tongue dances across Harry’s lips and the kiss gets heavier.  Niall’s hand pulls at Harry’s hair making a soft moan escape from Harry’s lips, which makes Niall giggle.

Harry pulls away and Niall laughs, leaning his forehead against Harry’s chest.  “I should probably go,” Niall says looking up at Harry with a smile.

“Yeah, probably,” Harry says backing away.

Niall goes for the door.

“Wait,” Harry says. He goes over to his bookshelf, grabs a CD, and tosses it to Niall.  “Can’t forget your cover.”

Niall looks at the CD, then back up at Harry.  “Right,” he says with a laugh.

“Text me later, yeah?”

Niall nods and they both exit the room.

 

Harry waves the others off from the open front door as he watches them drive off in Louis’ car.

He goes back into the house and sees his mum staring at him. “What?”

“Have trouble finding the CD?” she asks looking at him curiously.

“Oh, uh yeah.  Must’ve misplaced it the last time I listened to it, I guess.”

“Sure, of course,” Anne says with a smile.

“Well, I’m off to bed then,” Harry says awkwardly.

“Mmmhhh, try not to misplace anything on the way there.”

“Goodnight, mum.”

“Night, sweetheart,” Anne says with a light giggle.

Harry flops down on his bed and lets out a quiet groan.  He pulls out his phone and he sees a text from Niall.

_Sleep well ! xxoo –Niall_

Harry smiles and rolls over in his bed, staring up at the ceiling, as his skin tingles all over.

_G’night! xoxo –H_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure when I'll post the next chapter, but I'm on a roll so could be by the end of the week. Thanks for all the kudos and comments!! Every one I see makes me want to write more! Let me know what you think!  
> Next chapter is really cute Narry stuff and Niall's birthday!!! (and possibly meeting Niall's dad but I'm not sure about that yet, but if it's not the next chapter it will be coming soon after that!)  
> Also, let me know if there's anything you want to know more about with this story so I know what to answer/explain more in the coming chapters!   
> xoxo -Amy


	5. Some Call It Reckless, Some Call It Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall's birthday doesn't go quite as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to apologize for the lateness of this chapter, it turned out to be a bit longer than expected. I really appreciate everyone's comments and kudos so far, so thank you for that. And I just want to state that the real Bobby Horan is a sweetheart, but this is Mr. Horan, who is a completely fictionalized person (with the same name).
> 
> Also, the chapter title comes from the song "Accidental Light" by Sleeping At Last.

The TV is obsolete at this point, because the only thing on Harry’s mind is Niall sitting next to him on the couch.  It’s a Monday afternoon and Niall came over after practice again.  Harry didn’t get to see him much over the weekend, but from what he’s heard, maybe that was a good thing since Niall and Louis spent the night at Liam’s house, trying to nurse a drunk Louis back to health.  Louis spent most of Saturday puking and sleeping in Liam’s bed, while Liam and Niall played video games down in the living room. 

Harry spent the day with his mum since she finally had a day off.  She kept trying to get Harry to talk about Niall, but he wouldn’t budge, insisting that they were just friends.  He hates lying to his mum about Niall, especially since Niall’s become such a big part of his life in the last three weeks. But he’s pretty certain that she knows they’re at least more than friends and in a way, that gives him a bit of comfort that she hasn’t said anything against it yet.

“So what do you want to do for your birthday?” Harry asks as he plays with Niall’s hair from where his arm rests over the back of the couch.

“I dunno. Louis and Liam are probably up to something, as usual, but I guess I just want a quiet night in, I s’pose,” Niall says with his eyes still on the TV.

“Why don’t you tell them that then?” Harry asks.

Niall shrugs. “Whatever they have planned is going to be fun, I just…I’ve just been a bit tired lately, that’s all.”

Harry watches the flash of worry come across Niall’s face.  His skin is so soft and light. Harry loves how young Niall looks in profile. The slightest pudge in his cheek and his thin lips.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.  Go to bed early and all that. I’ll be fine by Wednesday,” Niall says and he looks over to see Harry staring at him. “What?”

Harry smiles and continues playing with Niall’s hair as he looks for the words to say.  He wants to say those words, but he knows it’s too early still, so he goes with the next best option.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Harry says casually.

Niall laughs and turns his face away. Harry can already see his face starting to turn a light shade of red as Niall tries to hide it with his hands.

Harry likes seeing this bashful side of Niall. He takes in every moment of it and commits it to memory.

“I’m serious, Niall.  And I don’t just mean you being here in this very moment, I mean, like in general.  Your existence makes me happy,” Harry says.

Niall turns his face and Harry’s hand goes to Niall’s flushed cheek.  His thumb rubbing lightly across Niall’s cheekbone. He leans forward, their lips barely brush. 

A shaky breath escapes Niall’s lips.  His mouth is slightly open and Niall grazes Harry’s lips back, almost like they’re testing the water before jumping in. 

Harry smells cinnamon again.  Just the lightest bit of it on Niall.  He leans forward and brushes his lips along Niall’s jaw, giving him little kisses along the way.  He stops at Niall’s pulse and sucks lightly at the skin, allowing a soft moan to escape Niall’s mouth.

Niall’s head his arched back, leaning against the back of the couch as Harry works his lips against Niall’s pale skin leaving a slow trail of soft kisses down Niall’s neck.  He feels Niall’s body tense up when he gets to the area just above Niall’s collarbone. Harry licks gently at the skin there, moving his lips so they just graze Niall’s goose-bumped skin.

“Harry,” Niall moans softly.

Harry picks up his head to meet Niall’s darken gaze.  Harry takes Niall’s face firmly in his hand as he crashes their needy lips together.  His teeth just barely graze Niall’s bottom lip when Niall lets out another quiet moan.  Harry’s tongue begs for entrance into Niall’s mouth, but Niall suddenly pushes Harry back against the couch, flipping them around so Niall’s on top now.

Harry’s body tingles as Niall’s hands run up through his hair as Niall’s mouth works against his.  Harry’s hands have a mind of their own as they work their way up under Niall’s shirt. Running up and down Niall’s sides. 

Niall flings his leg across Harry so he’s straddling him now.  The kiss gets more intense as the move together. Their tongues fighting for dominance in a kiss that is both needy and sensual as Niall grinds his crotch against Harry lap.

Everything rushes in Harry’s body.  His heart is racing, his head is pounding, his adrenaline pumping.  He needs to breathe but he can’t stop. Niall’s touch, the way his lips taste, the way his skin feels against Harry’s makes him feel complete and he wants all of Niall.

Harry slows the kiss, sliding his hands out from underneath Niall’s shirt.

Niall pulls back and Harry can feel his heavy breath dust his face. 

Harry opens his eyes and sees Niall looking back at him.  He gently puts his hand to Niall’s face and Niall leans into his touch closing his eyes for only a moment.

Amidst his broken breathing, Niall lets out a faint laugh as he looks back into Harry’s eyes. 

“So, much for taking things so, eh?” Harry says with a laugh.

Niall lets out a breathy laugh and leans his head against Harry’s shoulder.  Niall’s shoulders shake with his small giggles and he rolls off of Harry and back onto the couch letting out a long sigh.

“This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought,” Niall says relaxing into the couch.

Harry giggles and looks at Niall. 

Niall looks up at him and it dawns on him. “That’s not what I meant. Get your mind out of the gutter, Haz,” he says with a laugh, giving Harry a light shove.

“Yeah, you’re the one that said it,” Harry says poking at Niall.

“Shut up and watch the damn show,” Niall says.  He sits up on the couch slightly and hooks his arm around Harry’s and interlaces their fingers, leaning his head against Harry’s shoulder.

They stay like that for a moment, eyes reflecting the images on the TV screen.

“I have no idea what’s going on in this show,” Niall says.

“Neither do I,” Harry replies.

There’s a pause between them and then they both break out laughing.  Niall curling even tighter into Harry’s sides, covering his face as Harry’s body shakes with his fit of giggles.

“Ahh, fuck,” Niall says into Harry’s shoulder.  It’s not angry, but rather a side effect of all the laughing. 

They relax back down into their previous position and their eyes go back to the television.  It’s so quiet in the house.  The only sound coming from the low volume of the TV and Niall’s light even breathing beside him.

It doesn’t take long for Harry to realize that Niall’s been a little too quiet beside him.  He peers over at him and sees that Niall’s eyes are closed, his mouth sitting in a relaxed position, and his chest raising just slightly with his breathing. 

The sight of Niall asleep beside him, makes Harry’s heart flutter.  Niall looks so calm and peaceful when he sleeps.  In the back of his mind, Harry hopes that he’ll get to wake up to that one day.  The innocence that Niall normally has in his face is amplified when he sleeps. The lines of his jaw and the lines of his face appear softer and smoother.  His eyelashes look longer where they rest on the top of his cheeks and Harry wishes he had his camera.  Even with a picture though, no one would believe the boy lying next to him was human, it isn’t possible for a human to look that beautiful.  Harry takes a mental picture of Niall and hopes that he never forgets this moment.  The simplicity, the ease, the beauty of this very moment. 

Harry rests his head gently on top of Niall’s as he looks back at the TV, the soft spikes of Niall’s bleached hair is like freshly cut grass beneath his cheek. He could stay in this moment forever.

 

 

Harry keeps watching TV as Niall sleeps quietly beside him.  It’s been awhile now, he sat through at least two forty-five minute episodes and he’s still not really sure what’s going on in the show.

He feels Niall stir beside him, making a soft noise then burying his face into Harry like a sleepy toddler.  Harry looks down just as Niall opens his eyes.  He can see the bright blue behind his heavy eyelids as Niall looks up at him, slightly confused.

“How long have I been out?” Niall asks as he rubs the sleep from his eyes.

“’Bout two hours,” Harry replies stilling looking down at him.

Niall sits up, letting go of Harry’s hand and rubbing his own face with a small chuckle. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You said you were tired, plus you look cute when you sleep,” Harry says with a smile and Niall gives him a light nudge.

“We don’t get to spend that much time together and I just spent two hours sleepin’,” Niall says groggily as he lays down on his back with his feet still on the floor; his head against the couch armrest. 

“It’s okay, Niall,” Harry says in a light tone.  “Time with you is still time _with_ you if you’re sleeping.”

Harry watches as Niall bites at his nail; another one of his nervous habits.  He’s not looking at Harry anymore, instead, he’s staring off at the floor, lost in thought.

“Really, Niall, it’s alright,” Harry reassures him, but Niall doesn’t say anything, he just keeps thinking. “Hey,” Harry says a bit louder and puts a hand on Niall’s knee.   

Niall’s blue eye look up at Harry and the blonde boy gives a reassuring smile, as Harry rubs small circles on Niall’s knee with his thumb. 

Niall looks down again for only a moment before his head pops up with the usual glint in his eye again.

“You good?” Harry asks.

“I’m good,” Niall replies.

Harry looks at Niall watching his face to see if his smile falls again.  “You know,” he says casually. “You can sleep here any time.  Door’s always open if you need a few hours every once in a while.”

Niall gives a small smile.  “I might take you up on that one of these days. It’s comfortable here.”

Harry’s not sure what Niall means by it being comfortable here, but he doesn’t ask.

“C’mere.” Harry says as he leans over and pulls Niall’s thin legs onto the couch so they arch over Harry’s and Niall’s butt is right by his thigh.  It’s like playing with a ragdoll and Niall doesn’t fight him at all and he just scooches down on the couch to get more comfortable. 

Harry places his hand on Niall’s thigh, running his fingers over the soft, tight denim of Niall’s jeans.  It really is enough for him to just be near Niall.

Neither of them is even pretending to watch TV at this point. Niall’s mind is on something else, which means that so is Harry’s. 

He glances over at Niall.  His brow is furrowed and his hands are restlessly picking at his cuticles.

“What’s wrong, Niall?” Harry asks gently.  “Tell me what’s going on.”

Niall’s hands stop and he looks up at Harry.  “I don’t think I can keep lying to them,” Niall says quietly.

“Lying to who?”

“Liam and Louis.” Niall shifts slightly on the couch so he can look at Harry better. “I spent the whole day with them on Saturday, and every time they asked me something, whether or not I was telling the truth, it felt like a lie.  I’d get comfortable and then two seconds later I’d remember all that I’ve been keeping from them. But at the same time, if I tell them the truth…” Niall pauses and Harry can see the tears start building up in his eyes.  “I can’t lose them, Harry.”

Harry takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “They’re your best friends, right?” Harry asks.

Niall nods.

“From what I can see, they would do anything for you, Niall, and you for them. I can’t see them not accepting you for who you are, when they clearly love you so much,” Harry says giving Niall’s thigh a light squeeze.  “I mean it’s hard not to love you.”

Harry watches as a tear falls down Niall’s cheek. 

“But what about you,” he says.  “How much do I tell them, I mean, if they don’t—then what happens to us?”

“But they will, Niall.  You know them better than I do.  But unless they both get dropped and/or kicked in the head prior to you telling them and their heads are mixed up like a scrambled egg, then I don’t think you have much to worry about,” Harry says with a laugh and he watches as a smile comes across Niall face, fighting through the tears.  “As for me, I consider them my friends too. I haven’t told a soul about us because you asked me to…we are in this together.  In my opinion, you telling them about you, is you telling them about us.”

Harry watches Niall’s face as he thinks it over in his head.

“Plus,” Harry says a bit brighter. “That leaves out a whole lot of awkwardness at the lunch table.  Like, ‘Oh by the way, Harry’s gay too and we’re together’. I think a, two birds with one stone, approach is a bit better for this situation.” Harry waits for Niall to look up at him before he continues.  “So, I’m basically saying that if you are going to do this, it’s okay if you out me too.  And if you want me there, I’ll be there, and if you want to do it by yourself, I’ll be here when you get back, no matter the outcome.”

Niall’s eyes flick up and he looks at Harry. “You sure?” he asks quietly.

“Absolutely, you trust Louis and Liam, so I trust them too.  There are a lot of other people at school you could have chosen to be your best friends but you picked them. Everything’ll be alright, Niall.”

Niall’s mouth curves up slightly at the corner.

“But there is something I’ve been meaning to ask you about,” Harry says and Niall’s face drops a little in worry.  Harry doesn’t wait for Niall to say anything before he continues.  “I need to tell my mum,” Harry says with a slight sternness.  “I can’t keep this from her and—”

“Absolutely,” Niall says quickly. He sits up and pulls his legs in so he’s sitting Indian-style on the couch next to Harry.  “Jesus, Harry. I didn’t even think about that.” Niall’s eyes are wide and apologetic.  “Been sitting here feeling sorry for myself and I didn’t even think about you.” Niall looks down at his fidgeting hands.

“Niall, there’s no reason for you to be sorry.  Your situation is a bit different from mine. I don’t have to tell my mum I’m gay, she already knows that,” Harry chuckles.  Niall still doesn’t look at him.  Harry puts his hand to Niall’s chin and raises his head so that Niall will look at him.  “And I’m like 90% sure she already knows.” Harry smiles wide at Niall and he sees a little glimmer of a smirk on Niall’s face. 

“Your mum is a very smart lady,” Niall says with a faint laugh.

“Indeed she is,” Harry replies.

“So, did that trait like skip a generation or…?”

Harry stares at Niall who is trying to hide his smile and keep from laugh.

“Niall Horan, did you just call me dumb?” Harry chuckles, trying to contain himself and remain somewhat serious.

Niall shakes his head. “No, I’d never do such a thing,” he says, as his face turns even redder.

Harry’s tongue runs over his top teeth making a light smacking sound as he nods. “You know what, Horan?” Harry says looking at Niall.

“What?”

“You’re going down.”

Harry grabs Niall’s waist, forcing him back down to the couch, practically laying on top of him in the process.  He starts tickling Niall’s sides and he’s almost set aback by how loud Niall’s laugh is as he giggles through it, almost cackling.

“I’m Niall, ‘m so smart,” Harry says mimicking Niall’s Irish accent.  “Callin’ me boyfriend a right old dumby-head.”

“Ahahhh.  Alright! I give up! Uncle! Auntie! Me first cousins!” Niall yells through his laughter.

Harry stops tickling Niall but he doesn’t move.  He’s still laying on top of Niall, his knee just by Niall’s crotch. “What do you have…” Harry laughs.  “What do you have to say for yourself, young man?” Harry says smiling down at Niall who still can’t stop laughing beneath him.

“Harry’s…” he laughs more. “Harry’s very smart!”

“And?”

“And?” Niall thinks for a moment.  “And…he does a terrible Irish accent?” Niall giggles and now Harry’s laughing again.

“S’pose you’re not wrong,” Harry chuckles looking down at Niall.

He leans down and presses a light kiss to Niall’s lips. 

“You said, ‘boyfriend’,” Niall says looking Harry in the eyes.

“Yes, I did.”

“I like that.”

They lay like that for a moment, just staring into each other’s eyes, when they hear a car pull up in the gravel driveway. 

Harry’s head pops up and he squints, looking out the window. With the porch light on, he can see well enough to make out the car. “Mum’s home,” he says.

“Shit.”

“What?” Harry says looking down at him and Niall glares back at him, his eyes saying, _Do you really want your mum to see us in this particular position?_   “Oh, right,” Harry says and flops back on to the couch so that he’s sitting and so that Niall can resituate himself in his own seat.

By the time the door opens, the two boys are sat on the couch once again pretending to watch TV. 

“Hi, mum!” Harry says in a cheerful tone, looking over the back of the couch.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Anne says coming through the door with groceries in her hands.  She looks over at the couch and see’s Niall smiling back at her. “Oh, hi Niall,” she says putting the bags on the counter.  “Didn’t know you were coming over.”

“Bit of a last minute thing,” Harry says getting up from the couch and Niall follows.

“There’s still more bags in the car, if you boys wouldn’t mind helping out,” she says looking at the two of them.

“Yep, just need a wee first,” Harry says and he scurries off down the hallway to the bathroom.

“Typical,” Niall mutters to himself and he lets out a small chuckle. “Well, I can give you a hand,” Niall says and he darts out the front door.  He grabs the rest of the groceries that are left in the backseat of Anne’s car and brings them inside, closing the front door behind him with his foot.

“Thank you, Niall,” Anne says as he sets the bags down. 

Niall steps back and peers down the hallway, but doesn’t see Harry.  He turns back around to see Anne watching him.

Niall shifts his weight awkwardly, staring down at the floor.  “Do you—”

“What are your intentions here?” Anne says with a slight harshness to her voice as she leans against the counter with her arms folded across her chest, staring at Niall.

“Wh-What do you mean?” he asks.  He knows exactly what she’s asking but he wants to be sure.

“I mean, what are your intentions with my son? I know there’s something going on between the two of you, but for some reason he’s not told me yet and I’m sure that has something to do with you.  So, now I’m going to ask you, why you are making my son lie to me?  Are you ashamed of him? Because if that’s the case, I can and will show you the door—”

“I could never be ashamed of Harry,” Niall says looking back at her. “I know I should’ve never asked him to lie to you; it’s just that things are a bit more complicated on my end of things.”

“Complicated how?” Anne questions. “You seem like a really nice boy, Niall, but Harry’s been through too much already, and I won’t let him be hurt by someone that claims to care about him.”

“I do care about him and that’s why no one can know.  If it was just me, I’d accept the consequences of that, but I’ve pulled him into a mess and it isn’t about protecting myself anymore.  It’s about him and making sure that he’s safe just in case me Da—” Niall stops himself and Anne looks at him.

“Niall does your father know about you?” Anne asks.  She uncrosses her arms and her eyes go soft.

“I…he…” Niall stumbles over his words; his hands start to shake at his sides. “No one can know,” he says again.  Tears begin building up in Niall’s eyes and Anne takes a step forward and reaches out for him, but Niall backs away. “No, I’m fine,” he says wiping at his eyes. “I should probably go, uh…just tell Hazza I’ll see him at school.”

Niall quickly goes for the door and pulls on his shoes with shaky hands.  Sniffling as he picks his backpack up off the floor and dashes out of the house.

Anne stands there, closes her eyes, and lets out a long breath.  “How much of that did you hear?” she says looking over toward the hallway.

Harry creeps out and steps into the kitchen area.  “Enough…” he says quietly.

“Harry, how much do you actually know about Niall?”

“Mum,” Harry protests. “Please, just don’t.”

“Don’t ‘mum’ me, Harry.  I like Niall, he seems like a very nice young man, but he seems troubled in a way that makes this relationship you have with him very unsafe for both of you.”

“He isn’t Will, mum. Niall actually cares. He’s starting to open up…he’s even going to tell his friends.”

“Not about you I hope,” Anne says quickly. “Especially, if he’s that scared about anyone knowing about him.”

Harry shrugs. “I told him to tell Liam and Louis about me too.”

“Harry,” his mum sighs. “That doesn’t seem particularly safe given the conversation I just had with him.”

“Louis and Liam aren’t bad people, mum. Niall trusts them and so do I.  I just need you to trust me that everything is going to be fine…this won’t be like last time, I promise.”

 

+++

 

Wednesday, September 13th.

Harry relayed Niall’s ‘quiet-night-in’ thoughts for his birthday to Liam and Louis, which ended with Louis laughing as he disappeared down the hallway. 

It’s Wednesday now, and the three of them are at soccer practice, while Harry putters around his house looking for stuff on the list that Louis gave him; 4 crappy towels, 4 pairs goggles/safety glasses, 2 rolls of paper towels, 2 longish sticks, and 2 rags.

He has most of it, but given the amount of crap on the list, Harry would’ve liked having it in advance.  When he’s done collecting everything he leaves it all by the front door and heads back to the school to get some pictures at Niall’s birthday practice.

It’s hot again today, Harry is thinking twice about having to wear his old ripped up jeans, and t-shirt for whatever Louis has planned.

He gets a few shots of Niall while the boys play a small scrimmage.  He seems happy, but isn’t doing his usual ear-to-ear smile that Harry’s gotten so used to taking pictures of when Niall’s on the field.  Harry doesn’t hear his laugh from across the field today either. 

The coach blows the whistle to end practice and Louis rushes over to Harry while Liam and Niall head into the locker room with the rest of the team.

“Slight change in plans, Harold,” Louis says running over to Harry.

Harry sighs.  “If you tell me that I just got all that stuff on your list for nothing, Louis, I’m going to punch you,” Harry says dryly.

“Whoa, nobody said anything about cancelling plans, but Niall wants to go over to pick up some car that he’s had his eye on, I guess. So, we’ll get the stuff from yours, swing over to get the car, then Payno can go with Niall, and then meet them at the secret location.”

“Secret location?” Harry echoes.

“I’ll take that as a sign of understanding and we’ll meet you out front,” Louis says as he jogs away from Harry.

 

+++

 

Louis goes with Niall to give the car a quick once over before any cash gets involved while Liam and Harry wait, leaning up against Louis’ car by the road.

“Does Niall seem okay to you?” Harry hears himself asking and Liam looks at him curiously.

“If you mean the lack of smiling and laughing, then no, but he just gets like that sometimes.  He usually snaps out of it in a few days or so, just sort of sucks that he has to deal with it on his birthday,” Liam says crossing his arms over his chest.

“It?”

“I think it has to do with his anxiety and whatnot. Honestly, he doesn’t really like talking about it, so we just stopped asking.  He told us once that it was better for him if we just go about everything as usual, so that’s what we’ve been doing.”

Harry frowns and he looks toward the house where he can see Louis and Niall standing there talking to a tallish guy, in his thirties, with dark hair.

“You sure that whatever Louis’ got planned isn’t too much?” Harry asks.  He’s had his fair share of issues involving anxiety and depression, and based on that, Harry can’t see Niall enjoying anything that’s too involved. He knows Louis just wants to have fun and see Niall smile, but maybe this is too much.

“Honestly, I think Louis over-plans and under-delivers most of the time,” Liam says.  “He has a tendency to plan for anything when it comes to parties, but then they wind up being pretty chill.  Lou knows how to get you relaxed then slowly add in the fun.”

“That’s sounds vaguely dirty,” Harry says in a monotone voice.

“Well, it’s not,” Liam says then thinks for a moment.  “Well, maybe that one end of the summer party he threw, that got a little…weird.”

Harry looks back over toward the house but he can’t see any of them anymore.  “So, what is this secret location?”

Liam laughs.  “It’s not really that big of a secret…it’s Louis’ house, but his mum is taking his sisters out for the evening, so we have the whole place to ourselves.”

They watch as Louis and Niall come back down the driveway.

“So, how’d it go?” Liam asks.

“Nialler here is the proud new owner of a slightly used 2005 Chevy Malibu.  Though I don’t know how much of a birthday present it really was since he paid for it with his own cash, but who am I to judge?” Louis says shrugging his shoulders.

“You see paying for a car, I see paying for a bit of freedom,” Niall says giving Louis a light nudge.

They all hear a phone go off and immediately start checking their cell phones to see who it was, but Niall looks at his screen and lets out a sigh.

“Fuck,” he says under his breath. “It’s me Da.”  Niall answers the phone but wanders off to have some privacy from the other boys.

Privacy or not, the three other boys listen in on the conversation. 

“I’m with me friends right now, Da.”  “No, we’re just hanging out for a bit.” “Who?” “Har—no he’s—yeah.”  “What difference does it make?” “No—yeah—I’ll be right over.” 

Niall shoves his phone back in his pocket and walks back over to the boys, his head hanging low.

“I’ve gotta run home real quick,” Niall says looking up at the boys.

“Well, alright,” Louis says.  “Payno can go with you and we’ll meet at my house, yeah?”

“No, I gotta take Harry, me Da wants to meet him,” Niall says quietly almost like he’s hoping that Harry won’t hear him.

“That’s a bit odd,” Louis notes.  “But it is what it is.” Louis claps Harry on the shoulder. “God’s speed, my friend,” he says jokingly, but Harry doesn’t laugh.

“See you in a bit,” Liam says and they get back into Louis’ car and drive off.

Niall’s face has gone completely white, his hands shaking and his eyes staring straight ahead.

“Niall, what’s gonna happen?” Harry asks quietly as he stares at Niall looking for any sign of life.

“Get in the car,” Niall says harshly and he walks back up the driveway to get into his newly purchased car.

Harry follows him, but now he’s scared and he doesn’t even know why.  “Niall?” he questions again as he grabs the passenger’s side door handle.

“Just get in the damn car, Hazza,” Niall says in the same harsh tone and Harry gets in the car.

 

+++

 

After a few minutes of driving, Niall finally says something, breaking the uncomfortable silence between the two of them. 

Harry’s mind is racing again wondering what could be so bad about meeting Niall’s father.  There’s no way that his dad knows about them being together.  Harry repeats over and over that he must just want to meet Niall’s new friend…but what Niall says makes him scared.

“Tell him as little as possible,” Niall says as he white-knuckles the steering wheel.  “The less he knows about ya, the better, alright?” Niall gives Harry a quick glance and Harry nods in understanding.

 

Harry can’t believe his eyes when Niall first pulls into the driveway.  It’s a long drive and Niall was right when he said he lived in the middle of nowhere. 

The Horans’ house is a large grey-blue farmhouse with a wraparound porch.  The house is seemingly in the middle of a flat field surrounded by woods about a mile out.  The area seems so barren and closed off and if it wasn’t for the flowers and the hanging baskets lining the porch, Harry thinks it would make a great horror movie set. 

There’s a large red barn just off to the right of the long dirt driveway that leads right up to the house, where Harry can see a black, 2008, Cadillac sedan sitting outside.

The car doesn’t match the rest of the house, it’s too…fancy, Harry thinks to himself and then he remembers Niall telling him that his dad is some fancy lawyer.

Niall puts the car in park in front of the house and lets out a nervous sigh.  He looks at Harry and tries to give a reassuring smile.

Harry follows him up onto the porch, the old grey floorboards squeaking under their feet.  Niall steps into the house and looks around then closes the door behind Harry.

Harry’s heart is pounding and his hands are getting clammy.  He wants nothing more than to toss Niall over his shoulder and get the fuck out of there, but he just continues following Niall further into the house, and stops in front of a closed, white door and gives a light knock.

Harry hears a deep voice come from inside the room telling them to come in, and Niall opens the door.

The curtains are drawn open and the light is still pouring in through the windows.  Harry’s eyes wander over and see a large man in a three piece suit, with the tie loosened and the buttons of his vest undone. The man stands and walks over to them.

“You must be Harry,” he says sticking his hand out for Harry to shake and he does, though now he’s utterly aware of how sweaty his palms are now.

“Oh, uh—yes sir,” Harry says nervously.

“I’m Niall’s father; you can just call me, Mr. Horan.”

Mr. Horan turns around and goes back to the desk where he was sitting when they first walked into the room.  “I hope you don’t mind the detour to whatever you boys had planned this evening, but I like meeting my son’s friends.  Make sure they aren’t going to be bad influences on him. Making him lie about where he’s going, what he’s doing, or who he’s with.  How do you feel about people who lie Harry?” Mr. Horan asks without looking at either of them.

“I uh…’m not a big fan of lying, I suppose,” Harry says.

“Good.” Mr. Horan scribbles something down on a piece of paper.  “So, how did you get to be such good friends with my son, Harry?”

Harry looks at Niall with panic in his eyes. “I…we uh…” he trips over his words.

“Harry got assigned to take pictures of the soccer team for the season,” Niall cuts in, saving Harry’s ass.

“I noticed,” his dad says flatly. “I saw your pictures on the school website.  You’re very good from what little I know about photography.”

“Oh…uh, thank you,” Harry stutters.

There’s an uncomfortable silence in the room and Harry notices Niall’s hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

“Now, if you’ll excuse us, Harry, I have to speak to my son for a moment.” Mr. Horan doesn’t take his eyes off the desk in front of him.

“Oh, yeah, sure…it was nice meeting you,” Harry manages to get out, but Mr. Horan doesn’t say anything else.  Harry glances over at Niall.

“Just uh, wait for me by the front door,” Niall says quietly, giving Harry a quick smile.

Harry nods and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

 

He hates just standing there waiting for Niall, for as much as he didn’t want to be in that room anymore, he definitely didn’t want to leave Niall in there either.

He paces back and forth in front of the door, running a hand through his hair, letting his curls fall back into his face as he stares down at the hardwood floor.

He hears the door open down the hallway and Niall emerges, he face snapping from frustrated to happy in a split second. He probably doesn’t think Harry notices.

“Alright, let’s go,” Niall says opening the door.  He takes one last look into the house before he follows Harry back out to the car.

 

Niall’s knuckles are white again as they drive to Louis’ house.  Harry pulls out his phone, sends Louis a quick text saying that they were on their way over, and shoves his phone back into his pocket.

Harry takes a quick glance at Niall.  His face is expressionless and his entire body looks tense.  “Niall,” he starts to say.

“’M fine, Harry,” Niall cuts him off, knowing exactly what Harry was going to ask.

“You don’t seem fine,” Harry says quietly, looking back at the road.

Niall doesn’t say anything in return. 

Harry hates this. He hates how Niall shuts down like this whenever he has something on his mind. He just wants Niall to be able to talk to him about stuff and not worry about being strong or stoic around him.

“Pull over,” Harry hears himself saying.

“What?” Niall glances over at him, his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Pull over,” Harry says a bit more forcefully and Niall slides the car over to the side of the road and puts it into park.

“What’s this about, Hazza?” Niall says without looking at Harry.

“What did he say to you?” Harry asks quickly.

“It doesn’t matter what he said to me,” Niall says back.

Harry sighs and shakes his head, rubbing his eyes in frustration. “Of course it matters, Niall.  If we’re going to do this then we need to be honest with each other, tell each other what’s bothering us…tell each other everything,” Harry finishes quietly, looking down at his hands.

“Can you just trust me when I say that you don’t want to know everything?” Niall says softly.

They sit there in the silence of the car, neither of them wanting to look at the other.

“Niall,” Harry says his name so softly.  “I’m willing to take on all your crap, everything that has ever bothered you in any way, anything that you were ever pissed off about, anything that has ever hurt you, if it means that you’ll be at least a little happier.”

“I can’t do that to you, Haz,” Niall says.  “It’s not all lollipops and candy canes.”

“I know, but I…I guess what I’m saying is that if you want to talk to someone, I’m here…I always will be,” Harry says and he looks over at Niall.

Niall lets out a shaky breath, rubs down his face—his eyes pinched shut.

“Niall, look at me,” Harry says gently. “Niall, just look at me, please.”

Niall swallows and he turns to look at Harry, his blue eyes shrouded in sadness.

Harry’s hand goes to Niall’s cheek and he leans in, feeling the shakiness in Niall’s breath.  He presses a soft kiss to Niall’s lips and pulls back slightly, their faces only about an inch away from each other. 

Harry breaths in Niall’s familiar cinnamon scent, taking in the way that Niall’s hot breath evens out against his lips. 

They stay like that for a moment, and then Harry feels Niall’s lips creep onto his.  This kiss is heavier than the first and Niall’s hand slides into the back of Harry’s hair, pulling them closer together, making the kiss feel needy and fulfilling at the same time.

Harry pulls back, they sit there for a minute waiting for their breathing to even back out, and Niall’s hand falls from Harry. He puts his other hand over where Harry’s still rests on his cheek.  He leans into Harry’s touch like he’s trying to commit the feeling to memory.  Niall’s fingers slip around the sides of Harry’s and he places a small kiss on the underside of Harry’s wrist.  And with that, his fingers tighten around Harry’s and Harry’s hand falls from Niall’s face.

He gives Harry’s hand one last squeeze before he lets go and turns back to the steering wheel.  “Should probably get going,” Niall says quietly.  “Louis will think that we’ve ditched his party.”

 

+++

 

They arrive at Louis’ house, walking around back trying to find where Louis and Liam are at, and they see the two of them chilling on the back deck in lounge chairs.

“It’s about bloody time,” Louis says getting up from his seat and walking towards them.  “Thought we were gonna have to celebrate your birthday without you.”  Louis goes up to Niall and gives him a tight hug.  “Happy Birthday, Nialler,” he says into Niall’s ear.  Louis’ face scrunches up in the crux of Niall’s shoulder, and Harry can see the smile on his face. 

As they let go, Liam walks up behind Louis, wraps his arms around Niall, and pats his back gently. “Happy Birthday, mate.”

“So, what are we doing?” Niall asks as he and Liam break apart.

“Well, we have fun stuff, but Harold here relayed your message about just kinda chilling out, so we’ve acquired some beer and we shall chill, with the possibility of fun later on,” Louis says. 

Harry looks at Liam as Louis hands Niall a beer from the cooler, and he gives Harry a quick wink, that said that he talked to Louis after Harry voiced his concerns about the whole thing.

With beer in hand, they each take one of the lounge chairs, and relax.

 

+++

 

Two hours later, and Harry has only finished one beer.  Louis and Liam tell them about the liquor store the next town over that isn’t so big on carding people, and that’s how Louis got the beer in the first place, plus, Liam adds, it might have something to do with the tattoos and facial hair…making them look older.

He looks over as Niall sets down his fifth bottle as they watch Louis and Liam run around shooting each other with the water guns that Louis bought for the “fun” portion of Niall’s birthday party. 

Harry gets up, bringing his bottle with him, and goes for a bathroom break inside, filling his bottle in the sink, so no one will ask if he wants another beer.  With the way the other three were drinking, specifically Niall, he was sure that they were going to need at least one sober person for this outing.

It’s getting dark and Harry just keeps looking over at Niall, trying to make out his facial expressions as he quietly drinks his beer, occasionally laughing at Louis and Liam’s antics as they continue to soak each other with the water guns.

When it gets to be around nine o’clock, Louis and Liam splay out in their lounge chairs, exhausted from chasing each other around the yard. 

Harry glances over at Niall, whose swaying slightly in his seat.  He looks down at the deck and sees at least ten empty bottles sitting beside Niall’s chair.

Niall sits there, expressionless, eyes drooping.

“You okay there, Nialler?” Louis asks, peering over at him.

Niall gives a sloppy nod that turns into him shaking his head.

“Christ, how many did he have?” Liam pipes in looking over at the dazed Irishman with a worried expression.

“Too many,” Harry says as he gets up from his seat and kneels down next to Niall.  “Niall?” he says softly.  “Hey, you okay?” Harry knows it’s a stupid question; no one consumes that much beer in such little time and feels good about it.

“I’m fine,” Niall chokes out.

Louis and Liam are standing behind Harry looking at Niall.

“Jesus, Nialler,” Louis says looking over at the pile of beer bottles.  “I planned on that stash lasting us a while there, mate.” Louis kneels down on the other side of Niall and lifts his face slightly.  Louis sighs, taking in the pale and absent look on Niall’s face.

“’M fine,” Niall slurs again, batting Louis’ hand away.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you say there, mate,” Louis says getting to his feet.  He walks over a few yards and gestures for Harry and Liam to join him. 

“He can’t stay here,” Louis says to Harry’s surprise.  “I told me mum that we wouldn’t go too crazy. If she sees the state he’s in, she’s gonna freak.”

Liam lets out a harsh sigh and rubs his face.  “What the bloody hell are we supposed to do then? After last weekend I don’t think my mum would be too happy about another underage drunk person sleeping it off in her house.” Liam send a quick glare over to Louis then carries on. “And it’s not like we can take him home, his parents’ll kill us.”

Harry glances over at Niall, slumped in his chair, then back at the other two.  “I’ll take him back to mine.  I don’t think my mum will be too happy about it, but she’s a parent and a nurse, so maybe she’ll understand,” Harry whispers.

“You sure?” Liam asks.  “We’re not exactly in the right here. We don’t want you taking the blame for all this either.”

Harry looks back over at Niall and it breaks his heart to see him like this.  “Yeah, I’m sure. Plus, if he pukes, he’ll be doing it in his own car,” Harry says trying to minimize the seriousness of the situation and Louis and Liam chuckle.  “Just maybe loan me a waste bin or something.”

“Well, it’s settled then,” Louis says like they’re finishing a business deal.  “I’ll get the bin and you two help weeble-wobble over there into the car.” Louis starts to leave but then stops and looks at Harry. “You do have your driver’s license, right?”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Yes, Louis, I have my license,” Harry says in a no-duh sort of way.

 

Liam and Harry each take a side and help Niall to his feet. 

“C’mon, Nialler.  Time to go,” Liam says.

“I can’t go home,” Niall mumbles.

Louis comes back from the house with a small garbage can. “No, shit.  You’re not going home.”

They lower Niall into the passenger’s seat of his car and buckle his seatbelt, plunking the bin in his lap.  Liam and Louis help load the car up with the “fun” stuff that Harry had to bring and with Harry and Niall’s school bags with their extra clothes in case they got wet.

Louis hands Harry the keys.  “Found them on the table,” he says with a small smile.  Louis looks from Niall to Harry.  “Text us when you get home.  Let us know if you need anything, yeah?”

Harry nods.  “See you at school…hopefully.”

Harry backs out of the driveway as Liam and Louis look on. 

 

“This is some stupid shit, Niall,” Harry says once they’re on the road, and Niall groans.  “What the hell was going through your head? I mean, it’s a fucking school night, Niall. You’ve still got practice tomorrow too, you know?”  Harry’s just venting at Niall at this point, he knows Niall won’t answer and that he probably won’t remember most of this.  “You better hope my mum’s already asleep when we get back.”

 

Harry pulls into his own driveway and his heart sinks when he sees that there is still a light on inside. “Fuck,” he mutter’s under his breath. He looks over at Niall who’s clutching the bin in his arms.  He gets his own bag from the backseat and leaves everything else. His mind is so torn about the whole situation as he puts Niall’s arm over his shoulder to lift him out of the car and get him to the front door.  He doesn’t know whether he should be pissed, feel sorry for him, or to try to be understanding of the whole situation, and he’s feeling a bit of it all in the moment he opens the door and steps inside.

His mum looks up at him from her place on the couch, seeing her son, dragging in his drunk and only slightly conscious boyfriend.

“Oh my god,” Anne mutters as she gets to her feet and runs over to them.  “What happened?” she asks but she has her answer as soon as she gets close to them because Harry can tell by the look on her face that she can smell the alcohol on Niall.  She puts a hand to Niall’s cheek and raises his head, looking at his face.  “What happened?” she says looking at Harry with daggers.

“I’m sorry,” Niall mutters softly as Anne examines his face.

“Couldn’t take him home,” Harry says looking at his mum.

Anne sighs heavily, looking at the pained expression on Harry’s face.  “He can stay here tonight.  Make sure he drinks lots of water, try to get him to eat something and for the love of God, do not let him puke in my house.  I’ll help you get him to bed, where you will be sleeping on the floor, from there; you’re on your own.” Anne wraps Niall’s other arm over her shoulder and she helps Harry get Niall down the hall to his room.

They lay Niall down on his side.  “I have an early shift tomorrow, so it’ll be up to you to get him up and for the both of you to get your asses to school, understood?”

Harry nods.

“We will be having a very long conversation about this when I get home from work.  I expect you to be here, no going off with the boys, no football practice—nothing. You got it?”

Harry nods again and Anne closes the door behind her as she leaves the room. Harry grabs his school bag and rifles through it until he finds the small, flat, rectangular package, wrapped in bright blue birthday paper.  “Happy Birthday, Niall,” Harry whispers into the emptiness of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, next chapter is going to have a scene in Niall's POV for when he tells Louis and Liam his secret and having to deal with their reactions to that bit of information...it doesn't go quite the way either Niall or Harry thought it was going to, so stay tuned for that. I don't think that chapter will take very long to write as I have written that scene about a million times in my head at this point. (So, next chapter will be up within the week!!!)
> 
> And as usual, let me know what you think or if you want to see more or less of something in the coming chapters. (even if it has to do with writing style) I really like getting feedback for the chapters so be sure to comment!!!!


	6. Someone Could Love You More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is a little shorter than the last few. There were a lot of repercussion from the last chapter to tie up and it ended up taking longer than I thought it would. So sorry about that. I got distracted watching Supernatural and my dad got a new German Shorthair Pointer puppy, plus playtime with my own puppies. (btw if you like Supernatural and 1d, check out my other fic Bringing My Demons out; I plan on continuing that one when I'm done with this one). Also a special thank you to everyone who commented and read in general!! Your comments always make me smile.
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Chapter title from Troye Sivan's "LOST BOY".

Harry sits on the steps of the back deck, sipping hot tea and letting it burn his tongue, as he watches the fog move through the tree line and across the yard. It’s still cold at 6am, the cool night air still lingering before the sun comes out to start the day. 

He has a small blanket draped over his narrow shoulders as he cups his favorite blue mug in his hands, the steam puffing in front of his face.

Niall was still sleeping when Harry woke up this morning…vomited two times during the night, once in the toilet and the other in the garbage can that Louis gave him that Harry got from the car after he got Niall situated. When he heard Niall move on the bed and grab the can, Harry plugged his own ears so that he wouldn’t have to listen to the contents of Niall’s stomach gush into the bin. But as his mum said, Niall was his responsibility so Harry cleaned Niall up and rinsed the bin in the bathtub so he could put it next to the bed again without the stench of vomit.

Niall didn’t say much of anything at all, except for one time when Harry thought he heard Niall mutter his name in his sleep.  Harry wondered about the context of it, whether a half awake Niall said it, or whether Niall had a bad dream, a good dream, or if Harry was just imagining things.

Harry had woken up still sitting up, leaning against the side of the bed.  His back ached and his neck hurt. He’d kept an eye on Niall most of the night, making sure he didn’t roll onto his back in his sleep.  He didn’t bother waking him and grabbed a quick shower before he went out to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

Harry set aside a mug, with a teabag already in it, for Niall whenever he got up, but for now, he was with his own thoughts on the steps of the back deck.

He goes over everything he wants to say to Niall.  The rant going through his mind so he doesn’t forget any of it.  He wants to tell Niall that he’s pissed off at him.  He wants to tell Niall that can’t do this anymore.  He wants to tell Niall how he’s fucking everything up and how he’s destroying their relationship before it really starts, but when he hears the door open and close behind him, when he hears Niall’s socked feet pad across the deck…when he sees Niall sit down beside him out of the corner of his eye, clutching his own mug of tea, he almost forget all of it.

“’M sorry,” Niall says quietly, but Harry doesn’t look at him.  “I fucked up. I know that…”

Harry shakes his head. “Niall, just stop.  I don’t want to hear it right now.”  He can’t keep playing this apology game with him anymore.

Harry watches as Niall’s fingers tighten around his mug.  The mug starts to shake in Niall’s hands. The brown liquid rippling against the white, ceramic sides.

“I can’t do this anymore, Niall.  I can’t deal with the, _I’m sorrys,_ and the lying and the secrets.  I just can’t do it anymore,” Harry says with a bit of anger.  “You’ve pissed me off, you’ve pissed my mum off, even Liam and Louis, with all of their antics, are starting to worry about you.  And all I asked was that you be honest with me. But instead of talking to me, you just sat there and drank yourself into a drunken stupor.”

“Harry—”

“No, Niall,” Harry says quietly, trying to gain his composure. “I care about you so much, and I want to love you and trust you, but you just make it so damn hard sometimes.” Harry breathes out slowly, still staring off toward the woods.  “I want you to be happy, Niall.  I want…I want _us_ to be happy,” Harry says.  He finally looks over at the boy sitting next to him and Harry can tell that there are tears in Niall’s eyes, but he won’t look at Harry.  “Just talk to me, Niall, please…”

Niall sniffles, grips his mug even tighter, and Harry’s worried he might break it into pieces. 

“He said that I should keep my distance from you,” Niall says quietly, staring down at his mug.  “That I should keep an eye out for people like you who could screw up everything for me.  That you weren’t _decent_ …”

“What does it matter what your father thinks, Niall?” Harry asks, trying to get Niall to look up at him.

“It matters because I know what he’s capable of…him saying that paints a target on your back and me Da’s got a lot of power, if he finds out about any of this, I can’t promise that I can protect you from him.”

“Niall, you’re eighteen, if your dad scares you that much, just leave, stay with Louis, stay with Liam. Hell, stay here with me.”

“It’s not that simple,” Niall says shaking his head.  “I owe him—”

“You don’t owe him shit,” Harry says.

“I owe him everything, Harry,” Niall spits out.  “He picked up his entire family, his job, left his friends, so that we could move here so I could play footie for one of the best teams. He’s helped me be a better football player, a better student, a better human being…when I fall out of line, he lets me know; when I fuck up, he punishes me.  I can’t just forget all of that and leave just because he yells at me sometimes, just because he doesn’t like my friends. I can’t do it. I owe him more than that.” Niall looks at Harry for a moment then rests his head on his knees.  “God, me fuckin’ head’s pounding.”

“I don’t really understand any of this,” Harry says quietly.  “I don’t understand how you can feel you owe him that much when he’s that…aggressive.”

“He’s done so much for me, Harry,” Niall says in a softer tone.  “After this is all over, he’ll be proud of me for getting out and doing something with me life, but before then, I have a debt to pay.  If I leave before my times up, he’ll come after me. He’ll come collecting.  I don’t expect you to understand this, but bad things could happen if I leave too soon.  Staying _is_ my ticket out.”

“So, what does all this have to do with last night?” Harry says.  “How did what your dad said lead to that?”

“Because it wasn’t all about you…I knew he was wrong about you,” Niall says.  “He started talking shit about Liam and Louis, about how lately, I’d been slacking, not coming home, ignoring my family, taking things for granted…and he was right.  And in a weird way, I had noticed it too, but how it was affecting you guys.  I haven’t been trying as hard in practice, I haven’t been running and working out as much, so neither have Liam or Louis…and you, Christ, Harry, the alcohol alone, plus the amount of stress and aggravation that I’ve caused you. All of my shit is just weighting down all of you down.” Niall rubs his face.

Harry looks back out at the woods, where he can see that the fog is getting thinner and the sun is starting to poke through. 

“I’m sorry, Niall,” Harry says.  “But that’s just bullshit.  We all bring our own baggage to this friendship.  Things are complicated for everyone, but we are all still here to support one another.  We have to be that for each other, otherwise; none of us are going to make it.  You have a lot on your plate, Niall, I understand that, I really do, but when one of us is struggling we all struggle, we all feel that weight, because we’re friends.  And the most important thing you can do is be honest about shit that’s going on, and let us help you through it.”

“Where do I even start with that? So, much of this is fucked up because of me.”

“You started here, by telling me what happened yesterday, and from here…Louis and Liam—telling them the truth, telling them everything. Cause right now, you’ve been keeping secrets from them and that’s put a toll on your friendship because you feel like might slip up and tell them accidently.” Harry laughs.  “Not to mention the conversation you’re going to have to have with my mum at some point…that’ll make telling your best mates that you’re gay seem like a walk in the park.” Harry smiles looking over at Niall. “You fucked up, and you have to fix it. But know that I’m always gonna be here when you need me.”

Niall smiles looking back at Harry.  “Why do you even stick around, Harry? Seriously, you didn’t exactly sign up for this.”

“Well, as my mum once said, when the people you love, fuck up, the only thing you can do is let them know that they fucked up and then tell ‘em to un-fuck it up.”

Niall laughs and Harry’s grateful to see him smile.

“Did your mum really say that?” Niall chuckles.

“Yeah…but she was talking about my flower arranging skills.”

Niall burst out laughing at that and Harry can’t help but smile as he watches Niall’s eyes squint shut.

“We should probably finish getting ready for school,” Harry says.

Niall’s laughter dies out and he looks at Harry.  “Probably,” he says looking into Harry’s eyes.

They pass a look of forgiveness between them and they can’t stop staring at each other.

“C’mere,” Harry says putting an arm around Niall’s shoulders and holding him close.

Niall rests his head against Harry’s shoulder and curls up against him, letting a bit of warmth run between them.

Harry hopes that this is the end of all the fighting.  They haven’t known each other, let alone been together, that long to be fighting this much.  Harry tells himself that they are just working out the kinks and that things will get easier between them from this point on. 

Harry leans his head on top of Niall’s.  “We really do need to get ready for school,” he says dolefully.  “But first things first. Come on,” Harry says giving Niall’s leg a quick squeeze.

Harry gets up, goes back into the house, and Niall follows after him. Harry goes in and sets his empty mug down in the sink. “Wait right here,” Harry says leaving Niall and disappearing down the hallway.

He comes back about thirty seconds later with the small package in his hand.  The wrapping paper is a bit wrinkled from being in his bag, but he hands it to Niall.  “I never got a chance to give you your birthday present yesterday,” Harry says with a nervous smile.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Harry,” Niall says holding the small blue package.

Harry shrugs.  “I wanted to.”

Niall beams at him and starts carefully ripping the wrapping paper off, revealing the wooden picture frame.  He tears away the rest of the paper and sees the picture.  It’s one that Harry took of Niall, Louis, and Liam at their practice the one day, huge smiles on all their faces, arms tight over each other’s shoulders.

“Is this the same one that I—” Niall starts to say.

“Picked up off my bed the night of the party…yep,” Harry answers.  “Wanted you to have a little piece of all of us.”

“I wish you were in the photo too,” Niall says in a low tone.

“Here,” Harry says taking the frame from Niall.  He turns it over and pops out the back of it, where there is a blank piece of shiny photo paper.  Harry lifts up the paper and reveals the inscription on the back of the actual photo.

_To Nialler,_

_Happy Birthday!_

_All the love,_

_-H_

“I’m there,” Harry says closing the frame back up.  “You just got to go looking for me,” he says with a smile.

Without warning, Niall wraps his arms around Harry’s neck and hugs him tightly.  “Thanks, Hazza.  It’s perfect,” he mutters against Harry’s skin.

 

+++

 

Harry sees his mum’s car in the driveway when he gets home from school.  He did exactly what she asked and came straight home after school let out.  Niall telling Harry to put as much blame on him as possible, since it technically is his fault that Anne is mad at Harry in the first place.  Harry had shaken his head at that…he was going to tell his mum everything he could without blaming just one person.

Harry steps into the house and looks around almost like he’s scouting the place out for his mum.  He looks around the house, but then sees her sitting on the back deck, where Harry and Niall had been only that very morning.

He opens the door and walks quietly across the deck to sit next to his mum.  It felt like a walk of shame and he wonders if Niall felt the same thing this morning.

They sit there for a moment, taking in the sounds of the birds and the slight wind that was shaking the leaves on the trees.

“I’m honestly not even sure where to start with this whole thing, Harry,” Anne says.  “I don’t really know how to approach this because for the first time in so long you seem so happy, but at the same time you’ve been out late, you’ve hardly been home, and you’ve been drinking, when you know that twenty-one is the legal drinking age here.  Did you know that only last week we had four kids, not much older than you, brought into the ER because they were drinking and driving? I thought I raised you better than this and if I’m being honest with you, Niall seems to be at the heart of all of it, both the happiness and the bad behavior.  And it puts me at a loss, because I want you to be happy, Harry.”  Anne is so calm as she speaks that it registers with Harry how serious she is about all of this and also how torn she feels about the subject.

Harry lets out a light chuckle as he thinks about his conversation with Niall this morning, how he had voiced some similar concerns.  “Me and Niall were just talking about this just this morning…sitting in this exact same spot,” Harry finds himself saying.  “I think things are going to start changing for the better.  The whole drinking thing is going to stop.  I’m optimistic that Niall telling Louis and Liam about everything is going to help some.  Niall was in a bad place last night and he didn’t handle it well, but at the same time, we didn’t do much to help him either. So, I’m as much to blame for everything as he is, I suppose. I just, I figured this was the safest place for him at the time…with you being a nurse and a mum.”

“I suppose, you were correct in that assumption,” Anne says in a lighter tone.  She sighs. “This all just got very complicated, very quickly, Harry.  We didn’t have any of this going on a month ago and I just didn’t want you getting caught up in something again.  I can’t watch you get hurt like that again, Harry, and that’s why I’m so upset about all this.”

“I know,” Harry says reassuringly.

“You do know you’re not getting off easy on all this, right?”

“I kinda figured…”

“One week,” Anne says.  “Grounded for one week, which means aside from going to school and photographing the football game on Friday, you are going to be here doing homework, washing dishes, cleaning the house, making dinner, doing laundry.  And this also means that you’re not allowed to have anyone over either.  So, from now until next Thursday, is your timeline.  However, once that time is over, I would like to meet Niall’s other friends, Louis and Liam.  Have them all over here for dinner or something.”

“I think that’s a fair plan,” Harry says with a quick nod.  “Probably wait until after Lou and Liam find out to do all that though, just in case.”

“I thought you said you were optimistic?” Anne says looking over at Harry.

“I am, but—” Harry shrugs. “You never know, I guess.”

 

Harry calls Niall later on that night after his mum went to bed.

“Well, you’re still alive, so I guess it went well with your mum today,” Niall says as soon as he answers the phone.

Harry chuckles. “She’s just worried, I told her we are all gonna start getting our shit together. Grounded me for a week…”

“She still mad at me?”

“Little bit, but she also mentioned having you, Louis and Liam over so that she could meet them.”

“Well, that depends on how Saturday goes,” Niall says casually, like Harry knows what he’s talking about.

“What’s Saturday?”

“Louis and Liam wanted to hang out, asked me to ask you if you wanted to come, but I reckon the whole grounded thing makes that a no…but I figured it’d be the perfect opportunity to tell them about everything.  Hopefully, all goes well.”

“It will,” Harry says. 

Harry hears Niall laugh.

“I put your photo up,” Niall says changing the subject.  “Put it on my bookshelf with all me CDs and whatnot. Can even see it from me bed.”

“I’m glad you like it,” Harry says with a smile.

“You know, I still have your Rumours album from that night.  Guessing you want that back eventually…”

“It’s not a big deal,” Harry says. “I know you’ll take care of it for me…feeding it, giving it a bath every now and then, read it a bedtime story…”

“And don’t feed it after midnight?” Niall laughs.

“Precisely,” Harry says smiling even wider. “Well, I should probably go, don’t want my mum coming in, wondering why I’m talking to myself.”

“See you tomorrow?” Niall asks, but he already knows the answer.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow…Goodnight, Niall.”

“Night, Hazza.”

Harry ends the call and plugs his phone in, setting it on the nightstand next to his bed.  He lets out a long sigh and stares up at the ceiling. “See you tomorrow,” he mutters to himself.

 

+++

 

East Stillwater wins their away game on Friday.  Harry was relieved when he looked into the crowd and didn’t see Niall’s dad sitting there.

Coach Mackie let Harry ride with the team on the bus over and Harry got a lot of really good shots of the boys on the way there, plus all the celebrating on the way back.  He felt like he was really part of the team as he listened to all their conversations and inside jokes.  He ended up sitting with Liam there and back, because Louis grabbed the seat next to Niall.  He wasn’t upset, he really liked Liam, he was a bit more manageable than Louis was sometimes. Harry liked being able to see “Daddy Liam” in action as he told off Louis for getting too loud and made sure that the boys weren’t going too crazy.

Both Liam and Louis apologized to Harry about getting him grounded since they were partially to blame as well.  Louis looked like he was going to try making a run for it when Harry mentioned his mum wanting to meet them.  Harry was pretty sure that Louis thought his mum might kill him for giving her son alcohol.

Niall gave Harry a ride home after the game.  They pulled up and Anne was watching them from the open front door.  She simply gave Niall a little wave.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable, the two just said their goodnights and Harry turned and gave Niall a quick wink when he was walking to the house, smiling as he walked past his mum.

 

+++

 

Saturday comes too fast for Harry.  He knows todays the day that Niall is going to tell Liam and Louis.  His mind is racing in a million different directions, so after he finishes cleaning up the kitchen, per his mum’s request, he spends his time going through all of his photos from the night before, selecting, editing, printing.  He tries to keep his mind as busy as possible as he waits for the verdict from Niall.

 

**Niall’s POV**

The three boys met up around 8am to go for a run, like they promised each other they would before they hung out for the day.  Niall didn’t tell them the reason he brought up going on a run was because his conversation with Harry about doing better the other day.

They went to the park around noon, like they used to when they first met.  They kicked around a ball for a while.  It was nice just to have a casual kick around without any pressure. 

Niall tried to get his mind as relaxed as possible for when he finally had the opportunity to talk to the two of them.  Every time he ran through it in his head, his heart jerked at the thought of what they might say.

It isn’t until they are up in Louis’ room, eating the last bit of pizza and playing FIFA on the PlayStation, while sitting on the floor that Niall gets his opportunity.

He’s lying on Louis’ bed on top of the covers, fingers fidgeting over his stomach as his hands start to sweat. Louis and Liam are finishing their game when he hears Louis yell at Liam after Louis loses by one point.

Niall doesn’t look at them; he just keeps staring at the ceiling.  “Can I talk to you boys about something?” Niall says in a serious tone.

Louis and Liam get quiet at the gravity in Niall’s voice.

“You can talk to us about anything, Nialler. You know that,” Liam says sharing a concerned look with Louis.

Niall can feel his chest start to shake as he breathes in and out.  He just keeps staring at the ceiling, memorizing the cluster of holes that are probably from Louis trying to get pencils stuck up there.  He can see a few spots where the tip grazed the white paint, making a short grey line.

He’s glad that Louis and Liam are quiet as he builds up the courage to speak.  He feels their worried eyes on him.  His mouth feels dry and his heart is racing.

“I’m gay,” he blurts out quietly.  There is no taking it back now and this was the worst part, lying there waiting for them to reply, to say something back to him.

“We know,” Louis says carefully.

Niall’s heart jumps and he feels like he might vomit.  His eyes start to fill with tears as he lays there in the silence of the room, Louis’ words ringing in his head.

“Me and Harry, we’re—”

“We know,” Liam says this time.

Tears are flowing down Niall’s face and onto the pillow as he keeps his eyes on the ceiling.  He lets out a shaky breath.

“It wasn’t obvious, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Louis says gently.  “It’s just that, we’re your best friends…we’re supposed to know everything about you, yeah? Notice all the little stuff.”

“You know that we love you, Niall.  Nothing is ever going to change that,” Liam adds.

Niall turns his head and sees them looking back at him from the floor, tears making his vision blurry. Their faces look so soft and sincere. 

“Oh, geez,” Louis says when he sees Niall crying. He gets up and kneels down by the bed beside Niall, putting a hand on his shoulder.  “Come on, Nialler.  If you cry then, Liam’s gonna cry, then I’m gonna cry.” Louis gets up then sits on the bed next to Niall.  “C’mere,” he says pulling Niall up into a hug.

Niall cries into Louis’ shoulder, wrapping his arms tight around Louis’ small frame. “I didn’t want to lose you,” he mutters.

“You’re never gonna lose us, Nialler,” Louis says rubbing his back.

Liam comes over and sits down on the bed wrapping his arms around both of them. “We’ll always be here,” he whispers.

 

+++

 

Harry sits in his bed with his homework spread across his bed and his laptop open with all of his photos.  Niall never chose a specific time to tell them, which makes waiting for him to call or text that much worse. 

He’s reading about the Battle of Gettysburg when he hears his phone vibrating on the nightstand.  Harry practically springs from his bed, tossing his books aside, as he looks at the screen to see Niall’s name.  He accepts the call and puts the phone to his ear. “Niall?”

“They knew,” Niall says calmly.

“What?”

“Louis and Liam knew. I told them and they said that they already knew…well, more or less guessed,” Niall says and Harry can practically see him shrugging.  “Here, I’m gonna put it on speaker.”

“Harreh!!!” he hears Louis shouting.  “Congratulations!”

“Oh, ask him about the thing,” Liam chimes in.

“Ask me about what?” Harry questions.

“Oh right,” Niall says. “So, every year they have this senior dance or whatever at the school for all the seniors, and originally we weren’t gonna go because we had a game on Friday night, but our game schedule got all messed up so now we have a game on Wednesday instead. So, we can actually go…you know, if you want to?”

“A dance?” Harry questions.

“Oh, come on, Harold. It’ll be fun. And since Nialler here has informed us that you guys have to remain a secret for now, we’ll scapegoat it and the four of us can go together,” Louis says.

Harry sighs.  “And the rest of you want to go?”

“Yep.” “Yeah.” “Yes.”

“Sure, I mean it could be fun,” Harry says.  “Though my mum was kinda thinking about you all coming over here on Friday?”

“Even better!” Louis pipes up. “Two birds, one stone. We get ready at Harold’s, then go to the dance, then hang out with your mum after!”

“We have time to figure this out boys,” Niall says nonchalantly.  Harry hears movement on Niall’s side then incoherent cooing from what he assumes is Liam and Louis.  “Sorry, about that,” Niall says when it’s finally quiet.  “Just wanted to talk to you one on one.  You sure you’re alright with this dance thing?”

“Forget about the dance for a second, Niall. And yes, I would love to go with you and the other boys, but I’m more worried about how they knew about you…about us.”

“Oh, right…Liam said they started noticing little stuff here and there, and then there was the party at Lisa’s house and they may have over heard some of the little spat we had.  Liam was worried, Louis was drunk, they came looking for us,” Niall says in a quiet tone.  “They promised they wouldn’t tell anyone, Harry.”

Harry leans against his headboard and sighs. “I know…I just, I’m happy everything went well, okay? Wasn’t exactly what I thought they’d say, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.  Cried like a baby when I told them.  Bit embarrassing in retrospect.”

“But hey, I’ll talk to my mum and see what she thinks about Friday, yeah?” Harry says.

“Sounds like a plan,” Niall says quietly, and Harry wonders if Louis and Liam are trying to listen in on them.

“See you on Monday, then?”

“Yeah, see you Monday,” Niall says reluctantly.

Harry hangs up the phone, but he can’t help but feel like there is white space at the end of their conversations.  A space where three words would go…three words that Harry desperately wants to say.

He tosses his phone to the side but he hears it buzz one more time.  A text from Niall that is just a smiley face and a four-leaf clover emoji. Harry smiles and sends back the little bashful face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be more fun with the senior dance and hanging out at Harry's house. (always the calm before the storm, eh?)  
> As usual, comments are highly welcomed, so I know how everything's laying out for you guys.  
> xoxo  
> -Amy


	7. Sweet as Cherry Wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lateness of this chapter, I went back to work last Monday so I can't stay up until 4 am working on this like I used to, so it might be a bit longer in between chapters. 
> 
> The title of this chapter comes from Hozier's song "Cherry Wine" which is a really beautiful and sad song and I totally recommend watching the music video or at least listening to the song (I integrated it into the story like I did with the party chapter). I would've uploaded this sooner but I had to finish editing and I was watching Louis on America's Got Talent tonight which was adorable!!!

Harry puts his black suit over the back of the chair in the corner of his room.  He’d been excited about the dance all week, especially after seeing that Louis and Liam didn’t act any differently around him and Niall. 

The dance didn’t start until 6:30 so Liam went with Louis to get their stuff from their houses so their suits wouldn’t get wrinkled at school. 

Niall is out in the kitchen and Harry can hear his fingers tapping nervously on the counter as he comes down the hallway.

He’s standing in front of the stove waiting for the kettle to boil.  Harry comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Niall’s middle, resting his chin on Niall’s shoulder. 

“You know, a watched kettle never boils,” Harry whispers.

Niall turns his head to look at Harry and smiles.

Harry places a soft kiss on the corner of Niall’s mouth.  “I’m happy we’re doing this,” Harry says giving Niall a light squeeze. He hears “Incomplete” by James Bay playing from Niall’s phone on the counter beside them.

“’M happy you agreed,” Niall says as he puts his hands over Harry’s at his waist.  “Wish it could be like this everywhere.” Niall leans into Harry, his neck arching back slightly to fit with Harry’s head.

“One day,” Harry says, placing a small kiss just below Niall’s ear. 

“I could go for just one dance,” Niall breathes out.  “One moment.”

Harry begins to sway back and forth, taking Niall with them. “One day,” he repeats into Niall’s ear.

“I hate that this is so complicated,” Niall breathes out. “Things could be so much easier for you if it weren’t for me.  Go to the dance and be able to actually dance with your boyfriend, out in the open…no consequences. You could be happier with someone else…”

“But I’m happy with you,” Harry says nuzzling his nose into Niall’s neck, giving another light kiss to Niall’s soft skin.  “I’d rather have you than all of that.  You are much more than a dance to me, Niall Horan.”  Harry hums against Niall’s skin, breathing in his cinnamon scent, his arms wrapping tighter around Niall’s narrow waist.

 As they sway, the kettle starts to whistle from the stove, snapping them out of their little daydream.

Harry lets go of Niall, pressing a light kiss to his shoulder and gets their mugs from the cupboard.  Niall pours the water into the cups and Harry hears a knock at the front door.

“That’d be the lads,” Niall says over his shoulder.

Harry grabs two more mugs, sets them on the counter then goes over to answer the door.

Louis barges in with a quick “hello” followed by Liam.  They have their suits and dress shoes with them. “Where do you want this stuff?” Louis asks as he stands around looking around the front area of the house.

“Oh, uh in my room.  I’ll show you,” Harry says gesturing for them to follow him down the hallway.  Louis gives a quick nod to Niall in the kitchen as they walk past. 

Louis and Liam lay their stuff across Harry’s bed and they all go back out to the kitchen where Niall is finishing making everyone’s tea the way they like it.

“So, where is you mum, Harry?” Liam says looking around as Niall hands them their individualized tea.

Harry leans his butt against the edge of the counter. “She had to pick up some groceries.  She should be back soon,” Harry replies, blowing on his tea.

Louis shudders slightly.

“Louis, are you afraid of my mum?” Harry asks.

“What?” Louis says looking flabbergasted.  “No…your mum just…she just seems like…a no nonsense type of woman from the way you talk about her sometimes, and me, I’m a bit of a nonsense person.  So, yeah, I reckon I’m a bit afraid of her.”

Harry rolls his eyes and Liam and Niall let out a small laugh.

“So, what’s the cover story for tonight?” Louis asks looking up from his tea.

“Well, me Da wasn’t home when I left,” Niall starts. “I just told me mum that I was getting ready with the lads and that I’d be staying overnight.”

“Keeping it vague.  Good plan,” Louis says with a quick nod of agreement.

They hear a car pull into the driveway and the rest of the boys follow Harry in setting down their tea and going out to help Anne unload the groceries. 

“Hi mum,” Harry says with a big smile. He turns and gestures to Liam and Louis. “This is Liam,” he says.  “And that’s Louis.”

They both give little waves.

“Heard a lot about you,” Anne says and her eyes stay on Louis for a half a second longer. “I trust you boys know how to bring in groceries, if you wouldn’t mind giving me a hand. I’ve got plenty of food for when you boys get back from the dance.”

 

+++

 

Harry hears the door creak open behind him as he picks up his shirt from the chair in the corner of his room.  He sees Niall in the reflection of his floor-length mirror.  Hair soft on his forehead and a black tie draping around his neck. 

Harry turns and Niall closes the door behind him, awkwardly stepping closer to Harry, diverting his eyes.

“I was wondering if you could help with me tie?  Haven’t done one up in a while,” Niall says. His blue eye flicker up to Harry’s.

Harry smiles. “Of course,” he says in a light tone, as he steps up to Niall.  He watches as Niall’s eyes flicker over his bare chest.

“Didn’t know you had that many tattoos,” Niall says, brushing his thumb lightly over the large butterfly on Harry’s stomach. 

Harry fiddles with the tie as Niall’s eyes wash over Harry’s many tattoos.

“They’re all very…you,” Niall says quietly brushing over the atomically correct heart on Harry’s arm.

Harry straightens Niall’s tie and tightens it so it’s sitting comfortably at his neck,

“Could use some help with me hair too,” Niall says with a laugh, running his fingers through his soft blonde hair. Niall pulls the small container of hair putty out of his pocket.

“C’mon,” Harry says guiding Niall toward the bathroom.  “You might want to take off your shirt and tie, actually,” Harry says.

Niall looks Harry up and down.  “Is this going to be one of those moments that someone walks in on?” he asks sarcastically, as he takes off his shirt and tie.

“Probably,” Harry says with a playful shrug.  He wets Niall’s hair in the sink and blow-dries it up like he used to do with the front of his when his hair was shorter.  He adds a couple other products then puts some of the putty into his hands and runs it through Niall’s blonde hair making it a perfect combination of tousled and professional. 

“Can I put my shirt back on?” Niall asks as he turns to face Harry in the confines of Harry’s cramped bathroom.  There are only inches between them and Niall’s blue eyes are wide as they look up Harry. 

Harry’s hand goes to Niall’s face, his thumb rubbing lightly at his soft cheek.  His hand glides down Niall’s neck and to his bare chest, feeling Niall’s heart race under his touch.

“You’re beautiful,” Harry says quietly.  He takes a small step forward and kisses Niall softly on the lips.

As he pulls away, Niall’s hand cover’s Harry’s and he wrap his fingers tightly around Harry’s hand.

Niall let’s go, but his hand goes to the side of Harry’s face to pull him into another kiss, their bare chests touching ever so slightly. 

The kiss deepens quickly, Harry’s hands at Niall’s waist, his back thudding lightly against the wall as Niall pushes against him.

Harry can feel his skin go warm and then hot under Niall’s touch, which only makes him hold Niall closer, their bodies colliding with each other, pulling at each other to get as close as possible.  Niall’s hand glides down Harry’s body, grabbing at his hips and pulling their middles together. 

Harry’s head goes back as Niall sucks lightly at the skin below his jawline.

“Jesus Christ,” Harry breathes out, his chest heaving trying to get more air into his lungs, but every touch of Niall’s lips to his skin ignites his heart making it race wildly.  “God, I love you.”

Niall pulls away, loosens his grip, and looks at Harry.  It’s only then, and the look in Niall’s eyes, that Harry realizes what he said.  After all those times, the quiet conversations they had where he kept himself from saying it, and he let it slip out like this; half-naked in his tiny bathroom.

But then Harry sees the look in Niall’s eyes and he knows he didn’t make a mistake. “I love you, Niall,” he says again, this time looking directly into Niall’s blue eyes.  “It’s not just the heat of the moment, I’ve wanted to say it for so long…it was just always too soon and—”

“I love you, too,” Niall says.  He looks at Harry and smiles.  “Didn’t want to say it first and scare you off…”

Harry smiles, cupping Niall’s face with his hands, and placing a delicate kiss on Niall’s lips.

Harry stares at Niall.  This is it, he thinks to himself.  He realizes that he would do anything to have Niall in his life, for the rest of his life.

There’s a knock at Harry’s bedroom door and they both jump.

“Oi, Harold!” Louis yells through the door. “I’m assuming Nialler’s in there with you,” he says in a lower tone, probably so Harry’s mum wouldn’t hear him.  “Gotta get going soon, lads. Zip it up,” he says jokingly.

“Be out in a moment!” Harry calls.

Niall rolls his eyes. “He’s gonna be giving us weird looks all night after this…” he says with a sigh.

Niall turns and grabs his shirt from the counter and Harry helps him readjust his tie again.

Harry puts on a black and white floral button up along with a thin black tie, and grabs his slim, black suit jacket off the back of the chair in his room. 

He follows Niall out to the living room where Anne is adjusting Liam’s pink pocket square.  Liam’s wearing a light grey suit with a black tie and Harry can see the pink socks sticking out from the bottom of his pants, a look that wouldn’t work for anyone but Liam.  Louis, on the other hand, skipped the tie and went for a plain black suit and white button up.

Niall picks his dark, navy blue suit jacket up off the back of the couch and Harry helps slip it over his shoulders and adjusts the collar for him, giving him a sincere smile.

“What took you two so long?” Liam says once Anne places his pocket square perfectly.

“Had to fix me hair,” Niall says giving Liam a light shove.

“Alright! Picture time!” Anne says with a bright smile.

All four boys groan in unison.

“I don’t want to hear it. Get your butts out to the back deck,” Anne says.

Louis and Liam follow behind Niall toward the back deck.

Harry catches his mum’s arm.  “Maybe pictures aren’t such a good idea, mum,” he says in a low voice.

“Sweetheart, I promise nothing is going online, I just think it would be nice for you to have something for yourself. These boys are different from the ones at your old school.  They’re worth holding onto,” Anne says with a smile.

“S’pose you’re right,” Harry says and he goes over to the door to grab his camera bag where he left it on the floor next to his school bag.  He takes out his camera and hands it to his mum.  “I don’t plan on letting this bunch go,” Harry says with a quick smile.

They go out to the back deck where the other three are standing looking out at the woods.

“On the steps, you think?” Anne says as she goes out into the grass to get in position.

The four boys line up on the steps, putting their arms around each other, with big smiles on their faces as Anne clicks away on Harry’s camera. 

Harry shivers slightly as Niall runs his knuckles up along Harry’s spine to rest it softly on Harry’s shoulder.

The boys move around so Harry and Liam end up standing in front of Niall and Louis on the next step down. 

Anne snaps a couple of pictures then looks at the boys.  “Now, boys. Think about this for a second.  You put the two taller ones in the front?”

They all look at each other and Harry goes to switch with Niall, but then trips going up and grabs Harry by the shoulders to stabilize him, meanwhile, Anne snaps away on Harry’s camera. 

Harry looks over his shoulder to see Niall smiling behind him.  They stare at each other a little too long and Louis coughs beside them.

“Would you like a room? Or do you want to take more pictures?” Louis says jokingly.

Harry and Niall awkwardly shift places on the stairs and at one point Harry leans down, resting his chin on Niall’s shoulder.  Niall peers over at Harry, they both smile, and Harry gives Niall a quick peck on the cheek before he straightens up again. 

“Alrighty, I think we’re good!” Anne says looking up at the boys from behind the camera.

“Thank god!” Louis says with a sigh of relief. “I needed to wee.” Louis turns, walks quickly across the deck, and back into the house.

Harry drapes his arms over Niall’s shoulders and wraps them around Niall’s chest.  Sinking into him, with his lips brushing Niall’s neck, he whispers, “You look beautiful.”

Harry can hear his camera click but he doesn’t mind as he sees Niall’s cheek pull up in a small smirk.

Niall turns and places a soft kiss on Harry’s cheek.

He gives Niall a quick squeeze before he lets go.  Instead of going back to the house, Harry goes down into the yard followed by Niall.

“I have a good feeling about tonight,” Harry says as he stretches out his arms.  He turns to face Niall who has a huge smile across his face.

“Oi! We going or what?” Louis says stepping back out onto the deck.  “C’mon Nialler, you can kiss your boyfriend later! We got places to go! People to make fun of!”

Harry hears his mum laugh and Niall just rolls his eyes as Liam jogs toward them across the lawn, grabs Niall around the waist, and spins him around. 

Harry laughs while Niall giggles like a little boy as Liam sets him back down on the ground, wavering slightly from being spun around.  “Let’s put these monkey suits to good use!” Liam says loudly, laying a sloppy kiss on Niall’s cheek.  “Time to go!”

“You boys have fun and drive safe,” Anne says as she waves them off.  “Let me know when you’re coming home, yeah?”

“Yes, mum!” Louis says sarcastically with an innocent smile and Anne just laughs at him.

Harry places his hand at the small of Niall’s back as the head up the stairs and back into the house.

 

+++

 

He gives Niall’s hand a quick squeeze before they get out of the back of Louis’ car at Buckhill Lodge.  It’s one of the few nicer places at the edge of town.  Most wedding receptions, baby showers, holiday parties are held there out of convenience, but it’s Harry’s first time here.

The inside of the building is all dark woods and deep reds.  The fake plants in the foyer are decorated with twinkly lights and Harry watches as a few of his classmates come down the stairs just opposite the front door.

To the right is the bar area, where Harry sees them handing out Shirley Temples and he forgets for a moment that you can’t drink until you’re 21 in the U.S.. He sees the big grand piano in the corner of the room; black with gold embellishments.

To the left is the dining area and dancefloor.  Large round tables placed around the outside edge of the room with the wood dancefloor taking up the center of the room.

Harry feels Niall’s arm brush against his and they smile at each other.

“Let’s grab a table, yeah?” Louis says and the other three follow after him.  They weave in and out of the fifty or so of their classmates that are already there and find a table in the corner.

They sit and there is still room for four more people at the table, but they doubt anyone will sit with them; no one sits with them any other time as they seem to exist as their own little universe with each other.

A boy that Harry recognizes from his photography class comes over and takes their picture at the table and Harry suddenly wonders whether they all looked normal in the picture or if it looked like they were trying to hide something…he likes being the one in control of the camera.

Once most of the kids arrive, they serve dinner and Harry smiles every time Niall bumps him with his knee under the table.

The dancefloor is almost empty until a few brave souls go up and start dancing, almost testing the water before other people join in.

“Cherry Wine!” Niall shouts to Harry over the music.

“What about it?” Harry says with a laugh.

“For our one dance, if we could have it!  It’d be to ‘Cherry Wine’ by Hozier!” Niall yells.  It’s just the four of them at the table in the dim lighting with almost everyone else on the dancefloor; the tables around them empty.

“It’s a bit sad, isn’t it? That song!” Harry says.

“Makes me realize how good I have it—being with you…” Niall says giving Harry a smile.

Harry can see the sincerity in the deep blue hues of Niall’s eyes as the lights from the dancefloor catch in them.  Out of the corner of his eye, Harry sees Louis lean over and whisper something to Liam, but his eyes stay fixed on Niall.

“One day,” Niall says quietly, and Harry almost doesn’t hear him.

“One day,” Harry repeats.  He smiles wide at Niall in hopes that the Irishman’s own smile won’t fade at the hopelessness of it all.

Niall’s eyes drop and his hand brushes Harry’s before he scoots his chair out. “’M gonna go find the toilets,” he says and he wanders off in the other direction.

Harry watches him disappear into the front foyer, his hands shoved into the pockets of his trousers. Harry would give anything in that moment to make Niall happy just for a short while, before the weight of reality set in on him again.  He hates watching Niall’s smile fade night after night.

Before he knows what he’s doing, Harry struts across the room in search of Niall. 

He comes to the wide-open foyer and looks up the stairs where he sees a sign pointing toward the bathroom.  He quickly jogs up the stairs and turns the corner toward the bathroom. 

He tries the handle, but the door is locked.  “Niall?” he says.  “It’s me.” He hears the sound of someone sniffling on the other side of the door. “Please, Niall?”  He waits a moment but he can hear the light sound of someone walking toward the door. 

It clicks and Harry waits a moment before he opens the door.  He peers in and sees Niall, with his head down, bent down slightly, leaning up against the corner with his hands on his knees.

Harry closes and locks the door behind him and walks quietly over to Niall. 

“I can’t do this, Harry,” Niall says letting out a long breath.  “I can’t keep this up.  I can’t keep pretending that this isn’t real between us.” Niall takes in a few long breaths.  “It’s just a damn dance.  One dance together and we can’t have it.” Harry can hear the break in Niall’s voice as he finally looks up at Harry, red faced and skin wet with tears. “I can’t give you any of it…” Niall’s face drops again.

Harry’s heart breaks as he looks at Niall.  He steps closer to him and puts his hand gently on the back of Niall’s neck trying to get him to look up.  “Niall,” Harry says gently. “It’s okay…I don’t need any of that from you I just need you, alright?”

Harry waits a moment but watches as Niall nods his head slightly and straightens up a bit, wiping off his face with his hand. 

“C’mere,” Harry says and he wraps his arms around the blonde boy and Niall sinks into him, melding with Harry’s body.  “This is all really fucked up and it’s gonna be like that a lot, but I’m not going anywhere.  I agreed to all of this, we both did, so we’re in this together.   I may not be able to tell you that I love you in front of everyone, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you, Niall.  We have each other and we have Louis and Liam…even my mum,” Harry says and he feels Niall’s small chuckle shake through him.  “This is real, and the people who matter to us know that…”

Niall pulls away from Harry with a slight nod as he rubs his eyes. 

Harry goes over to the paper towel dispenser and wets a couple under the water.  He gently dabs at Niall’s red face.  “We’re going to be fine,” Harry says pressing the damp towels to Niall’s cheek.

Niall looks up at him, Harry bends slightly to place a light kiss on his lips and Niall sniffles again.

“I love you,” Niall says quietly.

“I love you, too.”                                                                                  

Niall looks at Harry and cracks a smile. 

“Let’s go have some fun, yeah?” Harry says as he tosses the paper towels in the trash.

Niall nods.  Harry unlocks the door and peeks out to see if anyone is there, but the hallway is empty.  He turns to look at Niall.  His face is still red but Harry hopes that no one will notice in the dim lighting surrounding the dancefloor. 

When they get back to the dining area, they’re met with concerned looks on both Louis and Liam’s faces, but Harry just gives them a quick nod, telling them that everything is fine.

“We’re gonna dance!” Harry shouts at them over the music when they get back over to the table.  Niall takes off his jacket and folds it over the back of the chair and Harry does the same.

The two of them turn and head over to the dancefloor packed with their classmates.  Harry and Niall smoosh themselves in with the rest of them and the music seems to get louder. Harry’s not even sure whatever song is playing is actually a song, it was more like random noises with a bass drop.

It gets hot quickly and Harry is thankful he took off his jacket.  He almost loses Niall a few times in the crowd, but when Liam and Louis finally join them, they become their own little dancing unit in the midst of everyone else.

The music picks back up and blends into a remix of Troye Sivan’s ‘YOUTH’.  Harry looks at Niall as the chorus kicks in.  _“My youth! My youth is yours. Trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls. My youth! My youth is yours. Run away now and forevermore.”_

The lights hit Niall eyes showing a flash of bright blue as Niall stares back at Harry. Huge smiles on both their faces as they dance along to the music surrounded by a sea of people.  

Harry can feel the sweat on his face and body.  _“My youth is yours!”_ the music plays out. 

The four of them dance like idiots as the music changes from one song to the next.  Niall pointing both his hands over Harry’s shoulders like they’d done at the party a few weeks ago and Harry laughs doing it back to Niall. 

Harry catches the sight of Lisa Carmichael in the crowd and the person behind him bumps him making Harry trip forward into Liam, who catches him.  Harry looks over as Niall gets sucked into the crowd around them and disappears in the slight shift of people.

Harry slows his dancing and tries to locate Niall, looking for the tufts of blonde hair sticking out in the darkness.  He skims the crowd and the lights hit his eyes over and over making his vision splotchy. He catches the sight of Lisa Carmichael moving through the crowd and Harry’s stomach drops.

That’s when he sees Niall with a couple of other girls on one side and Olly from the soccer team beside him on the other.  He’s still dancing but Harry can see Niall’s eyes skimming the crowd probably trying to find his way back to his friends. 

Harry sees Liam and Louis follow his gaze toward Niall.  They watch as Lisa Carmichael pushes her way between Olly and Niall.  Harry feels his body tense and he stops dancing. 

Lisa dances slowly working her way to Niall’s front so her back is to his chest.  Niall tries his best to move away from her but the crowd is so thick that he has nowhere to go.  His blue eyes pop up and catch Harry’s gaze.  Niall stops moving all together.  Keeping his eyes locked on Harry he lightly pushes Lisa out of the way and practically barges through the rest of the people between him and Harry.

Lisa sees Louis and Liam watching her, and Louis gives her a cocky little shrug, then she flicks her eyes up and glares at Harry as Niall rejoins their little circle, making Harry smirk.

“Think she’s gotten the memo, yet? Jeez,” Niall says loudly with a long sigh.

The three of them laugh and they continue dancing until they get tired.  Harry and Niall go back to their table and take a seat while Louis and Liam disappear to get something to drink.

“Sorry about that,” Niall says looking over at Harry.

“Wasn’t your fault,” Harry says nonchalantly.  “I know who you’re going home with tonight,” he says looking at Niall and waiting for his reaction.

Niall laughs and shakes his head. “I reckon, you do,” he says with a smile.

Niall feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulls it out to see a text from Louis.

_Upstairs. Balcony. Bring the Harold._

He shows the text to Harry and they both shrug.  They stand, grab their jackets from the back of their chairs, and make their way through the dining area and up the stairs.

It takes a little bit of snooping but they find the Liam and Louis in a small lounge area with reddish-coral sofas and bright white walls.

“What’s with the text?” Niall says. He puts his jacket back on and Harry does the same.  Louis pops up off the couch and starts ushering them toward the balcony.

“Just be quiet and go a long with it,” Louis says as he opens the double doors that lead out to the balcony. 

It’s not a large area but the space goes down the length of the back of the building and they can hear the bass from the music downstairs, just below them. 

Liam closes the door and then joins Louis in front of a confused Harry and Niall.

“So, in lieu of these crappy circumstances, we…” Louis says gesturing to himself and Liam. “As your best and only friends, have decided to take matters into our own hands.”

“We love you both,” Liam says next.  “And your predicament sucks because you guys can’t share it with everyone and just be yourselves.  And although this isn’t in front of everyone, you still have each other and you have us.”

“So, I’m just gonna leave this here,” Louis says as he swipes through his phone and then sets it on one of the small green benches against the wall.  “And we’re going to let you have your moment.” 

The two of them scurry off back inside and close the doors behind them, leaving Niall and Harry alone on the balcony.

“What the f—?” Niall starts to say, but then they hear the music start to play from Louis’ phone and they both recognize it right away as Hozier’s ‘Cherry Wine’.

They turn toward each other.  Harry smiles and holds out his hand for Niall. “May I have this dance?” he says softly, eyes crinkling with his smile.

Niall looks like he’s on the verge of tears as he nods and takes Harry’s hand.

Harry pulls them close together and puts his other hand at the small of Niall’s back, as Niall’s hand runs up over Harry’s shoulder and rests it at the back of Harry’s neck; his fingers softly slide into Harry’s hair as he leans into him.

_‘Her eyes and words are so icy. Oh but she burns. Like rum on a fire. Hot and fast and angry. As she can be. I walk my days on a wire.’_

They start to move back and forth slowly with the music and Niall sinks further into Harry. 

Aside from the music playing from Louis’ phone and the even thump of the music downstairs, the balcony is quiet and chilly.  The trees down in the courtyard tremble in the light breeze that comes through.  It pricks Harry’s cheek and he knows Niall feels it too as he rests his head under Harry’s jaw.

_‘The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine. Open hand or closed fist would be fine. The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.’_

Harry peers up at the sky and takes in the stars.  “At least the stars know,” he says softly.

“Know what?” Niall says into Harry’s collar.

“Know how much I love you,” Harry says and he glances down at Niall, whose bright blue eyes are staring back. 

In that moment, Harry doesn’t see the difference between the stars above and glint in Niall’s eyes.

They take tiny steps as they sway with the soft rhythm of the music. _‘And it's worth it, it's divine. I have this some of the time.’_

As the guitar fades out Niall lifts his head up and looks at Harry. “I love you,” he says quietly, swallowing back tears.

Harry bends, kisses him on the lips, and Niall kisses him back. “I love you, too,” Harry says with only their foreheads touching.  He sniffs as they step back and he has to wipe his wet eyes with his hand.

The door creaks open, Louis and Liam peer out and see the two of them wiping their faces.

“Nooo, this is supposed to be happy,” Louis says as he steps out onto the balcony followed by Liam.  “You’re not meant to be crying.”

Niall and Harry both laugh and without saying anything to each other, they simultaneously grab Louis and Liam and pull them into a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” Niall mutters.

“Anytime, mate,” Liam answers.

 

+++

 

Harry texts his mum that they are coming back just after 10:30.  They left a bit early since they had red, tear-filled faces after the hug on the balcony.  They go back to Harry’s house with smiles on their faces.

Anne sets up the fire pit out in the yard while the boys change out of their suits and into more comfortable clothes.

They shuffle across the yard, giggling and hanging off each other.  Harry sits down on the wicker couch that usually sits up against the house on the deck, with a blanket wrapped around him and Niall joins him while the other two sit on the deck chairs just opposite them.  They try making s’mores, Harry doesn’t actually like marshmallows but he roasts a perfect one for Niall. Louis makes Liam’s marshmallow catch fire and they end up throwing them at each other while Niall guards Harry from any rogue marshmallows that come flying their way.

Niall grabs his guitar from where he left it in Harry’s room and sits there strumming through some chords. 

“Been so long since I’m played this thing,” he says trying to get the right fingering.

“Play something for us,” Liam says without budging.

Niall sighs and looks up to see the three of them staring at him.  “Really?”

“Yeah,” Harry says encouragingly.

“Fine,” Niall says roughly.  “But no laughing, alright?”

They all nod and Niall looks back down at his guitar.  “Just gonna do the chorus, yeah?”

They all watch and stay quiet, as Niall get comfortable with the guitar. He starts strumming, then to Harry’s surprise, Niall starts singing too. It’s not a song he’s heard before and he figures that it must be something that Niall wrote himself.

“How many nights does it take to count the stars? That's the time it would take to fix my heart. Oh, baby, I was there for you. All I ever wanted was the truth, yeah, yeah.”

“How many nights have you wished someone would stay?” Niall sings and his voice cracks slightly. “Lie awake only hoping they're OK. I never counted all of mine. If I tried, I know it would feel like infinity. Infinity, infinity, yeah…Infinity…”  Niall lets the last chord ring out and he looks up to see the stunned faces of his friends.

“Holy crap,” Louis says barely audible over the crackling of the fire.  “Someone’s been holding out on us all these years.”

“When did you even write that?” Liam asks sitting up in his chair.

Niall looks over at Harry.  “I started working on the lyrics after the night we took a walk in these woods.  Laying there just staring up at the stars like that…first time I ever really got inspired to add lyrics to anything I wrote.”

Harry smiles and leans over to place a gentle kiss on Niall’s lips.  “It’s beautiful,” he whispers and he sees Niall blush.

“Aww,” Liam coos from his seat.

“Shut up,” Niall says in his thick accent.  He leans over, places his guitar back in its case, and leans it up against the arm of the couch.

 

After a while, Niall lays down on the couch next to Harry, resting the side of his head on Harry’s lap.  Harry lays his hand on Niall side overtop his bulky sweatshirt, rubbing small circles with his thumb though he’s not sure that Niall can even feel it.

“It’s gonna take some getting used to,” Louis says gesturing at the two of them and Harry sees Liam nod.  “I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly okay with all of this as long as you don’t third wheel me when I’m around, but you both just seem so much more…”

“Comfortable?” Liam says.

“Yeah, comfortable,” Louis says in agreement.

Harry lets the heat of the fire warm his face in the cool night air.

“So how many people do know, anyway?” Liam asks peering over at them through the fire.

“Well, there’s me,” Harry says then he looks down at Niall.  “Niall,” he says with a smile. “You two and my mum.”

“That’s it? Nobody else knows about the two of you?” Louis says sinking further into his chair.

“Nope,” Harry says making a pop sound at the ‘p’.

“Jeez,” Liam says slumping over in his seat to get more comfortable.

“Can’t really tell me parents,” Niall says.  “And you two are the only friends we’ve got, so…yeah. Circle’s pretty small.”

They get quiet for a moment and then Liam looks over at the two of them. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did this whole thing between the two of you even start?” Liam asks.

Harry looks down at Niall for a moment then back up at Liam and Louis.  “We were hanging out, watching a movie, and Niall kissed me,” Harry says quickly.

“No, you kissed me,” Niall says peering up at him.

Harry throws his hands up.  “Alright, we kissed each other!” he says exasperatedly. 

“Yeah, but you didn’t know that,” Niall pipes up.  Niall reaches his hand up and starts poking Harry’s face. “You thought I was gonna kick your arse,” Niall says with a laugh as he continues poking Harry.

“Did not!” Harry says swatting away Niall’s hand, making the Irishman laugh in his lap.

“You totally did!” Niall coos.  “You were all cute tripping over your words, apologizing to me…God it feels so long ago now,” Niall laughs.

Harry and Niall lock eyes for a moment.

“That’s it!” Louis says throwing his hands up.  “This is just way too adorable and I hate every bit of it!” he says jokingly, making Harry and Niall laugh.

“Now the real beauty of this whole thing,” Liam begins to say.  “Was the night of the party, after we’d gone back to mine. Louis was so drunk I thought he was going to spill the beans about us overhearing the two of you.  Christ, you kept saying how nice it was that Niall found someone as adorable as he is and how you wanted to congratulate them on being adorable together.”  Liam chuckles giving Louis a little nudge.

“Have you quite finished?” Louis says crossing his arms.  “You’ve got to be making that up.  I don’t remember saying any of that.”

“If I was that drunk,” Niall interjects.  “I’d hardly remember much of that night at all.” 

Liam chuckles and Louis turns so his feet are hanging over the armrest of the chair and his back it to Liam.

“You’re all shit,” Louis mumbles and the other three laugh.

The boys sit and watch the fire.  Harry looks down and watches the shadows change on Niall’s face as the fire dances in front of them.  Niall’s eyes slowly begin to close and as hard as he tries to keep himself awake, sleep wins in the end.  Harry admires the way that Niall’s face scrunches against his leg and his mouth says open just slightly as he melts deeper into his sleep. 

He notices the fire start to die, and Liam and Louis fall asleep in its orange light.  Harry tries to fight against the drowsiness and he promises himself that he’ll rest his eyes for only a brief moment before he gets up.

 

+++

 

Harry feels a hand on his shoulder and a chill hit the warm part of his face that had been buried in the blanket around him.  He looks up and sees his mum standing over him. 

“Fire’s gone out.  You boys fell asleep out here,” she says.

Harry’s confused at first but then he looks down to see the Niall is still asleep on his lap and his leg’s gotten all tingly.

“I put some blankets and pillows out in the living room for you all,” Anne says quietly she picks up some of the stuff on the ground to take it back inside. She then goes over and shakes Louis’ shoulder and he pops up out of his sleep and ends up whacking Liam in the face.

Harry chuckles to himself and shakes his head.  He looks down at Niall and places his hand on his shoulder.  “Nialler,” he whispers.  “Come on, babe. We have to go inside.”

Niall stirs and lets out a sleepy groan stretching out slightly.  Harry can just barely make out his blue eyes as they flutter open and look up at him.  Niall smiles sleepily and turns to sit up on the couch. 

The four boys shuffle back into the house, Niall almost dragging his guitar case along with him, unable to lift the weight in his drowsy state.

Louis plops himself down on the couch in the living room and curls up into a ball.  Liam and Harry lay parallel to the couch and Niall lays down so his top half is by Harry’s head. 

They all fall back asleep quickly in the silence of the house and the last thing Harry hears is the pitter-patter of his mum’s steps as she goes down the hallway to her own room.

 

Harry doesn’t remember what he was dreaming about when he jolted awake.  He lay there for a moment trying to get his bearings, when he realizes that he’s in his own living room.

He sees that Louis is still sound asleep on the couch, arm hanging over the side near Harry’s feet.  He turns and sees Liam’s face squished against the pillow giving him fish lips.

He doesn’t know what woke him up until he hears a quiet whimper followed by a slight shake in the floor from above him where Niall lay.

Harry cranes his neck and watches as Niall’s body jolts slightly in his sleep, a pained expression on his face as he lay on his side, hand stretched out just a little ways in front of him. 

Harry adjusts himself and reaches his hand out to cover Niall’s pale, clammy hand.  The shaking stops and Niall calms, but stays sleeping.

And that’s how Harry would wake up the next morning; with his hand holding Niall’s and Niall holding his back.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter is where things start going downhill even more. Some secrets can't stay secrets for long.
> 
> As always, comment on what you liked what you didn't like and what you are looking forward to in the next chapters! I rally enjoy hearing from you guys so thanks!!
> 
> xoxox  
> -Amy


	8. Left Me Black and Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super duper duper sorry about how long this took to finish. This chapter is a bit longer than the other's and I didn't have a lot of time to just sit down and write like before. 
> 
> This chapter is really where the ball starts rolling and a lot happens in a short amount of time.
> 
> Chapter title comes from the song "Hymn" by Fleurie.

****

Harry sits on the back deck watching the other boys run around playing footie in his backyard.  It surprises him how early it is and that they’re this awake.  The air around them is cool and the slight fog is lifting as the sun comes up. 

Harry doesn’t realize how long he’s been smiling until his cheeks start to hurt.  He wonders if Niall knows how worried he is about Niall’s restless sleep.  The blonde said that it must have been a bad dream and that he didn’t even remember it, but Harry caught a glimpse of Niall’s worried expression when he turned away from him.

This isn’t the first time that Harry worried about Niall.  He knows there’s something going on that Niall just won’t tell him about, but he tries to respect Niall and accept the fact that people can keep secrets even from the people they care about most.  It still bothers Harry, though.  If Niall won’t talk about whatever it is, then Harry will be damn sure to keep an eye on his boyfriend and be there for him no matter what happens.

It’s weird how easy this all became.  The way that Louis and Liam are melding into Harry and Niall’s lie and how comfortable they are with the whole situation.  Harry wonders then if there’s something that he doesn’t know that about Niall that the two of them know.  Something that made accepting their unconventional relationship so easy.  To put it simply, Liam and Louis never asked why they couldn’t tell anyone. 

The simple answer is that Niall’s dad can’t know, but Harry is starting to wonder why that is in the first place.  He’s seen it himself, how intimidating Mr. Horan can be, and the effect that has on Niall.  But he still thinks he’s missing something.

When Harry first met Niall, Niall told him about how his parents wanted him home for dinner at night and how they didn’t like him being gone all the time, and yet, it feels like Niall spends more time at Harry’s house and hanging out with Louis and Liam, than he spends at home.  Their whole family dynamic confuses Harry.  Niall doesn’t talk about his mum much, what she does or even give the slightest hint as to what their relationship is like.  And when it comes to his dad, Niall is always so vague about what it’s like living with his father.

Harry doesn’t like the idea of asking Niall any of this.  He’s seen the way that Niall closes himself off and Harry wants, more than anything, for Niall to feel safe around him.  He doesn’t want to be another burden in Niall’s life, though, Harry’s not sure what some of those burdens are in the first place, because Niall won’t talk about it, no matter how many times Harry tries.

It occurred to Harry this morning, after they were cleaning up breakfast before his mum left for an early shift at the hospital, that he really doesn’t know all that much about Niall.  He holds his cards close to his chest.  Harry knows he loves Niall, but he wonders if he really loves all of Niall.

He thinks about the simpler moments with Niall where he was the most carefree person that Harry had ever met.  Then there were other moments where Niall only thought about what other people were thinking.  And maybe that’s the difference personality and mentality.  Niall is an outgoing person with anxiety.

Harry remembers what Liam said about how Niall starts acting weird sometimes and how Niall had asked them to just pretend like nothing was wrong, but that means that there was something wrong to begin with that Niall didn’t want them asking questions about.

He watches as the three boys laugh and joke around down in the grass.  Harry thinks about the nights before they met where the three of them might’ve just sat there playing video games in silence, because Niall needed to take his mind off something that was going on at home or whatever.

Maybe he’s only in love with the idea of Niall…the thought scares him as soon as it passes through his mind.  Harry hates the idea of his feelings for Niall being superficial, like maybe he said I love you too soon.

He remembers the moment in the bathroom, when he said it for the first time, only yesterday, and then he looks out and watches as Niall’s eyes squint shut as he smiles and Harry can’t help the goofy grin that comes across his own face.

Niall is special, he says to himself. He’s not a puzzle to put together, he’s human, he’s real, and Harry has never felt this way before.  The only reason he doesn’t know why he loves Niall is because he couldn’t possibly put into words the way that Niall makes him feel.  Around Niall, Harry understands the cruelty of life, but he’s also found a way to love the simple things and the importance of holding on to them. 

Sitting there on the deck steps, Harry tries to commit this moment to memory.  One where he’s with his closest friends, the boy he cares about, he’s comfortable, and happy and so are they.  He wants to remember this moment forever.

Harry looks down at his hands and adjusts the rings on his fingers so they sit straight.  He contemplates about how much it would hurt to get hit by someone wearing so many rings.  He hopes he never has to find out.

Niall’s silhouette blocks out the rays of sun beginning to peak out from behind the clouds.  Harry looks up at him from where he is sitting.

Niall is standing directly in front of Harry, looking down at him, giving himself a little bit of a double chin.

“Can I help you?” Harry jokes and he squints up at Niall.

The blonde smiles at him. “No, just wanted to come over and see how you’re doin’…”

“Peachy,” Harry says sarcastically.

Niall kneels down in between Harry legs, leaning his arms on Harry’s thighs.  “Not bored yet?” Niall asks with a cheek grin.

“No, I like watching you run around like this.” Harry leans in to whisper the next bit.  “Little bit of sweat. Bit of the cocky grin on your face when you’re out there. It’s a bit of a turn on,” Harry says biting his lip.

Niall smiles and his cheeks turn bright red.

“I’m serious!” Harry says playfully.  “You look sexy.”  Harry grins and he can feel his tongue graze his teeth as his lips pulls up at the corner.

Niall looks at Harry a moment, his clammy hand going to Harry’s cheek, thumb running gently over the cheekbone.

Niall pulls Harry in and kisses him intently.  Harry likes seeing this side of Niall.  The version that is sure of himself and doesn’t care what other people think.

It gets easier with every kiss.  They get more associated with each other’s lips, each other’s likes and dislikes. What makes Harry gently groan out Niall’s name in between kisses. It didn’t take much, one look from Niall could send Harry’s heart into a frenzy.   

It almost surprises Harry at first how intense the kiss is, since he knows Louis and Liam are only a short distance away.  Maybe it’s the freedom of it.  This being the one place that the two of them don’t have to hide, so Niall wants to take advantage of that opportunity and Harry can’t complain.

Niall pulls back and Harry can see the glint in his eyes even when they are shaded from the sun.  Niall runs his fingers gently up the top of Harry’s thigh over his tight jeans.

Niall looks down at where his hands are on Harry.  “We haven’t really talked about that yet,” he says flicking his eyes up to meet Harry’s confused gaze.  “You know.” Niall shrugs awkwardly. “The whole, uh…next step thing.  Once we get there, I mean,” Niall manages to say and Harry can feel the awkwardness radiating off Niall.    

Harry lets out a light chuckle.  Here he has the most beautiful boy sitting in front of him, face red, heart racing, over talking to his boyfriend about sex.  It was adorable and Harry couldn’t help himself as he runs his own hands over top of Niall’s and up his arms slightly.

“As much as I want to,” Harry says. He doesn’t want to lie to Niall.  He has thought about it. Stripping down to just their bare skin, letting his hands run wild over Niall’s body.  “I don’t want to rush into things and I want to make sure that both of us are ready when that time does come.”

Niall laughs to himself and smiles.  “Been thinking the same thing.  I want to, but I think me hearts getting ahead of me head,” Niall says and he smiles at Harry. “Just didn’t know how to bring it up in casual conversation.”

“Well, getting it up is the easy part,” Harry says with a big goofy smile. “Though I’m not sure you’d want to do that in casual conversation…it’s just indecent.”

Niall laughs loudly and shakes his head. “S’pose I set meself up for that one.”

“Yeah you did, but you’re cute, so I’ll let it pass,” Harry says.  “Besides, I think you should be more worried about how your version of bringing it up at a good time is when your two best friends are in the immediate vicinity,” Harry says quietly as he looks over Niall’s shoulder to see Louis and Liam a few yards away, Louis pretending to tie his shoe and Liam pretending to look at something back at the woods.

Niall turns and sees the two of them, plain as day, trying to listen in on their conversation.  “At least they know you’re not pressuring me,” Niall laughs, looking back at Harry.

“I’m sorry?” Harry says sarcastically.  “Whose hands are on whose thighs right now, Niall Horan?” Harry cocks an eyebrow.

Niall laughs and Harry can feel him squeeze his thighs.  “I’m just doggin’ it today, aren’t I?” Niall says and he shakes his head.

 

+++

 

Even after spending almost the entire weekend together, Harry can’t wait to see Niall at school on Monday morning.  He can’t stop smiling as he picks up his school bag from the floor next to the front door.  He’s thinking about going to the boys’ practice after school and getting some more shots in on his camera.  He didn’t have a chance to go through the ones from Friday from before the dance, since the other three, mostly Niall, were at his house until about 5pm Sunday afternoon and Harry still had homework he had to get done.

Harry’s is thankful that the weather is getting colder in the middle of October.  The weather here is so up and down, and as soon as Harry thought autumn was going to really start kicking in, it got hot again, but now he’s pretty sure this cold weather is here to stay.  He likes wearing his different jackets and jumpers; he likes their coziness.

Harry’s a little over halfway to school when his phone starts ringing in his pocket.  He takes it out and sees Niall’s name plastered on the screen.  He accepts the call and puts the phone to his ear.  “Nialler?” Harry questions.  “What’s up?”

“Are you at school yet?” Niall asks in a worried tone. 

Harry’s heart plummets in his chest at the sound of Niall’s voice.  “N—No, I’m about half way there, why?”

“Harry…they—” Niall starts to say and Harry can hear a locker slam shut in the background. 

Harry hates the way that Niall’s voice sinks when he says his name.  He can imagine Niall standing in the school hallway, nervously rubbing the back of his neck and pulling up at his hair as he tries to find somewhere a bit more private.

“Niall, whatever it is, you can tell me,” Harry says and he can hear the worry in his own voice now.

“People know, Harry. About you,” Niall says quietly.

Harry stops in his tracks. He feels like he can’t breathe suddenly.  “W—what do you mean ‘about me’?” his voice shakes.  His entire body feels empty like he might pass out there on the sidewalk.

“It was all over school before we even got in this morning.  Some of the boys from the lacrosse team asked Louis and Liam if they knew, since we’re all friends.”

“H—how much do they know, Niall?  I mean, what about you?” Harry asks running a nervous hand through his hair. 

“I—I don’t think so.  It seems to be mostly focused on you,” Niall says quickly.  “I’m so sorry, Harry.”

Harry sits down on the sidewalk, so he doesn’t fall over standing there.  “It’s okay,” he hears himself say to Niall.  “I mean, it’s not ideal, but…” Harry sits there trying to take this all in, but he can’t help to think of his last two schools, where this had ruined him.  He can see their faces already.  People staring at him, people laughing, people talking about him behind his back.  This was how he lost all of his friends and the idea of that happening again makes him feel sick. So, he asks the only important question.  “What did they say? Liam and Louis, I mean, when they were asked about me?”

“Louis said that he told them that it didn’t matter one way or another because you’re his friend and that it didn’t change anything as far as he was concerned,” Niall says.

Harry exhales a breath he didn’t even know he was holding in and closes his eyes.

“Harry?” Niall says meekly.

“I’m here…I just—”

“You didn’t want to be outed by someone else again…” Niall finishes.

“Yeah,” Harry says quietly.  “But there’s not much I can do about it and as long as the focus is only on me…I’m gonna take this as a win.”

Harry hears Niall chuckle on the other end of the phone.  “Looking on the bright side of things, then?”

“Yeah, I suppose.”  Harry hoists himself up off the ground and dusts off the back of his jeans. “Just pretend like it’s any other day.”

“I love you,” Niall says quietly making Harry smile.

“I love you too, Nialler.” Harry sighs.  “See you in a bit, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Niall echoes and Harry hangs up the phone.

Harry’s first instinct is to tell his mum…tell his mum that it happened again, but he can’t do that to her again.  She worked so hard so that he could get a fresh start and now he’s fucked it all up again.

He thinks about the last few weeks and wonders what moment gave him away.  He deleted all his old social media sites after what happened at his last school, so that wasn’t it.  There were so many instances where he thinks someone could have seen something, but those all would have incriminated Niall as well.

Harry wonders how much is going to change after this…how much he’ll be able to hang out with Niall in public or in private, he even hates the thought of seeing Liam and Louis less.  They’ve become this unit that functions all on their own, this might break that, and Harry hates it. 

He walks into school with the comfort of knowing that at least Niall wasn’t dragged into this along with him.  He tries to go about his routine like nothing’s wrong, like he doesn’t know a damn thing is different. 

Harry gets to his locker and he can feel eyes on him, but he doesn’t want to try to find them.  He puts his camera bag on the shelf at the top of his locker and grabs his books for his first period class.  He focuses his eyes on the inside of his locker and it makes him jump slightly when he hears Liam’s voice right next to him, where he’s leaning against the lockers.

“So, how are we doing on this fine morning?” Liam asks casually, as he keeps his eyes on the students moving through the hallway behind Harry.

“What’re you doing?” Harry says quietly.

“Honestly, I try to believe the best in people, but…” then Liam’s voice drops lower.  “I doubt anyone would try anything while I’m standing here with you, but just in case, having two of us gives a little better odds, don’t ya think,” Liam says flashing a cheeky grin at Harry.

“I suppose…where are the other two?” Harry says pretending to find something in his locker.

“Dropping their stuff off in the locker room.  Said I’d keep an eye out for you.  We aren’t sure how this whole thing is gonna play out just yet.”

“I can look after myself,” Harry replies.  It’s not meant to sound me or ungrateful, but he just doesn’t want the other boys to see him as being weak. He’s gone through this before, he knows the drill.  Harry’s okay with the occasional black eye.

“We know you can, but you also don’t have to,” Liam says easily.  “People are going to be more willing to mess with you if they think you’re by yourself, it’s important that they are aware of you having friends that are going to stick by your side. And having friends with tattoos and a little extra muscle doesn’t hurt either,” Liam says and gives Harry a little smirk, making Harry laugh.  “You gonna be alright in the cafeteria for lunch?”

“Yeah, like you said, I don’t think anyone would try anything while you’re all there.” Harry says with a shrug.

“Good, I’ll pass that on to the other lads, they were wondering about that.” Liam looks at Harry.  “You gonna be alright?”

Harry nods before he actually thinks of an answer.  “Not my first rodeo…I’ll be fine.”

“I’m sorry about all this, Harry,” Liam says quietly.

“How’s Niall? I mean, he sounded pretty worried when he called.”

“He is worried, about you.  He hasn’t really said much, if I’m being honestly.  Seems a bit jumpy as well. Probably internalizing the whole thing, as usual.” Liam frowns.

“It’s not his fault,” Harry says closing his locker.  “Hopefully, this whole thing will just blow over.”

“Best case scenario, innit? Hot topic for a week or so, then after that everything goes back to normal, yeah?”

“Yep.” 

Liam looks at Harry.  “So, should I walk you to class?” And it’s a real question, Liam really doesn’t know what to do in this instance.

“Like I said, I’ll be fine, but thanks for the offer.”

“I try to take care of my friends,” Liam says giving Harry a little nudge.

Harry watches as Liam disappears around the corner and he thinks about how lucky Niall was to find friends like Liam and Louis, and how lucky he is to call them his friends as well.

 

+++

 

Louis finds Harry in the hallway as he’s walking to lunch.  Harry knows why he’s there, but neither of them says it aloud.  Harry thinks it must look funny as they walk into the cafeteria together; Harry being ‘protected’ by someone slightly smaller than him, but who just happens to have a good social standing in the school.

They sit down at their usual table and Harry watches Louis’ eyes scan the room, probably trying to intimidate anyone who’s looking their way.

Harry feels the occasional eye on him, but it’s not as bad as he thought it was going to be.  Of course, that might only be because Louis’ sitting across from him.

He’d overhead quiet whispering and giggles during his classes, he’d turn around to see a few people’s eyes dart back down to their desks.

They aren’t sitting there for long, until Liam and Niall stroll over to the table and take their usual seats next to Louis and Harry.

“So, what’s the word?” Liam says quietly. 

“Well, most of the school seems to know,” Harry says.  “Pretty sure there were a couple freshmen staring at me in the hallway when I was at my locker.” 

Harry spent most of the morning getting odd looks from people, even the occasional teacher, but he tried not to let it bother him.  No one came up to him or said anything good or bad to his face.  He doesn’t really care at this point anyway, but he looks up to see a concerned look on Niall’s face, so he tries to defuse the tension to calm Niall and the others down a bit.

“My general observation is that people don’t really care all that much,” Harry says looking down at his food.  “I’m thinking that someone wanted to get a reaction out of you lot, but when that didn’t happen, it just kind of fizzled out, so to speak.”

“Who would want to do that to you though?” Liam asks. “Doesn’t really make much sense.”

“Well, I can think of someone who would benefit from Harry being out of the picture,” Louis says and he turns around, the other boys follow his gaze and they catch Lisa Carmichael looking over at them.  She quickly lowers herself in her seat when she catches them looking at her.  “Grapevine…meaning the rest of the lads on the team, said that she’s been a bit miffed since the party, then after what happened at the dance and young Harold here is her proverbial cock-block, for a lack of better terms.”

“So, she starts a rumor that Harry’s gay so that Niall will stop being friends with him, so that she can get to Niall instead?” Liam questions. “Christ, this shit’s confusing,” he says rubbing his face.

“So, in other words,” Harry begins. “She started a rumor about me being gay thinking it was a lie, but it just happened to be true?”

“Precisely,” Louis says with a quick nod of his head.

“So what does this mean in the long run of things?” Liam asks looking at the other boys.

“It means,” Niall speaks up for the first time since he sat down.  “That we’re going to have to be more careful about things.” 

It hardly sounds like Niall when he speaks, and Harry thinks that the other boys hear it too, because they both pause and look at Niall with confused expressions. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Louis questions, looking at Niall inquisitively.

“All ‘m saying is that, maybe we should go about our normal routines for a while.  Not spending every waking moment with each other, the way the four of us have over the last few weeks,” Niall says, but he doesn’t look at the other boys. 

“What does that have to do with anything, Niall?” Liam asks in an easy tone.  “We need to be showing people that we aren’t affected by this, because we’re not.”

Niall sighs and rubs his face, clearly frustrated by the whole conversation. 

“Whatever,” he breathes out.  “Maybe this whole thing was just a bad idea.” Niall picks at the food in front of him and Louis and Liam look at Harry.

He manages to give them a weak smile, pretending like he’s not affected by what Niall said at all.  He doesn’t want to ask Niall what he means by ‘this whole thing’.  He doesn’t want to know if Niall’s specifically talking about the two of them being together. 

The entire thing confuses Harry and he doesn’t know what to do.  He feels like Louis and Liam are waiting for him to say something back to Niall, but Harry can’t think of anything.  He can feel the anger boiling up inside him the longer he sits there at the table.  He sees Liam’s hand twitch like he wants to comfort Harry as Niall sits there pretending like Harry doesn’t exist.

“Um, well uh,” Harry stumbles over his words as he starts to rise to his feet.  “I was thinking about taking some photos at your practice today, so if that’s normal enough for _you_ , I’ll see you all then.” Harry slings his bag over his shoulder and leaves the cafeteria.  He can still taste the bite in his words as he walks down the empty hallway.  He doesn’t know what’s happening.  It was only this morning that Niall called Harry, telling him he loved him, it was only a day ago that they talked about wanting each other to be comfortable before they took their relationship to the next level, only Friday when they told each other that what they have is enough; so what happened since then?

Harry ends up eating his lunch in the empty art room.  This is exactly what they wanted, he thinks to himself.  They wanted Niall to push Harry away, taking him out of the picture.  He hates that he can feel the tears prickling in his eyes.  He hates that he still loves Niall and wants to fix this even though they keep ending up in this place.  This horrible place where Niall won’t let Harry in and then they’ll fight and make up again, then try to pretend that everything is going to be better afterwards.  Harry just wants Niall to talk to him.  Harry wants all of Niall, not just the pieces that Niall allows him to see.

Both Liam and Louis don’t say much to Harry when they have their classes together after lunch.  They both say something along the lines of giving Niall some time to come around, but Harry’s been waiting for that since the first day they met. 

Niall asked Harry when this all started, to just give him some time, to trust him, but it keeps getting in the way of things, whatever it is that Niall’s not telling him.  He doesn’t want to wait anymore, he doesn’t want things to get better, he wants them to be better, he wants Niall to be happy.

 

Harry goes to their practice after school.  He takes pictures of the whole team and Niall doesn’t look at him the entire time he’s there along the sidelines snapping photo after photo. Louis and Liam both smile at him, giving him a little nod when they see him show up with his camera. 

He has to hold his camera up to his face longer than usual when the thoughts start going through his head about what he wants to say to Niall and the tears prickle in his eyes again as he thinks about the look on Niall’s face if he ever said any of it aloud.  He hopes that no one can see his hands start to shake around his camera as stands still as ever by the soccer field.  He hates the thought of losing Niall, but he realizes that sometimes what people want, isn’t what they need.  That thought filter’s through his mind as he snaps away on his camera, trying to pretend like nothing is wrong.  He’d probably lose Liam and Louis if he ever told Niall that it’s over, that he’d spend the rest of the year by himself like he wanted.  He didn’t want any of this.  He wanted to be alone, he wanted to be able to have some control over his life, but he knows that letting go of Niall would break his heart. He wants to keep fighting for Niall.  He wants them to be happy together.

Harry turns and pretends to mess with his camera, so no one will see the pained look on his face.  He sniffs and can feel the heat in his face as he tries to get himself under control.  He wants to go home and curl up in bed, but he’s supposed to be acting like everything is normal, so he stays and continues taking pictures of the team as they practice.

He watches through the lens, as Niall rubs at his right shoulder like it’s bothering him.  He’s wearing a black, long-sleeved, athletic shirt with his white soccer shorts; it’s starting to get colder but the rest of the team is still wearing short sleeves.  It’s both a physical and an emotional tired that makes Niall move slower today.  Harry can see it in the way he jogs on the field, the way his hands rub at the back of his neck, the way he pulls at his hair, and the way his fingers rub together to keep himself from fidgeting.  Harry knows Niall too well; he can tell something is wrong…something beyond Harry getting outed.

 

Harry doesn’t wait for Niall or the other boys when Coach Mackie blows the whistle to end practice.  He packs up his camera and heads back into the school to get his school stuff from his locker, going straight to the exit. 

He starts walking home at a slow pace.  He’s not sure what he wants to happen.  He doesn’t know if he wants Niall to pull up alongside him in his car and apologize for acting the way he did, or he just wants to be along with his thoughts. 

His slow pace makes him trip over his own feet as he continues from the sidewalk and onto the tree shaded road.  He hears a car come up behind him and it passes by, continuing down the road.  Niall wants space, he wants things to go back to normal, but Harry doesn’t know what normal is for them.  Is normal them being together in secret or is it the two of them only being friends? 

Harry’s lost in his own thoughts as he hears another car coming up behind him, but this one slows down.  Harry’s heart starts racing.  He doesn’t want to look to see who it is because for all he knows, it could be a kid from school looking to beat him up for being gay.  He should’ve gotten a ride back to his house with Louis, but he didn’t want to see Niall. 

“Harry…” he hears Niall’s voice come from the car and his body relaxes slightly, but he still doesn’t turn to look at him.  “Harry please, just get in the car,” Niall says.

“I’m fine,” Harry manages to say in a weak voice.

“We don’t have to talk, but I also don’t want to leave you out here by yourself, it’s already starting to get dark,” Niall says.  Harry can’t help but notice the comment at the end of it and wonders if that’s the real reason he doesn’t want him walking alone.

Harry turns and Niall stops the car looking at him from the open window.

“Please?” Niall says again.

Harry looks down the road and sees how dim the light is getting as autumn truly sets in. 

“Fine,” Harry says.  He walks around the car and gets in the passenger’s seat.

Niall looks over at him and Harry’s thankful when he doesn’t say anything and just drives off down the road toward Harry’s house. 

They pull into the driveway, Harry sees his mum’s car sitting there, and he’s almost thankful for it.

He sits there a moment, he wants to say something to Niall but he can’t think of the words to say.  He gets out of the car and tries his best to not slam the door behind him but when he’s half to his house he hears the car shut off and the door open and close. 

Harry doesn’t care at this point and he practically jogs the rest of the way to the house and fights to get the key in the door.  He quickly shoves himself inside but he hears the door hit something making a slapping sound when he tries to close it and Niall slips in behind him.

“What’re you doing?” Harry says turning to face Niall.  “I thought you said that you didn’t want to hang out anymore?” Harry spits out at him.

“I also don’t want you to be mad at me, Harry,” Niall says in a pleading tone.  “It’s just that things are a bit compl—”

“If you say things are a bit complicated, Niall, so help me god, I will end this whole thing on the spot!” Harry says harshly.  It comes out a bit louder than he meant it to, but he’s tired of hearing the same old lines time after time from Niall.

The look in Niall’s eyes tears Harry’s heart in two.  “I can’t…” Harry starts to say.  “I can’t do this anymore, Niall.  I can’t deal with the fighting and the secrets and the promising each other that things will get better because I don’t think they ever will.  You don’t trust me and it’s tearing our relationship and our friendship apart.”  Harry can feel his heart pounding in his chest and his hands shaking at his sides. “I don’t know why this is so complicated for you!  You just keep saying it over and over and I don’t know why and you asked me to be patient but Niall, this is beyond patience because whatever it is that you are keeping from me is keeping us from each other!—”

“You don’t get it!” Niall says abruptly, cutting Harry off from saying anything else.  “You don’t understand what’s going on for a reason, Harry.”

“I just want you to talk to me,” Harry says in a softer voice.  “I want you to be happy Niall, but I think whatever you are keeping from me, is keeping you from being happy.  If you would just talk to me we can work, whatever it is, out together, like friends are supposed to.”

Niall shakes his head. “There are some things that you can’t just talk away, Harry. There are some things that words can’t fix or help and I’ve just accepted that, and I’ve accepted the fact that I’m never going to be truly happy like you want.  Some things…some people can’t be saved and I wish you would just love me for what I can give you instead of hating me for what I can’t.”

“I could never hate you, Niall, and that’s the problem.  We’re toxic.  But I don’t even want to think of a future without you in it, whether we’re friends, boyfriends, or whatever, I just want you there with me.  But you keep looking for any reason to push me away and this whole thing at school…it seems like it’s the best and worst thing to happen to you, because you have a chance to pretend to be ‘normal’ without me in your life!”

“Is that what you think is happening here?” Niall snaps back. “You think I want you to leave? Christ, Harry, I wish I could push you away.  I wish that I could leave you because at least you would be safe from all of it…from all of this!”

“What does that even mean, ‘all of this’?  I told Liam and I’m telling you now, I can take care of myself and I will try my best to take care of you, but you have to tell me what’s going on, Niall.  You have to trust that I care about you and that I don’t want you getting hurt either, but you are so willing to destroy yourself that you can’t see that there are people around you that would help you, no matter what kind of trouble you’re in!”

Niall looks down and shakes his head. “I can’t do that to you…to any of you,” he says looking up at Harry with pain in his eyes.  “I told you that some things have to stay secret…”

Harry can’t look at Niall.  “Then this is over,” he hears himself say.  He almost can’t believe that the words are coming out of his mouth.

“Harry…” Niall says in a pleading tone.

“We’re over, Niall.” Harry finally looks up at Niall.  He can feel his heart clenching in his chest.  “I can’t do this anymore…”

“Harry, please, don’t do this…” Niall says taking a step forward. 

“It’s over, Niall!” Harry shouts and Niall recoils.

Harry hears the back door open and close, as footsteps creep into the room, he can see his mum walk up behind him out of the corner of his eye.

“I think you should leave,” Anne says behind him.

He watches as Niall’s eyes flutter from Anne then back to him.

“Harry, please,” Niall says, tears filling his eyes.

“Get the fuck out, Niall,” Harry says sternly.  He doesn’t mean to swear but he knows that it will make Niall leave.

Niall wipes at his face and nods slightly.  Hands shaking, Niall tugs nervously at his shirt as he turns to the door, his hands pushing up the sleeves.  He reaches a shaking hand toward the doorknob and that’s when Harry sees it; the dark purple bruise on Niall’s right forearm.

Niall’s name escapes inaudibly from Harry’s lips as the front door opens and Niall disappears behind it.

“Harry?” he hears his mum behind him.  “Sweetheart? Are you alright?”

“I can’t let him leave…” he says quietly.  Everything made sense and didn’t make sense at same time.

Harry makes a mad dash toward the door and sees Niall walking toward his car parked in the gravel driveway.

“What’s the bruise from?” Harry says walking out to Niall.

“None of your fucking business,” Niall spits out without turning to face Harry.

“Niall, please just tell me,” Harry pleads.

“You wanted me gone, so I’m leaving.” It’s the anger in Niall’s voice that frightens Harry.  He’s never heard Niall talk like this. 

“Niall, please ju—” Harry jogs forward and tries to grab Niall’s shoulder to turn him around, but it all happens too fast and he sees Niall turn sharply; Niall’s fist colliding with Harry’s right eye.

Harry stumbles back holding his face.

“Jesus Christ, Harry, I’m so—” Niall starts apologizing right away.   Harry hears Niall’s breathing quicken. “I’m so—” Niall can’t catch his breath. 

Harry blinks, looking at his hand and then up to Niall.  The blonde’s face is as pale as a ghost, his hands shaking, his chest rising and falling at an ungodly rate.

“Harry…” Niall chokes out in between short breaths.  “I’m so—” Niall’s breathing only gets heavier to the point where he can hardly breathe at all.

“Niall? Niall, it’s okay,” Harry says taking a couple steps toward him as Niall’s panic attack worsens right before his eyes.  “I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that, Niall.  It’s okay,” Harry says trying to calm Niall down. 

“I didn’t mean—” Niall chokes out and Harry can practically hear Niall’s throat closing as he struggles to breathe.

Harry takes Niall’s face between his hands.  “Niall,” he says calmly.  “Niall, look at me.  Please, just look at me.  It’s gonna be alright…”

Niall’s head shakes as he tries to pull away from Harry.  “No…” he mutters through quivering lips.  “I…I can’t…I’m…I’m so….”

Harry doesn’t know what to do.  Niall is falling apart in front of him and he can’t do anything to help him. So, he goes on instinct.

He pulls Niall in and wraps his arms lightly around his shoulders.  It’s a soft embrace, something that allows Harry to comfort Niall without suffocating him ever more.  He feels Niall trembling against his chest, arms tucked in front of him, clenching around the soft material of Harry’s shirt. 

Harry’s hand goes up to the base of Niall’s head and massages the back of Niall’s hair with his fingertips.  “It’s alright,” Harry murmurs and he can feel Niall begin to relax against him.

Harry can feel the tears seep through his shirt as Niall cries into his chest.  His eye is stinging where Niall hit him, but he doesn’t even care.  He knows Niall didn’t mean to do it.

It takes a while, standing there with his cheek pressed against Niall’s head, one arm wrapped around him, while the other rubs gently in Niall’s hair.

Niall sinks into Harry, his entire body melding into Harry’s chest. Harry would stay like this forever if it meant that Niall was safe.

Niall finally pulls back from Harry, rubbing his eyes, sniffling.  He looks up at Harry, eyes red and puffy, face pale; he looks tired beyond recognition.

Harry knows his mum won’t like it, but he very carefully puts his arm around Niall’s shoulders and tucks him into his side.  “Come on,” Harry says gently as he leads Niall back toward the house.

 

+++

 

“I don’t like this, Harry,” Anne whispers, looking at the bruise that’s already forming on her son’s eye.  “He hit my son.”

“It’s not that bad, mum,” Harry says filling the kettle with water.  “He didn’t mean to do it.”  Harry looks over his shoulder toward the living room.  He can’t see Niall with the way that he’s curled up on the couch.  He was still shaking when Harry brought him inside and set him down in the living room.

“That doesn’t make it okay, Harry.  That is how these things start,” Anne says back to him.

“I’d be worried if I saw any bit of anger in his eyes when he hit me, but it wasn’t there…he just looked scared.  I shouldn’t have grabbed him like that anyway.”

“Sweetheart, it’s just that I’ve seen how quickly relationship can turn violent and the first thing the victims do is blame themselves.  I don’t want that for you.”

“Niall’s not violent, mum,” Harry says as he sets the kettle on the stovetop.  “He’s just scared.”

Anne sighs and shakes her head.  “Why did you go after him in the first place?”

“I noticed something,” Harry says without looking at his mum.

“Noticed what?”

“I don’t know.” Harry looks back over his shoulder toward the living room.  “But all I know is that for as hard as all this is and how much easier it would be if I just let him go, I can’t do it.  Whatever is going on with him isn’t something he won’t tell me…it’s something he can’t tell me.”

“If he ever—” Anne begins to say.

“He won’t,” Harry says cutting her off.

The kettle whistles a few minutes later and Harry makes two cups of tea.  Anne goes back outside to finish cleaning things up on the deck.  Harry knows she doesn’t want to leave him alone with Niall right now, but with a single look, he begs her to trust him with this whole mess.

Niall sits up on the sofa when Harry walks over with their tea.  His face is still red and blotchy when he looks up at Harry. 

He tries to give Niall a reassuring smile, but he’s not sure that it works when Niall’s eyes go back down to the floor after Harry hands him his tea.

Harry sinks in the couch next to Niall, the seat still slightly warm from where Niall was laying before.  He looks at Niall’s hands the way the knuckles are white from how firmly he’s holding the mug as it shakes ever so slightly in his hands.  Niall’s leaning forward with his forearms resting on his knees and Harry can’t see his face.

Harry switches his mug over to his left hand and gently places his other hand on Niall’s back, rubbing small circles across the light fabric of his shirt. 

He hears Niall breathe in a shaky breath as his body trembles slightly under Harry’s touch.  He watches as Niall’s hands start shaking even more as he stares at the floor.

Harry sets his own mug down then leans forward and takes Niall’s cup from his quivering hands setting it on the end table next to the couch.  His other hand slides up over Niall’s shoulder putting the tiniest bit of pressure on it so that Niall will lean back, and he does.

He keeps his arm around Niall’s shoulders as the blonde curls up against his side, Niall’s head resting gently on Harry’s shoulder, fingers lightly stroking the fabric covering Harry’s chest.

It’s so quiet in the room that Harry thinks Niall is asleep and it surprises him when he hears Niall.

“I’m sorry,” Niall says quietly.  His breathing is even, his body still, as he lay there against Harry.

“I know,” Harry replies placing a soft kiss to the top of Niall’s head.  “I know.”

 

+++

 

Louis and Liam give Harry strange looks when he shows up to school the next day with a black.  Their instant reaction is to ask who did it so that they can pummel them, but Harry tells them that it was just an accident…which was the same reasoning that Niall gave Harry about the bruise on his arm; that he was moving stuff around in his room and his arm got caught between the bookcase and the wall.  Harry’s not sure if he believes him and Niall had just laughed it off.

He knew that when it came to Louis and Liam, and after what happened on Monday, that he couldn’t tell them that it was Niall that hit him.  As far as they’re concerned, Anne accidently hit Harry with the door when he went outside to check on her while she was straightening up the deck.

Louis and Liam spend lunch telling Niall and Harry about a scout that is supposed to be coming to see one of the players from the West Hannon team at Friday night’s away game.  Apparently, Jake Nichols is the center midfielder for the West Hannon team, and in some ways, is Niall’s biggest opponent.

“Kid plays dirty,” Louis says.

“Yeah, but his stats are top notch,” Liam interjects.

“That’s cause he never gets caught,” Niall says with a bit of anger.

“Well hopefully, that’ll change this Friday.”

“Not likely,” Niall says flatly.

 

It rains all day Friday while the boys are at school, Harry spends lunch listening to Louis talk about how shitty the West Hannon field is to begin with, and now they’re going to have to deal with it after all this rain.   

And Louis is right…

The rain stops around 3 o’clock and they boys get on the bus to go to West Hannon for the game.  Harry sits with Niall this time, his eye still purple with hints of yellow.  Niall apologizes every time they’re alone for what he did, but Harry already knows he didn’t mean to do it.

The boys decided they were going to hang out at Louis’ after the game.  They dropped their stuff off in the little bit of time they have between practice and having to get on the bus to go over to West Hannon, even left Niall’s car over there since they all fit in Louis’ without all their bags.

They come out onto the field to start their warmups before the game starts.  The entire center of the field is mud and Harry can see a few puddles down by the goals on both ends of the field. 

As they pass the ball around, muddy water shoots off it as it rolls across the wet grass.  Most of the team already has mud going up the length of the tall white socks that cover their chin guards.

A few minutes before the game starts the stadium lights come on to light up the field as it starts getting darker.  It’s not until the captains from each team walk out to the center of the field that Harry recognizes the name Nichols on the back of the West Hannon captain’s jersey that he sees what Louis was talking about earlier. 

Jake Nichols is about three inches taller than Niall, shoulders broader, legs thicker.  Harry can feel his heartbeat get faster as the Niall and Jake shake hands in the center of the field.  East Stillwater gets the ball first and the two captains jog back to their team benches.

Harry snaps a few test photos of the team in their huddle; he tries to get some with the bleachers in the background when he notices a familiar face in the crowd…Niall’s dad.

Harry’s mouth goes dry and he instantly drops his camera down from his face moving away from the team, pretending to adjust something on the camera.  Niall’s dad didn’t want him to be around Harry and after him getting outed at school, Harry didn’t want to take any chances.

This.  This is what Niall meant the other day at lunch, when he talked about going back to their normal routines.  The idea of Mr. Horan’s eyes staring daggers at Harry sends his mind wild.  His eyes glance over and he catches a glimpse of Niall before the team runs out onto the field.  Harry tries to clear his mind and focus on the game.

 

+++

 

Harry takes the picture, but he’s not used to the feeling that comes with it.  Liam with his head hanging low as West Hannon scores their second goal thirty minutes into the game.  Liam has mud all the way up the side of his leg with blood dripping down his knee soaking into his no-longer-white socks. 

East Stillwater has had four opportunities to score and they were shut down each time.  Harry notices the kick back from those opportunities is the West Hannon team coming back at them in full force.

Jake Nichols stays glued to Niall the entire game.  Niall’s already fallen twice…well, in reality, he was tripped twice, but the referee wasn’t calling any foul play on anyone of the West Hannon players.  

The game is almost hard to watch after the East Stillwater fans start getting upset over the refereeing for the game.  Even Coach Mackie starts yelling from the sidelines after his players are blatantly tripped or grabbed by one of the West Hannon kids.

But Niall’s got it the worst at center midfield.  Harry can see Jake Nichols talking, saying something to Niall, and Niall’s face goes stern, jaw clenching as he watches for the ball.

When the second half starts, Harry can sense a different atmosphere around the East Stillwater team.  They seem more determined and fueled than they were in the first half.  It shows on the field as their team quickly steals the ball away from the opposing team.  Quick touches send the ball down Louis’ way on the right wing and he’s boxed in by the West Hannon defense.  He clears a pass over to Niall at midfield, knowing he doesn’t have much time with the ball, Niall moves quickly up the field and sends a beautiful pass to Liam at center forward, just before Jake Nichols gets to him.  With one quick kick, Liam fires the ball toward the goal and scores in the bottom corner.

Niall goes down hard, feet slipping in the mud, head jutting off the ground as he lands.

Harry hears the whistle sound for the goal, but his heart jumps in his chest as he sees Louis jog over to wear Niall lay on the ground.

He watches as Niall rolls onto his back just as Louis gets to him.  He sees Louis crouch slightly then offer Niall his hand as Liam comes back up the field.

Louis pulls Niall to his feet and he sees him say something as Niall tries to wipe the mud off of himself.  He untucks his jersey and wipes the side of his face then stops.  Niall stares at it for a moment and Harry sees Liam take Niall’s face in his hand to examine him closer.

Niall brushes Liam’s hands away and he turns so that Harry has a better view of him walking back up the field.  Most of his side is covered in mud and Harry can see the faintest bit of red dripping down Niall’s face from a cut near his eyebrow.

He watches as Niall’s eyes shoot over to the stands.  It’s a pained expression on his face and Harry knows exactly who he’s looking at in the crowd, but he doesn’t dare turn to see the look on Mr. Horan’s face.

Niall stays glued to Jake Nichols, keeping him from getting a single touch on the ball.  East Stillwater keeps the ball down near the West Hannon goal zone for the remainder of the game.  The referee calls two yellow cards for East Stillwater; one to Louis and one to Olly…both were bogus.

Neither team scores for the rest of the game.  When the final whistle blows, Niall’s face seems void of all emotion.  It’s their first loss of the season.  The boys get back on the bus, half of them bleeding and most of them caked in mud.  They’re all quiet for the entire ride back to the school, but for a brief moment, Niall smiles at Harry before he looks back out the window.

 

Harry’s thankful when he sits outside the boy’s locker room and he doesn’t hear Coach Mackie yelling at them.  It was a tough game, even Harry saw that…the conditions were shit, the referee was even shittier, and the boys didn’t stand a chance.

Harry thinks that hanging out at Louis’ like they planned to after the game will be a good thing for all of them.  They all just needed some time to relax.

He waits a while, but Niall’s the first one to come out of the locker room.  Showered, hair flat, and his bag hanging off his shoulder he looks at Harry and smiles.  It’s more genuine than the one on the bus and it warms Harry’s heart to see Niall happy like that.

“C’mere,” Harry says taking Niall’s hand and escorting him through the school hallways.

He stops when he knows they’re alone in a dark hall and pushes Niall gently up to the lockers along the wall.  Niall’s heavy bag drops to the linoleum floor and Harry places his camera bag just beside it.

Niall giggles when Harry’s breath tickles his face.  Harry stares at him taking in the way the little bit of light in the hallway outlines the features of Niall’s face. 

His hand creeps up and his thumb brushes just below the cut by Niall’s brow. 

“How bad does it look?” Niall asks in a soft but deep voice.

“It’s not so bad,” Harry says looking a little closer.

“Reckon we match now,” Niall says eluding to the bruise on Harry’s eye.

“I suppose so,” Harry smiles, looking Niall in the eyes.

Niall leans forward and Harry closes the space between them, their lips soft against each other. 

“You were great tonight,” Harry whispers against Niall’s lips.

“We lost, Hazza.” Niall looks back at Harry, his head cocked slightly to the side.

“But you played a great game.  Those bastards only won ‘cause they played dirty,” Harry says with a smirk on his face, leaning into Niall.

“Bastards?” Niall places a quick kiss on Harry’s lips. 

“Well, they hurt my boyfriend,” Harry coos, returning Niall’s kiss.

Niall chuckles and Harry can see the glint in his blue eyes.  Niall’s cheek feels so soft under Harry’s touch as he feels Niall’s hand rest on his hip, pulling Harry closer.  Niall’s breathing gets heavier as he leans forward and kisses Harry, but this time he doesn’t pull away.  Instead, he just pulls Harry closer, his own back pinned to the wall with Harry’s chest pressing against his own.

Shivers run through Harry’s body as Niall’s hands take a firmer grip on his sides.  Harry feels his entire body tingle and he knows he has to pull away before either of them get any ideas.  But he wants to…he wants to kiss Niall until their lips are chapped, feel their bare chests against one another, slid his hands up and down Niall’s body, gliding his fingertips up Niall’s thighs.  He wants to spend days knotted up in the sheets of his bed, limbs intertwining, skin salty to the taste.  He wants it all.  But they can’t.

Niall smiles up at him when they pull away.  The way he smiles makes Harry melt. 

“I love you,” Niall says quietly.

Harry smiles even wider and he knows for sure that his dimples are showing.  “I love you, too,” he whispers back.

There’s a little bit of a pause. 

“So, do you really think it doesn’t look that bad?” Niall asks jokingly, gesturing to the cut on his face.

Harry examines it a little closer and chuckles. “I really don’t think it’s that bad. Makes you look all tough.”

“Me? Tough?” Niall laughs. “I’m ‘bout as scary as a baby bunny.”

“Maybe it’s more like the rabbit from _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_?” Harry jokes.

“Let’s hope so, we still have to play them one more time before the seasons over,” Niall says. 

“I have faith in you,” Harry says smiling down at Niall.  “And if anyone tries to hurt you, they’ll have to deal with me.”

“Oh, I’d pay to see that,” Niall chuckles.

“I serious,” Harry says in a playful tone.  “I couldn’t stand to see anything bad happen to you, Niall.”  Harry says in a more serious manner and Niall looks up at him.  “Well,” he says lightly running his thumb under the cut by Niall’s right brow.  “Anything else, I suppose.”

Niall laughs leaning into Harry.

“Niall.”

Both Harry and Niall jump at the sound of a deep voice. They turn their heads and Harry sees Mr. Horan standing in the dark hallway with Mrs. Horan at his side.

“Da…” Niall breathes out and Harry can hear his breathing pick up.

Harry wants to move so badly but his legs don’t budge as he stands like a deer in the headlights with Niall’s back against the wall in front of him and Mr. Horan staring at the two of them.

“It’s time to go,” Mr. Horan says sternly.

Harry’s thankful when his feet finally move as Niall clambers to pick up his bag.

“I uh, I’ve got to go,” Niall says without looking at Harry.  “Tell the lads I’ll see them later.”

Niall walks down the hallway to join his parents.  Harry watches as Niall grips the strap of his bag even tighter the closer he gets to them.  He watches as Niall flinches when his father puts a firm hand on his shoulder leading him away from Harry back down the hallway. 

Harry’s stomach drops and he feels numb as he watches Niall disappear around the corner.  His entire mind goes blank of anything else except for the scene of Niall flinching away from his father’s touch. He just got him back and now he is going to lose Niall all over again. 

He wants to run after them, pull Niall away, go to Louis’ like they planned, and go home together, but his feet won’t move.  His mouth is dry and his throat feels like it’s collapsing in on itself.

“Harry?” the voice sounds muffled in Harry’s ears.  “Hey, you ready to go, mate?” 

It all seems blurry and surreal as Louis and Liam appear in front of him. 

“Where’s Nialler?” Louis asks looking around. 

“Harry, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Liam’s voice becomes a little clearer in his mind.

Harry mouth can’t form any words. “N-Niall’s dad,” he manages to say. 

“What about him?” Louis asks in a serious tone. 

“H-He…I…I don’t know how m-much he saw,” Harry chokes out.  Harry blinks and his eyes are dry.  He looks down at Louis and he can already feel the tears prickling his eyes.

“Jesus Christ,” Liam says looking away, rubbing his face.

“It’s gonna be alright, Hazza,” Louis says looking up at him with soft blue eyes.  He stands there looking at Harry like all he wants to do is hug him, and tell him over and over that Niall’s going to be fine, but there’s something in Louis’ eyes that tells him that he doesn’t believe that.  “Do you want me to take you home?” he says instead.  “You could still come over, if you wanted.”

Harry shakes his head.  “I don’t want to go home,” he says sniffling away his tears.

“Alright, we’ll go back to mine then,” Louis says giving Harry a sympathetic look. 

 

Harry’s stays quiet in the backseat of Louis’ car.  He zones out watching the trees flash by as he plays the scene over and over.  This time was different, he thinks to himself.  When he saw the bruise on Niall’s arm, he didn’t know for sure about anything, but this time is different.  He saw it play out right in front of him.

He looks up and sees Louis eyes watching him in the rearview mirror.  “You alright, Hazza?” Louis says gently.

Harry bites his lip and his hands start shaking.

“How much do you know about Niall’s dad?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,I figured I'd save this for the end and say that the main reason this chapter took so long was because of the scene where Niall has a panic attack after he hits Harry. That was supposed to be a bit longer but having to think about it and put myself in Niall's (and Harry's) position was making my own anxiety go all crazy on me, so I couldn't write for a couple days, but I had to pace myself on that one. 
> 
> We are really getting into the swing of things with the next chapter, it's no longer going to be Harry and Niall fighting with each other, but more about trying to figure things out and help Niall. 
> 
> As usual, leave comments about what you like or are looking forward to (or any constructive criticism you have for future chapters)
> 
> (Take this with a grain of salt, but I think there will be a second part to this story once I'm done with this one, but I might do it as one long piece rather than having the chapters. idk just yet)


	9. Guess I'm Still Not Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back at least for now. I'm not sure how long it will take to get the next chapter out as I am working on a new short story and editing another short story for my fiction class on top of writing papers, reading, and test quizzes... as you can tell, I'm handling this semester rather horribly. But I promised that by the end of this week I would post the next chapter (it would've been up sooner but I was puppy-sitting all day and she wasn't letting me get any work done). 
> 
> Comments, as always, are highly welcome. I like knowing what I'm doing well and what I can work at a little more.
> 
> Chapter title from Little Mix's "Good Enough".

Harry sits across from Louis and Liam at lunch on Monday.  Louis is uncharacteristically quiet as he eats his lunch and Harry wonders if it has anything to do with Niall not showing up for school that morning. 

In fact, none of them had heard from Niall since he sent Louis a text saying that he couldn’t hang out at all over the weekend, but he said he’d see them on Monday. 

Harry got a little more information out of the two of them concerning Niall’s dad.  He didn’t say anything about Niall flinching away from his father, the bruise on Niall’s arm, or that Niall was the one that gave Harry his black eye.  He didn’t want to tell them until he had more proof, maybe even talk to Niall if he will even get the chance to after what happened on Friday.

Harry knows that if Louis and Liam even thought for a second that Niall’s dad was hurting him, that they would go on the attack.  Harry had to be sure, but he didn’t even want to think about it.  He didn’t want to think about Niall being abused by his own father.

The entire lunch period is strange to Harry, to be honest the entire weekend was strange.  He’d asked Louis and Liam about what they knew of Mr. Horan.

Louis talked about how on occasion, they would pull up to Niall’s house and hear them fighting from all the way out in the driveway, then Niall would come out and tell them that he had to stay home.

Liam mentioned the awkward dinner they had when Niall’s father wanted to meet them when they all first became friends.  His dad talked about Niall like he wasn’t even there and referred to him as ‘my son’ the whole time.

But all of Harry’s questions stuck with Louis in some weird way, maybe even Liam too, but he was just better at hiding it.  Louis looked sad and pissed off for most of the weekend, but tried his best to behave normally.  Harry couldn’t help but wonder if Louis was thinking the same thing he was about Niall’s father.

Harry doesn’t eat and neither Louis nor Liam ask why, but all of them are quiet for the entire period.

 

 

Harry’s changing for gym class when he gets a text from Louis saying that he saw Niall in the front lobby talking to the receptionist.

After he tells Liam, who’s pulling on his gym shorts right beside him, Harry takes the opportunity to send a quick text to Niall asking if he’s alright.

 _Doctor’s appointment. No big deal. I’m fine._ Niall texts back.

Harry sits down on the bench as the other boys start walking out into the gymnasium.  He wants to cry.  He wants to curl up in bed and pretend that none of this is happening, but it is.  He stares at Niall’s response, the phone shaking in his hands as Coach Teller gives them a one-minute warning before they have to be out for rollcall.

“You alright, Harry?” Liam says looking over at him curiously.  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Harry swallows hard, trying to calm himself down before he answers but he thinks that Liam can hear it in his voice nonetheless. “’M fine…” Harry says forcing a smile when he looks up at Liam, with his worried expression.

 

Harry wishes he hadn’t even seen Niall. 

He sits in the stands and watches the practice.  It doesn’t go unnoticed when Niall walks onto the field a couple minutes after everyone else and walks across the field carefully like he’s trying to go unnoticed.

Niall joins the rest of the boys over by the bench as Coach Mackie gets everything together to start practice.  He seems…lost? Harry thinks to himself when Niall stands in the group.  His hands fidget at his sides, tugging at the hem of his long-sleeved shirt.

Even at a distance, Harry can still see the small red mark above Niall’s eye, surrounded by a purple-y pink bruise.  It looks worse than it did on Friday when the blood was trickling down the side of Niall’s face, but maybe that’s just Harry’s imagination, he knows his own black eye got worse before it got better and he prays that is the case for Niall too.  But Niall looks tired, like he hadn’t gotten any sleep since Harry saw him last on Friday.

The team goes to spread out on the field to begin practice and Harry sees Louis say something to Niall, which he just shrugs off and gives a faint smile as he walks off toward the other end of the field.

They start their drills, Niall keeps his head down and his eyes closed before it’s his turn, his hands still pulling at the bottom of his shirt.

He jogs out and kicks the ball over to the next person with a single touch. He jogs across and something doesn’t seem right as he gets to the back of the next line and bends over slightly, his hand going to his side. 

Harry knows he’s not the only one watching Niall as he sees Louis and Liam’s eyes on him as well. 

Niall straightens up and Harry sees Olly turn and say something to him, but Niall just shakes his head and smiles.  Harry hardly sees any struggle from Niall for the rest of practice after that.   He sees him wince a few times but never grab his side like before. 

It could be all his imagination as Niall looks up at him from the field with a big smile on his face.  The game on Friday was rough on all the players, but Niall got the brunt of it.  He’d been smacked around for the first full half of the match and that was bound to have some repercussions.

Harry looks down and smiles back at Niall.  He can’t even imagine someone hurting Niall. 

Even after Niall hit him, the thought never crossed his mind.  When Niall would get antsy about things or defensive, it would frustrate him, but he never thought of hurting Niall and he doesn’t understand how Niall’s own father could ever hurt his son like that…if that is what’s happening.

After they finish practice, Harry goes to wait in the front lobby area like he usually does, but he doesn’t know if Niall will even show up, so it surprises him when he looks up to meet Niall’s bright blue eyes.

“Hey…” Niall says awkwardly, shifting back on his heels, his hands buried in the front pockets of his jeans.  “Can’t really hang out, but I just wanted to see ya.” He smiles abashedly.

Harry gives a curt smile then looks down at the floor.

“You alright, Hazza?” Niall asks looking at Harry with a worried expression. 

Harry stares down at his lap, his fingers shaking.  “Are you?” he says looking up at Niall. 

Niall brows push together at Harry’s question.  “Yeah, ‘m fine. What’s all this about, Harry?”

“I uh…it’s…it’s nothing.  Forget about it,” Harry replies and he looks back down.

“It’s not nothing, what’s going on? Why are you acting so weird?”

Harry shakes his head but he can feel Niall’s insistent eyes on him.

“I know, Niall…” Harry says looking up at the blonde.  “I think that maybe Louis and Liam know too, but—”

“Know what? What’s there to know?” Niall says almost defensively.  “What? Have you guys been talking behind me back or somethin’?” 

The bitter tone in Niall’s voice shocks Harry.

When Harry doesn’t answer right away, Niall shakes his head and starts to turn around.

“I know he’s been hurting you, Niall,” Harry says bluntly and Niall’s body goes still with his back toward Harry.

“You don’t know shit,” Niall retorts.

This reminds Harry so much of the other day.  He stands a few feet back when he stands so he’s out of Niall’s reach in case he lashes out again.

“I know enough…I’ve seen enough.  The bruises, the look on your face when he showed up in the hallway, the way you flinched away from him… You’ve been telling me this entire time that we had to be a secret because you didn’t want me getting hurt.  At first I thought you meant the kids at school, but you were really talking about him, weren’t you. You were talking about your dad.”

“Just stop.” Niall turns around and looks Harry straight in the eye.  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe, but—,” Harry bites his lip nervously.  “Niall, I’d never bring it up again if you just look me in the eye and tell me that your dad has never hit you.”

Niall shakes his head.  “I can’t do this,” he says looking down and rubbing his face with his hands.  “I have to go,” he mumbles.  Niall turns and starts to walk away.

“Niall,” Harry says breathlessly.  “Please don’t go back there…don’t go home. Please,” Harry pleads.  His eyes go blurry with tears as he stares at Niall’s still back, watching his shoulders breathe up and down.  “I can’t stand the thought of him hurting you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Niall says. 

It’s in Niall’s voice when he speaks and it’s in his eyes when he twists his body to look back at Harry.  Everything that Harry thought…is true.

“I’m gonna leave,” Niall continues.  “One day I’m gonna be gone and none of it will matter anymore.  That place…that place hasn’t been home in a long time.  All I need is the strength to go through with it and I’ll never have to deal with any of it ever again.  And Harry…Christ Harry, all I ask is that you’re there to pick up the piece afterwards…”

Harry swallows the lump in his throat.  He hates the way that Niall is looking at him. 

“I promise.”

Niall takes in a long breath and gives Harry a small smile.  “I love you,” he says choking back tears.

“I love you, too.”

Niall stares at Harry, watching him tremble and the tears roll down his cheeks.  He closes the space between them and hugs Harry tightly around the shoulders.  His nose buried in Harry’s neck. “Christ, I love you so much,” he mumbles into Harry’s skin and Harry hugs him back, trying to be as gentle as possible.

Niall pulls back, his eyes bounce from the floor and then back up to Harry.  “I’ll uh…I’ll see you tomorrow, Hazza.”  His thumb glides gently across Harry’s cheek.

Niall’s hand falls away and he disappears back down the hallway leaving Harry standing there by himself.

Harry walks home, wrapping his coat around himself.  He wants to tell his mum, but doesn’t even know where to begin.  Maybe he should talk to Louis and Liam, but Niall didn’t want help.  Niall told Harry to drop it, that things would get better. 

 

 

Niall only seems to get worse as the days move on.  He moves slower out on the field during practice.  The dark circles under his eyes only seem to get darker. 

Lunch is weird with Louis and Liam.  They know something’s wrong, Harry can tell by the way they try to get Niall to laugh and smile.  Niall squeezes Harry’s hand under the table in the small silent moments between the four of them. 

Harry catches Louis and Liam watching Niall more carefully at their practices.  Louis’ eyes flicker over toward Harry a couple of times, as if he knows why Harry is there watching them…he’s really just keeping an eye on Niall.

 

After practice on Friday, Harry sits, leaning against the wall of the hallway outside the locker room.  The door opens and Harry waits as most of the team comes out one by one, disappearing down the hallway. 

Louis and Liam are some of the last ones to emerge from the locker room.  They both stop and look down at Harry.

“He should be out soon,” Louis says quietly.  “He was talking to Coach about something…”

“Do want us to wait? Get something to eat together before the game tonight?” Liam asks.

Harry shakes his head.  “You guys go on ahead.”

“You’re sure?” Louis asks raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Louis and Liam disappear leaving Harry there by himself waiting for Niall.  He wanted to talk to Niall about the game tonight.  Maybe try to convince him not to play, maybe Coach Mackie was doing the same thing and that’s what he was talking to Niall about. There was no way that he or the other boys on the team didn’t notice that something was a bit off with Niall all week.

A few minutes later, the door to the locker room opens slowly and Niall peers around it looking down at Harry. 

“What’re you doin’ down there?” Niall says innocently.

Harry fumbles to his feet. “I was waiting for you,” he replies with a smile. 

“Where are Louis and Liam?”

“They left.  I brought dinner for us,” Harry says picking up a small canvas bag, along with his camera.

Harry and Niall wander down the hallway and settle on an empty classroom in the history wing. 

 

“So, what’s all this about?” Niall says wandering aimlessly around the classroom as Harry gets out all the ingredients. 

Harry shrugs.  “Just wanted to spend some time with you.” 

“Is that all?” Niall says looking over his shoulder from where he stands in front of the chalkboard.  “Everyone’s been staring at me all week.  You, Liam, Louis…”

“We’re worried about you,” Harry says softly.

Niall picks up a piece of chalk and draws a heart on the board. “There’s nothing to be worried about.”

“I beg to differ…” Harry replies. 

“Is that what this is really about then?” Niall turns around. 

“I know you won’t admit to any of it or you suddenly forget everything that you told me on Monday, but the way that you’ve been behaving lately…I just…I’m a bit worried about the game tonight.  Louis said that Granton is a pretty aggressive team and—”

“I appreciate the thought, Harry, but I’m fine. Been a bit tired lately, that’s all.”  Niall gives Harry a smile.  “Honestly, the three of you worry about me too much,” Niall chuckles. 

 

Niall and Harry sit on the floor leaning against the wall as they eat the sandwiches that Harry made.  Niall nuzzles up to Harry’s side, leaning into him and it’s like it used to be, when they would spend hours lounging around on Harry’s couch. 

It’s one of those strangely perfect moments.  They’re both quiet, simply enjoying each other’s company.  Harry pulls the crust off his sandwich first, his arms resting on his knees, Niall’s head resting softly on his shoulder.

They finish eating and Niall weaves his arm around Harry’s, curling up beside him.

“Thank you, for all of this,” Niall says quietly.  “I missed hanging out with you like this…even if we are sitting on the floor,” Niall laughs.

Harry smiles.  “It was my pleasure…”

“You know me da’s not coming tonight…he has some fancy meeting thing. So, he and me mum are at a hotel for the night.” Niall breathes out slowly.

“Does that mean I get to spend more time with you this weekend?” Harry looks down at Niall.

“That’s precisely what that means,” Niall looks up at him with a smile.  “I figure we do a movie night like we did when we hung out that first time.  Maybe make some pizza again.”

“That honestly sounds wonderful,” Harry says sinking into Niall.

 

Harry stands on the sidelines waiting for the game to begin.  He looks up and scans the crowd just to make sure that Niall’s dad wasn’t there.  He breathes out a sigh of relief, a puff of condensation leaving his lips. 

Harry doesn’t remember when it got so cold.  The ground feels hard and icing under his feet as he takes out his camera. 

The referee calls the captains out for the coin toss, and Harry’s mouth goes dry when he sees Niall walk out onto the field with the captain from Granton. 

Niall looks diminished somehow, in a way that Harry didn’t see before.  Maybe it was the lighting on the field that made him look so tired and worn out.  He wonders if everyone else notices it too. 

Harry keeps his camera focused on the handshake rather than Niall’s tired form.  The deep navy blue of Niall’s long-sleeved Under Armour shirt makes his skin match the pale lightness of his white jersey.  Niall walks back to the team bench instead of jogging like he normally does after the coin toss.

Harry hates himself.  He should’ve known better than to believe Niall when he said he was just tired.  He watches intently as Louis puts a soft hand on Niall’s shoulder, pulling him into the huddle. 

Harry’s thankful when the game starts and the ball stays focused down near the Granton goal.  He’d honestly be happy if Niall didn’t touch the ball the entire game.

It’s aggressive, like Louis said it would be, but unlike the game last week, it’s all legal from what little Harry knows about the particulars of the game rules.  Shoulder to shoulder contact and clean slide tackles, but East Stillwater scores in the first fifteen minutes of the game.  A slightly messy shot from Louis sends the ball just out of the goalkeeper’s reach.

They reset and the Granton team seems determined to even the score as they rail against the East Stillwater defense, until they score five minutes later. 

Niall walks back up the field, breathing heavily, bending over slighting.  Harry wants to stop the game.  He wants to help Niall but he just stands there watching him.  He’s hardly taken any pictures the entire game, trying instead to keep an eye on Niall.

The game only gets harder to watch as Harry watches Olly pick himself up off the ground after, what the referee called a clean play.  It didn’t look clean to Harry, but maybe it was all about the angle. 

The East Stillwater players play a game of keep away near the center of the field.  Each of them receiving and getting rid of the ball in quick touches, looking for an opening in the Granton defense.  

Granton pressures the right side, near midfield, and Olly gets rid of the ball, sending it toward the middle, where Niall waited just inside the center circle. 

Two Granton players rush Niall, but he quickly passes the ball toward the left side before they reach him.  Harry breathes out a sigh of relief, until the ball comes back to Niall. 

He moves up the field quickly, looking for an open man.  Louis and Liam trying to get into a good position for Niall to pass the ball off. 

The Granton player came out of nowhere.  Running up behind Niall just before he passes the ball off toward Louis on the wing.  The player drops, sliding across the cold ground.  His feet catching Niall’s, sending Niall barreling toward the frosted grass. 

Niall’s left knee hits first and he rolls across the ground.  Body slamming into the hard floor. 

It’s like watching a car accident in slow motion as the car flips over itself sideways until it finally stops.  Only it’s not a car.  It was Niall.

Harry jumps when the ref blows the whistle, but Harry’s eyes are on Niall, waiting for him to get up.  But Niall isn’t moving and Harry’s breath hitches in his lungs as he sees Louis quickly run over to Niall and look over toward Coach Mackie near the benches with a look of worry on his face.

Harry waits for Louis to say something to Niall.  The normal, “Are you alright?” but he knows that something must be wrong, when the team trainer runs out onto the field crouching just beside Niall laying on his side and still not moving.

His heart feels like it is going beat into oblivion, his hands shaking as he watches the trainer check Niall’s pulse, holding his fingers against Niall’s thin wrist.  Harry’s eyes burn against the cool air. He can’t bring himself to blink.  None of it feels real and his entire body is numb.

“Niall…” the name escapes his lips almost inaudibly.

Sirens sound off and the ambulance, the one that’s always parked just outside the stadium, pulls onto the field. 

Louis backs away from Niall when the paramedics run over towards him.  Harry watches as Liam puts a comforting hand on Louis’ shoulder.  Louis leans into Liam, wiping away the tears filling his eyes. 

Niall still lay unmoving on the ground.  The curve of his side almost looking more pronounced, his blond hair disappearing into the short-cut grass. 

Harry needed this to be like last time.  Niall would just get up and brush off the dirt, but he didn’t.  Niall wasn’t moving and the paramedics weren’t trying to move him, and that’s what scared Harry the most. 

His toes go numb in his boots as he watches helplessly from the sidelines.  It’s not until he sees the slightest movement in Niall’s legs that Harry can breathe again.

The paramedics are quick to try to settle Niall’s movements and Harry can hear them trying to calm Niall down, but it doesn’t do any good.  “I gotta get up…” he hears Niall mumble frantically as the medics try to stabilize him with no luck. 

He watches the trainer turn and gesture for Louis or Liam to come over.

Confused, Louis goes over and kneels beside Niall and Harry sees Louis take Niall’s hand, talking to him as Niall mutters over and over, “I gotta get up”.

He wonders, even with the faintness in Niall’s voice, if anyone else can hear the brokenness. 

The paramedics put a neck brace on him and gently roll Niall onto the backboard.  Niall cries out in pain.  Louis stays with him, holding his hand as they put him on the stretcher and wheel Niall toward the waiting ambulance.

Harry can hear Niall more clearly, the closer they get to the ambulance. 

“I gotta get up. I can’t…I can’t go.  I gotta get up.” He’s one the verge of hyperventilating and Harry’s sure that the only thing keeping Niall from going over the edge is Louis there beside him.

But when Louis let’s go of his hand, as they load Niall into the back of the vehicle, Niall starts yelling, pleading with Louis.  “Don’t let me go! Louis!” Niall yells in hysterics. “I gotta get up! Louis!”

Louis cries and looks around.  His eyes landing on Harry near the team bench.  “Harry!” he chokes out, but Harry’s body is still frozen.  “Harry!” he says a little louder and suddenly Harry’s feet begin to move toward Louis.  “Go with him,” Louis whispers and Harry’s heart breaks as Niall calls out from the ambulance.  “I can’t go with him and you’re the only one that can calm him down. Go with him…please,” Louis says with pleading eyes.

Harry nods and Louis pushes him toward the open doors of the ambulance.

“Are you family?” the paramedic asks looking at Harry.

“Cousins,” Louis interjects and Harry climbs into the back of the ambulance, hearing the doors slam shut behind him.

He tries to make himself as small as possible in the cramped space, but he instinctively goes for Niall’s hand, holding it softly in his own.

“It’s going to be alright,” he says quietly.

Niall looks at him, red eyed and pale faced, as if he didn’t even know Harry was there before.  “Harry…” he chokes out in between hastened breaths.  “I gotta get up,” he says and Niall begins to cry as he looks up at Harry.  “It hurts.”

“I know, but everything is gonna be fine.  I’m right here.”

“I can’t…he can’t,” Niall starts hyperventilating and the paramedic and Harry try to calm him. “I…can’t…breathe…Har—”, and Niall’s eyes roll back in his head and he passes out.

“Niall?” Harry says frantically. 

The paramedic checks Niall’s pulse, then tries to tread the wires for the heart monitor through the top of Niall’s shirt, but the under shirt is too tight.  The paramedic sits back and rolls up the bottom of Niall’s shirts, then stops…

Purple bruises cover most of Niall’s torso, deep in color and beginning to yellow around the edges.  Harry’s breath hitches, his stomach churns.  He watches the paramedic attach the heart monitor and the gentle beat of Niall’s heart fills the back of the ambulance as he stares down at the bruises covering Niall’s ribcage. 

Harry follows close behind as they wheel Niall into the hospital emergency room, but they disappear through the doors and Harry’s left there by himself. 

He wishes his mum was there working, but he knew she was at home, probably went to bed early.  He doesn’t realize how badly his hands are shaking until he sits down in the waiting area near reception. 

He’s close enough to the nurse’s station that he can hear their conversations.  The man they brought in an hour earlier, who had a heart attack.  The guy that broke his hip moving a TV.  It’s all vague conversation until he hears one of them say Niall’s name.  It seems familiar the way the nurse says it, like she’s seen him here before.  He hears her say something about X-Rays and a head scan, but the conversation ends when the phone rings and the nurses go back to work.

Harry sits there for over a half an hour before anyone bothers to tell him anything.

It’s a nurse that Harry feels like he recognizes from his mum talking about work.  She’s a shorter, younger woman, but she has the short dark hair and pink lipstick that he remembers his mum mentioning. 

“Harry?” the nurse asks and Harry simply nods.  “I thought you looked familiar,” she says with a smile.  “Your mum showed us your picture once.  My name’s Lana.”

“I know,” Harry says quietly.

“Well, we just got a call from upstairs and it looks like your friend is being moved into a room.”

Harry looks up at her. “How is he?” he asks reluctantly.

“Well, he’s still unconscious, but from what the doctors have told us there is no reason for alarm, he’s got a concussion and has some slight trauma to his knee, but as I said he should be just fine.”

She doesn’t even mention the bruising. 

“Can I see him?” Harry asks.  “I know I’m not actually family, but—”

“That is the other issue,” she says frankly.  “It seems that we are having some issues getting in contact with his parents.  The numbers listed are going straight to voicemail.  Would you happen to know how to get a hold of either of them?”

“He’s eighteen; he doesn’t need his parents though?”

“Yes, but they are his emergency contact and they should be informed of his situation.”

Harry shakes his head.  “He told me that they were out of town.  His dad had some meeting and they were staying at a hotel. That’s all I know,” he says standing up.  “Can I please see him?”

“We usually only let family in, but since it may take a while to get into contact and I understand Mr. Horan was in a bit of a state when they brought him in, it might be good for him to see a familiar face when he wakes up.”

Harry follows the nurse up to Niall’s room.  The whole thing feels surreal as he walks a few steps in.  He stops and looks at Niall lying unconscious in the hospital bed as the heart monitor beeps in a steady rhythm. 

The worry washed away from Niall’s face.  Harry had never seen anyone, let alone Niall, as scared as he was in that ambulance.  In a weird way, Harry knew things would only get worse when Niall woke up.  He didn’t want to be here in the hospital and Harry had a feeling that had to do with the bruises covering Niall’s body.  Bruises brought on questions and Niall didn’t like answering.  Niall could lie to Harry and say, everything was fine, but it made Harry wonder about what else showed up on Niall’s scans.  The nurse didn’t mention the bruising because they were doing something about it and maybe this was Niall’s chance of getting away from his dad. 

Harry sits down in the chair next to Niall’s bed.  He takes Niall’s hand again, even colder than before.  He watches as Niall’s chest goes up and down.  He runs he thumb gently across the back of Niall’s pale hand.  “I love you, you know that?  Niall, I—” Harry lowers his head.  “I don’t know what to do.” 

Niall’s legs move under the sheets and his fingers tightens slightly around Harry’s. 

“Niall?” Harry says looking up just as Niall’s eyes flutter open the smallest amount.

His eyes finally focus on Harry beside him. “You shouldn’t be here,” he says groggily looking up at Harry.

Harry can see the slightest hint of blue beneath Niall’s hooded eyes and Harry smiles just as Niall falls back asleep.  Harry sighs and sits back in the chair.

He let’s go of Niall’s hand for only a moment to check his phone.  All that was there was a text from Louis, around half time, asking how Niall was and saying that they would be at the hospital once the game was over.  Harry checked the time and knew that they might be there soon, though he wasn’t sure that the nurses would let them see Niall.

He leans toward Niall, intertwining their fingers, “I love you.”

It’s only few minutes later, when Niall’s eyes open again and he looks at Harry and smiles.  “Thought you would’ve left,” Niall says quietly.

“I couldn’t,” Harry says smiling back at Niall.  “As I recall, we’re in this together.”  Harry kisses the back of Niall’s hand.  “I’m not going anywhere…unless you want me to,” Harry laughs.

“I don’t want you to,” Niall mumbles, closing his eyes for a moment.

When he opens his eyes again, Harry can see the bright blue more clearly this time.  “I love you,” he says again, though he knows that Niall didn’t hear him say it before.

“I love you, too,” Niall replies giving Harry’s hand a quick squeeze.

They hear the door open and they both instinctually let go of each other’s hands. 

Harry turns and sees Louis poke his head in and he sighs in relief his hand automatically going back to Niall’s.

“Thank god,” Louis says coming into the room followed by Liam. Louis sets a navy blue bag and Harry's camera bag down on a chair near the door. At least Niall would have some clothes to change into when he got out./p>

Niall looks at them and smiles.  “’Bout time,” he says jokingly.

“Yeah, well someone had to finish the game,” Louis says walking up to the foot of Niall’s bed./p>

“How’d it go?” Niall asks wearily.

“Well, we kicked their asses 4-2,” Louis sits on the edge of Niall’s bed, but Liam stays back.

Harry thinks it’s weird.  Liam looks scared and uncomfortable.  Then Harry sees the icepack on Liam’s hand.  “What happened?” Harry asks looking at Liam, who shifts back. 

“Liam?” Niall says, but Liam just hangs his head.

“Uh, yeah so,” Louis starts.  “Don’t think you’re going to have to worry about getting back at that kid that knocked you down.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry says.

“The kid was running his mouth after the game, and uh, Liam here, uh…knocked the kid on his bloody ass, to put it simply.  I mean, I’m rather proud of him actually. Would’ve knocked the kid out meself, but Payno here got to him first.  And he feels rather bad about it.”

“Did someone see it happen? Coach Mackie or—” Harry starts to ask.

“Who do you think gave him the icepack? Mackie saw the whole thing. It was beautiful,” Louis says with a laugh.

 

A few minutes later, the doctor came in to check on Niall and seeing that he was awake, asked the other three to wait out in the hallway.  Liam went to find the bathrooms while Louis leaned against the wall, sliding all the way down to the floor.

“It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Putting on a brave face like that…” Harry says looking down at Louis.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in me entire life,” Louis says rubbing his face.  “I mean, when he didn’t get up…Christ, I thought…I thought he was dead.  I don’t know.  I’ve seen Niall get knocked around on the field, but he always got back up.  I just can’t shake the feeling that I had when I saw him like that and then seeing how scared he was…I didn’t want to leave him.”

“Why did you? You could’ve gone with him; no one would’ve thought less of you for it.”

“I’m not you,” Louis says bluntly.  “For as much as I love the little leprechaun...you make him happy.”

Harry sits down next to Louis.  “I feel like I’ve only made things worse.  Like I spend every day watching his smile fade.  Between the fights and the secrets and his father, I just…I think he would’ve been better off without me.”

“Well that’s a load of bullshit,” Louis says.  “Niall’s trying to figure things out.  From what I can see, you got him on the path to figuring out what he wants.  And at first, a change like that can be a bit messy.”  Louis looks over at Harry with kind eyes.  “Just trust me when I say, we wouldn’t let you anywhere near him if we thought you were bad news.”

“Well, he needs both of you too.  Noticed that the first time I hung out with the three of you.”

“To be honest, I think we need him more than he needs us.  Christ, if Liam hadn’t been the one to knock out that asshole…I don’t think I could’ve stopped.   I would’ve just kept hitting him.  I can’t lose Niall, but for a split second tonight…I thought I had and it would’ve been that kid’s fault.  I wanted to kill him.”

Harry stares at the linoleum floor of the hallway.  “You wouldn’t have,” Harry says.  “Unlike what a lot of people think, yourself included, you’re not a bad guy, Lou.  You love your friends, and to me, that’s what’s most important.”

“Yeah, I don’t know…it’s different with Niall.  I think that maybe he’s too good of a person. I’m not saying the kid’s perfect, but there’s just something about him.  I mean Liam’s my boy, but Niall’s Niall, ya know?”

Harry sighs and gives a small nod.  He knew all too well what Louis meant, but Harry also knew something about Niall that neither Louis nor Liam did…he knows he has to tell them. “There’s something I need to talk to you and Liam about…”

“What about?” Louis says looking over at Harry.

“It’s about Niall…”

Just then, the doctor comes out of Niall’s room, and walks right past the two boys without saying anything, just as Liam comes up the hallway.

They file back into the room to see Niall sitting up slightly in bed.

“Everything alright?” Liam asks closing the door behind them.

“Yeah, just wanted to make sure I didn’t forget who I was and wanted me to answer some questions,” Niall says.  He’s more awake than he was before, but his eyes still look a little hazy.

“How ya feeling?” Louis sits on the side of Niall’s bed like he had before.

“Like I wanna get out of here,” Niall says quietly.  A worried look comes across Niall’s face and he starts moving the blankets off of himself. “I can’t be here,” he says and Niall starts to sit up, as if we were going to get out of bed.  He winces and holds his side as Harry rushes over, placing a gentle hand on Niall’s shoulder to keep him from moving any further.

“Niall, you’re in no shape to be going anywhere,” Harry says softly. 

“I can’t stay here,” Niall says pushing against Harry. “He’s gonna…I can’t stay here.” He’s not strong enough to keep going and Niall lays back down, his eyes looking towards the ceiling as he tries to keep the tears from building up.  “I can’t do this,” he says without looking at the other three.

“Niall, it’s just us here,” Harry tries to comfort him.  “The hospital is having some issues getting a hold of your parents.  We’re not going anywhere, okay?”

Niall looks at Harry and nods.

 

 

Harry lays next to Niall in the hospital bed with Niall’s head resting on his shoulder, their hands intertwined.  He’d refuse to fall asleep and Harry knew why.  Niall was waiting for his parents to come in and Harry knew that thought terrified Niall enough to keep him from sleeping. 

Louis leaned on the side of the bed, his head resting in his folded arms by Niall’s side with Liam sitting next to him examining his bruised knuckles.

The quite of the hospital has all of them thinking.  Harry peers over at Louis and Liam and he knows he is going to have to tell them what he knows, though he’s worried about how they’ll react.  He thought for sure that Louis would be the wild card; the one that would get physically violent toward Niall’s dad if he found out what is happening.  But now, Harry wasn’t so sure.  Liam was the softy.  Someone with a lot of power but didn’t want to use it, he could tell just by the way Liam seemed ashamed of what he did.  The two of them needed to know.  Harry knows he can’t help Niall on his own, especially when Niall won’t admit anything is wrong.

“You’re gonna have to stay with him,” Harry says quietly, when Niall falls asleep against his shoulder and Louis and Liam look up at him with confused expressions.  “I can’t be here when his dad gets here.”

“Yeah, of course,” Louis says quietly and Liam nods.

Liam stretches and starts to get up, “I’m gonna go see if they’ve gotten a hold of his parents yet.” 

“Yeah, I’ll come with you,” Louis says. “Gotta stretch me legs out anyway.”  The two of them disappear into the hallway.

They come back a few minutes later and Louis pokes his head in the room and gestures for Harry to come out into the hallway. 

Harry carefully slides out from where he lay next to Niall.

“What’s going on?” he asks looking at the two boys.

“Caught the nurse in the hallway on her way up.  They finally got in touch with Niall’s parents and they’re going to be here in like a half an hour,” Liam says quietly.

Harry looks back into the room at Niall.  His face soft and worry free as he sleeps. 

Harry and the two boys go back into the room and Harry nudges Niall awake.

“What time is it?” Niall mumbles.

“Just after eleven,” he replies as Niall rubs his eyes.

“Hey, uh…the hospital finally got a hold of your parents…they’ll be here in about a half an hour,” Harry tries to say calmly.  He hates is as he watches Niall’s eyes widen and his breathing start to pick up.

“No. No…No.” Niall tries to sit up again.  “I gotta get up. I can’t be here,” he says with panic in his voice and tears filling his eyes. 

“Niall, it’s going to be alright,” Harry tries to calm him as Louis and Liam watch confused and helpless. “Liam and Louis are going to stay with you, alright?”

“I can’t be here,” Niall repeats. “He’s—” but Niall cuts himself off before he says anything else.

Harry puts his hand on the side of Niall’s face.  “Niall, look at me.  Everything is going to be alright,” Harry tries to comfort him, but Niall pushes against Harry’s touch.  “Look at me, Niall,” Harry pleads, his hands cupping Niall’s face.

Niall’s blue eyes look up to meet Harry’s, the blonde shakes his head and begins to cry. 

“We’re not going to let anything happen to you, Niall,” Harry says in a hushed tone so the other two won’t here him.  “Louis and Liam are going stay here with you and they are going to keep me in the loop and if you need me, I will be here as fast as I can, but things will only get worse if your dad sees me here, alright? You just need to stay here and get better.  Can you do that for me?” Harry asks looking intently at Niall.

Niall gives a quick nod.

“I love you so much,” Harry says.

“I love you, too,” Niall chokes out as a tear rolls down his cheek.

Harry kisses Niall on the forehead before he pulls away. 

Harry grabs his camera bag and leaves the room before he changes his mind, but he hears someone follow him.

“Harry, wait!” Louis calls out jogging after him.  “What the hell was the all about?  Why is Niall so freaked out? Harry!” he says sharply, grabbing Harry’s arm so they are facing each other. “Does this have something to do with what you need to tell me and Liam?” Louis asks a bit softer.

Harry can’t bring himself to look at Louis.  He stares down at the floor, his eyes burning as the tears cloud his vision.

“I just want to keep him safe, Harry, but if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be protecting him from—”

“It’s his dad, Louis,” Harry says, finally looking up at Louis.

“Look, I know that Niall’s dad can’t find out about the two of you but—”

“It’s not that,” Harry says shaking his head and he sees Liam come out of Niall’s room and walk towards them with a look of worry on his face.

“Then what the fuck is it, Harry?” Louis asks sternly, ignoring Liam.

Harry’s eyes look past Louis to meet Liam’s then he looks back down at Louis.  “His dad’s hitting him,” Harry says softly.  “He all but admitted it to me, but I saw the bruises in the ambulance on the way here.”

Louis takes a step back. “No,” he says shaking his head.  “Niall would’ve said something.”

“He thinks he owes his dad or something,” Harry says.  “He said that it doesn’t even matter…”

Liam rubs harshly at his face like he’s trying to wake himself up, thinking this was a dream.  “What about the police? We need to tell someone,” Liam says.

“Niall will just deny it and come up with fifty other excuses for all the bruises,” Harry counters.

“Why? Why the fuck would he do that?” Louis spits out.

“As fucked up as it sounds,” Harry says.  “Niall is still loyal to his dad.  He’s got this entire plan to leave, he’s been saving up money, but he thinks still needs his dad before he can do that.” Both Louis and Liam have tears rolling down their cheeks.  “I need to leave, his dad’s going to be here soon.  He can’t do anything to Niall while he’s here, so just stay with him as long as you can.”  Harry turns to start walking down the hallway.

“You can’t just drop of bomb like that and leave, Harry!” Liam says angrily. “If you love him so much how can you be so nonchalant about all of this?”

“Because even though I know it’s happening,” Harry says loudly, turning to face Liam. “I can’t do anything about it! All Niall wants is for us to treat him like nothing is wrong and even though I know that’s wrong, I just want him to be happy even if it means it’s all a lie. None of this was happening until I came along.  When I first met Niall he was happy and he smiled and laughed and I’ve watched that fade the last few months.” Harry breathes out heavily.  “I should’ve never come here, I should’ve never met any of you, and Niall’s dad wouldn’t have—”

“It’s not on you, Hazza,” Louis says quietly.  He’s staring at the floor while he talks.  “It’s on us,” Louis turns and glances at Liam then looks at Harry.  “I didn’t even think of it at the time. Probably couldn’t even fathom the idea.  Niall used to disappear for a couple days, and then he’d come back and just be completely out of it,” Louis says quietly.  “He came late to practice…I saw him changing into his kit and he had bruises all down his side, said he flipped the four-wheeler on top of himself. This wasn’t you, Harry…”

“What’re we gonna do?” Liam asks quietly. 

“We’re going to protect as best we can…” Harry says rubbing the back of his neck, Louis and Liam nod. 

“You should probably get going,” Louis says gently, looking at Harry.

 

Harry pulls out his phone and sits in one of the chairs in the waiting area.  It rings three times before it picks up.

“Mum?” he says quietly into the phone.

“Harry? Sweetie, are you alright?” Anne says, her voice soft and tired.  He knows he’s woken her up.

“Can you come get me?” Harry says burring his head in his hand.  “I’m…I’m at the hospital. Niall got hurt during the game and his dad’s going to be here soon and—” but he can’t continue.  It becomes too much all at once and he tries to hold it in.

“I’ll be there in ten, just stay right where you are,” Anne says and Harry can hear her moving around in her room then stop. “He’s going to be just fine, sweetheart.  I’m sure of it.”

Harry hangs up and starts crying even more.  He tries to stay as small as possible just in case Niall’s parents show up before his mum.  He thinks about the look on Niall’s face when they walk into his room, whether he’ll look to Louis and Liam for safety, whether he’ll stay quiet… Harry doesn’t want to leave him here, but if he stays, things will only get worse for Niall.

“Harry?”

He looks up to see his mum standing in front of him.  Her hair is tossed into a sloppy bun and she’s thrown on one of Harry’s oversized sweatshirts over her pajamas.  She kneels down in front of him, brushing his hair out of his face.  “Oh, my sweet boy,” Anne says softly, her thumb wiping away the tears falling down Harry’s cheek.  “I’m going to have a word with the girls at reception; if anything changes they can give me a call, alright?”  Harry nods and Anne walks over to the front desk and starts talking to one of the nurses there.

He feels like a child sitting there with wet cheeks as his mum talks to her coworkers.  He doesn’t want to leave, but at the same time, he just wants to curl up in his bed and sleep forever, but he misses Niall already.

He stands up when his mum comes back and she rubs small circles on his back as they walk out to the car.  The ride home is quiet; he can feel his mum’s eyes on him as she glances away from the road for a split second as if to make sure that Harry didn’t disappear.  “Lana says that he’ll be fine.  That he just needs a bit of rest and to take it easy for a little while,” she says, trying to make the worried look on Harry’s face go away.

Harry follows his mum inside their house, but he doesn’t know what to do as his mum takes off her shoes by the door.

“Harry, sweetheart, are you alright?” Anne asks gently.

“I’m worried about him,” Harry replies, his voice low and muddled.  “He was so scared…”

“He’s in good hands,” Anne says reassuringly.  “I can take you to work with me in the morning and you can see him then.”

“I can’t,” Harry shakes his head.  “His dad will be there…Liam and Louis are there at least.” Harry starts walking to his room, trying to organize his thoughts.

He takes a shower and sits in the tub letting the hot water run over his skin, making it red and blotchy.  The muffled memory of the pain in Niall’s voice and eyes when they were putting him on the stretcher in the middle of the soccer pitch. At least Louis and Liam are there with him, he thinks.

Harry looks at his bed after he dries off.  He doesn’t want to sleep yet.  He’s not sure if he even can sleep.  He wanders out to the living room where all the lights are off.  He heard his mum go back to bed while he was getting in the shower. 

Harry sits down on the couch and looks at the empty space beside him.  He was meant to be watching a movie and eating pizza with Niall tonight.  Harry pulls his feet up onto the couch and wraps his arms around his legs, resting his head on his knees.  He stares blankly at the black screen of the television.  He sits like that until his legs are about to fall asleep, just as his feet touch the carpet, a flash of light comes across the windows and he hears a car pull into the driveway.  Harry can’t bring himself to get up and see whom it is when only a minute later there’s a light knock at the door.

Harry’s breath hitches at the sound but he gets up and pads across the floor, unlocking and opening the front door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment or message me on Tumblr, IrishSunshine-N-L-L-H (which you can find a link for on my profile page). Open to chatting with you guys more about this fic and future fic ideas.  
> xoxo  
> -Amy


	10. The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry, Louis, and Liam deal with the aftermath of Niall's injuries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's been almost a year since I posted for this fic, but better late than never. Funny enough the last time I posted a chapter for this fic was October 20, 2016...and on that date this year we will be getting Niall's first solo album, "Flicker"!!! On another note, I'm not writing a fic for 1d big bang this year (but I might be an artist instead?) because I want to focus on this fic and my other fic "Bringing My Demons Out". I love both dearly and will never just give up on them, but I can't say when either will finally be finished.

Liam and Louis stand in the darkness staring at Harry, Louis burying his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt looking down at the ground.

“What are you doing here?” Harry asks almost frantically.

“Niall’s dad kicked us out,” Liam says quietly.  “Started yelling at the nurses, saying that they shouldn’t have let us in to begin with.”

Harry moves out of the way so the two boys can step into the house.  “What about Niall?” Harry asks next at he closes the door behind them.

“He didn’t say anything…he wouldn’t even look at us,” Liam answers. “We promised we would stay with him, but there wasn’t anything we could do.  Tommo tried—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Louis cuts in and Harry gets that something else happened that Louis doesn’t want to talk about. 

“My mum can check in on him tomorrow morning…or at least ask one of the other nurses,” Harry finds himself saying.  If Mr. Horan knows who Harry’s mum is by any chance, he won’t let her anywhere near Niall.

“We’re sorry, Harry,” Liam says gently.

“It’s alright,” Harry lies shifting on his feet.  “His dad can’t do anything to him while he’s in the hospital…”

 

Harry wakes up the next morning with his head leaning against Liam’s shoulder where they fell asleep on the couch.  He looks over and sees Louis sitting in the chair next to the couch, his feet pulled up onto the edge of the cushion.  His chin resting on his knees, his eyes staring at the ground with a worried expression knitting his eyebrows together.  Harry wonders if Louis got any sleep.

Louis blinks and looks over, giving Harry a curt smile. 

“You alright?” Harry asks softly that it’s more like he’s mouthing the words.

Louis nods and tightens his arms around his legs. His eyes shoot over toward where Anne is coming down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Harry gives Louis a sad smile when Louis looks at him, like he doesn’t know what to do. Harry gets up from the couch carefully so he doesn’t disturb Liam and pads over to the kitchen where his mum is putting the kettle on the stove.

“I didn’t know the two of them were coming over,” Anne whispers to Harry.  “I thought they would’ve stayed at the hospital with Niall.”

“His dad kicked them out,” Harry says simply.  “They were at a bit of a loss of what to do so they came here.” Harry’s fingers touch the edge of the counter as he shifts back and forth awkwardly. 

“Well, they can stay as long as they want.  Niall went through a lot yesterday, but so did the three of you.  I’ll let you know as soon as I can about Niall’s condition.  In the meantime, make sure you boys get homework done and all that sort of stuff.  It’ll at least get you minds off things for a while.”

Harry nods, though he’s not sure how he’ll be able to focus on anything else. 

Anne leaves the kettle on as she puts her coat and shoes on to leave for work. When the kettle whistles she turns off the burner and pours it into the travel mug on the counter.  Anne looks into the living room as she twists the lid on the mug. “Try not to worry too much, sweetheart, it doesn’t do any of you any good,” Anne says looking back at her son.  She smiles, collects her things, and heads out the front door.

Harry looks into the living room to see Liam stir on the couch, Louis’ eyes distracted by the movement.  And something in Louis’ face changes when he looked at Liam, as if he isn’t allowed to be sad anymore and that he has to act like everything is normal around his best friend.

And maybe that is it.  It’s somewhere in between what they all knew and what they only guessed at, but there is no denying that Niall needed help.  There was also no denying who is responsible for Niall’s suffering, but there wasn’t a damn thing that any of the boys could do, because without Niall admitting anything is wrong, there was no proof, and Niall’s lies about the marks on his body would go continually unnoticed. 

A little piece of Harry wondered whether Niall wanted it to stop.  He’s scared of his dad but he’s also scared of losing his dad in some weird twisted way.

Harry looks over into the living room where Louis has gone back to staring at the floor and Liam has somehow gone back to sleep.  Harry’s stomach curls at the sight of them, Niall’s best friends, being as helpless and afraid as Harry is, but feeling all the worse for not noticing for all these years.

+++

When Monday rolls around, Harry notices how different everything feels at school without Niall.  Louis hardly spoke the entire weekend especially after Anne called from the hospital on her break to say that they were hoping to release Niall on Monday morning.  He needed lots of rest and the hospital only wanted to keep him to make sure that nothing else was wrong.

Harry’s only thought was that Niall was safer at the hospital and now that was over.

The entire day feels off, and kids stare at him, Louis, and Liam.  A lot of people saw Harry get into the back of that ambulance with Niall and he wonders if that has something to do with it. 

Harry hates sitting at lunch without Niall. 

“I sent him a text this morning,” Louis says.  “He hasn’t tested back.” Louis picks at his food and Liam drops his small bag of potato chips on the table.

“I can’t do this,” Liam says. “I can’t sit here and pretend everything is normal. We shouldn’t be fearing for our best mate’s life like this.” Liam hadn’t said much all day, maybe because he was trying to think of what he wanted to say in the first place.  “The worst part of it, aside from what’s happening to Niall, is that I feel like the more we try to protect him, the more he’s going to get hurt,” Liam says with finality as he jams what’s left of his lunch back into his backpack.  He gets up from the table Liam leaves the other two boys there without another word.

Louis looks at Harry, “Maybe one of us should say something to someone…maybe like your mom or a guidance counselor.”

“’m supposed to have a meeting with Mr. Lacy during my gym period,” Harry says. Mr. Lacy is one of the school guidance counselors; he’s supposed to meet with all the seniors to go over their plans for after high school.  According to both Niall and Liam, who had already had their meeting with him, Mr. Lacy is a bit of a waste of space as a counselor.

“Maybe he’s just shit at helping kids pick out colleges,” Louis says. “If you say something, he has to report it, right?”

Harry gives a slow nod.

 

Harry drops himself into one of the chairs in front of Mr. Lacy’s desk in his tiny office.  He is technically the head of the counseling office, which Harry wondered if he had been since the dawn of time, since Mr. Lacy looked older than the school itself.

“Mr. Styles,” Mr. Lacy reads off the folder in front of him before he looks up at Harry.  His glasses are so thick that the lens distorts his eyes slightly. “How are you doing today?” Lacy looks back down at the folder and opens it flat on the desk.

“’m fine,” Harry mumbles.

“Good. Good. So, have you given any thought to your plans after high school?” Mr. Lacy’s thick eyebrows peek over the top rim of his glasses as he peers over the desk at Harry.

“Probably go to uni,” Harry says flatly. All the words he really wants to say are mulling around in his mind. He hadn’t really thought about what he was going to say or how to bring up the subject or if he even wanted to bring it up at all.  “For photography or something,” Harry adds.

Mr. Lacy nods slowly, narrowing his eyes at Harry. “Interesting choice.” He folds his hands together on the top of his desk. “Not that that is a bad choice but we often like to tell our students to have a backup option in cases like these, just in case the student’s first choice doesn’t work out.”

“Ok…” Harry says staring at the corner of the desk.

“Mr. Styles?” Mr. Lacy says more inquisitively. “Are you paying attention to what I’m telling you?”

Harry looks up and meets Mr. Lacy’s gaze. “Not really,” Harry replies.

“Am I boring you with all this talk of your future?” Mr. Lacy leans forward slightly watching Harry closely.

“No…I just…” Harry can’t keep eye contact with this man.

“Is there something else on your mind, Mr. Styles?” Mr. Lacy in a lighter tone.

Harry feels like his stomach is going to jump out of his throat.  He can’t help but rub nervously at his fingers. “If…” Harry starts to say. “If someone I knew was being hurt, what am I…is there…is there a way I could help them?” Harry finally looks at Mr. Lacy.

“Has someone hurt you, Mr. Styles?” Mr. Lacy asks in a serious tone.

Harry shakes his head, “No…this isn’t about me, it’s about someone else.”

  
“Someone else?” Mr. Lacy echoes. 

“It’s hard to explain, I don’t really…” Harry can’t find the words to say it out loud.

Mr. Lacy leans forward even further and drops his voice lower, “Mr. Styles, if you can’t tell me what’s going on, I can’t help you.” He leans back in his chair. “I know that there were some rumors floating around the school, not too long ago, and I know that things like that can have repercussions and also that you came to school with a black eye. Now, if any of our students have threatened you or have gotten physically violent with you, because of those rumors, you need to tell me.”

Harry feels like he’s going to vomit. “That has nothing to do with what I’m talking about,” Harry says and he can feel his pulse start to race.

“Can you tell me who gave you that black eye then?” Mr. Lacy insists.

“I…It…It wasn’t his fault, but…but that’s not the point.”

“Was it one of our students? Or even if it was one of your friends… you can tell me. Why wasn’t it their fault? Did you find yourself in a difficult situation? Was one of your friends angry about the rumors about you?” Mr. Lacy pushes back from his desk. “I’ve noticed that you are friends with some of the boys from the soccer team, was it one of them? Did they maybe feel that you could no longer be friends with them?”

Harry feels like he’s going to explode.

“Mr. Styles, did you perhaps make advances on another male student who did not reciprocate your feelings?”

Harry slams his fist on the arm of the chair. “Just stop!” Harry yells out and Mr. Lacy sits back in his chair with a surprised look on his face. Harry stares at Mr. Lacy for a moment before he grabs his backpack with the intent to leave.

“Mr. Styles,” Mr. Lacy says firmly and Harry stops and turns around.

Harry shakes his head when Mr. Lacy doesn’t say anything right away. “I came in here,” Harry says staring directly at Mr. Lacy. “I came in here, because one of your students is being hit by his father and all you’ve done is put words in my mouth and assume that everything has to do with the fact that I’m gay. Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret, Mr. Lacy, I am gay, and no, my friends don’t hate me for it and no, I wasn’t hit for making advances on another male who didn’t want me, because I might be gay, but I’m not fucking monster.”

Mr. Lacy grits his teeth. “Mr. Styles, if you cannot control yourself I will have to call the office.”

Harry shakes his head letting out a small laugh. “You still don’t get it.” Harry says. “Niall Horan is being beaten by his father and you couldn’t give a damn about it, because you’re too busy blaming me for being gay.”

“That’s quite the accusation, Mr. Styles. Robert Horan is a well-known and respected lawyer; the idea that he could possibly be abusing his son is ridiculous. Now, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down and take a seat.”

Harry can feel the tears welling up in his eyes. “Screw you,” Harry says quietly as he looks at Mr. Lacy.

“That’s quite enough, Mr. Styles,” Mr. Lacy says in a firm voice. His hand goes to reach for the phone on his desk.

“I wouldn’t, if I were you,” Harry says. “You can call down to the main office and try to tell them how I got out of control or whatever lie you want to shove in my mouth, but if you do, I’m going to have to tell them about how you targeted and harassed me because of my sexual orientation and that I felt threatened and scared by you.”

Mr. Lacy drops his hand, staring daggers at Harry.

“I hope you can sleep tonight with the fact that your letting an abusive asshole get away with hitting his kid.” Harry turns, trying not to slam the door behind him as he exits the office.

He keeps walking and walking around the school, his mind trying to catch up with him and he feels the pressure in his head and his chest become too overwhelming and he ducks into the boy’s bathroom, locking himself in a stall, before the full gust of everything that he was keeping in finally comes out. He starts hyperventilating, dropping his backpack to the floor, Harry grabs his chest trying to bring air into his lungs, and the tears start streaming down his face.

He misses Niall in that moment.  He misses Niall’s smile, his laugh, and Harry’s heart hurts even more as it’s been so long since he’d seen or heard either of those things. 

Harry wants to hit something, he wants to hurt himself, so that his brain would stop focusing so much on how much he misses Niall…how much he can’t help Niall, but that’s all his brain thinks about and his chest and his head hurt more in this moment than ever before.

Harry breathes in deeply, trying to calm himself. Trying to calm his mind and his body from self-destructing in the boy’s bathroom. 

He picks his bag up off the floor and pulls himself together enough to step out of the bathroom stall.  The lights in the bathroom seem even brighter in the open space, and Harry quickly gets a wad of paper towels from the dispenser, running them under cold water before he presses them too his face trying to calm his red face. 

He looks at himself in the mirror, thinking back to his first day at East Stillwater High School, when he went unnoticed all day until Niall ran into him.  Hardly anything had gone right since that moment. Everything from being in a secret relationship, to being outed, to finding out the boy he was in love with was being hurt by his own father, to Niall ending up in the hospital, to this moment right here, right now, where he’s just all but threatened a guidance counselor and now he’s crying in a bathroom.  He wonders how Niall can look at him with such a lightness in his eyes when Harry’s been at the center of every horrible thing that has happened to any of them.

Harry dries off his face, tries to stand up straight and look presentable before he walks to the gymnasium to finish out the period before the bell rings.

Harry walks into the gym and they’re playing volleyball. They mixed up the classes so that seniors are mixed in with juniors, sophomores, and freshmen.  He doesn’t want to bring attention to himself by looking for Liam so he just sits in the corner on the bottom of the bleachers, keeping his head down, but aware enough in case any stray volleyballs come flying his way.

He jumps slightly when Coach Teller blows the whistle for everyone to go into the locker rooms to change back into their street clothes.   Liam shuffles into the locker room talking to one of the other boys before he glances at Harry but then disappears into the locker room.

Harry sits there, staring at his hands, moving one of his rings so that it sits straight on his finger. 

The boys start emerging from the locker room and Harry sees a pair of sneakers standing in front of him, until he looks up to see Liam peering down at him.

Almost immediately, Liam gets a concerned look on his face and kneels down in front of Harry.

“Harry? You alright, mate?” Liam says looking at Harry.

Harry just shakes his head and feels the tears and the tightness coming back.

“What happened? How’d it go with Mr. Lacy?” Liam asks.

Harry shakes his head again. “It was stupid. I tried to…but he wouldn’t listen to me and he just kept putting words into my mouth and making everything my fault.” Harry looks straight into Liam’s soft eyes. “He didn’t believe me, Liam.”

Liam takes Harry’s hands in his, when Harry trembles slightly.

“Fucking waste of space, this school is,” Liam says off to the side. “This isn’t the end, Harry,” Liam says in a lighter tone. “We can’t just sit around and do nothing. No matter what happens, we are the ones that can help him. Forget what I said before about making it worse, because we are the only ones that care about him. And that’s that.” Liam smiles slightly. “We play the greatest game of keep away that we possibly can.” Liam gives Harry’s hands a squeeze. “As soon as Niall’s back, we stop thinking about him as Robert Horan’s son, and we just see him as our best mate… _our_ family. And we protect our family.”

Harry sees the seriousness in Liam’s eyes and nods.  “We protect, Niall,” Harry says softly.

 

 

Mr. Austin asks Harry to stay after his photography class is over at the end of the day and Harry knows exactly what this is going to be about.

“About the game on Friday,” Mr. Austin starts to say.  “I was there, I saw what happened, so I know you weren’t there for the whole game and I’m not holding it against you. You needed to be there for your friend, and I would never penalize you for it. But we still need some shots just for the newsletter and the website, so if you’d like, you can email them to me by tonight…say by 8pm?”

Harry nods before actual words come out of his mouth. “I can do that. Thank you…I just—” Harry pauses as the visions of Friday night’s game flash through his mind.

“How’s Mr. Horan doing?” Mr. Austin asks with sincerity.

“He uh…” Harry looks down at the floor. “To be honest, I don’t really know.” Harry shifts on his feet and he looks up at Mr. Austin, who has a worried expression on his face. “His parents didn’t want us there…” Harry says absentmindedly.  “He was supposed to get released from the hospital today, but they won’t tell us anything.”

Mr. Austin gives Harry a knowing look and Harry contemplates telling him what’s going on, but after what happened with Mr. Lacy, he doesn’t want to take the chance.

“I’m sure he’s fine though,” Harry shakes it off and manages a smile. “I’ll make sure to get those pictures to you.” Harry picks his bag off the floor and heads for the door before Mr. Austin can ask him any more questions.

 

 

He doesn’t think that any of the boys want to be at soccer practice after school.   To be honest, Harry doesn’t want to stand on the sidelines and take pictures of them either, but he definitely doesn’t want to go home by himself.

Instead, Harry sits in the lobby trying to get homework done while simultaneously trying not to think about Niall and what kind of hell he’s going through at the present moment.

Harry’s just about to finish the next chapter of Lord of the Flies when he hears footsteps coming down the hallway only to see Liam and Louis.

“Thought you’d gone home,” Liam says.

Harry puts his book down and shakes his head.

“Haven’t heard anything from Niall yet,” Louis says.  He looks at the floor and adjusts his backpack on his shoulder. 

“I don’t think any of us should be alone, so what’s the plan?” Liam tries to move the conversation along.

“We can go to mine,” Harry says gently. “I’ve got to get some photos done, but I don’t think my mum would mind.”

Liam nods and the three of them go out to the parking lot, followed by a quiet car ride, and except for the clicking on Harry’s laptop and Liam turning the pages of his book, the three of them are all but silent once they get settled at Harry’s house.

 

 

They have a game Wednesday after school. Louis is the interim team captain for the time being until Niall comes back, though none of the boys had heard from him and all Coach Mackie said was that Niall’s parent’s ask that he be left alone so he can get his rest. 

Watching the game through his camera, it’s obvious that they are missing something on the field, but the East Stillwater players are relentless against the other team as if they are letting out all their anger and frustration on them for what they’re missing on field.

Louis is probably the worst. He’d been too quiet the last few days and Harry knew that he was getting closer to losing it as time went on, so it doesn’t shock him when Louis gets a yellow card fifteen minutes into the first half.

Harry remembers hearing Louis and Liam talking about Coach Mackie’s rule about game play and not playing dirty or too aggressively, so when the score comes out to be 8-0 with yet another East Stillwater win, he’s surprised when he doesn’t hear coach laying into them in the locker room at the end of the game.

The other team looked ragged by the end of it.  They’d come onto the field with confidence since East Stillwater was a man down, Niall’s spot on the field was taken by a sophomore, they’d probably thought it’d be any easy win against a broken team.

 

 

Louis and Liam spend the rest of the week at Harry’s house.  Liam’s parents are worried enough to call Anne at home to ask about Liam and the boys. 

But Friday night, Harry’s sleeping in his bed, Liam next to him and Louis somehow fell asleep curled up on the floor. 

Harry’s phone goes off on the nightstand where it’s charging, ringing incessantly until Harry answers it.

“Hello?” Harry’s voice comes out raspy.

“Harry?”

And Harry knows the voice instantly.

“Niall?” Harry quickly sits up in bed and Liam and Louis pop up at Niall’s name and watch Harry intently.

“Yeah, ‘s me. Sorry it’s so late,” Niall says.

Harry looks at the clock on the nightstand seeing that it’s after two in the morning.

“It’s fine. It’s just nice to hear your voice,” Harry says softly.

“Same with you. Me da took my phone. Mum gave it back before she went to bed tonight.”

“How are you feeling? Is everything okay?” Harry asks quickly and he can feel Liam and Louis’ eyes on him.

“Mostly just miss you and the lads. Knee got dislocated again, probably gonna have to get surgery somewhere down the line.  Hurts to breathe but—” Niall pauses.  “I really miss you guys.”

“We miss you too, Niall.  Nothing’s the same without you.”  Harry catches Louis’ gaze from where he sits on the floor.

“Hoping to be back by Monday. Can’t stand being home for this long.” Niall breathes out slowly on the other side of the phone.

“Louis and Liam are here,” Harry says.

“I can’t talk to them…not yet anyway,” Niall says gently. “Just tell ‘em that I miss them, yeah?”

“Will do.” Harry bites at his bottom lip.

“I gotta go. Don’t want to push it, ya know?”

“Yeah.” Harry manages a soft laugh.

“I love you,” Niall says and his voice seems so needy for those words to come out after so long.

“I love you, too,” Harry smiles.

“See you Monday.”

“See you.”

Niall hangs up the phone and it’s a good thing that he did because Harry doesn’t think that he could have, not after not hearing Niall’s voice for so long.

Harry looks down at the phone in his hands then at Louis and Liam. The looks on their faces are asking so many questions at the same time.

“He says he should be back by Monday and that he misses you guys,” Harry reiterates.

“That’s it?” Louis asks looking at Harry.

Harry can’t look Louis in the eye, so he looks down at his own hands instead. “That’s all he said. He couldn’t talk for long.”

He feels terrible in that moment. Niall’s two best friends, two people that have known him longer than Harry has, and they’re both looking at him wanting answers about the wellbeing of someone they consider family.  Harry can’t take it and he sets the phone down on the nightstand and pulls the covers from over top of him, gets out of bed, being careful not to step on Louis in the darkness of the room and he goes out into the hallway, closing the door quietly behind him.

Harry walks quietly out to the living room and slides down onto the floor in front of the couch.  He hugs his legs, resting his head on his knees. Harry closes his eyes, breathing in the silence around him.  He picks his head up, and sitting next to the DVD player, he sees _Thelma and Louise_ sitting there in the paleness of the moonlight coming in front the front window.

Harry gets up from the floor, shoves on a pair of shoes and his jacket that is hanging up next to the front door. He heads back through the house and out the back door, across the deck, across the lawn, and into the woods.

For a moment, as he walked through the trees it almost felt like Niall was following behind him again, like when things were simple or at least more so than they are now.

When he gets to the clearing, he lies down and stares up at the stars scattered across the sky.  He feels the cold ground against his fingertips and he misses Niall.

 

 

Monday morning is like a mad scramble as Harry gets ready to go to school.  Ann watches with a worried expression as Harry practically trips over himself as he head toward the door while simultaneously pulling on his books. 

He all but speed walks to school, his bag hitting his hip over and over.  He gets a text from Louis that just says Room 17, so when he gets inside Harry makes a beeline to the room without stopping at his locker as he normally does.

He opens the door, he sees Louis and Liam first and behind them, small tuffs of blond hair.

Liam and Louis move to the side and Niall looks up at Harry.  He’s got crutches tucked under his arms; his left knee in a brace along with the faint bruising where Niall hit his head on the ground.  But despite all of this, Niall smiles at Harry and Harry drops his bag on the floor, taking a few steps until he’s got his arms around Niall.

Niall’s arms slip around Harry’s waist holding him harder than even Harry was.  Niall buries his face in Harry’s neck and Harry just holds him as close as he possibly can without hurting Niall.

He can feel the tears prickling his eyes and he never wants to let Niall go. “I missed you,” Harry says quietly.

Niall pulls away and he smiles at Harry even though he too has tears rolling down his face. Harry cups Niall’s face in his hands. The blonde’s bright blue eyes look so soft and innocent; Harry can’t help but place a gentle kiss on Niall’s lips before he pulls him in for another quick hug.

 

 

 

Harry sits in the stands next to Niall at their soccer practice after school.  He can’t help but occasionally look at Niall as the blond watches his teammates run around on the field.

They were all happy to have Niall back at school. Kids came up to their table during lunch to tell Niall they were glad to have him back and it wasn’t the same without him.  Louis, Liam, and Harry had just looked at each other knowing full well how hard it was without Niall; but these kids had no clue just how hard it was. 

Niall wasn’t allowed back on the field for another week or two according to his doctors, which worried Harry and the other two, more because of how Mr. Horan would take that out on Niall. 

 _Greatest game of keep-away_ , Liam’s words echo through Harry’s mind as practice comes to a close.  

Harry helps Niall get down to the field from the bleachers so that Niall can be there when Coach Mackie brings the players in to talk to them before sending them back to the locker room.

Harry stands off to the side, watching as Louis makes room for Niall in the circle, putting an arm around Niall’s shoulders.

 

After practice, Louis drives the boys to Harry’s house, promising Anne that they would get some homework done in between movies and whatever else they got up to while she was at work.

They’re finishing their second movie, Niall’s sitting on the couch next to Harry with his leg stretched out on the coffee table, Louis and Liam ended up on the floor at some point too busy throwing popcorn at each other to actually watch the movie. 

“I should probably go home,” Niall says as the credits roll. He sits up on the couch moving away from Harry.

Louis and Liam stop and automatically look at Niall.

“You’re not going home,” Louis says more as a statement than an option. 

Niall laughs him off and carefully brings his leg down to the floor, his hand reaching out for his crutches.

Louis instantly hops to his feet and grabs the crutches from Niall.

“Louis, what the hell?” Niall says with a small bite of anger in his voice.

“I’m not letting you go back there,” Louis says looking at Niall.

“I know it sucked not seeing each other for a while, but I’ve got to go home.”

Louis shakes his head. “I can’t,” Louis says as he drops his gaze from Niall. “Not with your dad there…you can stay with any of us, just don’t go home, Niall.” When Louis looks back up at Niall his eyes are soft, pleading with Niall to stay.

Niall swallows, his breathing quickens slightly before he looks at Harry sitting next to them.

The look in his eyes almost makes Harry back away.

“What did you do?” Niall says softly, so that Louis and Liam can hardly hear him.

Harry can’t tear his eyes away from Niall’s. “They needed to know…” Harry says and he watches as a tear falls down Niall’s cheek.

Niall shakes his head and leans forward on the couch so none of them can see his face.

“Can you two go somewhere else for a moment so I can talk to Harry?” Niall says and he looks at Louis and Liam, his eyes red.

“Niall…” Liam says quietly.

“No!” Niall shouts, a bit more loudly than he intended and it makes the other three jump. “Just no…” he whispers.

Louis looks at Harry. “We’ll be just right outside, yeah?”

Louis and Liam tug on their shoes and jackets before they head out the back door to the deck.

Harry and Niall sit in a momentary silence after the door closes and they’re alone.

Niall moves away from Harry, standing for a moment to grab his crutches that Louis left leaning up against the armchair.   He tucks them under his arms and turns to look at Harry. “How could you tell them?”

Harry looks at Niall incredulously. “How could I not tell them?” Harry replies. “They’re your best friends, Niall.”

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t want them to know!” Niall yells back. “I told them that whatever issues I had that they just needed to treat me like nothing was wrong; like everything was normal so that they didn’t ever look at me the way they just did. Harry, you had no right to tell them.”

“We just want you to be safe,” Harry says.

“So what? You think you can just play musical houses with me? Couple nights with Lou, couple with Liam, few more with you and me da wouldn’t come looking for me? Do you really think it’s that easy? I told you, Harry. I told you that I have a debt to pay and once I do that I get to leave.  That’s my way out, not some half-cocked plan that they three of you came up with. I know how to deal with my dad, you don’t. None of you do.” Niall eyes go soft. “You can’t save me from this, Harry,” Niall says quietly.  “None of you can.”

“Louis thought you were dead, Niall…” Harry says.  “You went down on the field and you weren’t moving and Louis thought you were dead. Hell, I thought you were...” Harry looks at Niall and stands up from the couch. “You can’t stand here in front of me and tell me that I can’t help you, because no matter what I’m going to try…Louis and Liam are going to try because you aren’t just our friend, you’re our family. Not that asshole, you think you owe, the only thing your family owes you is love and support not a beating for every time you fall out of line. That’s not family.” Harry takes a few steps forward so he’s standing directly in front of Niall. “We love you. I love you. Don’t push us away.”

Niall looks up at Harry, tear falling down his cheek and Harry can’t help but notice the bruise on Niall’s forehead and the way the purple and the yellow blend out into Niall’s pale skin.  “He won’t hurt me,” Niall says quietly. “Not right now, anyway. I’m only useful to him on that field. He won’t do anything to make things worse.”

“That’s not a good enough reason to go home, Niall.”

“Time, Harry. That’s all I need. If I don’t go home, he’ll come after me and that’ll just make things worse, especially for you three.”

Harry steps back, closing his eyes for a moment, breathing in slowly, before he looks at Niall again, staring into Niall’s bright blue eyes.

“I won’t hold you hostage, but I still wish that you won’t go.”

“I know,” Niall says.

 

When Harry watches Louis pull out of the driveway, he feels empty. He’s worried about Niall, he’s worried about Louis or Liam doing something stupid. He’s not even sure what Niall said to Louis to make him take him home.  Whatever he said, Louis still didn’t seem on board with it, but how could Louis or Liam be okay with this, when even Harry wasn’t? Harry had a bad feeling about the whole thing, but Niall was adamant about going back and that he’d be okay and Harry had to hold onto that for the time being, if not just to keep himself from falling apart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I enjoy all of your comments so feel free to leave one (or more haha)!!! Things are really going to start heating up and falling apart so stay tuned!!!
> 
> xoxo  
> -Amy


	11. Paper Houses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to stop apologizing for how late each chapter is because I'm just happy I got this one done! I've wanted to write a lot lately, but as soon as I sit down to do it, I got nothing. With NaNoWriMo on my ass, I finally got this chapter done!!

It’s been two weeks since Niall came back to school.  Harry sits beside him at lunch, Niall’s leg shaking the table and Harry wants to tell him to stop, since even though Niall no longer needed his crutches, he still had to wear the knee brace.

It’s been two weeks of Niall being happy, which would be okay if Harry wasn’t constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It’s Monday, which means four more days until Friday, and Friday meant a soccer game, but Harry is only thinking about Niall even as Louis tells a story about the chemistry teacher almost setting the lab on fire.

 

Harry sits next to Niall on the bench while the team runs through drills at practice.  Niall is averaging about forty-five minutes on the field during practices, which means he might get to play a little in the game on Friday, which makes Harry nervous.

“How much longer are you going to do this?” Harry asks Niall.

The blond looks at him curiously. “’Til I get through practice without me knee hurting,” Niall says and his eyes go back to the players on the field.

“That’s not what a mean,” Harry says quietly. “I mean, you’re not on your crutches anymore…you’re getting better,” Harry pauses trying to figure out what he wants to say. “You’re eighteen, Niall. You can move out and stay with one of us until school is over.”

“I thought we were done talking about this, Hazza,” Niall says without looking at Harry.

“That would imply that you actually talked to me about it in the first place,” Harry says under his breath.

Niall shoots a glare at Harry. “You’ve known me only a few months. Louis and Liam have only known me for a little over three years.” Niall turns away from Harry. “I’ve been dealing with this a lot longer than any of you even know about. It’s not even that bad, so stop making such a big deal about it.”

Harry lets out a sigh. “Niall, it has nothing to do with how bad it is; it shouldn’t be happening at all.”

“You’ve noticed Louis all but ignoring me lately, right?” Niall asks, changing the subject.

To be honest, Harry’s noticed.  Ever since Louis had to take Niall home two weeks ago after they hung out and Niall got mad at Harry about telling the other two about what was going on, Louis had been quiet. It was similar to the night and days following Niall being in the hospital.  Harry tried asking Liam about it, but Liam said that it wasn’t his place to say.  Harry’s mind jumps back to the moment he opened the door that night and Louis and Liam were on his porch.

“He’s been distant,” Harry says.  “Liam won’t tell me what’s going on with him.”

“That’s because Louis all but threatened Liam if he said anything,” Niall says casually.  “Guess they didn’t want you to know what happened at the hospital that night when me da showed up.”

“Liam said he kicked them out.”

Niall looks at Harry in a-matter-of-fact sort of way. “My dad might have tried to kick them out, but what happened prior to that paints an even less pretty picture.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry says with a bite in his tone.

“I’m not a good person, Harry,” Niall says. “I’m a shite friend. I tried to get them to leave.  I said things to Louis that I can’t take back. Things that I can never tell you.” Niall runs a hand through his hair. “Tommo was pretending none of it ever happened, until I asked him to take me home the other night. It just set him off again and honestly, I don’t blame him.  You three are safer as far away from me as possible, but the more I push the more you lot pull. Thought it might be best if he just stayed at arm’s length.”

“See you say things like that, Niall, but then you tell me that it’s not that bad.  Louis is one of your best friends and he’s willing to do anything for you and maybe instead of us pulling so hard you need to give in and just let us try and keep you safe.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Niall says. His words seem final the way that they hang in air in the moments before Coach Mackie blows his whistle to end practice.

 

 

Harry skips practice afterschool on Tuesday and walks home by himself instead.  He’s starting to hate the quiet moments.  He used to enjoy them.  But his mind can’t let go of anything lately, and he wanted to make sure that his school work didn’t suffer because of it, so he had no choice but to be alone.

Harry gets home just after his mum.  She’s in the kitchen putting groceries away and seems surprised when Harry walks through the door, right after school and without the other three in tow.

“No boys today?” she asks putting the cereal up in the cabinet.

“Nope,” Harry says setting his bag on the kitchen table before he starts unloading one of the other bags.  “Liam said something about a chemistry test that he and Lou have to study for after practice, and I think Niall was going to try and help since he took the class last year.”

Things between Niall and Louis were still a little rocky, but Harry had the feeling that they were the type of friends that got through things by avoiding the subject until they forgot about it and things went back to normal. Harry’s not sure that this is that simple.  He knows that whatever Niall said to Louis must have been bad.  Things that Niall knew would push Louis away and probably in turn Liam as well.  Harry’s just hoping that everything works out between them.

“That’s good. Good to know that you boys might actually get some studying in with your busy schedules,” Anne says snapping Harry back to reality.

Harry rolls his eyes and folds up the canvas shopping bag to put it with the others. “On that note, I’m going to try and get some work done.”

“Fair enough,” Anne says as she scoots another bag in front of her. “If you finish early I figure we could do a movie after dinner, like we used to.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Harry slides his school bag across the table, putting the strap over his shoulder just as it falls off the edge, hitting his hip as he walks down the hallway toward his room.

 

 

It’s been a while since Harry and his mum just got to hang out for an evening.  He looks at her across the couch from where he leans against the armrest with his feet up on the cushion. They’re watching _My Big Fat Greek Wedding_ and he watches as his mum laughs and smiles as she hold her cup of tea in her hands.  

Harry’s mind wanders as he watches the movie. The whole concept of a wedding seemed so extravagant to him before, but now he could finally understand loving someone enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them, no matter how much crap was going on in your life.

An image of Niall in a suit, Louis and Liam standing next to him, white flowers pinned to their black suits, Niall is smiling, and Harry can’t help but let a smile creep across his face at the thought.  _Maybe one day_ , Harry thinks to himself as his attention goes back to the movie.

Lights flash across the window and they hear the sound of gravel turning under tires. Anne and Harry look at each other.

“Probably just someone turning around in the driveway,” Harry says to his mum. They go back to watching the movie and the engine shuts off and soon after there’s a light knock at the door. 

Harry looks at Anne for a moment before he gets up from the couch, setting his cup of tea on the coffee table and pausing the movie before he goes to open the front door.

The smile fades from Harry’s face the moment he opens the door and sees Niall standing there, eyes red, tears streaming down his face, the redness on his cheek…

“Niall?”

Niall swallows, his hands shaking as he tries to get the words out. “Can I…” he chokes out.  “Can I stay here tonight? I p-promise I won’t get in the way, I just—”

“Of course,” Harry says quickly. “You can stay as long as you want.” Harry says softly. He doesn’t touch Niall but opens the door further for him to come into the house.

Niall lets out a shaky breath. “’m so s-sorry for showing up like this. I just—I didn’t know where else to go.” He says when he’s inside.

Niall’s breathing gets more erratic. “I’m sorry,” Niall chokes out. “I can’t…” His hands shake even more as he tries to wipe the tears away, but his breathing gets worse.

“Niall?” Harry says. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Niall shakes his head and tries taking in a deep breath but the air won’t go into his lungs.

“It’s okay,” Harry says as he finally pulls Niall in, wrapping his arms around him, careful not to hold him too tight, but the moment that he has his arms around Niall, Niall’s holds onto Harry like his life depends on it. His face nestled into the crook of Harry’s next as he cries, his body shaking in Harry’s arms.  Niall’s hands take Harry’s shirt into fists.  “It’s gonna be okay,” Harry says softly.

“He t-took everything,” Niall says into Harry’s chest. “All the money I saved…” Niall holds onto Harry even tighter. “I’m never gonna leave…”

Harry’s heart breaks. Everything that Niall was working toward was gone.  The money he saved was his ticket away from his father. “You’re safe here,” Harry whispers trying to reassure him.  His mum is speechless on the couch.  He sees her watching them. Watching Harry trying to hold Niall together, keeping him from self-destructing. 

Niall’s breathing slowly evens out.  Harry can feel his body starting to relax. The hold Niall has on him softens and Niall pulls away looking up at Harry, with his eyes and face red.

“We’ll get you a shower, yeah?” Harry looks at Niall who nods slowly and Harry puts an arm around him, leading him to his room and the adjoining bathroom.

Niall sits at the edge of the tub, staring at his hands, still shaking. 

Harry kneels down in front of him, taking Niall’s hands in his to steady them for a moment. “It’s going to be alright,” Harry says. He feels like he says that to Niall every single day and yet things keep getting worse.

“He told me that what happened at the game was my fault,” Niall says slowly. “That I need to take responsibility for my actions.” Niall looks up at Harry. “He used the money to pay for my hospital bills.”

Harry doesn’t know what he should say but he knows what he wants to say. “Things aren’t going to magically get better, but even though I can’t even begin to understand what you are going through, I can promise you that things will eventually work out.  No matter what he takes from you…me, Louis, Liam; you will always have us and we will make sure that you don’t get stuck here.”

Niall looks away from Harry. Maybe he didn’t believe him now, but maybe he would one day.

“Come on. Shower always makes me feel better.” Harry helps Niall to his feet and helps him out of his clothes; Niall’s hands shook too much to unbutton his own shirt.

Harry turns on the water, while Niall stands there, emotionless in his underwear.  Harry notices even more in the bathroom lights, with the faint bruises on Niall’s side, along with the faded scars.  Harry puts his hand under the water. “Should be warm enough now.”  Harry turns to let Niall have some privacy, but Niall reaches out and grabs Harry’s hand before he gets out the door.

“You don’t have to leave,” Niall says looking up at Harry.

Harry closes the door and Niall stands in front of him his fingers slowly tracing a line down Harry’s chest. “Niall…you don’t have to,” Harry says, but to be honest, he’s not really sure what Niall’s doing in this moment.

Niall’s fingers slip under the hem of Harry’s shirt and he lifts it over Harry’s head, tossing it on the floor.  His thumb and eyes trace the outline of the tattoo on Harry’s stomach and the tears start again, until Niall leans into Harry, wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist.  Niall’s bare chest hot against Harry’s.

He holds Niall close and when Niall pulls away he seems even further away than he did before. He can’t even look at Harry, so Harry quietly helps Niall into the shower, both of them still wearing their underwear. It wouldn’t have mattered if they were naked. Niall was stuck in his own mind and Harry couldn’t do anything to pull him back out.  Niall’s reality isn’t good, but Harry’s sure that whatever is going on in Niall’s head is probably worse. 

Niall stands there, letting the water wash over him. His blond hair falling flat against his forehead as Harry takes a washcloth and soap and gently runs it over Niall’s pale skin.

 

Harry dries Niall off and gives him a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt.  He practically walks Niall to the bed, pulling the covers up over him and Harry sits there until Niall falls asleep.

He dries his own hair off as best he can before he throws it up into a bun, putting the same comfy pants and Rolling Stones t-shirt he had on before back on.  He slips quietly out of the room taking Niall’s dirty laundry with him.  He goes into the back room, throwing the clothes into the washing machine along with the few pieces of clothing that were sitting in the basket next to the washer.  He starts the load and walks out to the living room where his mum is sitting quietly.

“How’s he doing?” Anne says softly as Harry sits down on the couch.

“He’s sleeping, but he’s pretty out of it,” Harry says.

Anne looks at him for a moment. “Is there something going on that I need to know about?”

If there was a moment to tell someone about what’s going with Niall, this is it, but the words get lost in Harry’s brain. For some reason he can’t say the words out loud to his mother.

Harry shakes his head and his heart sinks in his chest. 

“You’re sure everything is alright?”

Harry nods. He grabs the remote off the coffee table and turns the TV back on, turning the volume down so the sound doesn’t wake Niall. “We should finish watching our movie,” Harry says quietly, hoping that his mum won’t ask any more questions.

 

 

They’re almost to the end of the movie when they hear yelling.  Harry immediately pauses the movie and they both sit there for a moment listening.  The house is quiet, until the sound of Niall yelling fills the silence.

Harry’s up off the couch in an instant, running back to his room, throwing the door open.

Niall lies on his side, curled up, hands clenching the comforter in fists, his face sweaty and pale.

Harry runs to the side of the bed, hands resting gently over Niall’s as he yells again.

“No!” Niall shouts, holding on even tighter to the blanket, his eyes shut tight.

“Niall?” Harry says frantically. “Niall, wake up!” He places a hand on Niall’s shoulder giving him a light shake. “Niall, wake up!” he repeats.

“No!” he yells again. “No…stop…” Niall sobs.

“Niall, wake up,” Harry says in a softer tone. “It’s alright, just wake up.” Harry’s hand curls around Niall’s, holding him tighter. “Niall!”

Niall’s eyes burst open, fear plastered across his face as he instinctively pulls away from Harry. Eyes darting around the room like he doesn’t know where he is.

“Niall, it’s okay. It’s just me…it’s Harry.”

Niall’s eyes settle on him.  “Harry?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Harry says gently.

Niall’s breathing gets heavier and he lets out a soft sob. Niall’s mind is like a whirlwind and that’s when he sees Anne standing in the doorway. “I’m sorry…” he chokes out.  His eyes go back to Harry. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Niall.” Harry looks over at his mum telling her that he’s got it under control. 

Anne looks at her son and Harry hates how sad she looks when she does.  She closes the door when she leaves and Harry waits a moment before his attention goes back to Niall.

“I’m so sorry, Harry…” Niall says.

“It’s okay,” Harry says again and he reaches out to hold Niall’s hand.

They stay like that for a moment. Neither of them saying anything and Harry waits until Niall’s breathing evens out before he moves.

“You should get back to sleep,” Harry says. “I can sleep on the couch tonight.”

Harry stands up and walks around the bed toward the door.

“Harry…” Niall says softly. “Will you stay with me?”

Harry turns to look at Niall.  He nods. “Of course.”  Harry goes over and slips under the blankets on the other side of the bed and Niall almost automatically curls up against Harry’s side, resting his head on Harry’s chest.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” Niall whispers.

“You’re gonna stay here with me,” Harry says. “And it’s as simple as that.” Harry puts his arm around Niall. The warmth of Niall’s body against him is so calming and yet, Harry couldn’t be more terrified. He looks down at Niall and he wishes that he couldn’t see it, but there’s a faint bruise at the corner of his eye where before it had only been red. 

Harry has to keep himself from crying. He’d been so focused on Niall that he didn’t have time to take everything in until now in the quiet of his room.  His mum will only have more questions now and he’s not sure if he’s the right person to explain everything to her. He knows she’s not Mr. Lacy, but he can’t help but let that thought enter his mind as Niall falls asleep next to him.

 

 

Harry’s thankful when Niall sleeps through the night.  He can’t really say the same for himself.  His mind was racing. Thinking about all the possible outcomes of this situation.  Maybe this is it. Maybe this was the push Niall needed to finally get out of that house and away from his father. 

Harry hates thinking about it like that.  Niall was a wreck last night and he hates when his alarm goes off and wakes Niall up.  Harry reaches over and turns it off trying not to move too much.

Niall nuzzles his face into the fabric of Harry’s shirt before he opens his eyes.  It’s a bit of a blank stare, like he suddenly remembered everything that happened the night before. Niall sits up and rubs his eyes, wincing slightly when he hits the faint bruise around his eye.

Harry sees his hands shake for only a brief moment before Niall is ripping the blankets off him, making a beeline to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. 

Harry crawls out of bed and practically curses himself when he realizes that he never switched the laundry load over to the dryer and Niall wouldn’t have any clothes that fit him.  Borrowing a shirt would be easy, but they were different sizes in jeans.

Harry gets to the back room and sees Niall’s clothes, washed and dried, sitting folded on top of the dryer.  He hears clunking out in the kitchen and he takes the clothes with him.

“Thanks for switching the loads,” Harry says to his mum as she floats around the kitchen making her lunch for the day.

Anne stops and looks at him. “How’s he doing?”

Harry shrugs. “He’s in the bathroom.”

Anne sighs. “Harry, it’s fairly clear to me that something else is going on here that you won’t tell me, but sweetheart, if Niall is in any sort of trouble, you need to tell me.  I don’t know why you’re keeping things from me or why you think you can’t tell me, but _that_ …what happened…things like that don’t happen unless something serious is going on and—”

“Niall’s dad hits him,” Harry blurts out.

His mum freeze in front of him, speechless.

“Last night his dad found the money that Niall stashed away, blamed him for what happened at the game when he got hurt, and used the money toward Niall’s hospital bills.” Harry says. “That money was his ticket out of here and it’s all gone, and judging by the bruise on Niall’s eye, his dad hit him again last night.”

“Who else knows?”

“Louis and Liam…I tried telling one of the counselors at school but that didn’t go very well…”

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me? The police need to be notified.” Anne goes to grab her mobile phone from her purse, but Harry stops her.  “Harry?”

“Let me talk to Niall.  Give me some time.  He’s safe here for the time being, it’s just…this is his life mum.  We’ve tried to help him and so far all that’s done is push him away.”

“I don’t like this, Harry…”

“Neither do I, but he’s already scared enough…I don’t want to scare him even more.”

Anne gives Harry a look he’s never seen before.  She’s worried, but beyond that she’s a mother and a nurse and what Harry is asking her to do goes against everything she believes in.

“Don’t say anything to him about it,” Harry says.  “Just let me get him through today at least.”

Anne shakes her head. “Harry…”

Harry looks at the clock. “You’re gonna be late to work,” he says and Anne just looks at him.

“Mum, if it were me…if something was happening to me, but you knew that calling the police and all that would just make things worse for me, would you still do it?” He watches his mum for a moment. “He’s not ready for all that and like I said, he’s safe here.”

“Don’t let him go back home, alright?” Anne says in a serious tone and Harry nods. “This is his home now and that’s that.”  Anne grabs her purse off the counter along with her lunch. “If anything happens you call me.”

“Of course.” Harry watches as his mum reluctantly leaves the house.

Harry goes back to his room where Niall is standing staring out the window.

“Washed your clothes so you’d have something to wear. You can borrow a shirt if you want to do that.”  Harry sets the clothes on the bed. 

Niall turns to face Harry and the shadow across his face makes the light bruise by his eye look even worse.  He doesn’t say anything and when his eyes catch Harry’s gaze for a split second, Harry can see the pain all over again, before Niall’s eyes stare down at the floor.

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Niall,” Harry says quietly. “This is your home as much as it is mine now.”

 

 

Niall’s still quiet by the time they leave for school, so Harry drives Niall’s car. 

Niall’s fingers occupy themselves on the loose thread sticking out of the seam of his knee brace.  Niall’s wearing his own jeans but borrowed Harry’s Eagles shirt. 

Harry hoped it would give Niall some comfort for when he was by himself during the school day, but that was a lot of hope to give to a shirt.

It’s not until they get to school and are walking across the parking lot that Harry realizes that he never told Louis or Liam that anything had happened last night.  He’d spent all that time worried about Niall that it didn’t even cross his mind to give Liam and Louis a heads up, but maybe it was for the best to keep the other two from doing anything stupid.

When Harry stops at his locker, Niall keeps walking and Harry practically shoves his books and camera into the locker, so he can get his phone out of his pocket.

“Something you want to tell us, Harold?” he hears Louis’ voice behind him and Harry turns to see Louis and Liam standing there looking curiously at Harry.

“Uh…” All matter of actual words exit Harry’s mind.

“Why was Niall wearing your shirt?” Liam asks.

“He wasn’t looking too good either…” Louis adds.  “Walked right past us.”

Harry has to turn away from them.  He can’t just tell them, but he can’t keep it from them. 

“Uh, Niall’s living at my house,” Harry says putting his English notebook in his bag.  Harry looks up to make sure that anyone else is out of earshot. “His dad took all took all the money he saved up, and I’m guessing by the bruise on his eye, his dad hit him again.”

“Jesus Christ, Harry. Why didn’t you tell us?” Liam says. 

Harry shakes his head and closes his locker before he turns to face him. “He showed up on my doorstep last night, I honestly don’t even know how he drove all the way there with how bad he was shaking, plus on top of all that he was yelling in his sleep, I had to tell my mum that Niall was being beaten by his own father and I had to try to keep her from calling the cops so that Niall wouldn’t get even more upset and I just didn’t really know what to do.”  Harry realizes when he finishes that everything just rolled out of his mouth and now Louis and Liam were just standing there staring at him.

“Fucking hell…” Louis says running a nervous hand through his hair. “I told him not to go home last night. I should’ve…” he looks at Liam. “We should’ve made him stay or at least gone with him.”

“Just have to keep an eye on him is all,” Harry says.  “He’s gonna need clothes and his kit for the game if he plays…”

“We’ll take care of that after practice today then meet you guys back at your house,” Liam says. “We just have to get his house key.”

Harry pulls Niall’s car keys out of his pocket. “I’m guessing that’s on here?”

Louis takes the keys. “This is the key to mine,” he says about the key with the extra soccer ball key chain hanging off it. “I think it’s this one?” Louis holds up a regular house key. It’s the only one on there that doesn’t have anything special on it.  Louis takes the key off the ring and sticks it into his pocket. “He doesn’t need to know,” Louis says handing the keys back to Harry.  “I broke into his room through his window once a couple years ago, so if his dad’s there, I’ll be in and out without him even knowing.”

“He’ll know when we turn up with his clothes or if we end up in jail for breaking and entering,” Liam replies.

“Well, I’m not letting him go back there, Liam, so that’s what I’m gonna do. And if you don’t like it, you don’t have to go with me,” Louis says harshly.  Everything going on with Niall is putting them all on edge.

“Of course I’m going with you,” Liam says softly and Louis gives him an apologetic look just before the bell rang.

 

Harry waits for Niall to come out of the locker room and he drives them both back to his house after practice.

“Louis and Liam are coming over later,” Harry says when they are almost home.

“Did you tell them about what happened?” Niall asks quietly.

Harr glances at Niall. “I did…”

Niall gives a small nod, but his face is covered in worry and Harry doesn’t know what to say to him to make him feel better so he just drives in silence until Niall finally speaks up when they pull into the driveway and Harry turns the car off.

“Harry…” Niall says softly. “Everything that happened last night…What did you tell your mum?”

Harry feels the life drain out of him at Niall’s question.

“I’ll get our backpacks,” Harry says changing the subject. He gets out of the car, opens the back door, and Niall quickly follows, walking around the car to meet Harry.

“What did you tell your mum, Harry?” Niall repeats.

Harry sighs and turns to face Niall. “I told her the truth, Niall. I couldn’t lie to her, not about this.”

“What is she going to do?”

The look on Niall’s face hurt Harry more than a punch to the gut.  It was like Niall was worried about someone finding out he’d murdered a person, like he was worried for his own freedom.

“She’s not going to do anything,” Harry says. “I asked her not to, not until you were okay with it.” Harry looks at Niall sincerely. “You haven’t had much control of your life and I thought I’d give you this.  You were right, Niall, only you know what you’re going through, so if you need a few days, a few weeks, or whatever amount of time, then I’m going to give it to you.”

Niall steps forward, takes the bags from Harry, and sets them on the ground.  Niall wraps his arms around Harry’s waist and presses his face into the crook of Harry’s neck. “I love you,” Niall says against Harry’s skin.

Harry hugs Niall back. “I love you, too.”

 

 

When Louis and Liam finally get to Harry’s house, Louis sets down a duffle bag and quickly asks Harry to help him with something outside. 

“Well, you’re not in jail and you have his clothes, so I’m going to guess that it went alright,” Harry says quietly.

“His dad wasn’t home yet, but uh—” Louis trails off.

“But what?”

“But Niall’s mum came home while we were there.” Louis rubs the back of his neck.  “The weird part was, she wasn’t even mad or anything. She actually seemed kind of happy that we were there.”

“Did you tell her where Niall is?”

Louis looks at Harry incredulously. “I’m not an idiot, Harry. She probably thinks he’s at mine or Payno’s.  To be honest, I felt kind of bad leaving her there. She seemed different from the last time we saw her…like she knew that we knew. Liam asked her if she needed any help and she just told us to keep Niall safe.”

Harry never really thought about Niall’s mum and her role in this. Niall didn’t really talk about her so Harry always got the feeling that Niall’s mum was a victim as well.

“So, how do we even tell Niall that you guys were there?” Harry asks.

“Well, hopefully Liam’s already broken the news,” Louis looks back at the house.  “He’s always been a bit better for that sort of thing.  It’s hard to be mad at Payno.”

Harry doesn’t disagree with that statement.  Even though Harry knows that Niall brought Louis and Liam together, Liam always seemed like the calm in the storm. 

 

 

After spending a few days at Harry’s house, it seemed like Niall had a weight off his shoulders. 

He wasn’t waking up in the night as much as he had before, he seemed like his old self again.  He helped Harry and Anne make dinner and clean up afterward. He melded into their routine without a hitch. 

Come Friday, the trainer and Coach Mackie give Niall the go ahead to play in the game.  He will still have to wear his knee brace but otherwise he is good to go. 

The team seems happier having Niall officially on the team again.  They all missed him out on the field and were thankful that he is back in time to play in the qualifying game for states. 

 

They get back from dinner at Sarah’s Kitchen and Louis and Liam go off toward the locker room. About halfway through their meal, Niall got quiet which made all of them worried.

“What if he comes to the game?” Niall asks as soon as Louis and Liam disappear down the hallway.

Harry thought about this too, he just hoped that it would reach Niall’s mind.

“If he’s here, you play the game, and as soon as it’s over you go back to the locker room, and we leave. That’s it Niall. There’s nothing more than that.”

“What if there is more than that?” Niall says softly.

“Then you have an entire team and me that he’s gonna have to go through to get to you.” Harry smiles at Niall. “Plus, my mum is coming tonight, so if we can’t protect you, you can be damn sure she will.”

Niall lets out a small laugh.

“Come on, time to get dressed into those sexy little shorts you wear,” Harry says putting an arm around Niall.

Niall smiles, shaking his head, before he kisses Harry on the cheek.

 

 

Harry’s thankful when he looks up into the crowd and doesn’t see Mr. Horan.  He catches a glimpse of his mum where she stands next to Liam’s parents and she smiles at him. 

The rush of energy from the crowd is back and Harry wonders if that has to do with Niall being back on the field.  Most of the people in this crowd saw what happened that day and Harry’s sure that the entire stadium could hear Niall’s cries.  It makes Harry that much happier to see Niall out on the field with the rest of the boys. This time there is no cringing or Niall holding his side, only a fading bruise by Niall’s eye that you could only see if you knew it was there.

The game starts and Harry takes picture after picture of the boys on the field.  They are happier. He can see that especially compared to the pictures he took without Niall being there. 

East Stillwater wins the game 3-1.

 

 

Sunday evening comes with a sense of ease.  They spent Saturday at Louis’ house watching movies and hiding from the pouring rain and Sunday isn’t much different.

Anne sits in the chair in the living room reading one of her books, while Harry and Niall in all of their boredom try building a castle out of the playing cards that they were play blackjack with using mints as poker chips.  Every time either of them nudged the table or placed a single card wrong, the whole tower came crashing down. It’s turning into more of a game of Jenga each putting a card on one after the other, seeing who will knock it down first.  Loser had to give the other one a kiss, to which Harry knocked down the whole thing on purpose just to kiss Niall. Luckily, Anne was in the bathroom and didn’t see Harry throw himself on top of Niall to kiss him. After that, Niall changed the rules to a peck on the cheek instead.

 

After dinner, the rain comes down even harder and Anne cleans up while the two boys work on their homework in Harry’s room. 

Harry puts on his Rumors album from his phone and Niall smiles. 

“Do you ever think about going back?” Harry asks. He’s doing his U.S. History homework and was thinking about how they don’t learn most of this in the UK.

“To Ireland?” Niall questions.

“Yeah, I mean like once we graduate if you would go back?”

“I dunno,” Niall says at first. “Never really crossed me mind if I’m being honest. I guess if you and the lads went back for whatever reason, I’d go with you, but I can’t see myself going back on my own. What about you?”

Harry thinks about it for a moment. “I think I’m pretty content here.  Maybe go to some small city or a big town, I don’t know.”

Niall’s quiet for a minute before he looks back at Harry. “Maybe the money isn’t that big of a deal,” he says.  “I always had a plan to leave and not come back but maybe once football season’s over I can get my job back at the music store and make enough that we can all go somewhere together. I want to leave this place behind, but I really don’t want to leave the lads…or you.”

“That sounds like a very good plan,” Harry says.  He can’t help but lean in and kiss Niall.  He loves these moments.  These tiny little moments with Niall that make everything absolutely worth it.  He’d go to hell and back for Niall, there isn’t a doubt in his mind about that.

They go back to working on their homework when lights flash across the window.

Niall looks at Harry with a worried expression but Harry shrugs it off. Fifty different scenarios go through his mind but he doesn’t want to worry Niall for what he hopes is nothing. 

They hear Anne open the front door followed by muffled voices.

“Boys…” Anne says loudly.

Harry looks at Niall, whose hands are already shaking.  Harry sits up and takes Niall’s hand, giving him a reassuring nod before they go out into the main room where two police officers are standing.

“Niall Horan?” the one officer says and Niall nods. “You’re family’s been looking for you. Time to go home.”

“He’s eighteen,” Harry says stepping between the officers and Niall. “He doesn’t have to go anywhere.” By the look on Anne’s face, she was about to do the same thing.

“Look kid,” the other officer says. “We’re here on a personal favor from Mr. Horan. He just wants his son to come home.”

Before Harry can say anything else, Anne steps forward. “Personal favor or not, you have no right to take him anywhere. He hasn’t done anything wrong and if I’m being frank here, officer, it’s Mr. Horan that you should be talking to.”

“I don’t really like your tone, Ma’am.  Mr. Horan is worried about his son and would like him to come home. I don’t understand what is so hard to understand about that.”

“What’s so hard to understand about that?” Harry says in a mocking way. “Is that Mr. Horan beats his son. So, no he won’t be going anywhere.” At those words, Harry instantly feels Niall’s hand in his, holding on for dear life.

The officer laughs. “Is that what he told you? Mr. Horan said this might be the case.”

“I highly doubt this is laughing matter,” Anne says sternly.

“The kid’s medicated, Ma’am. Or at least he’s supposed to be. He gets a little delusional when he’s off them.”

Harry looks at Niall for a moment.  Niall’s face is full of shame. “And who told you that? Mr. Horan?” Harry says putting the attention back on the officers.

“Look, I don’t want to play the bad guy here. We’ve seen the prescription; his family warned us that this might be why he ran off in the first place.”

“And what if he doesn’t come with you?” Anne asks staring daggers at the officer.

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist.  And if you don’t comply, we can always drum up something like maybe…kidnapping, or maybe you were the ones that convinced him to go off his meds in the first place…I don’t really care.”

Harry starts to say something, but Niall stops him.

“It’s okay, I’ll go with you,” Niall says softly.

Harry looks at him. “Niall, no…you don’t have to. Everything they’re saying is bullshit.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”  

“Niall, sweetheart,” Anne says. “You don’t have to go.  This is your home.”

“They’re right,” Niall’s says. “I haven’t been taking my medication.” The look on Niall’s face kills Harry. “I just need to get my stuff.”  Niall turns and goes down the hall to Harry’s room and Harry quickly follows after him, and before the bedroom door shuts they hear Anne start yelling at the officers.

“Don’t go,” Harry says.

“Harry, you don’t know what kind of pull my da has.  You think they were kidding about the false charges? They’re not. He’s done this before.”

“What about the medication?” Harry asks as Niall shoves his clothes and books into his bag.

“He had me see this shrink a few years ago. He was worried that when I met Louis and Liam that I’d say something about what was going on, so he made it seem like I was going crazy. He threatened my mum, he threatened to do something about Louis and Liam if I said anything.” Niall stops and looks at Harry. “The pills make me compliant. I pretend to take them every day and I guess he caught on.”

“I promised that you could stay here. I’m not breaking that promise.” Harry looks at him.

“You’re not breaking your promise, Hazza. What’s happening right now is out of your control. This is my decision. You’ve protected me…you all have and now it’s my turn to do the same for you.”

“But you don’t have to…”

Niall puts his hand to Harry’s cheek and kisses him. “I promise you’ll see me tomorrow.” Niall lingers there for a moment before his hand falls away and he’s walking back out to the main room.

Anne’s sitting at the table when they come back out and they get the feeling that the officers threatened her in some way.

The one officer opens the door and Niall turns to Harry. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” Niall forces a smile. “I promise.”

Harry wants to tell Niall that he loves him.  That Niall is the most important thing in his life.  He wants to push the cops out the door and lock it, keeping Niall where Harry knows he’s safe, but before he knows it, Niall’s gone and the front door closes.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Things are only going to get worse for all of them so I'm apologizing in advance.
> 
> xoxo  
> -Amy


	12. Grace is Just Weakness, Or So I’ve Been Told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall's situation causes him to spiral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I know it's been a while, but like I've said in the past, I'm never going to stop working on this fic no matter how long it takes me to finish it!!
> 
> Chapter title from the song "I'll Be Good" by Jaymes Young.

Harry has to take a step back for a moment.

He sits on the floor in front of his bed and tries not to think about how only minutes ago, Niall was sitting on the bed. 

But Harry doesn’t let himself think about the past. He can’t. For the first time in a long time, he has to sit there, be in the moment, and try to understand what he feels. At the present moment, he doesn’t feel anything. He feels numb and stupid and helpless.

He takes in the quietness of the room. Feels the carpet against his skin and his back against his mattress.

He’s seventeen years old and he feels dead beyond years.

He sits there staring at the dresser in front of him.  He sees all the nicks and scrapes on the wood.  They bought it at the thrift store in town.  He remembers how hot it was that day when they brought it home and had to get it into the house. He knows there’s a scratch on the wooden frame of his door from he and his mum carrying it into his room.  

He’d stared at the dresser the other night after Niall fell asleep beside him.  He thought about giving Niall the two middle drawers.  Harry had a tendency to throw his clothes on the chair that sits in the corner of his room anyway; he didn’t need the drawer space.

His eyes are dry from staring straight ahead when his mum pokes her head in his room.

“There’s someone here to see you,” she says quietly before she steps aside and Liam is standing behind her with a sad look on his face.

Harry gets to his feet and before Liam even gets in the room, Harry’s got his arms around him, hugging Liam tightly, crying into his neck.

“I know,” Liam says quietly as he rubs circles on Harry’s back. Liam’s hug is warm and everything that Harry needs in that moment.  “I’m so sorry, Hazza.”

Harry suddenly pulls back. “Wait, where’s Louis?” he says quickly.

“Your mum called me and I called Lou, but he didn’t answer and that wasn’t really something that I wanted to leave on his voicemail,” Liam says.  Harry can see the hint of tears pooling at the edges of Liam’s eyes.

Liam breathes out slowly and sits on the bed putting his head in his hands. “To be honest, I don’t think I can do this anymore,” Liam says and he sniffs loudly and Harry can tell he’s crying now from the pull in his voice.  “I feel like every week there’s something new and as soon as we have things figured out it all goes to shit.”  Liam looks up at Harry with red, wet eyes. “Cops came to my house looking for him tonight…as soon as I picked up my phone to call you, your mum called me to tell me what had happened.” Liam takes in a deep breath. “I knew I couldn’t go to Niall. I knew I couldn’t help him and I thought of you and Lou and I hated the idea of seeing you because I didn’t know what good that was going to do...” Liam looks down at his hands and they’re shaking.  “I just feel like we can’t help him, Harry. Like nothing we do is going to get him out of this…”

Harry walks over and sits on the bed next to Liam, putting an arm around Liam. “I know…” Harry says.

 

Liam falls asleep in Harry’s bed.  About twenty minutes later Liam’s phone goes off so Harry picks it up, seeing Louis’ name on the screen and goes out of the room to the darkness of the living room.

“Louis?” Harry says quietly.

“Harry? What the hell is going on? Why do you have Liam’s phone?” Louis’ voice comes across too loud after sitting in the quietness of his room for so long.

“Liam’s at mine, he fell asleep.” Harry walks over and sits on the couch. “Niall’s gone…the police showed up looking for him and they took him home.” 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Louis says quickly. Harry hears a loud noise in the background. “I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Louis says. “I’m done, Harry. I’m tired of this shit and I’m gonna kill that abusive bastard. We can’t keep doing this.”

Harry almost doesn’t have the energy to stop him.

“Lou…” Harry says pinching the bridge of his nose. Harry’s just so fucking tired. “The cops threatened me and my mum, Niall went with them willingly…he didn’t want to cause any problems.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel any better?” Louis bites back.

“No…but I have the sense to know that what you’re talking about doing is wrong, but I don’t have the energy to actually stop you.  You’re tired, I’m tired, Liam’s tired…Niall promised me that I’d see him tomorrow and that’s what I’m holding onto right now.”

Louis sighs and he seems to have calmed down a little. “And what’s going to happen to him between now and then, Harry?” Louis says softly.

“I don’t know, Louis. But that’s all I have…”

There’s a lull in the conversation and Harry thinks for a moment that Louis just hung up on him.

“How’s Payno?” Louis asks and Harry wonders how much the two of them talk. How much do they say to each other that they’d never tell to Harry or Niall.

“Like I said…we’re all tired…”

Louis and Harry stay on the phone for a while longer, just listening to the faint sounds of the other breathing. It’s comforting, like they’re sitting beside each other and just processing everything in their own minds.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah,” Louis says a minute later.

“Yeah,” Harry says. “See you tomorrow.”

Harry hangs up the phone and sets it on the coffee table.  He lies down on the couch and curls up with his head on a pillow, once again staring straight ahead until his eyes are dry and he’s too tired to keep them open.

 

 

His mum wakes him up in the morning. Liam is sitting at the kitchen table with his hands wrapped around a mug of tea.

They hardly say a word to each other and Liam drives them to school. He looks about the same as Harry felt last night sitting on his floor.

Harry watches the trees go by and he has to keep pulling himself back into reality.  He forces himself to stay where he is, taking in the way that the seats of Liam’s car feel against his fingertips as he lightly drags them along the edge.

When they get to the school, Liam goes on down the hallway while Harry stops at his locker. He’s putting his books on the top shelf when he has to stop for a moment to keep his hands from shaking.

“Harry?”

Harry freezes and turns around to see Niall standing behind him. “Oh, thank god,” Harry says and he pulls Niall into a hug, ignoring all the stares from the people around him.

Niall’s arms slowly wrap around Harry’s waist.

Harry steps back and puts his camera in his locker before he closes it.

Niall looks lost as he stands before him.  People pass by them and Niall’s eyes automatically go to the floor.

“Niall? Are you alright?” Harry asks.

Niall just starts quickly shaking his head, eyes darting around like he’s trying to hold on to something, but when Harry sees the tears start welling up in Niall’s eyes, he quickly ushers Niall into the nearest empty classroom.

Harry wraps Niall in a tight hug as Niall begins to cry.

“I can’t…” Niall starts to says. “I can’t feel anything, Harry.”

Harry pulls away, cupping Niall’s face in his hands as Niall continues to cry.

“These drugs…I can’t.” Niall looks up at Harry. “I can’t do this anymore…”

Any bit of light in Niall’s eyes is gone. He looks at Harry and all he can see is how broken and numb Niall feels.

“Niall…come back to my house. Don’t go back there,” Harry says softly.

Niall shakes his head. “You were there last night, Harry…it’ll just happen again.”

Harry drops his hands from Niall’s face. “You can’t keep living like this, Niall,” he says in almost a pleading tone.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Harry,” Niall says.

“What?” Harry looks at Niall.

“Go back to the start of things…forget about all of this…forget about all the shit I’ve put you through. Harry, just forget about me…”

The instant that idea takes over Harry’s mind he feels sick and empty. It’s too much to ask of him. Harry looks at Niall and all he can see is a runaway car where the brakes are shot and the cliff edge is getting closer.

“I can’t do that,” Harry says shaking his head.

“It’s the only thing you can do,” Niall says. “You want to help me? This is how you do it and you tell Louis and Liam to do the same.”

“Niall, I’m not just going to ditch you because things are shit,” Harry says in an almost harsh tone. “I can’t. Not now…not ever.”

“It only makes sense…” Niall says looking at the floor. “I mean, before you met me, your life was easier. Louis and Liam’s lives were easier before all this and you have to admit that if I wasn’t here that the weight of all this shit would be lifted off your shoulders. You wouldn’t have to worry anymore…you wouldn’t have to constantly be trying to save me.”

“Niall, that’s bullshit.” Harry tries to make eye contact with Niall. “If you weren’t here, I don’t know what I would do and yeah, like I said we’re in a shit situation, but Niall, before I met you…” Harry pauses. “Niall, before I met you, I had no idea who or what I wanted to be in life. I was terrified of people and how cruel they could be. And even if we’re just a couple of dumb kids, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you, and even if we weren’t together, I’d still fight tooth and nail to make sure you were safe and happy, Niall, cause that’s all I want.”

Niall looks up.  His eyes are void and lifeless when he stares back at Harry.  “What if you can’t save me, Harry? What if I don’t want to be saved?”

Harry shakes his head. “That’s not an option, Niall…not for me,” Harry starts to say. “I’m not with you because I want to try to fix you. You’re not some project I’m going to check off a list. You’re a human being and you don’t deserve what’s happening to you.” Harry watches for any change in Niall’s eyes. “I don’t love you because you might be broken…I love you because you’re a good friend, a good person…you’re funny and your laugh and your smile are my favorite things to hear and see every single day, Niall, you make me so happy.  You make me feel whole.”

Niall’s eyes are red and he tries to hold back the tears stinging his eyes.

“You may not be able to feel it right now,” Harry says. “But I swear that one day you will get away from him and you’ll be free from all of this. And I’m going to be with you through it all.”

The bell rings making Niall jump before he starts wiping at his face, nervously backing away from Harry.

When Harry steps forward, Niall backs away further, shaking his head.

“I…” Niall’s eyes are on the floor and when he puts his hand out to stop Harry from coming any closer.

Harry can see the slight tremor in Niall’s fingers as Niall’s breathing becomes labored.

Niall quickly exits the classroom, fumbling with the doorknob for a brief moment and Harry doesn’t even have the words to say before Niall disappears into the crowded hallway.

 

Harry doesn’t go to lunch with the other boys. He can’t. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he sees Niall before he’s had time to figure things out.

He goes to the art room, mostly because he doesn’t know where else he can go to be alone for the period. 

He walks in and drops his bag on the floor when he sits down at one of the large wooden tables covered in dried paint and plaster.

He sits there in the quiet. Having to sit through class after class of people talking and asking questions drained him. His mind can’t focus on anything else. He tries breathing in and out slowly but that only seems to speed up his breathing as he stares at the table in front of him.

The tears come next and Harry hates himself for crying again. He feels like that’s all he ever does lately.

“Harry?”

Harry quickly wipes at his face before he looks up to see Mr. Austin come in from the storage closet.

Mr. Austin looks at Harry curiously, as he wipes blue paint off his hands with a rag.

A slight panic rolls through Harry and he starts to standup, picking his bag up off the floor. “’m sorry. I know I’m not allowed to be in here.”

“No, it’s fine,” Mr. Austin says quickly and Harry looks at him for a moment before he sits back down. “I was just cleaning up from the last class,” he says pointing toward the storage closet.  Mr. Austin stands there for a moment, looking at Harry like he’s trying to figure out what to say to him. “Harry...are you alright?” he says as he comes over to stand on the other side of the table Harry is sitting at.

Harry tries to breath in but the air stops short. “I don’t…I don’t know.”

Mr. Austin shifts on his feet, crossing his arms over his chest. “Do you want to go see one of the guidance counselors?”

Harry lets out a small laugh before he knows he’s even doing it. “No…” he says shaking his head. “Definitely not.”

“Is it something I can help you with?” Mr. Austin says lightly.

Harry always really liked Mr. Austin.  He teaches Harry’s photography class as well as some other regular art classes.  He’s probably Harry’s favorite teacher. And maybe it’s because Mr. Austin was the only teacher that didn’t give him some weird sad look when Lisa Carmichael decided to out Harry as a joke.  Plus, Mr. Austin just always seemed like a chill, fun sort of guy.

But Harry mulls the question over in his brain before he says anything.

“What do you do when someone’s in trouble, but they say that they don’t want to be saved?” Harry asks, looking up at Mr. Austin.

Harry can see the bit of panic that spreads across his teacher’s face at the severity of the question, but then Mr. Austin thinks for a moment and composes himself before he answers.

“I think that…I think that you have to look at the person’s situation,” he starts to say. “You have to try to understand why they might be feeling that way. There’s a possibility that people in tough situations might give up hope of things getting better.” Mr. Austin comes over and sits at the table with Harry. “In terms of what you’re supposed to do in that situation…I think that hope is a powerful thing and if you can give even a glimmer of hope back to them, they might change their mind and let you help them.” Mr. Austin looks at Harry with sad, kind eyes.

Harry’s eyes go to the table.  He thinks about all the times it seemed like things were going to get better only for them to fall to shit soon after. 

“What if I’ve already tried that?” Harry says. “What if every time that this person gets any bit of hope, it gets taken away from them again?”

Mr. Austin sits back in his chair mulling over the question before a light seemingly goes off in his head.

“Alright,” he says leaning forward. “Think about what this person going through…think of the contributing factors of it all…” Mr. Austin pauses trying to think of the best way to say what he’s thinking. “Now, this person feels so weighed down by all these things that they don’t see a way out, but I’m wondering, and it might not apply to this situation, but I’m wondering if there’s a way to at least cut down on what is troubling this person. That if nothing you can do or say to them will give them hope, maybe lightening their load in any way could help.”

Harry thinks about the implications of that in his head. Mr. Austin has no idea that trying to get rid of what is happening to Niall would involve going after Mr. Horan himself. Mr. Horan who has an abundance of resources and favors. Mr. Horan who could screw up Harry’s entire life in the blink of an eye.

“Now, just remember,” Mr. Austin starts to say. “I am just an art teacher and if we’re being honest here, I probably shouldn’t have said any of this to you, but I think we can both agree that some school rules are stupid.” Mr. Austin gives a small smile. “Rules don’t take into account that we’re all human.”

Harry understands that all too well.

“And I’m not just saying this next bit because I have to, but Harry,” Mr. Austin starts to say and he waits for Harry to look up at him before he continues. “As much as I’m hoping that this person you’re talking about has been coping their homework and might get busted, I have a feeling that the situation you’re talking about is a bit more serious. So, on that note, I really urge you to talk to someone a little more qualified than myself. A parent, a guidance counselor, or maybe even the police…I don’t know, but don’t put this all on yourself.  Sometimes all you need to help someone is a little for help yourself.”

Harry nods and Mr. Austin gives him a small smile before he stands up and starts cleaning things up again from the previous class.

Harry grabs his bag and means to leave.

“Soccer season’s almost over, Harry,” Mr. Austin says and Harry looks at him curiously. “I mean to say that some things that were a big part of your life, end eventually.  Some things stay but others have no choice but to come to a close.”

“I don’t really know what that means,” Harry admits.

“It means that even bad things can fade…it’s only a matter of time before they do,” Mr. Austin says before he brings more bottles of paint into the storage closet.

The bell rings when Harry’s halfway down the hallway. He doesn’t really understand what Mr. Austin was talking about back there. Maybe it was just the art teacher’s way of asking Harry not to do anything stupid. A “this too shall pass” kind of teaching moment, but it’s lost on Harry.  He doesn’t think that this will pass anytime soon, especially if no one does anything about it.

 

Harry gets to history class and Louis’ already there.

“Missed you at lunch today,” Louis says quietly.

“Was working on a project,” Harry replies dully.

Louis gives a small laugh. “Funny, that’s the same thing Niall told us when he didn’t show up.”

“Niall wasn’t there?” Harry asks in a hushed voice, so the other kids wouldn’t hear him.

“Nope, and based on that reaction, he wasn’t with you either,” Louis says.

Harry shakes his head. “I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

“So you talked to him?”

Harry nods. “He’s giving up.” Harry faces forward when their history teacher walks into the room.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Louis asks through gritted teeth.

“I’m not his keeper, Lou, I don’t know.”

Louis glares at Harry. “You two are fucking ridiculous…you keep saying that you love each other but you’ve got a messed up way of showing it.” Louis sinks down in his seat as their teacher starts writing things on the board and Harry gets the idea that the conversation is over.

 

Louis and Niall are basically saying the same thing to Harry without even knowing it. Does he really love Niall?

Harry’s mind is a mess.  He can’t stop overthinking everything that he’s said to Niall or every exchange between the two of them.

Harry can’t deny that being around Niall makes him happy, but Louis and Liam could say the same thing.  And if Harry’s being honestly with himself, he’s only seventeen, Niall’s eighteen, and they’re both just kids.  Harry’s has been screwed over in the past which is why they moved here in the first place, but Niall…Niall had never been in a relationship with another guy before and maybe it was just convenience that made the two of them kissed each other that day.

It makes his stomach roll thinking about Niall like that.  Harry is at the point where he can feel the lack of Niall’s presence. He sits through his classes but in the past, he always felt connected to Niall, now that connection was withering away. 

He gets along with Louis and Liam. He cares about them dearly and considers them his best friends too, but without Niall, he feels the two of them disappearing along with him.

Harry can feel his body tensing up when he’s getting changed for gym class and he knows that Liam is just on the other side of the locker room, talking with some of the guys from the soccer team, and he’s almost thankful for that, because his hands are starting to shake.

 _If they were really your friends, you wouldn’t be hiding from them like this._ Harry thinks to himself. Maybe it’s bullshit and maybe it’s not, but Harry can’t make that distinction right now.

Coach Teller calls for all of them to get out to the gym for attendance and Harry has to pull his shit together quick.

They line up and Harry’s trying not to make eye contact with Liam, or anybody for that matter. He doesn’t know what they could tell just by looking at his face. 

His hands pull at the loose material of his gym shorts. Something to occupy them so he doesn’t crawl out of his skin.

“Harry?” Liam’s voice comes through the fog. “You alright, mate?” Liam puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

He doesn’t want to look at Liam, but at the same time, Liam’s voice is so soft and sincere. 

“Harry?” Liam says again and his hand goes to Harry’s cheek and he lifts Harry’s face.

Liam’s hand slide away when he looks at Harry. “Harry, what’s wrong?”

Harry just shakes his head and he hears Coach Teller tell everyone to get in their lines for attendance, but Liam doesn’t move.

Harry looks back down at the floor.

“Payne. Styles. Line up.” Coach Teller calls.

“Harry’s not feeling well,” Liam says. “I think I should take him to the nurse.”

“Alright, hurry back,” Coach Teller says and Liam quickly puts his hand on Harry’s back ushering him toward the gymnasium doors that go out to the hallway.

Liam pulls Harry into an empty room in the science wing.

“Harry, what’s going on?” Liam says gently.

Harry shakes his head and turns away from Liam.

“No, don’t do this shit, Harry. We’ve all been through too much already. You were alright this morning, so what the hell happened?”

“He asked me to forget about him, Liam,” Harry finally says, but his voice comes out cracked. “He wants all of us to just forget about him. And then Louis and Niall…they both.” Harry stops he doesn’t even know. “Maybe it isn’t real…” Harry says more to himself.

“What isn’t real?” Liam asks, looking at Harry curiously.

Harry finally looks up at Liam, and he knows he must look like a madman. “Maybe Niall and I shouldn’t be together. Maybe it was just convenient. Maybe I’m doing more harm than good to him. Maybe I should just leave him alone…”

Liam sighs. “That’s bullshit, Harry. I mean, whether the two of you are together or not, you still love him and you still care about what happens to him.  Niall’s pushing you…pushing all of us away because he doesn’t want us to get hurt in all of this. He tried doing the same thing to Lou at the hospital after game. He lashes out. He says things that he never would to make us leave. It’s what he does when he’s scared.”

“What if it’s not us, Liam?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What if we’re making all these excuses for Niall, when really—”

“Harry, you better be very careful about what you say next,” Liam cuts him off and his tone scares Harry.

“Don’t make a martyr out of him, Liam,” Harry says with a bit of bite to his words. “We spend all day in this fight that Niall doesn’t want us fighting. He says hurtful things. He lies to us. If this were any other person, we’d be running for the hills.”

“But it’s not any other person, Harry. It’s Niall.”

“And maybe that’s our problem right there,” Harry says gesturing toward Liam. “He could kill a man and we’d still forgive him for it…hell, we probably wouldn’t even bat an eye, because he’s Niall.”

“This is what he wants, Harry. He wants you to hate him so you’ll leave, but it’s all fucking bullshit! He’s scared. We’re all scared. And now we’re all falling the fuck apart over it.” Liam breathes out. “Don’t try to hate him because it’s easier than loving him.”

Something about Liam’s words calm Harry. He let Niall get to him.

“I know you do love him, Harry, because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be this upset over the idea that you don’t,” Liam says softly. “He’s not perfect…none of us are.  We’ve all done dumb shit to protect the people we care about, but we’re not bad people for it.”

 

 

“Matt Cahill is having a party at his house this Saturday,” Louis says at lunch the next day.

Normally, Louis would insist that they were all going whether they liked it or not, but things were a little different now.

Harry and Niall sit next to each other without say a word to the other and both Louis and Liam seem to notice.

“Could be fun,” Liam says popping a French fry into his mouth. He looks across the table at Niall and Harry. “You both have to admit, that even if it’s just a distraction, it might be a good idea to get out and about. The season’s almost over. We have the championships coming up and we’ve been working hard.”

“We’ve earned one fucking night,” Louis says with a bit more force.

Harry looks between the both of them and sighs. “Yeah, I guess it could be fun,” he says.

“Nialler?” Louis looks over at Niall.

Niall shakes his head. “I dunno,” he mumbles.

“One night, Nialler,” Louis urges. “One night to forget for a little while and be a bunch of stupid teenagers.”

Harry stares down at his lunch, but he knows both Liam and Louis’ eyes are on Niall.

Niall shrugs. “Fine.”

“Good,” Louis says going back to his lunch. “We can meet at mine. Harry, I can come get you beforehand and we can all drive over together.”

 

East Stillwater wins both their games that week.

Niall’s quiet. Harry watched from the sidelines as Niall became more and more aggressive out on the field.  About the time that the referee gave Niall a yellow card was when Louis and Liam shot a quick glance at Harry where he stood by the team bench.  It was a good call on the ref’s part. It probably didn’t stand out too much to anyone else.  These were the last two games before the championships; most of the kids were being a little more aggressive on the field. But it was Niall.

 

“Has he said anything to you?” Louis asks when he comes to pick Harry up on Saturday. They’re on their way back to Louis’ house and the music is on too low for Harry to be able to tell what song is playing.

“Not really,” Harry says looking out the window.

“I didn’t mean what I said the other day about the two of you. I just…” Louis pauses. “I see what’s happening to him and I know I can’t fix it, and I put that on you.”

“It’s fine,” Harry says quietly. “Honestly, he has me so turned around; I don’t even know where my head is with all this, let alone his.”

“Liam told me what Niall said to you about wanting us to forget about him.” Louis adjust his grip on the steering wheel looking straight out the front windshield. “We just have to stand our ground, is all. He feels lost enough as is, if he feels like he doesn’t have us anymore, then he’ll have no one to turn to when it really matters.”

 

Louis, Harry, and Liam sit in Louis’ living room watching some cop show waiting for Niall to show up. Louis and Liam both text him, but aside from a quick ‘ok’, they haven’t heard anything from him.

It gets to be later, the party started over two and a half hours ago, and Niall still wasn’t replying.

Olly ends up calling Louis just before the cops on the show crack the case.

“Hey, running a bit late waiting for Niall,” Louis says quickly.

“Niall’s here. Has been for a while,” Olly says and it’s so quiet in the room that both Harry and Liam can hear their phone conversation.

“What do you mean?” Louis says.

“Well, that’s what I was calling about,” Olly says, they can hear the songs change in the background. “He’s had a few beers and I think he was doing shots with some of the girls before. Thought it was a bit weird that he was here and you guys weren’t. I’ve honestly never seen him like this,” Olly laughs.

“Alright, well, we’ll be over in a few. Just keep an eye on him, yeah?” Louis says.

“Why is he already there?” Liam asks when Louis shoves his phone back into his pocket.

“I don’t know,” Louis bites back.

 

They get to the party and Louis spots Niall’s car at the bottom of the driveway before they can even hear the music coming from the house.

It’s cold, so almost everybody is inside the house. There’s lights flashing across the windows and they can practically feel the vibration of the music as they walk up the path to the front door.

Louis doesn’t even bother knocking and just opens the door.

It’s hot and there are people everywhere. A few people turn and their faces light up when they see Louis and Liam.

Olly breaks through a group of people when he sees them walk in.

“Where’s Niall?” Louis yells and even with Olly leaning into him it’s hard to hear with how loud the music is playing.

Olly points to the crowd of people jumping up and down to the beat of the music and in the middle of it is Niall, drink in hand jumping up and down.

Harry peers over the crowd and Niall makes eye contact with him, making Niall’s face absolutely light up.

Niall starts pushing his way through the crowd. “Harry!” he yells and he wraps Harry up in a huge hug. Niall steps back and his hand goes to Harry’s cheek. “God, I love you so much!” Niall yells.

Olly give Louis and Liam a curious look, but it was more like he was commenting on how drunk Niall was then what he said to Harry.

“Come on!” Niall says. He sets down his drink and grabs Harry’s hand, dragging him back into the mob of people jumping along to the music.

They get to the center of the crowd and Niall wraps his arms around Harry’s neck, pressing close to him.

“What’re you doing?” Harry says in Niall’s ear.

“’m dancin’ with my boyfriend!” Niall says and Harry can smell the alcohol on his breath.  Niall smiles at him and Harry can’t help but smile back as he slowly lets the music take over.

No one seems to notice them. Everyone around them is almost as drunk as Niall and it feels like the energy surges in the room.  Maybe it’s wrong for Harry to feel as good as he does, but it’s the first time he’s gotten to dance with Niall in public; to feel Niall’s arms around him and his hot breath on his neck. 

Niall smiles up at him and Harry can’t help but smile back.  There are so many people around them, but Harry feels like it’s just him and Niall in the room dancing and jumping around to the music blasting throughout the house.

They stay there for a few songs before Niall grabs Harry’s hand and pulls him back through the crowd toward the other end of the house where all the bottles of alcohol and the keg are situated.

Niall pours something into a cup and hands it to Harry. “Here, this is for you.”

Harry takes the cup and smells it cautiously.

“Down the hatch, Hazza,” Niall says. “’s the best way to do it. Trust me.”

Against his better judgement, Harry downs the entire thing in one go and feels as the alcohol burns his throat as it goes down.

Niall takes the cup back from him and fills it with beer from the keg next. He gives it back to Harry and gulps down a shot before he gets himself some more beer. “Come on,” Niall says, wrapping a loose hand around Harry’s and again, starts leading Harry through the crowded house.

Harry catches a glimpse of Louis and Liam who are talking to some of the guys from the soccer team, but Harry’s focus is on Niall’s hand. His fingers wrapped around his, sweaty as they make their way to a different room, where everyone is just lounging or standing.

Harry recognizes Lisa Carmichael leaning against a wall with a guy from his English class standing over her. They’re standing so close to each other that all their secrets and conversations must only be shared between the two of them.  Lisa shoots Harry a dark glare. It lasts only a quick moment before she goes back to staring at the guy in front of her and Harry’s attention goes back to Niall tugging him to an open spot on the couch.

Niall sits close to Harry, maybe overly close for someone trying to keep a secret and it doesn’t help that Niall’s leg is dangling over Harry’s and that Niall’s practically draping himself over Harry.

“I used to hate parties like this,” Niall says loud enough for Harry to hear over the music.  He takes a sip of his beer and peers over at Harry. “I get it now, though. People might talk about something that happens at one of these things on Mondays, but it never really goes anywhere beyond that. Good people can do bad things. Bad people can be designated drivers and get people home safe. So much is going on and yet hardly anyone notices enough to really change anything.” Niall looks out at the people around them. “Come Tuesday, the good people will go back to being the good people and the bad people will go back to being bad people.” Niall gulps down half his beer. “Nothing fucking changes.”

Harry drinks his beer, if only for something to do.  Niall’s sitting too close to him. He’s missed him. He’s missed being this close to Niall.

All of this is running through Harry’s brain when Niall sets down his empty cup and gets up from the couch, putting a hand out for Harry to take.

Harry downs the rest of his beer, setting it next to the other empty cup as he takes Niall’s hand, letting him pull him up from the couch.

They’re off again. Niall’s hand wrapped around Harry’s, but this time Niall leads them upstairs. Niall opens one of the rooms. It’s empty of people, but seems to be some sort of office or study, with extensive bookcases and a big couch. 

“Are we allowed to be in here?” Harry says looking around the room and Niall closes the door behind them. Harry’s eyes skim over the books on the shelves and the collection is pretty great.

“Probably not,” Niall says and he pushes Harry down on the couch. The music is still loud, muffled, but they can feel the bass thumping through the floor. Niall climbs on top of him straddling Harry’s legs, with his knees on either side of Harry’s ass.

Niall leans in, kissing Harry roughly and all Harry tastes is the alcohol on Niall’s tongue.  He can’t help but kiss Niall back.  He feels like if he doesn’t that he’s going to lose that feeling. The feeling of being with Niall. The feeling of kissing Niall and the feeling of Niall’s hand on Harry’s cheek.

Harry’s hand slides up Niall’s thigh.  He squeezes, feeling Niall press against him.

“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” Niall breathes out against Harry’s lips.  He doesn’t break the kiss when he starts unbuttoning Harry’s jeans. If anything, he deepens it; his hips moving slowly against Harry’s groin.

Harry tries to focus his mind on Niall’s lips, but he can’t help it when his hand slide further up Niall’s thigh, until his hand is on Niall’s ass, squeezing, pulling Niall in closer.

It’s not until the door opens behind Niall that they stop. “Oh, sorry,” the girl says innocently. Harry thinks he recognizes her from his and Liam’s gym class. She glances in at them, wide eyes, going from Niall to Harry. Her eyes still shifting between the two of them, as she backs away, and closes the door again.

Harry feels his heart plummet down to his stomach, but Niall turns back toward him and kisses him quickly on the lips. “It’s fine,” he says. “Harry, come on.” Niall kisses Harry again, and then starts trailing kisses down his neck. Niall kisses Harry’s lips again, his fingers unzipping Harry’s jeans. “It’s fine, Harry,” Niall says against Harry’s lips, and Harry gets the idea that Niall’s talking about more than just the girl that walked in on them.

“I can’t do this,” Harry says, but Niall doesn’t hear him, and to be honest, he’s not sure he even said it aloud for Niall to hear.  “I can’t…” Harry says and he starts to stand up, pushing Niall onto the couch.

“Come on, Harry,” Niall says softly.  He gets up from the couch.

Harry doesn’t know he’s backing up until his back hits the wall behind him and Niall’s standing right in front of him.

Niall kisses him again and Harry can feel his body wanting to give into it. “We can get this done and out of the way, Harry,” Niall says against his lips and Niall starts pulling down at Harry’s jeans,

“I can’t do this,” Harry says.

“It’s okay,” Niall kisses him more. “It’ll be fine.” Niall kisses down Harry’s neck and god Harry wants to but—

“Niall, stop,” Harry says quietly, but he can still feel Niall’s lips against his neck. Harry puts his hands on Niall’s chest. “Niall, I said, stop!” Harry yells, pushing Niall away from him so that Niall almost falls over the coffee table.

“What the hell, Harry?” Niall yells. “I thought that this is what you wanted!”

Harry shakes his head. “Not like this.”

“Why not?” Niall says and there’s something about his tone that puts Harry on edge. “Huh, Harry? Is this because some girl walked in on us? You told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed and that this is the twenty-first century and that no one gives a crap that I’m gay. Is that all just words to you? Is it all fun and games saying that kind of stuff until you actually have to do it?”

“This has got nothing to do with that, Niall,” Harry says firmly. “I just, I can’t do this. I can’t just do it to get it done and out of the way.” Harry breathes out. “I love you and we deserve more than the couch at some party, where you’ve been drinking too much.”

Niall shakes his head. “I don’t understand you, Harry. You talk about wanting to be with me, but when I need you, when I need this,” he says gesturing between himself and Harry, “You just want to make a run for it.”

“I want you but I don’t want this, Niall, and if you can’t see the difference, then maybe we shouldn’t be together,” Harry says flatly.

Niall lets out a small laugh, shaking his head. “Fine,” he says throwing his hands up. “Then have it your way. God knows that’s the only way around here.” Niall starts walking toward the door.  He pauses with his hand on the doorknob before he finally opens the door, slamming it behind him, making Harry jump.

Harry barely makes it to the couch before he collapses, burying his head in his hands. 

He can still hear the thump of the music echoing throughout the house. He can feel it in the floorboards. He feels the fast beat ricochet through his body, making his heart race in his chest.

The door to the room opens and Harry keeps his head buried in his hands.

“Harry?” he hears Liam’s voice. Liam sits on the wooden coffee table in front of Harry, his hand resting gently on Harry’s knee. “Harry, what happened?” Liam’s tone is so soft and soothing.

Harry looks up, meeting Liam’s soft, worried eyes.

Liam seems to understand almost immediately.  “He’s not in a good place, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy too, mate,” Liam says, rubbing small circles on Harry’s knee with his thumb.

“Where is he?” Harry chokes out.

Liam sighs and leans back. “He came back downstairs and pretty much made a beeline to the alcohol. Louis tried to talk to him, but Niall just told him to fuck off.” Liam rubs his neck. “I have a feeling this is going to be a bit of a shit show.”

“I pushed him, Liam,” Harry says. “I could’ve hurt him.”

“He’s not himself,” Liam replies. “Honestly, Harry, you are a kind and gentle person and Niall is drunk. He’s making decision right now that aren’t very good. So, if you pushed him, I’m sure he probably deserved it.”

“I’m sure that’s exactly what his father says…that he deserves it.”

“Harry, I’m just going to be blunt with you right now, because I don’t know what else to say to you to get you off the track of thinking that you’re on right now, but the fact that your jeans are unbuttoned and you and Niall were in a closed, empty room, and both of you have been drinking, I’m going to guess that the two of you were having a bit of fun, and Niall tried to take it further, but you pushed him away and now he’s downstairs drinking himself into a drunken stupor. That’s not your fault.”

“He said he wanted to get it done and over with,” Harry says quietly.

“He didn’t mean that, Harry. Maybe he thought he did, but once he’s sober again, he’ll see what a shit boyfriend he’s being.” Liam smiles. “I promise.”

Harry’s not sure that he believes Liam, but he hopes that he’s right about Niall.

Harry buttons his jeans and stands up from the couch. “You’re so calm about this,” Harry says looking at Liam’s soft eyes.

Liam lets out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck before he stands up. “One of my best mates is going through the worst thing I can possibly imagine and now he’s self-destructing…he’s been putting you through an emotional roller coaster, he’s said shit things to Louis, and I feel like I’m just watching everything from the sidelines. Losing the game alongside the rest of you without having played a single minute. Apparently, I’m not even important enough for him to push away. I just go where I’m told. I’m just here.”

Harry looks at Liam and it breaks his heart that he thinks about himself in that way.  Louis is stubborn and relentless, and Harry is insistent, but Liam… “Liam you’re not Louis,” Harry says. “You’re not me. You are loyal beyond all belief, and you care, and you love, and you are so extraordinarily kind. You see the best in people and that is something that Niall can’t fight against, because no matter how much he fucks up, you know that’s not really who he is and you’ll be there for him, taking blow after blow until he finally comes to his senses.” Harry hugs Liam. “You are so fucking important Liam and we would all fall apart without you.”

Liam hugs Harry back tightly, burying his face into Harry’s neck.

Everything that’s going on with Niall is taking a toll on all of them. Liam was the constant that kept them from giving up on Niall time and time again, but even his beliefs are beginning to waver.

They let go of each other.

“I hate what’s happening to us,” Liam says. “I feel like something needs to change to finally get things going toward something better, but I don’t know how to make that happen. It’s just all a bit much.”

Harry can’t help but think about him and Niall. He and Niall being together seemed to be making everything worse. He should have expected that from a relationship that started with so many lies. 

A loud noise comes from downstairs and Liam and Harry share a worried look before they go out into the hallway and head back down to the party.

A bunch of people are standing near the living room watching something and that’s when they recognize the voices yelling.

Harry and Liam push through the crowd to see Niall and Louis at the center of their attention.

Niall’s half out of it, sitting on the floor leaning against the back of the couch, trying to push Louis away. 

The entire front of Louis is soaking wet and that’s when Harry sees all the discarded red cups around him as well as broken pieces of a clay vase.

“We’re going home, Nialler,” Louis says, trying to stay calm.

“I fucked up,” Niall slurs out.

“I know, lad, but you can’t fix it right now.”

“It was a mistake, Tommo,” Niall mumbles. “He was a mistake.”

Harry feels sick and he hopes that no one else heard or will remember any of this, but then Louis turns to see Liam and Harry standing there just behind him.

Niall’s starting to fall asleep, when Louis reaches into Niall’s pocket, pulls out his car keys, and hands them to Liam.

Liam shoves them into his own pocket and goes over to the other side of Niall. 

“We’ll get him to my car. Figure out where to go from there,” Louis says as they each wrap one of Niall’s arms over their shoulders and lift him off the floor.

The crowd disperses now that the show is over and Liam and Louis carry Niall outside, down the driveway to Louis’ car and put him in the backseat.

“Now what?” Liam asks.

Louis looks like he’s about to say something, but Harry cuts him off.

“Take him back to mine.”

Liam looks at Harry. “You sure, Harry? I mean after what happened…”

“Yeah, well, once he sobers up, he’ll have no choice but to talk to me. My mum’s home anyway, just in case.”

 

Liam drives Niall’s car, following close behind Louis. Harry doesn’t glance back at Niall, lying unconscious across the backseat.

“He’s angry,” Louis says. “I tried to get him to drink some water and he started throwing cups of shit at me…Never seen him like that before. You’re okay though, right?” Louis glances at Harry quickly before his eyes go back to the road.

“I don’t think I can be with him anymore,” Harry says quietly. “I still care about him, but I just can’t be with him.”

Louis looks defeated, like Harry just said what Louis was dreading most.

 

Louis parks in front of Harry’s house as Liam pulls up behind them in Niall’s car.

“Are you sure this is alright, Harry?” Louis looks over at him. “What if his dad comes looking for him here again?”

“I’ll deal with it,” Harry says flatly.

“I don’t want to saddle you with him with all that’s going on between the two of you either,” Louis say quietly.

“I’ll deal with it,” Harry repeats and he gets out of the car.

Louis and Liam get Niall out of the car as Harry unlocks the front door.  He’s happy when he realizes that all the lights are off, so his mum must already be in bed.

“Just put him in my room,” Harry says to them when they get inside the house.

Harry goes into the kitchen and grabs a couple of water bottles, when Louis and Liam come back out.

“We can stay, Harry,” Liam says. “You shouldn’t have to deal with him all by yourself.”

“It’s fine. I doubt the morning is going to be very fun for either of us,” Harry says.

Louis and Liam both look sad.

They hear a door open down the hall and Anne comes out wrapping a robe around herself.  “What are you boys doing here?” she asks curiously, but her question is answered when the sound of Niall vomiting echoes out from Harry’s room.

Anne looks pissed.

“You guys should go,” Harry says practically ignoring his mum.

“Harry…” Liam starts to say.

“Just go,” Harry says flatly.

Louis and Liam glance from Harry to his mum, before they go back outside.

As soon as the door closes, Anne starts in on him.

“You said no more drinking, Harry! You promised me!” Anne says loudly. “I understand that Niall is going through something horrible, but that doesn’t excuse this! Do you know how many kids your age die from drinking and driving? Or how many die or have to get their stomachs pumped because of alcohol poisoning?”

“I know, mum…”

“It really doesn’t seem like it, Harry,” Anne says crossing her arms over her chest.

Harry can’t look at her. He doesn’t want to fight with his mum right now. He can’t.

Harry starts walking past Anne toward his bedroom.

“Where do you think you’re going? We are not done with this conversation!” Anne says firmly.

“I am,” Harry replies as he continues down the hallway.

“Harry Edward Styles, get back here.”

Something sinks in Harry’s chest the moment his mum says his name like that. He can’t talk to her right now. He has to deal with Niall first, so it almost makes him jump out of his skin when he slams his bedroom door closed behind him.

Niall threw up in the garbage can next to Harry’s bed.  He can hear his mum’s bedroom door close and he looks at Niall who’s hanging halfway off his bed.

Harry sets the water bottles on the nightstand and takes the garbage can into the bathroom to clean it out in the bathtub. He can feel his hands shaking. His entire body feels like it’s vibrating under his skin.

He puts the can back next to the bed, grabs his pajamas from the chair in the corner of his room, changing out of his clothes quickly before he goes out to the living room.

Harry lies down on the couch. He doesn’t want to be in the same room as Niall right now.

 

 

Harry doesn’t move. He pretends to be asleep when his mum gets up to go to work in the morning. He can’t bear to look at her after what he did last night. He and his mum always had an understanding. They hardly ever fought because Harry always did the right thing, but now that was all fucked up. Harry’s been doing things lately that he never thought he would ever do.

He waits a few minutes after his mum leaves before he gets up.  He walks into the kitchen and puts the kettle back on the still warm burner.

He hears movement in his room and he has to hold onto the edge of the counter to keep his hands from shaking.  He didn’t even have time to go over what he was going to say to Niall. He thought he would have more time, but before he knows it, Niall’s walking into the kitchen.

Harry keeps his back to him.

“Surprised I woke up here,” Niall says slowly in a rough tone.

“Do you even remember what you did last night?” Harry says with some bite to his voice, when he turns to look at Niall.

“Pieces of it.” Niall rubs his face.

“I can’t do this anymore, Niall,” Harry says quickly. “What you did last night…what you’ve been doing—"

Niall lets out a breathy laugh. “Just like that? You break too easy, Harry.”

“You think this is funny?” Harry retorts. “You think you’ve won some sort of game just because I’ve finally given up? When I said that I can’t do this anymore, I meant that we can’t be together in a relationship anymore, I didn’t say that I don’t care about you.”

Niall laughs again and his sends a ripple of anger throughout Harry’s body.

“Harry, you can’t honestly tell me that you’d still want to be friends with me if my dad wasn’t hitting me and you thought that I needed to be saved.” Niall walks around the island so the counter separates the two of them. “I told you once that I’m not a good person, Harry. You should’ve listened to me.” Niall starts walking toward the door.

“I don’t think you need to be saved from your father, Niall. I think you need to be saved from yourself.”

Niall stops and turns to face Harry.  “And you think you’re the one to do that?”

Harry shakes his head. “I know I’m not, but me, Louis, Liam…we’re not giving up on you. No matter what you throw at us or say to us.”

“Louis and Liam are nothing. You’re nothing.” Niall puts his hand on the doorknob but looks at Harry. “I already got what I wanted from you, Harry. That Will kid from your other school had the right idea. Just thought that you’d hang in a little longer, so I could get in on that too.”

Harry feels like he’s going to vomit. He feels exposed, standing there in front of Niall, like his skin is melting off his body.

 “I don’t love you, Harry. I never did.” Niall opens the door and leaves.

He leaves Harry standing there breathless, emotionless, and broken.

Even after the sound of Niall’s car leaving the driveway is a long memory, Harry doesn’t move, or he can’t, like if he does he’ll break into a million pieces. He feels dead.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments are greatly appreciated (you'll definitely have some feels at the end of this chapter)
> 
> Sorry. 
> 
> xoxo  
> -Amy


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